✜// CHECKMATE (IC)

[Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers]

RICARDO

I decide to act. Taking my trusty POLO MALLET out to look imposing, I go out into the hallway. The place is deserted now, barring a few IMPS that seem to love making a mess out of the rooms in the corridor. One of them steps out in my way. I smash it to pieces with the MALLET, but not before it manages to stretch its long neck around and bite my already sore foot. I swear loud as I swing down the MALLET and kill it. If it could be called killing, turning them into pieces of GRIST.

I follow the sound of voices and glimpse into the FINE SALON on the bottom floor, finding my MOTHER there, busy ordering the butlers and servants around. It seems like all the servants have gathered here now. They are holding strange things like frying pans, broomsticks, spades and kitchen knives. MOTHER is seemingly holding a speech but she constantly interrupts herself with stuff she forgets or wants to add. Poor servants. To think that they would actually follow her beyond the end of the world...

They seem busy mobilizing to fight back the IMPS. That's good, that means they might leave me alone for a while longer. I hurry back up to my room, jumping over a few IMPS along the way and smashing another one to pieces as it is entering my room just as I get back. I slam the door shut and go back to my computer. The girls have replied on pesterchum. Good to know they are picking up speed again instead of lazying around when he's working!

PC: It took you long enough.
PS: By the way if you see any of the freaky imps swarming me take them out, okay?
PS: I SAID IMPS NOT MY BROTHER.
PS: Don’t think I’ve forgiven you because you’re doing your nice guy routine
PS: Remember that doesn’t work on me.
BE: Nice guy routine? Please
BE: I don't need to be nice, I'm smart.
BE: Just kidding, of course
BE: Can't you fight the imps yourself? I've already killed like... four. They turn into these flashy pieces of building material, apparently.

"Speaking of building material, I guess I have to tell you that you should build onto her house to let her reach the first gate before her house is overrun with OGRES," LEGOFOOTSPRITE suddenly says from behind my back.

"Huh? Ogres?"

I switch to the viewport and take another look at Vieve's house. It sits neatly in the forest, but her garden is now swarming with imps in funny clothing who are looking like cats. Not as ugly as yours but definitely not OHGODWHAT

Something is making her house tremble slightly and a window shatter. It's something huge and... inexplicably ugly that is trying to get in through her front door. I have to blink several times to believe what I'm seeing. But then again. SBURB is weird.

"I'm guessing that's an OGRE?" I ask LEGOFOOTSPRITE, who nods with a sigh.

"She has gathered enough GRIST for you to build already."

"Alright, alright... time to destroy some more walls. Or not." I narrow my eyes and start building, dropping a rock onto the head of the OGRE in the process, to see if it helps. It doesn't seem to hurt much. Something in the forest moves. I have to get Vieve out of there before more of those hideous things come. I build a network of wide stairs, starting in Gavin's room. They require GRIST to make, but not as much as walls, floors and doors. As I build, IMPS are hopping onto the stairs, as if they want to see where they lead. I trick one of them to run and fall over a dead end. I laugh as I watch it turn to GRIST hitting the ground.

"Having fun?" LEGOFOOTSPRITE asks.

"Actually, yes!"

"I'll just not notify you that you have company, then."

"Huh?" I say, turning around just in time to avoid an IMP jumping at me. It lands on the desk, almost knocking over the computer screen. "HEY! DON'T YOU DARE DESTROYING THAT!" I shout at it, taking out my POLO MALLET from the STRIFE DECK again.

The IMP hisses and jumps at me again. I jump away this time, hurting my foot again, and the IMP barely has time to land where I just stood before a large machine crushes it to pieces. Pieces of GRIST which I of course collect greedily. What's this, then? It kinda looks like a faulty piano. Oh wait. It's the PUNCH DESIGNIX! I recognize it from the menu. Candice must have deployed it. Good girl! She's not as dull as she sounds, perhaps. Or maybe she is dull, but smart as well. Or maybe she's just good at taking orders. Either way, I click up her pesterchum window.

AM: That sounds amazing actually...
AM: Better than my world.
AM: Although it's full of snow and so interesting.
AM: I learned a lot...
AM: Anyway, I'm in a tight situation.
AM: Imps are attacking me from everywhere, and I think I saw my worst nightmare
AM: Followed by the most hilarious thing I've seen with a long neck in your world.
AM: That made my day, honestly...xD
AM: See? I used a smiley. That's how hilarious it was.
AM: But sure, I can deploy that...I'll do it in your room, if you don't mind.
AM: Time isn't on my side right now.
BE: Snow, eh? That sounds horribly impractical. Cold and all. But maybe better against imps than Vieve's world. They seem to be pouring out of every tree and bush around her house now.
BE: You learned stuff already? I only have my sprite to teach me stuff and he's really dull. But I guess he does tell me what I need to know.
BE: Uh, yeah... those imps really are ugly.
BE: If you hadn't prototyped some silly toy of mine, they would have looked better
BE: I mean
BE: I'm not blaming you, sorry.
BE: :) I make a smiley as well to show that I'm happy and all
BE: It's fun building onto Vieve's house. I made stairs and I'm fooling imps and whatnot
BE: I hope she'll appreciate my fine sense of architecture when she climbs into her gate or whatsitscalled
BE: Ah, you crushed an imp under the designix thing, thanks! That really helped actually
BE: I get that you too are busy with imps and stuff but I think you need to build up to my gate as well. My sprite seems to think so.
BE: So... don't get hurt, ok?
BE: Because that would be bad. Of course.

I'm not sure why I added that last line. Silly line. Silly me. I'm not silly, usually. I shake my head and decide to add a little to my log with Vieve before she can reply again.

-- babelsEngineer [BE] continued pestering paintSplatter [PS] --
BE: Oh, and
BE: I build a little nice something onto your house
BE: You should totally be able to step into that spiraling thing above your house now
BE: At least I think that's what you're supposed to do.
BE: Someone has got to think and plan instead of just running around killing things.

--
VIEVE

Since the machine you just deployed is almost the same size as the TOTEM LATHE and looks like a weird piano or something -

- it won't fit in the sink. Instead, it gets placed next to the sink, effectively blocking the toilet from use. Let's hope Vinnie doesn't have to go to the bathroom for a while.

Also, that isn't PUSSYSPRITE. It's an OGRE, trying to squeeze itself through your front door to the house. Clearly, OGRES aren't very bright UNDERLINGS. It's way too big and can fit a foot and a hand into the door at most. Where is PUSSYSPRITE, really? Oh, he is in your kitchen, trying to prevent IMPS from stealing stuff from all over your house, to no avail. Some of them try to fight back, others just scatter and run out from the house again with your stuff.

Something else has happened too, though. Suddenly, your roof isn't the top of your house. Instead, a network of wide stairs spiral and turn up towards the sky. Typical.





--
CANDICE

You hear a noise from the outside. A cracking noise. As if someone is stepping on ice that is about to creak and break. But the ice here has got to be really thick, right? So whatever is stepping there has to be... really... big.

==> Now or never. Alchemize or try to reach your gate.

[Lt. Col. Fantastic]

-- bemyValentine [BV] began pestering velociClamper [VC] --
BV: Hey I need your input on some things
BV: first things first, what the hell am i even doing in this game
BV: like give me a basic rundown here
VC: Uhm
VC: I guess I could tell you what it's all really about
VC: But that wouldn't serve your purpose!!
VC: See, I know the others don't really agree with me on this point
VC: But I think an important part of this game is to become stronger and mature as we go through the challenges put before us
VC: In fact, I know it's important!!
VC: Because...
VC: WAIT I got an idea!!
VC: Ok listen
VC: The first thing you should probably do is ALCHEMIZE some stuff. You know, captchalogue a few things and their captchacodes will show up on the back of the cards
VC: Then enter them into the PUNCH DESIGNIX and a new card will plop out, but it'll be red so you can't retrieve the item from it
VC: But it can be used in the TOTEM LATHE!! With some cruxite of course. Put in two cards at once, make a totem and use it in the ALCHEMITER and you'll see that you can combine amazing stuff to create AMAZING stuff!! Like, make yourself some armor or a cool weapon to begin with
VC: Now I'm babbling again, am I not? Darn!!
VC: Anyways, then you should hurry through your first gate!! It should be visible as a floating spirograph right above your house. Hasn't your server player built up so that you can reach it yet??
VC: And then, maybe we can meet up! :D

Meet up? Wait...is...Velocirapter in the game? Like another player?!

BV: Whoa whoa whoa. Meet up?
BV: And others?
BV: Are you and "the others'" like, npcs or something?
BV: Or different players who've done this before?
BV: Is that why you know so much?

Okay, I figure I've asked him enough...for now. I kinda get what he's saying about alchemizing...maybe I can make my gunblade a fully functioning gunblade? I'm sure my parents keep a gun around in the house...my father was the kind of guy to keep his family protected, at least.

As I take one last look at my new upper layers of house, I notice a big imp in the distance...wait...Actually it looks like a new enemy entirely. So like an ogre or orc. Sh*t.

I dash inside, only to find imps playing catch with yet more priceless heirlooms. They drop it when they see me, and try to scurry off.

"Oh, no you don't!"

I whip out my sword, chasing them into the living room. I grab one by the back of the neck and pull him down. Claws scrape my arm as he struggles to get up, but to no avail. I bring my Revolverblade down on his body. He sqwawks and scratches the side of my sword, leaving a nice line down the side. That bastard.

A final blow turns him into grist, which is apparently much needed once Vieve used it to build that mess on my house. The other imp is somewhere in the house, sqwawking. I take advantage of the momentary peace to pester Vieve. Damn she's been snippy lately.

BV: wait, what about my house?
BV: Uh, drop the punch design box ix thing. Its in the deploy (I guess?) menu. Candice has one so we should all get one too.
BV: she seems to have the most sense of all of us
BV: Also...I'm going to look at my apparently new house...i hope you didn't f*ck it up
PS: You’re not very observation.
PS: Don't speak to a lady like that!
PS: And, sure, I’ll deploy your thing next to your Meme or ON her.

BV: Okay, first, its observant. Not observation.
BV: And second, don't be an ass. I asked nicely.
BV: And third, I can use whatever goddamn language I want. A f*cking meteor almost blew me up, sh*ts going to hell, im in a f*cking desert, my grandma is probably being eaten by goddamn imps, kefka wants to f*ck everything up, theres a f*cking ebonyc monpyre sh*t going on, my family and probably yours got killed by a goddamn meteor, my house is overrun with stupid ass slime monster things, and you have to run your smartass mouth everytime i ask for a goddamn f*cking favour around here. Jesus christ. I've been trying to be nice to you but you just keep digging your little spiteful claws into me everytime we talk. Im tired of this bullsh*t.

I don't like b*tching at people, but hell was I holding that in. Vieve doesn't understand the concept of co-operative very well, or else she wouldn't take command everytime I ask her to do something. Seriously, all I wanted was the damn machine. And who even cares what language I use? F*ck up is a legitiate substitution for mess up or screw up, only you know I'm f*cking serious when I use it. Hell, now I'm b*tching to myself. I need a nap...

I hear a clunk from my bathroom. Awesome.

I carefully peek in, scoping for imps. Actually, a big piano is sitting there...oh, I think thats what the punch designix looks like. If I remember correctly, thats what I sent Candice. I walk over to it and check it out. Theres a small keypad for a code to be punched in, like velocirapter said. I look on the back of my revolver card. r3vvvgun. What a weird code. Anyway, I punch it in, and out pops a red card. Awesome. I stick that into my cerise deck. This is really convienient once you get the hang of it. Wish I had more cards though...wait. If I punch in a captalogue card code...will I be able to alchemize a card? Can't hurt. I look on the back of my free card. 00000000. Hehe. I probably could've figured that out. Anyway, I punch that one in too. Another red card plops out. Okay, time to find a gun to alchemize my weapon with!

I scurry to my parents room, scaring off an imps in the process. Funny, he didn't even try to fight me. Anyway, I open the door...to find imps crawling everywhere.

"Whoa!" I can't stop my self from reacting. The twelve or so imps all looks at me, and each one reacts differently. Some jumps out the window, one hides in the closet, a few run into the bathroom, and the four left run at me. I quickly run around the corner to get my sword out, but I fumble and accidentally take out my cerise wallet. My rubik's card falls out, and I bend over to pick it up. I don't know how, but somehow I pulled it out on mistake in the process. I'm still fumbling with my cards when the imps round the corner. **** it. **** it all. I kick out, keeping them at bay, while sliding my now empty card into the wallet, and letting the wallet go back to its pendant. This time I atually grab my green wallet. BeforeI can get my card out, however, an imp mans up and jumps at me. I curse and smack it in the face, cutting my hand on its pointy beak. But I manage to grab my weapon. Once in my hand, my confidence seems to come back, and I slash downward on the closest imp. Grist showers me as I try to bring my blade up again, but another imps jumps. I react and put my arms up, sucessfuly getting claws and beaks stuck in my flesh. Yelping in pain, I shove down on the imp, putting him on the floor. Adreneline pumps through me, and I bite the pain in my forearms. I step down on the imp on the floor, hoping to hold him in place. The remaining two imps are circling me menacingly. Remembering how the last attack had hurt, I raise my sword in a defensive position. One imp jumps. I sidestep slightly and let it graze across the flat side of my sword, which effectively blocks its claws from my skin. The other jumps too, to fast for me to dodge. I let it hit me full on with my sword between us. The force....forces me to shift my feet. (You know, so I don't lose my balance). The imp on the ground takes this advantage to scurry out from under me. I curse again and grab its wing, pulling it to the side and slamming it into a wall. The imp that just lunged at me is stunned from hitting its head on my sword, so I decapitate it. Grist plops out again.

The imp slammed into the wall pretty hard, probably breaking its bea- yeah his beak is broken. It is broken completely off about a third of the way down. Pretty grisly stuff. Aparently this was some form of critical hit, because it just fell over and exploded into grist as well. The last imp was flying away, only to veer around and dive towards me. His quick turnabout caught me by suprise.

"Ooph!"

The imp collides with me, luckily without any beak involvement. His claws, however, scrape me across the chest. But he slides by, gliding off and turning around for another dive. This time, I ready my sword and wait....now! An upward slash cuts the imp in half. Grist party!

After I've collected all the grist, I brave my way into my parent's room. Inside are the usual stuff, furniture, a bed, a television. I check under the bed for imps, but don't dare opening the closet or bathroom. I search the rest of the room for a gun. No gun in the drawers, no gun under the bed either. Wait...maybe...under the pillow?

I pull the pillows off the bed, and there it is. A glock something or other sitting under my dad's pillow. What a wierdo. What if he accidentally shoots himself in the head at night? Whatever, not like I need to worry about it now. I captalogue it and swiftly exit my parent's room. Hearing the sqwawks of imps gives me the shivers. I dash back to the punch designix and punch in my glock's code. P3WWP3WW.

I don't really have a lot of room in my sylladex anymore, so I just have to carry the punched card downstairs to my Cruxtruder. I spin up a dowel and throw it up the hole in the ceiling, into the library. Three more follow. I climb the ladder and plop a dowel on the lathe.

"Okay...so...two cards at once gives me a hybrid...according to velocirapter anyway," I say out loud. I put the obvious two cards in, revolverblade and glock. The lathe carves me a nice curvy dowel, a little more active than the last. Next, I place it on the Alchemizer's stand and activate it...

[Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers]

--
VINNIE

BV: Whoa whoa whoa. Meet up?
BV: And others?
BV: Are you and "the others'" like, npcs or something?
BV: Or different players who've done this before?
BV: Is that why you know so much?
VC: Um
VC: I'd like to tell you but
VC: I don't want to steer your playthrough!!
VC: You are meant to go about it in your own way!!
VC: But ok yes, we have played SBURB
VC: And things didn't go quite as planned
VC: If we meet, I will tell you more
VC: Where we are now, it is really strange
VC: I'm not sure we are supposed to be here, even
VC: And we keep falling asleep
VC: Even though it's frustrating to lose contact with you, it's actually quite nice, being asleep. Can't explain why.

The Alchemiter reads the TOTEM made from both cards and on the platform materializes... The GLOCKBLADE. A fairly simple thing, looking like a sword with a gun for a handle. It also seems possible to fire like an actual gun, without destroying the blade in the process, thankfully. At the moment, the only ammo you have is what was already in the gun. Use dem bullets well.

[Otherworld9)]

Candice Greyson

I was so mesmerized by the landscape before me. The screen showed a paradise. Although I do love the snow all around me-CREAK.

What was that?

Alert, I literally drop the computer to the ground, focusing on the window closest to me. Horrible thoughts ran through my head at the realization that it was ice. It sounded just like ice cracking...but why? Was this house so heavy? If so, it would have caved in by now. My curiosity wasn't getting any smaller either. Unable to put it aside, I look out of the window and...

*BEEP*

I couldn't go get my laptop. That THING outside was...huge. What WAS that thing? There's not telling what will happen if it attacks this house. Telling myself it's some sort of ogre, fear starts to build up inside me.

*BEEP*

No use in wasting time now, my friends probably need me! They don't know I'm about to face a huge beast, but there isn't much I can do to defeat it anyway. With FLUFFRICKSPRITE and my dad still inside, I couldn't risk getting out. Sure, FLUFFRICKSPRITE is amazingly powerful, as if he has magic, but there's always a limit. I'm afraid I have to put my hope up for my friends for now.

I run over to my laptop and pick it up, immediately responding to my friend's pesterings.

BE: Snow, eh? That sounds horribly impractical. Cold and all. But maybe better against imps than Vieve's world. They seem to be pouring out of every tree and bush around her house now.
BE: You learned stuff already? I only have my sprite to teach me stuff and he's really dull. But I guess he does tell me what I need to know.
BE: Uh, yeah... those imps really are ugly.
BE: If you hadn't prototyped some silly toy of mine, they would have looked better
BE: I mean
BE: I'm not blaming you, sorry.
BE: :) I make a smiley as well to show that I'm happy and all
BE: It's fun building onto Vieve's house. I made stairs and I'm fooling imps and whatnot
BE: I hope she'll appreciate my fine sense of architecture when she climbs into her gate or whatsitscalled
BE: Ah, you crushed an imp under the designix thing, thanks! That really helped actually
BE: I get that you too are busy with imps and stuff but I think you need to build up to my gate as well. My sprite seems to think so.
BE: So... don't get hurt, ok?
BE: Because that would be bad. Of course.
AM: That's true.
AM: Never thought about it like that.
AM: Sorry...it's cool.
AM: Never knew you had that and it intrigued me, you know.
AM: And thanks for the smiley.
AM: Will do that somehow.

I take out a Mountain Dew at this precise moment. As soon as the heavenly drink touched my hand, I snap it open and start to chug it. Hopefully it calms me down, since I've always ran for the Mountain Dew for these rare situations. After gulping down half of the drink, I start to feel a tad bit calmer. Although not as calm as I wanted, it's better than being paranoid.

I try to do the most obvious thing and run over to the alchemizer. Being in the bathroom, it wasn't a big worry such as the Cruxtruder, that was in my imp-infested room. At first I tried to figure out what to do...but I realized cards don't go here. Wait...that Alchemiter thingy! Who cares if I said it wrong? There's a huge imp right outside my house!

Running over to the Alchemiter-thingy that was in my dad's room, I tried to ignore everything around me and thought about that FLUFFRICKSPRITE had told me about the machine. "That bat of yours is really impressive, Candice. I mean, Tulio's bat. But I have a feeling it could be improved; made into an even better weapon. The way to go is by ALCHEMIZING. You have to make your server player DEPLOY a thing called the PUNCH DESIGNIX. With it, your SYLLADEX cards, some CRUXITE, the TOTEM LATHE and finally the ALCHEMITER, you can create just about anything. As long as you have the ingredients for it. It's usually better to decide on ingredients first and see what you get when you try alchemizing them."

Getting an idea of what to do, I take out my bat my from Strife deck. "Now, what to use for the second item...?"

"Say you want to create a dress made of metal. You could captchalogue an empty tin can and a dress of yours... I mean, not that you would have a dress. Let's say a pair of pants instead. Then you scan the codes that appear on the back of those pink cards with the PUNCH DESIGNIX. A new card, a red one, will be spat out from the machine, and you can use that in the TOTEM LATHE with a CRUXITE DOWEL in the same way you used the PRE-PUNCHED CARD earlier. And then put the TOTEM in the ALCHEMITER, to finally create the new item. Which will hopefully be a pair of pants made of metal. Not very comfy, perhaps. And depending on the can used, it might have a strange pattern saying "BEANS" or something like that."

Tin can, huh? I have both Mountain Dew in tin cans and plastic bottles. Obviously the tin cans is the best option. Imagine my bat...in metal! Green with the Mountain Dew logo! Might not come out exactly like that, but there was one curious question I had...what if the can of Mountain Dew is full and not empty? This was something I definitely wanted to test out!

I didn't hesitate to let the machine devour the first card: Dad's Bat. Second was the Tin Can of Mountain Dew. Both returned with holes punched into them. Then my mind went blank. What was I supposed to do next?

*CRACK*

ANOTHER? Is it coming closer??? All this pressure! I plop out another Mountain Dew and rush over to the next machine. Gulping down along the way, and crushing it when I was done, I ignored both FLUFFRICKSPRITE and my dad once more. It was for their good.

Now in front of the Cruxtruder, I put the card into the slot, but...I was missing something. Was it...oh no. I had to return into my imp-infested room again! Trying to keep my cool, I make another dash for my room, doing a daring leap. A wave of pain rushed through me when my feet impacted the door. Landing on the ground, I let out a loud yelp as pain rushed in from my wounded arm. Such a coincidence I landed on my injured arm.

Jumping up, the hood also lifts with me and falls neatly over my head, almost concealing my eyes. There was a huge pile of GRIST scattered around the door. I checked behind the door and found out a wave of GRIST falling down. I must have squished two imps, since three is too much for me to kick and kill with the door alone. Looking around, I noticed that there was no imps...wait, there's two on top of my bed. One of them seems to ignore me and instead sleep. The other was already bearing its fangs at me. What worried me was the location of the lizard-like enemy. Where DID it go?

Suddenly the imp dashed towards me. Too pressured to use my bat, which I had no idea if it would work being punched, I ran in a circle around the room. Following me, I tried to keep moving as much as I can. After a minute of running in circles, I slow down and turn around. It was wobbling with dizziness. I took the opportunity and grabbed the sleeping imp by its legs. Having no other thing to use, at the moment, I slam the sleeping imp against the tired imp. To my surprise the dizzy one exploded into GRIST. The sleeping one was knocked out. Wanting to end the poor imp's misery, I jump over the imp. After eleven jumps, it exploded into GRIST. Collecting all of the valuable currency, I caught a quick glimpse of another imp, but when I looked up, it was gone.

Once finished, I took out five dowels, rolling them out the door one by one. It took a long while until I got all five with the lathe. Minutes later, I finally felt ready. Putting a dowel in the machine, I finally stick both cards into the slot and...watch...

It makes a curvier dowel than the last ones. Amazed, I look around and take the dowel over to the Alchemizer...

[Retro Bug]

♣Vieve Gotle

That’s not Pussysprite… I take one look at the monstrous thing and take off in the opposite direction. I need to alchemize soon but first I need to defeat this creature. It definitely isn’t going to be as easy as the imps. I twirl my hair with my index finger, a bit of a habit I do when I’m nervous. The imp lord seems to have his backup, the regular imps, which I think are his scouts. I’ll take care of them first before I set my sights on the head honcho. I notice an imp stealing my juicer!

“HEY THAT’S MINE!” I quickly clasp my hands over my mouth. Shoot! All eyes are on me as my position behind a nearby wall is now public knowledge. I stand up and dust myself off, I should really change my dress this one is getting too dirty. I call forth my axe and lean on it as if I could pick it up and swing it at any time. To tell the truth I could do it once or twice but any time after that it became increasingly difficult. I’m getting use to the weight of it but it will take me some time before it becomes second nature. The three imps decide that they would rather continue stealing than fight me! I swing the axe up onto my shoulder as if I am a lumberjack. Before they could rush out the window the side of the axe smacks into their heads sending them flying into the wall. Feeling like a chef as I quickly cut them up into pieces and they turn into pieces of grist that I collect.

The imp lord doesn’t even notice that I cut up his underlings. That might be because he can’t even fit through the door, which means I either fight him inside here or go outside. I opt for the former I could at least cut off his hands but they aren’t staying still enough for me to have a chance. Rope! I need rope, I think Mom has some in the gardening shed… That’s where all the imps are. My axekind returns to its card so I don’t have to carry it as I run through the house and into my room and out into the backyard. Hmm, I should acquire a new weapon because lord knows I won’t be getting through here without a fight. The only thing that’s available is the chair that Ricardo used to hit Gavin. I rush forward but instantly the imps are upon me. They’re faster than I remember but so am I. I leap over the nearest imp and grab its claws and swing it back towards its pouncing brethren. The imps attack their friend out of confusion and this gives me enough time to break off a leg of the chair. Racing towards the shed is the easiest part but what I didn’t think about is that there’s only one exit. I slide the rope over my arm and rest it on my shoulder hopefully it’ll stay there. The only good thing is that the shed is full of weaponry. I pick up the nearest gardening tool to combat the imps that are piling on each other to get to me.

Charging forward with my…. Shovel I try to clear a way but there is just so many of them. Damn Ricardo! I don’t have time to play to whack-a-mole with these imps and their gnawing teeth. I. HATE. IMPS. I slam down the shovel down repeatedly trying to make my way outside. Screw this! I jump onto the heads of imps and walk out the shed while on their heads. Somehow I can’t believe that actually works with these creatures but seeing how they aren’t the smartest things alive. I ran back through the house and catch my breath outside the kitchen watching Pussysprite have a cat fight with another imp. I wave to him as I secure the rope in my hand. As of right now the giant imp lord has its leg and hand through my front door. It’s long claws made several large puncture holes into my walls. My mom is going to kill me if she ever sees these. The imp lord unconsciously has been doing a pattern and I pick up on it quickly. It slams into the left side with its foot two times and the right with his hand once.

“Here goes nothing,” I mutter as I wait for the pattern to restart before I rush in like a maniac. I made a mistake in measuring his limbs because they are a lot bigger. I make a circle and then make a knot around the foot but the tricky part is getting it around its hand. Yeah, the hand with the sharp claws… I retrieve my axe for one last act of duty. I swing the axe into each of the claws on the hand causing the claws to curve in toward the hand itself. The fact that I am able to do that surprises even me because that is six times I have used the axe and I’m only slightly tired. Time to finish this part before the final battle. A noise makes the whole house tremble it sounds like a dying whale mixed with dubstep it must be the imp lord crying. Sorry dude but I have to slay the beast that lay waste to my home. The rope is pulling me towards the door, the imp lord is pulling out of the house! I quickly tie the other end to its hand hoping that it won’t come undone. The two limbs that are stuck together make it impossible for the beast to pull them out. Mother of god I have to use my axe two more times. I’m going to take a nap after this and whoever wakes me up faces my scorn or something like that. “Do you need help getting out of my house? Seems like you got your foot caught in the door. Let me help you with that!” My shouting probably doesn’t even reach the imp lord’s ears before I slice through his flesh dismembering his leg. The sound of it in pain is almost unbearable, “Need a hand? I can get you one!” When did I become this funny? My arms give up after I manage to cut through off his hand. Walking out the door I see the imp lord trying to balance itself as it’s missing its foot and hand.

“Good bye!” I’m launching myself right into the center of the monster causing it to tip over. A large rock drops down from the sky smashing the imp lord into pieces of grist. What the…? I look up and notice stairs leading into the sky, Ricardo!? The rock must have been unintentional because lord knows Ricardo would never help me out.

[Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers]

--
CANDICE

Congratulations, you created the MOUNTAIN SPEW! It is a weapon of the same shape as DAD'S BAT but it is made of tin material, wears a Mountain Spew (!?) logo and if you swing it hard, the top of the bat will break up and spew out a flood of Mountain... Dew upon impact. Then it will magically close up, ready to spew once again.

--
RICARDO

I smile at Candice's message. She's a bit naive, isn't she? But kind. Oh well, those are good people to have around. If she even is around now. I have no idea if her snowy world and my oceanic world are even close to each other. Or Vieve's forest or Vinnie's desert for that matter.

"Young master, you should probably alchemize something before you go through your gate," my sprite says, looking like it has just finished crushing an imp to death without raising an eyebrow. How do I see that? Well, there is a couple of grist pieces on the floor behind him.

"Right. Come again?"

LEGOFOOTSPRITE impatiently but calmly at the same time explains to me the concept of alchemizing and how to use the alchemiter, totem lathe and cruxtruder when I actually know what I'm doing. I still don't really know what I'm doing when I turn the handle to extract a few dowels of cruxite and bring them up to the totem lathe. And then I realize that I should captchalogue some stuff to use the punch designix. Looking around, I feel clueless about what to choose. The polo mallet is an obvious thing to upgrade. I sneak out into the garden, which is quite the achievement as mom's servants have started patrolling the corridors. The upside is that they seem to have gotten rid of those imps running around. Apparently, more spawn every second though, as I turn around in a corridor to find one sneering at me where nothing at all stood one second ago. We spend a minute in a frightful but merry chase, until a patrolling cook finds us and smashes the imp to death with his frying pan. I take the opportunity to escape outdoors.

Part of my garden seemed to follow us to this world. The lawn ends with crashing waves from an ocean who's horizon is a blurry line far away. The sky is fairly gray from clouds and the waves aren't exactly calm. I walk down the alley in front of the large house, the one that is lined with plants shaped like animals. An idea strikes me and I take some thorns from one of the plants. They are quite large, but I take some small ones too, because I'm not sure what to do with them yet.

That's when I feel the ground beneath me rumbling. The water near the lawn's edge seems to be boiling all of a sudden... and then a monster's head comes up. It's a basilisk underling with a neck at least five times longer than my sprite's neck and the necks of the imps. Speaking of which, some imps who were on their way to sneak up on me before this, thinking that I couldn't see them, now stop in their tracks and run for cover as if they were afraid of this new sea monster. Aren't they allies? I decide to not wait around to find out more, but make a dash for the house as the long necked basilisk starts climbing ashore with a hissing noise and a terrifying smile.

Just inside the door, two servants are trying to fend off a very irritated LEGOFOOTSPRITE. "Please, sirs, I'm only trying to keep an eye on your young master so that you won't have to bother with him. Oh, young master," he adds when he sees me. He doesn't look directly at me though, but rather towards the other end of the hall. The servants look that way and don't understand why I'm not there. Legofootsprite waves his long front leg at me to signal that I should sneak past them now. I do so and give him a thumbs up on the way. Maybe he isn't that dumb an ally after all.

I come into one of our fine living rooms, where two maids are in the process of fending off some imps by throwing lit match sticks onto them. They fizz when they hit and annoy the imps but don't do much in weakening them. I sigh and take out my polo bat. Whistling, I gain the attention of the imps and then pretend that they are unusually ugly polo balls... or perhaps my opponents in said game. And for once, I'm allowed to beat them for real. One of them manage to scratch my left arm, making a rift in my shirt. But soon they are turned into grist and gathered by yours truly. The maids stare at me with jaws dropped.

"I'll just be taking these. Go and do something productive instead of using your ridiculously bad fighting skills!" I shout at them to wake them up from their daze, while I take the box of match sticks from them, captchaloguing it.

I finally reach the punch designix in my room again. Legofootsprite waits for me there, looking grumpy since he had to flee from the servants at the entrance. But he explains how I should go about doing this. I type in the codes of my polo mallet, the batch of thorns and the matchbox. Then I think again and take out one single matchstick, lighting it up. I use my third pink sylladex card to captchalogue the burning stick, typing the code on its backside into the designix as well. And just for the heck of it, I captchalogue the fourth sylladex card into the fifth one and type in its code as well: 000000. Heh. I get four new red cards out from the punch machine. Then the sprite directs me back to the totem lathe. There I have to suddenly think again. But it's ok. I'm good at thinking.

I first make a totem from combining the polo mallet with the thorns. Then another totem with polo mallet + lit matchstick. Then I just make a totem from the sylladex card's red card. It looks awfully plain. Nevertheless, it would be neat if it worked. I could carry more things in my sylladex with more cards!

The alchemiter is in the middle of my room so I go back in there only to find that another imp has materialized there. Legofootsprite pushes it out through a window and we both watch it soar down and hit the ground below, exploding into a couple of grist pieces. Then we look up and see what is on its way to us from the ocean. More bubbling and waves come up and now there are not one but four, FOUR, basilisks crawling through my garden. This is outrageous. There is also that weird rumbling still, and I can hear some servants scream from the other side of the garden, where I can't see from my windows.

"**** is going down," I mumble.

"Indeed, jerk," Legofootsprite says, astonishing me. "What? I'm not programmed to be polite, I've just chosen to be so far. Let's just get on with it now before I have to save you again."

I decide not to grace him with a comment and place the totems in turns on the alchemiter. The first thing I create is the POINTYTHINGY. Don't ask me how I know its name. I think it's got something to do with the construct of SBURB... making us strangely meta while we are inside SBURB's world. Maybe. Anyways, the Pointythingy seems to be a polo mallet covered in thorns all over. The two sides of the mallet's head are made up of two large, very pointy thorns. This is obviously a very lethal weapon! Unfortunately, the handle as well is covered by thorns. Stupid thing. I'll have to alchemize some kind of glove that allows me to hold it without making a massacre out of my own hands.

The next thing I create is the FLAREBONKER, which is the matchstick+polo mallet. Since the matchstick was only lit in one end, only the head of the mallet is on fire now. And it doesn't seem to be distinguishable! Awesome. Maybe a bit dangerous in crowded situations, but hey, flaming weapons are awesome. Surely lethal if used smartly.

Then I alchemize five new sylladex cards. No need to go overboard, but now I have ten spaces in my sylladex and I think that'll be useful. I look around my room and find a glove that I use when playing polo. That'll do, if I can find something to alchemize it with that can withstand small thorns... hm, something made of metal? I captchalogue a bronze medal that I won in some polo competition that seemed to be ages ago now. Getting their red cards from the designix and mixing them to create a totem, I proceed to alchemize the LOSERGLOVES. That's not a fitting name. I came in third place, that didn't mean that I lost! Anyways, they are my gloves but in a semi-bendable bronze material. Perfect. I can now handle the Pointythingy without trouble!

I put the Pointythingy and Flarebonker in my green wallet. I now seem to have three weapons to choose from, but still only mallets. Fair enough. It's not like I need other kinds of weapon with these awesome things. I keep the Losergloves on. They look cool and could provide some general protection, at least until I need to do something delicate with my hands. Like now, when I decide to write to Candice. Typically.

-- babelsEngineer began pestering archaicMiracle --
BE: Hey! Look at my sweet gear!
BE: THAT'S how you alchemize, baby.

Ugh, I sound like Vinnie, don't I?

BE: So anyways. I'm getting invaded by sea monsters here that I doubt even my faithful, eh, servants can handle.
BE: So I'm gonna climb up on top of the building and see if I can see that gate that Legofootsprite mentioned.
BE: Wanna build up? I put some cool stairs on top of Vieve's house. Maybe something like that could work on mine too?

--
VIEVE

Of course he could help you! Maybe. If he had time. But that was likely unintentional, yeah. He's caring more about his own clientship than being your server now, it seems. Anyways, you have a clear path up to your first gate. Will you be the first player to pass through it and flee the horrible imps that start flooding your foresty place, or will you hurriedly alchemize something before you leave?

[Lt. Col. Fantastic]

Sweet! The alchemizer hands me a new Glockblade, with a working trigger and everything. I grab it, and try to fire. A single gunshot shoots through my door, leaving a hole in the wood.

"Whoa! Awesome!" I'm starting to like this game. I better save my bullets...I think this thing holds like ten shots or something. We'll call it nine left. Anyway, time to- whoops. Velocirapter is messaging me.

BV: Whoa whoa whoa. Meet up?
BV: And others?
BV: Are you and "the others'" like, npcs or something?
BV: Or different players who've done this before?
BV: Is that why you know so much?
VC: Um
VC: I'd like to tell you but
VC: I don't want to steer your playthrough!!
VC: You are meant to go about it in your own way!!
VC: But ok yes, we have played SBURB
VC: And things didn't go quite as planned
VC: If we meet, I will tell you more
VC: Where we are now, it is really strange
VC: I'm not sure we are supposed to be here, even
VC: And we keep falling asleep
VC: Even though it's frustrating to lose contact with you, it's actually quite nice, being asleep. Can't explain why.
BV: Uhh okay
BV: Sounds weird but for some reason I feel like i can trust you
BV: Maybe because you're kinda weird yourself
BV: In a good way, though!
BV: Oh, and this is totally irrelevant but are you a boy or a girl?

Who knows? Maybe velocirapter is a cute girl? Anyway, I had work to do. I tab over to my server window, and start playing around. First I place a walkway outside of Candice's huge window...it leads up slightly to a ladder...which leads to another catwalk thing...which leads to her roof. On the roof is a spiral stair case that leads up and up.....to another floor which is a huge concrete platform. Just above is what appears to be the sburb logo spiralgraph thingamajig. Its fairly close, but I build a short ladder to make sure Candice can reach it. She just has to touch it, right? I look over my work...jeez, it sure would take a lot of stamina to climb this bad boy. I'm sure Candice's parkour body can get up, though.

[Otherworld9)]

Candice Greyson

MOUNTAIN SPEW.

...

The name somehow sounded odd, but the appearance said it all. Same shape as the original bat, but made out of tin material. There was a logo that was similar to Mountain Dew's, but just wasn't the same. Curious, my hands find the handle and lift it up. Miraculously, it wasn't so heavy...but you could hear liquid inside when ever you move the bat. A smile erupted on me, the curiosity inside growing.

With one swing to the ground, the top flew open and out came out green liquid. Was that what I think it is? Kneeling down, my hands touch the spilled soda. Placing my hand inside my mouth, the recognizable shock of sweetness hit my taste buds. This was definitely the Mountain Dew I knew.

*BEEP*

Standing straight up thanks to the sound of my laptop's notifications, I could see something dark at the corner of my eye. Not in the right conditions to fight, I shoot straight out my room. Falling to my knees right in front of my laptop, I smiled at the chumhandle.

-- babelsEngineer began pestering archaicMiracle --
BE: Hey! Look at my sweet gear!
BE: THAT'S how you alchemize, baby.

Sweet gear? I check out the screen and find Ricardo with...some sweet gear! All I managed to make is MOUNTAINSPEW. Maybe I should make other cool gadgets before going outside my house. Also I decided to take his cards idea: making more sylladex cards.

BE: So anyways. I'm getting invaded by sea monsters here that I doubt even my faithful, eh, servants can handle.
BE: So I'm gonna climb up on top of the building and see if I can see that gate that Legofootsprite mentioned.
BE: Wanna build up? I put some cool stairs on top of Vieve's house. Maybe something like that could work on mine too?
AM: Those really are sweet.
AM: All I managed to make is a at that spews out Mountain Dew. Might come in handy though. Who knows?
AM: And that isn't good.
AM: I'll build up spiral staircases for you then.
AM: You have plenty of GRIST I could use actually.

Without hesitating, I start building up where I left off. Using spiral staircases to make it look fancy, it took me a minute to realize that he needed stairs to get up to the roof. Adding the stairs, I stand up with the laptop in hand and look for more things I could use to alchemize. While building floors and spiral staircases, I take out my trusty wallet with the cerise sylladex cards. Inside some were my Mountain Dews. Since my bat could spew out Mountain Dew, I didn't need these, now did I? I threw out the Mountain Dew packs from the cards to make room for more. Wondering what things I can actually make, I place the laptop on the kitchen table. My eyes scan the kitchen for a second, looking for anything that might come in handy. Since the bat was my only weapon, I probably needed another weapon of choice.

My attention was cut off by the sound of somebody building over my house. Puzzled, I take the laptop with me and head over to the exit. Unfortunately I closed the door as fast as I opened it. Outside were imps closing in from all directions...but I also took a glimpse of stairs. Vinnie must have started building up to the portal above my house.

I zoom out and realized I was close to the gate Ricardo was talking about. There was GRIST still left for more spiral cases and one more floor, but maybe he needed the extra GRIST, so I decided to just build spiral stairs from there on out.

"What can I build...what do I use everyday...what DO I need?" I mumbled to myself, building up in Ricardo's world. After finishing up, I decided to send him another message before going off to alchemize a few more things myself.

AM: I think I build all the way to the gate.
AM: Did I? Just wanting to make sure.

Placing the laptop down, and sneaking a book underneath so it doesn't overheat on the table, I catch an idea. Where's my skateboard? I always use that, and upgrading it might actually help some! Problem is, with what? Not having much time thanks to the imps, I run up to the kitchen and start rummaging through the items. There was a spatula, knife, juice, toothpicks, some plates, etc. Nothing a kitchen wouldn't have. Disappointed, I decided to check the sylladex once more and was surprised to find...my skateboard! Taking it out, like magic, it falls straight into my hands. There wasn't anything else inside the sylladex cards: just five empty cards. Knowing that the skateboard is now with me, I put it back inside the pink card and check out anything else I could use.

Walking out the kitchen, I make a left and enter my empty room. It was odd that there wasn't any imps inside at the moment. Either way I start to rummage through my room, looking for anything handy. Luckily my eyes find a snowglobe, which probably will not help at all, but it might come in handy when alchemizing other things. Among the rummage I find an old box. Surprised, I dust it off and open it. Inside was a pair of shoes, gloves, and a ton of clown figures. Was I into clowns back then? Blinking, the memories comes back to me. One in particular somehow sparked something inside me, making me feel...different.

Snapping myself to reality, I take out the shoes and gloves and captchalogue the box in a sylladex card for nostalgia purposes. Also captchaloguing the gloves and shoes, I was left with only one card left. Having nothing else interesting here, I head over to the bathroom and instantly find one of those suction cups in the mirror.

An idea pops out.

Taking the suction cups, I rush out and into the room where the punch designix was located. There, with all the sylladex cards out for me to see their codes, I punch in all of them except the box. In return I get punched out cards. Afterwards I take out everything, except the skateboard. Throwing the suction cups, black gloves, and black shoes, which were VANS, into the box, I captchalogue the box back into one card and got left with three free cards. Before leaving however, I noticed that a cute clown doll fell out of the box by mistake. It was a dimentio doll...that cute jester! Wait, what did I just think? Who knew I had a love for jesters and clowns...why not just punch the code for the cute dimentio doll too? That's what I did. Captchaloguing it and punching in the code, I received another card. Next I also punch a Captchalogue card code, now that I remembered about Ricardo. Anyway, the totem lathe was next.

Doing the same struggle as last time, with the dowels, I let the totem lathe carve the one with both the suction cups and gloves. Next was the shoes and suction cups, which looked oddly different from all the dowels I've made so far. Third item was the captchalogue cards...but the dowel didn't change much. Last, but not least, was my skateboard with the shoes AND cute clown doll.

Running over to the Alchemiter with all these dowels, which were hard to carry over between, I start to put the dowels one by one on the Alchemiter...until I noticed a few imps coming in. Unfortunately these are the last things I'm making, since I can't stay here any longer.

Speaking of which, how was my dad and sprite? No matter, after this, I'll find them and rush up the stairs and into the gate to escape this freakshow.

(OOC: Enough GRIST to make Ricardo go up to the gate? Not sure.)

[Retro Bug]

♣Vieve Gotle

“Alchemize. Alchemize. Alchemize!” What am I going to alchemize is the real question? I want to alchemize my axe with something that will make it lighter and more effective. What can do that without coming out to some crazy result? How about my pillow no… I can just imagine the pillow as the head of the axe. My computer! How am I going to contact people if I don’t have it with me? Oh shoot this isn’t turning out to great. My computer and my dad’s watch would be the perfect fit but then I need a new weapon if I’m going to be slaying imps all day. Gavin should have a aluminum bat in his room, which if I remember correctly are really light. I’m running inside before I realize that I didn’t collect any of the grist. I turn around and quickly collect my prize for defeating that brute before returning to Gavin’s room. Dear god, the wall is now gone and there are stairs leading right out of his room! When did those get here? It dawns on me that this is what Ricardo must have been building, my gate. I will use the stairs at a later date but right now I need to alchemize this bat and my axe and hope it comes out for the best. Could you cross two weapon type things and come out with just a single one? Would it be an axe weapon or a bat weapon? This is perplexing me! Perhaps this bat wasn’t the best idea; maybe I’ll grab some aluminum foil. I head down to the kitchen to see what material we have and hope mom actually keeps some.

“HEY GET OUT OF HERE!” There is another imp in my kitchen trying to make off with my stuff! I grab a steak knife from out of the drawer and run at the imp with it when I notice that it’s eating the aluminum foil! Latching my hands onto the end of the aluminum foil box I try to rip it away from the imp. With the knife still in hand I slap it across the face with it. This causes the imp to let go of its half of the box and I safely secure my aluminum foil. Hmm, now how am I going to take care of this thing? Ha, this is too easy! I place my hand into the imp’s mouth and thrust upwards which slices all the way through the head. Nicking my hand on the imp’s sharp teeth in the process. The imp like the all do burst into a shower of grist and I take my grist with pride. Releasing the knife that is hand before moving on to my room. Captaloguing the aluminum foil is my first mission and while fumbling for my cards eventually succeed at. The Punch Designx is outside so I head that way and pass Gavin on the way out, I’ll have Pussysprite look after him after I’m done with this alchemizing stuff. Then I retrieve my two-captalogue cards and in speedy succession scan them into the machine and swipe out the red punched card(s). Afterwards I’m heading back up the stairs to the totem, which already has dowels due to Pussysprite and myself. Pussysprite definitely said to put the red card(s) into the Totem. I jam the card(s) into the slot that I’m pretty sure it goes into and I hope whatever comes next is amazing…

[Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers]

--
VINNIE

Finally, the one question you never asked.

BV: Uhh okay
BV: Sounds weird but for some reason I feel like i can trust you
BV: Maybe because you're kinda weird yourself
BV: In a good way, though!
BV: Oh, and this is totally irrelevant but are you a boy or a girl?
VC: oh, I'm glad to hear that, Vinnie!! :D
VC: even the weird part
VC: VB tells me that now and then too
VC: and you guys are pretty alike in some ways!
VC: oh, I never told you? I just assumed you realized that I was a girl :D But sorry for not letting you know before!!
VC: I'm a girl, just like CF. I don't see any harm in telling you that at least

So the raptor was a girl. Astonishing, isn't it? Nobody saw that coming. Yeah.

A player has to literally jump through the gate to pass through it. But don't worry. Candice is woman enough to reach that by now. Good job! Now, let's hope you can reach your own gate as well...

--
CANDICE

You make the SPIDERMANDS and BATVANS. Not that they look anything like those superheroes, rather like your average black gloves and shoes, only with suction cups on them. Probably very impractical to wear when doing anything other than climbing up walls or walking upside down on a ceiling. Like when trying to put things that you are holding down. Or when walking normally on the ground. As with all things, these items have their specific times when they should be used. And a lot of times when they should perhaps not be used. Unless you like that kind of hilarious antics that could arise from the particular suction-function of this attire.

You also make the DEMENTEDBOARD. Instead of wheels, it's got several feet underneath it that runs as quickly and smoothly as if the board was rolling like a normal board. With the exception that these feet can traverse uneven ground where wheels wouldn't really fare well. And the funny noise the feet do when they run might make it a very, hm, special experience to ride the DEMENTEDBOARD compared to a normal skateboard. And that's not really all there is to it. Instead of standing on your normal skateboard board when using this item, you'll find yourself standing on top of a very woody-like jester's body. Flattened out into the shape of skateboard. At the front is the dimentio doll's face - unflattened - that can spin around and look at you or forward and laugh occasionally (but not speak) and if you're not careful, the little jester might steer the DEMENTEDBOARD (or itself?) in a direction that you didn't really mean to go in. Maybe this can be helpful. But maybe it can be harmful. It might depend on if you make sure to stay good friends with the head... board... thing... or not.

((OOC: have I managed to freak you out yet? xDDD))

And don't worry. Ricardo had enough grist to let you build up to his gate. And now you will have to use your skills to jump the last way from Vinnie's ladder up through the gate, avoiding the several BASILISKS that have gathered there, hissing at you with their clown faces. Ogres are emerging from beneath the snow as well, almost as if they were buried there, only waiting for your house to land in their vicinity. This place is getting dangerous. You can only hope that wherever you are going now will be safer.

You do exactly that and pass through your first gate... Realizing or not that you left Dad and Fluffricksprite behind.

--
VIEVE

This game master is now assuming that you made a red card from the Axe and not from the Knife. Since you wouldn't be able to wield the knife in battle withing SBURB. Since Axekind is your chosen kind of weapon. That knifething that killed the imp in the kitchen, that was a twist of luck. Of course something dies if you ram a knife through their skull! Or throw something heavy on them. Pure physics. Nothing strange at all. But Axe it is from now on!

While Pussysprite and Gavin are disagreeing on something loudly and discovering that more ogres are trying to peek into every window of your house simultaneously but apparently missing the gaping hole in the wall towards the garden, you hurry down to the alchemiter and finish your work.

You make the LIGHTWRATHER. Surely the most lightest axe you have ever seen, and with a strangely malleable and soft, metallic handle. Must be from the aluminium being in foil form. Kinda comfy when holding a weapon, actually - fits every hand. Of course this weapon only needs to fit your hand. And it does. It is also quite shiny. And did I mention how light it was? With this, you will be able to spin around like a whirlwind and cut your foes to pieces in the blink of an eye.

Now, how about climbing those stairs? Wait... someone is pestering you, for the first time in quite a long time now. Seems like he finally woke up after falling asleep in Ricardo's memo before.

-- viralBlaster [VB] began pestering paintSplatter [PS] --
VB: Hi Vieve.
VB: Your situation is going grim. There are ogres everywhere around your house. I don't know why ogres specifically flock your land.
VB: Basilisks seem to favor Candice's land.
VB: And some kind of sea monster crawls up around Ricardo's house at the moment.
VB: Vinnie has even got flying underlings now.
VB: See, I've managed to figure out how to get the viewport in my program to track you inside the Inciphisphere now. It wasn't at all as difficult as I thought. And it gives me a clue...
VB: or rather, proves what my friend thought but that I tried to deny at first.
VB: It will likely be clear when you pass through your first gate. Or at least we can manage to do something to find out then.
VB: And don't worry about your sprite or brother. As long as you go through that gate, they will be fine. If you go through it in time.

--
RICARDO

I put my LOSERGLOVES on and grabbed hold of the POINTYTHINGY. My spritefellow was behind me, as grumpy as ever. But he agreed to follow as I once again went out from my room into the imp-infested corridor outside. Rumbles and screams were heard all over the mansion. The servants must be busy fighting the lesser underlings. Or maybe they had discovered the sea monsters. I could only wish them luck. I didn't much care about their well-being; they only existed to serve me after all.

The POINTYTHINGY was incredibly effective in comparison to the old polo mallet. As I went through the corridor, assisted by LEGOFOOTSPRITE, I went up another level from slaying enough imps. I felt as if my strength was increasing too and caught myself smiling when I came to the hall and staircase. It wasn't that killing felt good. Well, maybe it did. But this wasn't really killing, was it? Those imps were game abstractions, created to be evil opponents for me. I was supposed to kill them. And I gladly did what I was supposed to do... I supposed.

In my father's office on the other side of the mansion, but still on the same floor, I found a terrified butler trying to fend off a monster that had crept in through a window. I could feel the floor rumbling beneath me. Stupid servants. Couldn't they even take care of themselves, let alone my house? Giving the butler a face of disappointment, I swung the POINTYTHINGY at the snake in front of me a couple of times. It dodged! I wasn't fast enough.

"SPRITE!" I called out and heard a sigh behind me. LEGOFOOTSPRITE left the two imps that he had been building a strangely abstract Lego fort around to trap, and went to my side, distracting the monster with a spray of Lego pieces. I took the opportunity to jump forward and pierce the monster's body in several places with some swift swings from my mallet. The creature exploded into grist that I collected, panting, while the butler stood speechless and pale and watched.

"Go... get me a drink," I told him, not having the energy to shout. He quickly disappeared, jumping over the Lego fort in the hallway.

"We make... a pretty darn awesome team!" I told my sprite, leaning on the back of a chair.

"If you say so," the sprite gloomily replied, staring out the broken window. "Waves are growing taller. You should leave this place now."

"Not without some more upgrades," I said, picking up what I came to get from the top drawer of my father's desk. A pair of really expensive blackglasses. My father wasn't here now - I didn't really want to think about where he was, really. Somehow it felt strange to think of him now. Or my brother. Or my sister, for that matter. Where... No. I didn't care. I had other business to tend to.

At least I didn't have to worry about my mother. As I threw an imp down the stairwell the next minute, I watched her march through the entrance hall on the bottom floor with at least ten maids behind her, broomsticks in hands. My mother held a gun, herself. Actually, she looked kind of badass. I wondered where she had hidden her cool side all these years. She had always stepped on my nerves with her silliness. I quickly made sure to tell myself that this didn't mean that I respected her now. She was still a witch.

I went back to my room again, feeling the house rumble a bit more this time. The corridor was suddenly very imp-less. Had they finally taken my hint? I created a red card from the blackglasses and one from one of my computers. The one where both pesterchum, the SBURB client and the SBURB server were installed. I had an idea, you see, but I wasn't sure how it would be carried out. I decided to captchalogue and make a red card from one of my best headsets as well. The one I use when I'm in serious gaming. Then I created a totem, squeezing in all three cards in the same spot on the TOTEM LATHE. One single totem got carved, which I put in the ALCHEMITER.

I created the ALLURBASES. Again, no idea how I knew the name just by picking up the item. It was a replica of my father's blackglasses, but when I put them on, I could see a desktop window in them. They also came with headphones and a microphone, so I could talk in voice commands, controlling the computer inside the blackglasses with it. I seemed to even be able to tell pesterchum messages to write. The FLAREBONKER was awesome, but ALLURBASES was easily the best thing anyone can alchemize. Ever. I was convinced of that at that point, at least.

Now it seemed like I was all out of grist, though. Typically. I couldn't alchemize anything more even if I tried. I guessed it was a good thing that I had killed that sea monster earlier, or I might not have afforded these ALLURBASES.

But enough running around. Time to get on with the game. I knew what I had to do, right? Pass through the gate. I went out onto a balcony from my parents' bedroom and climbed up to the roof. I admit I needed some help from LEGOFOOTSPRITE to not fall down here - I was no atlete, I just had a will of steel and LEGOFOOTSPRITE had no will at all. On the roof, I gasped and then smiled. "Candice..."

She had built up with stairs, much like I did for Vieve. My gate or whatever it really was, was blinking at me from above. The sky was cloudy and gray and I could hear thunder in the distance. Rain poured down on me, making me want to hurry even more. As I looked down onto the lawns surrounding my half-deserted, half-destroyed mansion, I felt a strange sensation in my gut.

Imps were fleeing back to the cliffs and jungle further away from the shore. Servants were swarming the lawns... fighting the monsters that kept creeping up from the sea. There wasn't only snakes and serpents now, strange two legged and one eyed creatures came up in the distance with their tall figures and thin arms and legs. An invasion from the sea. Why would the imps flee? Could it be that they were not allied? Or that they were afraid of getting crushed by the larger, merciless monsters? I had to think about these things. I was a strategist. I saw how one of the creepy, tall figures bend down and... oh god. It chomped at a servant and the next second, the servant was gone. Eaten alive... Even I found that horrible. "I did tell you that you'd better leave, didn't I?" came my sprite's voice from beside me.

I didn't really care about the servants. I never had. And I didn't much care what happened to my mother either. No, really, I didn't. But my guts felt so strange and uncomfortable. As if part of my actually thought that I should care. And maybe actually did care.

"If I just leave this place now..."

"The enemy invasion will stop."

I turned to watch the gray sprite. Rain seemed to bounce off his radiant yet dull skin, without making him wet. "It will?"

"Yes. That's the workings of this game. You have a certain time to advance to the next level after arriving with your house in your land. If you fail, all is pretty much lost." The sprite shrugged. "If you manage to advance in time, you will be rewarded with a new chance. The invasion will lighten up, for now."

I chose to believe him, and started climbing the stairs. Some imps had climbed up here to hide and were just shaking and looking at me with frightened eyes as I passed them by. I didn't kill them. It didn't matter right now; they didn't give out much grist anyways. I reached my gate and was about to jump in, when I looked down. So far to the ground...

"We'll meet again soon," LEGOFOOTSPRITE said gloomily and turned around to descend the stairs again.

"What? You're not coming with me? But we're a f*cking team!" I don't know why I was that upset.

"No, I'm just here to get you started for now. But I'll have to meet you soon again," he paused to sigh, "because that's how it is. Unless you die."

"You wish I do, don't you?"

"No. I'm still not fully prototyped. You or your server need to prototype me once again before I can stop caring completely."

"Oh," I said, totally having forgotten that detail. He was only prototyped once. What about the others' sprites? What did they really look like? I wanted to find out. "I guess I'll see you soon then. Hey, make sure that my mother doesn't crush this place when I'm gone!"

LEGOFOOTSPRITE bowed and floated downstairs to the roof, thunder sounding above and a lightning illuminating the ominously stormy sea. Pretty darn good servant, that sprite, I thought before I tightened the grip on the POINTYTHINGY and jumped into my first gate.

-- END OF ACT 2 --
--
-- ACT 3 --

(click to hear the awesome RP theme song again)





--
CANDICE

You are momentarily blinded when you pass through the spirograph that is your gate. And then you are suddenly standing somewhere else entirely. There is still snow on the ground and the sky is a light blue color, endlessly illuminated by an unidentifyable source of light. But you are among some cliffs and mountains, brown to the color and covered with lots of snow as well, the stone only peeking out here and there. Right in front of you, in the valley between the steep cliffs, there seem to be some ruins from an ancient town, not withered away and cold.

If you somehow look into a computer, trying to find Ricardo in SBURB, you will only see his wildly ravaged house. You can't zoom out enough to get away from it or find him. He's gone. Hopefully alive. You can still talk with him and the others on pesterchum without problem though. That is, if you did bring a computer.

You might encounter some bats flying about when you approach. They don't seem mean, only easily startled. And there are tracks in the snow, but they look nothing like the tracks of underlings. These feet have shoes.

==> Investigate the ruins and hear noises. Find an archway made of stone with the word... WITCH.

--
RICARDO

"What the..."

I fell to the ground as I flew out from nowhere. The ground was soft, but not wet. It hadn't been raining here. I looked up and saw earth and plants. Blue and green plants. Getting up, I tried to make sense of where I had ended up. I didn't see nor hear any ocean here. Only jungle. Plants and trees and flowers. And... parrots? I noticed a couple of them just sitting on a branch of a tree, staring at me.

"What are you looking at?" I roared, making them fly away, chattering.

Then I spotted something behind the tree they were sitting at. At first I had thought they were mere stems and bushes, but now I saw that there were logs of wood built up, as if they had once been a house or fence. I quickly moved over to there, mowing down the bushes on my way with the POINTYTHINGY with more or less fruitless results. Nevertheless, it turned out to indeed be the ruins of a house, since long overgrown. It was as if someone had been living here, in a jungle house, but it had been ravaged by pillagers or a storm or something. Or both. If there even were any pillagers here. What did I even think about, there were imps and they stole anything. Of course.

I walked around in the ruins for a while, trying to make sense of what this meant. I almost wished that LEGOFOOTSPRITE was there with me, just so that he could explain everything to me. The weather was hot, too, a sun scorching my pale skin. I took cover in the shadow of a palm tree, groaning. I had even covered up my windows back home, to avoid sunlight. Then I stepped on something that cracked. I looked down to find some kind of wooden plate with words on it.

It could have been a name plate, to signify who lived here. Maybe it had sat on the fence or on the door to the house before. Now, the name was nowhere near visible, lost over the course of time and withering wood. But another word was still readable.

"Pr... PRINCE." I raise my eyebrows in disbelief.

[Otherworld9)]

Candice Greyson

The bats, startled, desperately flew out of my way as I slowly made my way to the ruins. Along the way my eyes scanned the beautiful world around me. Snow blanketed the land and mountains tops. The valley itself looked amazing. This reminds me of the time before I entered SBURB: boring life where all I drank was Mountain Dew. Speaking of which, I did change, didn't I? I wouldn't be enjoying the scenery, but just moving along with no interest. It's amazing how much this game has changed me already...or the fact that maybe I was like this all along, and just now I'm starting to discover who I am.

My eyes caught sight of footprints on the snow, startling me. These weren't the type of footprints like in the original snow world, but this one definitely had to be made by shoes. A kindle of excitement ignited inside me. Knowing that I wasn't the only one here, with shoes, somehow made me feel comfortable. Unfortunately it can be anything that was wearing shoes, so I wasn't sure whether I should be glad or horrified. Last time I thought it was great, but ended up in a disaster when it turned out they wanted to kill me.

Finally making it to the ruins, I thought about the clothes I had on right now. They weren't the best to use at the moment. "Why didn't I alchemize myself a very fluffy sweater or something?" I mumbled to myself while examining the entrance to the ruins. "What else did I miss?" Pondering about the many things I could have built instead of shoes and gloves with suction cups, and a demented skateboard, I realized I left my laptop back at home. I sighed in disbelief, no way to communicate or do anything for Ricardo now. All I can hope for is for the best for him.

Entering the ruins, my feet and socks were soaked with melted snow. They felt like bricks. Too lazy to move another leg muscle, I take out the dementedboard, which certainly looked odd. Curious as to how it works, I place it down and stand right on top of it. The fact I was standing on top of Dimentio felt pretty awkward, but I just wanted to explore without moving my legs. Looking down, I noticed his head looking straight forward, like a statue. I waited a few minutes for it to start, but it never did. Patient and thirsty, I take out my trusty mountainspew and crack it open. Careful as to not spill too much, I take a good look at the liquid inside.

Suddenly the board started moving forward, making the mountain dew spill out of the bat and onto my clothes. Not wanting to deal with Dimentio, who I knew wouldn't feel bad for me, I drink what's left inside and store it back inside the strife deck. For a while all there was to the ruins were broken walls, houses, roads, and a few plates here and there. Not too far off was an archway that looks as if there was something carved over there.

My mind was filled with curiosity, until I heard a noise. Turning my head all around me, I couldn't find the source of it. Skeptical, I ignored it and let the board continue forward.

"Hehehehe hehe" Dimentio chuckled, making me jump slightly from shock. His laughter that came out of nowhere for no reason always gave me the chills, but there wasn't I could really do about it. Those laughs just come up without warning.

Then the noises appear. Cautious, I decide to step out of the funny noise-making board. Picking Dimentio up, who's feet kicked me for freedom, I tried to focus on the noises. Again they disappeared after a minute. Careful not to make loud noises, I absorb the dementedboard into one of my sylladex cards. That's when I look up and find out that I was right under the archway. It appears to be made of stone.

Wanting to get a better view, I take a few steps back and try to make out the blurred out word. When I was back enough to get a good view, I realized there was one visible word on the stone arch: WITCH.

"Witch." My eyes wouldn't peel away from the arch, as if it were hypnotizing.

But...what did it mean?

[Lt. Col. Fantastic]

Velociraptor was very, very fast in her response...

BV: Uhh okay
BV: Sounds weird but for some reason I feel like i can trust you
BV: Maybe because you're kinda weird yourself
BV: In a good way, though!
BV: Oh, and this is totally irrelevant but are you a boy or a girl?
VC: oh, I'm glad to hear that, Vinnie!! :D
VC: even the weird part
VC: VB tells me that now and then too
VC: and you guys are pretty alike in some ways!
VC: oh, I never told you? I just assumed you realized that I was a girl :D But sorry for not letting you know before!!
VC: I'm a girl, just like CF. I don't see any harm in telling you that at least
BV: Yeah, I could have guessed as much...but you never know
BV: even an expert on women such as myself can have trouble telling if someone is a girl....
BV: or just a really, really bubbly guy.
BV: ...
BV: I think you're swell.

Okay, I'm not gonna hit on her too hard. Not yet anyway. Besides, I have work to do.

BV: Hey Vieve.
BV: Im sorry I yelled at you. But can you stop ignoring me?
BV: We have to work together on this thing
BV: And I have to get up to my gate somehow
BV: Hello?

I really didn't think it throug when I flipped on Vieve like that. I do kinda need her. But with that out of the way, it was time to do some final alchemizing before I head up. My weapon is good enough, methinks, so maybe some armor or utilities would do. Oh! That reminds me! I never alchemized more cards, did I? I quickly make a dowel and create ten more, increasing my deck to fifteen. That should be more than enough. I also decide to store the blank card dowel in it as well, just in case I need more. Before I head out to find new stuff to alchemize with, I decide to stop by and check on Mémé. She's sitting in her room, kniting. Her head perks up when she hears me enter.

"Oh, hello Vinnie. Don't mind me, just a poor old woman being attacked by demons and sprites. Or whatever it is you call them," she says with a very sassy tone. She puts her knitting materials away. Kefka laughs from somewhere in the house.

"Uhh, yeah, sorry. Just saving the world and stuff. I think," I reply, almost as sassy. You know, I really don't have a good excuse for this one. I left Mémé alone with Kefka so I could run around and play a video game. I give her the gun.

"Here. This is a bit more useful than a broom."

Mémé just kinda looks at it, then sets it on the dresser.

"No thanks. I don't do guns."

"Whatever," I reply, "You'll thank me later." I give her a kiss on the cheek and run back downstairs.

"Be careful!"

"Yeah, yeah."

Vieve better hurry.

[Retro Bug]

♣Vieve Gotle

“That was easier than I thought!” I make the LIGHTWRATHER appear in my hands and slam it into my desk. The weapon slices through the wooden desk as if it is, well, cheese! I smile at my successful creation but there is just one more thing that I need to do. I return my axe back to it's right place and notice I have three empty pink cards left so I retrieve two of them to use for my next creation. Slipping off my watch is more of a hassle than it should be but I manage to do it without recalling all the painful memories. The next thing to do is place the watch inside the pink card, which I promptly do then almost do the same with my computer. Wait! There’s messages from people… I guess that I should respond to those before I do this alchemizing experiment. VIRALBLASTER. WUT. So this person is back well I’m not to sure how I feel about this.

-- viralBlaster [VB] began pestering paintSplatter [PS] --
VB: Hi Vieve.
VB: Your situation is going grim. There are ogres everywhere around your house. I don't know why ogres specifically flock your land.
VB: Basilisks seem to favor Candice's land.
VB: And some kind of sea monster crawls up around Ricardo's house at the moment.
VB: Vinnie has even got flying underlings now.
VB: See, I've managed to figure out how to get the viewport in my program to track you inside the Inciphisphere now. It wasn't at all as difficult as I thought. And it gives me a clue...
VB: or rather, proves what my friend thought but that I tried to deny at first.
VB: It will likely be clear when you pass through your first gate. Or at least we can manage to do something to find out then.
VB: And don't worry about your sprite or brother. As long as you go through that gate, they will be fine. If you go through it in time.
PS: Uh… okay

I shut my computer, what else am I suppose to say? They just told me all this information and I’m not sure what to do with it. I really can’t do much about it until I cross through my first gate like viral said. It seems like our imp-like creatures have all slight changes to them but why is that? Does this have something to do with our lands? If I pass through that gate what will happen? I open my computer again I should at least say goodbye to everyone if I’m going to die right? Vinnie conversation is already glowing so I click on that one. Well, that is my first mistake of the day. His words tear through me causing me to become emotional. I swipe my eyes before the tears can fall down my face. Is this really the person I’ve become? Scanning the rest of the messages I see that I still need to build the rest of gate or the way to his gate. Selecting the build option I quickly get to work forgetting to keep wiping my face so tears drop down onto my keyboard. The finish product includes doubling the number of stories of Vinnie’s house than putting a vertical ladder that reaches up to his first gate from his actual room.

BV: Hey Vieve.
BV: Im sorry I yelled at you. But can you stop ignoring me?
BV: We have to work together on this thing
BV: And I have to get up to my gate somehow
BV: Hello?
PS: It’s done.

My lost for words is definitely a first… To distract myself I go through the motions of my first alchemizing experience but this time with my watch and computer inside of aluminum and my axe….

I see Pussysprite and Gavin arguing over something that’s more than likely trivial. Wait, when he did he recover from his unconscious state? I shake my head and head towards Gavin’s “room” because now it’s just a bunch of stairs. That weird person said they would be okay as long as I pass through my gate. Fortunately there isn't any imps in my way! I take the stairs two at a time, let’s hurry this up! Do I really want this to hurry up? I wonder what’s beyond this gate because it could just be a trap set. Yeah, why are we listening to these random people that we know nothing about but they seem to know everything about us?

[Lt. Col. Fantastic]

By the time I got back downstairs, Vieve ad responded. I let out a sigh of relief, I thought I had pissed her off beyond return.

BV: Hey Vieve.
BV: Im sorry I yelled at you. But can you stop ignoring me?
BV: We have to work together on this thing
BV: And I have to get up to my gate somehow
BV: Hello?
PS: It’s done.
BV: Merci. Thank you.

Well, time to do this, I suppose. I go back to my room to grab some things before I ascend. A pack of peanut butter crackers, and a can of coke. I'm kinda hungry. I chow down on some sweet nutty flavors and a shot of coke. Heh. Sounds like I'm talking about drugs. Nah, this is definitely coca cola. But you obviously knew that. Wait...who is you? The f*ck, now I'm talking in second person? What the f*ck Vinnie. Back to semi third first person. That totally exists. Yeah. Much better. Anyway, I decide that's enough snackage for now. On my way out I notice a ladder going straight up. Strange, how I didn't notice that earlier. Shrugging, I start climbing.

"Thanks, Vieve!" I call out into the sky, passing my window. Maybe she can hear me on her computer. Anyway, I slowly make my way up, luckily not being attacked by any f*cking imps. Damned flying bastards. Pretty soon, I can touch my gate...

[Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers]

--
VINNIE

You are momentarily blinded when you pass through the spirograph that is your gate. And then you are suddenly standing somewhere else entirely. Sand is still whistling around you - the wind is blowing harder here and you have to cover your face to not get it in your eyes. You aren't in the middle of some dunes anymore though. You are standing next to a set of hundred meters high cliffs, luckily shielding you from the wind to some degree. A few hundred meters away, connected to the cliffs, is some kind of settlement, looking like a fort carved out from the stone with little windows and towers. You might hear strange roars from the endless dunes behind you. First thing to do is probably to find shelter from this blistering wind.

Before you can do anything, though, a figure appears in the air in front of you, laughing clearly recognizably.

"HAHAHA! You thought you could sneak out on your own? WITHOUT ME? You thought wrong! That old house of yours got so boring when you left - BORING! Hahahaha. But that..." Kefkasprite strokes his long beak and points at the settlement. "... that looks FUN! Where there's life, there's KILLING to be done!"

==> Deal with your situation. You may not bunny Kefkasprite, he's mine to control for now. You may, however, make imps and other monsters appear as you wish.

--
VIEVE

First you make the DIGITICKER. It's your watch but with a computer screen instead of a clock's face. You can probably not move things around as a server player in SBURB with this, but you can communicate through Pesterchum and surf the web and whatnot. What web? No one really knows. The Inciphisphere perhaps has its own world wide web. The only function this DIGITICKER doesn't have seems to be a clock. Not that it matters much what time it is in the Medium now.

Then, you are momentarily blinded when you pass through the spirograph that is your gate. And then you are suddenly standing somewhere else entirely. There is still forest around you and the sky looks the same. But without the spirograph above, of course. But the forest is not tranquil anymore. You are standing in the middle of what seems to be some kind of construction site. Trees are being cut down as we speak, machines are flattening the land and putting down concrete and asphalt, and people are calling and oinking and yelling all over the place. People dressed in sweaty worker suits and helmets. No, wait, not "people"...

They are pigs. Pigs on two legs. Talking pigs on two legs. **** just got very surreal.

If you look closely, you can see some glimmering from the forest behind you. The pigs working there seem even more stressed and grumpy than the others. Some seem afraid of cutting down the trees. Yes, there is definitely something glimmering there - even some things flying around in the air around the pigs.

"You there!" one pig suddenly calls out to you. He has a shining red helmet and holds a bundle of blueprints. Clearly, he is the most important pig around here. "What are you doing here? What a thin looking oink of a pig you look like. You're not supposed to be here!"

==> React. You may make imps and other monsters appear as you wish and bunny the pigs a little.

[Lt. Col. Fantastic]

The world is gone, and I am free-falling. For an instant, I panic, but only to find the ground materialize beneath my feet. I'm still surrounded by sand, but my house is gone. Instead there are huge cliffs above me, somewhat blocking me from the sand in the wind. I squint my eyes, trying to block out the rest of the sand.

Wait...

I take off my outer shirt, stripping down to my tee. I half-*ss wrap my shirt around my head, like a shemagh. Boom instant windblocker. Okay its sorta better, but I should really get to shelter.

Looking around, I spot something that looks like ruins of an old village. I start to head that way, but I hear laighter. It kinda sounds like...oh god*mnit Kefka.

"HAHAHA! You thought you could sneak out on your own? WITHOUT ME? You thought wrong! That old house of yours got so boring when you left - BORING! Hahahaha. But that..." he points at the ruins and says, "... that looks FUN! Where there's life, there's KILLING to do!

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone. Before we start massacring helpless villagers, tell me whats going on. Why am I here? Where is here? And what is the damn point of this game?" Its about time somebody told me that.

[Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers]

--
CANDICE

"Witch!" a growling voice suddenly echoes from behind you. When you turn around, you see a peculiar creature stand 10 meters away, pointing with a spear at you. It looks like a short little brown bear on two legs, with a warm hat and a leather vest. "Don't come here and defile the Obsidiruins by mentioning the heiress! I'll show you!"

He tumbles in your direction, clearly meaning to attack you. But mostly, he looks like a teddy bear that you just want to cuddle up with. It's probably best if you don't really harm him. I mean, in comparison to the creepy imps and basilisks, this one actually talks.

--
VINNIE

KEFKASPRITE laughs a little, but gets sand stuck in his throat and has to cough it up before he sighs at how boring you are to him and accepts defeat for now. Well, not defeat, but at least he doesn't seem to want to fly off and kill things just yet.

"I guess I have to tell you some things... before we massacre! Hahahaha. Let's see then... Didn't I tell you already? You are on your very own LAND. A planetoid in the MEDIUM, which is like space only better - if I'd fly up there, I could probably fly ANYWHERE and breathe without problem!"

He seems to really consider this idea for a moment, before something makes him sigh and hesitate again, but clicking his strange, long beak annoyedly. Maybe the game forces him to behave since, after all, he is your SPRITE now.

"You have a quest and I CAN HELP YOU DEVASTATE YOUR LAND! If you should choose to do that. But it could be a better idea to explore your land bit for bit, find the local population and learn from them more about your mission. MISSION, HAHAHA! More like a SUICIDAL OPERATION! Actually. Or if you want my help, I can kill you FOR YOU!"

He shudders and closes his eyes for a brief moment. KEFKASPRITE seems rather conflicted and not really coherent when he talks. Yeah, that further kind of points at the game forcing him to be useful to you even though he would rather just make you explode into a thousand beautiful corns of bloody sand.

"Aaaahsjdk. Anyways, your friends are on their own planetoids, LANDS, spread around the center of the MEDIUM, called SKAIA. And SKAIA, baby, is where we ALL WANT TO GO!! Eventually. But if you end up there without understanding your ROLE, it won't do any good. So try to find out from the locals... who you are!"

==> Unless you have a better idea, approach the village. You are now allowed to bunny KEFKASPRITE. It's not like he's got anything more decent to tell you, he's pretty disgusted with himself already.

[Retro Bug]

♣Vieve Gotle

Shielding my eyes from the lights that I pass through, why are there always bright lights? I open my eyes and notice that there’s still sky and a forest and I’ve basically am where I previously was. This is too strange… That’s when I start noticing that everything around me is actually coming to life. A tree being cut down, someone is destroying the forest! Typical mankind! I step forward when a voice catches my attention telling me that I don’t belong. Who treats their fellow human being like that? It’s been a while since I’ve seen anyone besides Gavin.

“Oinker?” I slowly mutter wondering what- I take an immediate step back realizing that thing isn’t human. Is that what I’m thinking it is? A PIG!?! “I am just leaving, sir! But why are you cutting down all these beautiful trees?” The trees are a sight to see, their large trunks and branches full of life it’s a shame to see them like this. There’s a glimmering sight all around the rest of the pigs, seriously, pigs? I’m hesitating to go invest because somehow I knowingly going to get myself into trouble at the expense of my curiosity. Suddenly as if on cue an imp appears out of the forest and is coming straight at me as if I have a tracking device on me!

“HEY! Can’t you do something? Steamroller these guys?” Waiting for a response from these guys is pointless so I fumble around with my new LIGHTWRATHER. I'm swinging wildly and completely missing the imp due to my forgetting that my axe is now ten times lighter. The imp taking advantages of my mistake and bulldozes me onto the relatively soft forest floor. Then dropping my axe in order to shove it’s gnawing teeth away from my face and various body parts. Making a swift upwards kicking motion I manage to stun it in time for me to recollect my LIGHTWRATHER. With one hand I’m franticly slashing trying to make some damage. I accomplish success when the imp begins rolling off me and I looking at its arm which is now severely cut. Without hesitating this time I'm getting to my feet and with correct precision slamming my LIGHTWRATHER into it’s face causing it to start shattering into grist. Where in the hell are Pussysprite and Gavin? With my luck they’re probably in some cage and I’ll be rescuing them shortly.

[Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers]

--
RICARDO

I captchalogued the sign. Why not? I had plenty of space left since I made more sylladex cards. Then I heard a noise behind me. As if someone was sneaking up on me. I didn't turn around immediately though; that would be too obvious and kind of nooby. A cool guy kept his cool.

The one sneaking up on me interpreted my sudden stiffness for what it was though - that I'd noticed her.

"Big monstah, hanging around crashed places, picking up dirt, eh?" a strangely piercing and yet silky at the same time voice said.

I sighed and turned around. Had imps learned to talk or was this another sprite? Nope. Neither.

"Ugh, you're even uglier than your behind told me you was!" a cat on two legs said with a look of disgust, pointing a sharp, thin sword at me. Her fur was gray with black stripes and her eyes were glowingly green.

"A cat?" I spat out. "What is a cat doing here?"

"What's a hairless pig doing here?" she asked back, whipping the sword a little. "On mah treasure island."

"What. Pigs don't have hair! I have hair right here!" I said, pointing at my behaired head.

"So you're a guy who likes to discuss silly, unimportant stuff? Alright." She suddenly jumped away from where she had stood, made a little loop above my head as if gravitation simply wasn't a thing that existed, and landed between me and the house. "What's up with you getting all confused over the word PRINCE anyways. It's not like everyone here doesn't know about the Prince."

"Eh, I sure don't know him," I said grumpily, wanting to mark that I didn't enjoy our conversation and thought he wasn't showing me the respect that I deserved. I was the friggin player. She was a cat. Why was she a cat? Was she even a she? I just got the feeling that she was.

"What are you, a horrorterror from the Furthest Ring or something? Everyone knows about that stupid prophecy. The Priest sure nevah shut up about it."

One and two connected in my brain. This was a game where we were the protagonists, right? Me and Vinnie and Vieve and Candice. So maybe it wasn't too far fetched to believe that any prophecy in SBURB could relate to us. No, should relate to us.

"Not that I've listened much. I actually hardly know nothin' 'bout it."

She talked really ugly. Sounded like no dialect I'd heard before. "What does that prophecy say, then? Maybe I have heard it, just forgot about it."

"Yeah, that's likely," the cat said and sat down on a fallen log, still pointing her tiny sword at me though. "I'm not telling that stuff, you've gotta ask the Priest about it. That is, you could, if you were a cat. But you sure aren't What are you?"

"I'm a human," I said, something I never thought I'd utter. This was stupid. But then again, it was a game.

"Eh, pigs and cats and carapacians I know of, but no humans. Sound to me like you're a slightly more intelligent than average IMP. And that I'd be better off killing you off now."

"Are there IMPS everywhere?"

"S'far as I know. They're invading every islet with no regards for personal privacy."

"Tell me about it. They've rummaged through my whole house, stealing stuff."

"Nope, not falling for it. Down you go, matey!" she suddenly said and sprung up, sword ready. I barely managed to stumble backwards, accidentally falling over and making her shoot over my head instead of through my torso. So she meant business. She'd regret it. I'd gained several levels fighting IMPS already and my injuries were healing, strangely enough.

I pulled the FLAREBONK- no wait. Jungle. Fire. No good combination. While the catlady were getting back up on her feet and throwing herself forward again, I pulled out the POINTYTHINGY, luckily still having my LOSERGLOVES on me to shield from the stupid handle on the weapon. The mallet blocked the tiny sword, forcing the cat to jump back and act quicker to get past my weapon. She sure was quick, and I didn't manage to block every blow. I felt pain as she scraped my arms on several places and my legs as well. In the periphery, I saw some kind of health meter sink as she hit me. So this was so much of a game that I had one of those? I hadn't really noticed before.

Finally, she gave me a break (well, she fell over) and I took the chance to swing my mallet at her. She jumped away of course, but was pretty impressed at how hard I slammed the POINTYTHINGY into the ground. Maybe I should change into the FLAREBONKER just to scare her... I did so. The flaming mallet came out from the green wallet as I put away the other weapon. It made the catlady raise an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah. Burn!" I said, starting to swing it.

"Hang on," she said, raising her hand instead of her sword. "Do you play malletkind?"

"I, uh, what?" I stopped the FLAREBONKER in its path, leaving it hanging above the gray furry.

"That's a trademark from the prophecy. That's kinda strange, you know. Not that I believe that stuff. But."

I sighed and put away my weapon completely. "Look," I said. "Here's what I think. You tell me your name and take me to this Priest. And then we'll see who I am. Because now, I'm feeling kind of lost here. And the only creature who's not an IMP in this world also wants to kill me, so I'm not really happy right now."

The cat smiled now and finally put her sword away. She eyed me up and down with a suspicious face before she let out a little laugh and said: "Name's Camrada. And if you promise to not touch anymore loot here - 'cause I did find this islet first - then I guess I can take you back to town. What's your name?"

I let out a little sound of relief, hoping she wouldn't hear it too well. Even though she was a cat with presumably good hearing. "Ricardo."

It turned out that she had a boat. Not a cool ship, but a little sailboat of the kind that Jack Sparrow comes into the harbor with in the first Pirates movie. A rather silly ship, in other words. Apparently we were on a tiny island not too far from another island where a town lay. After we lay down hostilities, she actually seemed to find me quite interesting. Which I found annoying. She was a cat and cats are annoying in my book. Never understood how Vieve put up with them. Anyways, I took the time to try and get in touch with my friends. Assuming they too had made it through their first gate... With the ALLURBASES, communication was simple. I just realized that I didn't reply to let Candice know that I could reach the gate. I could just hope now that she had her computer on her. Or something sweet like the ALLURBASES, perhaps.

-- babelsEngineer [BE] opened memo on board OUT OF THE ASHES --
BE: Hey
BE: I made a new board, so that those strange other people won't be here
BE: I'd like a status report from everyone. We were supposed to play this game together, weren't we? But I'm pretty alone here. Except for a catlady who's going to take me to their leader. Or something
BE: Also, apparently I might be a prince of some kind. Fits me well, of course. I think it might be some aspect of the game
BE: Have you gone through your first gates? Please tell me you remembered to bring your computers. I... oh wait crap
BE: I didn't bring the computer I have SBURB installed on. Sorry Vieve, doesn't look like I can be your server until I get back to my house
BE: And I have no idea where my house is so I have no idea if I'm going to get it back
BE: And even if I do return home (if my house in this land can be called home) the imps have probably stolen it
BE: So yeah, I admit I made a mistake there
BE: But! Have you seen any cats? She mentioned pigs as well
VB: Nope, no cats here.
RT: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
RT: COULDN'T YOU HAVE KEPT YOUR STUPID MOUTH SHUT SO THAT WE COULD KEEP READING THIS
VC: I've actually got to agree with RT there :/ which makes me feel a bit weird
VB: Hm. Sorry.
BE: askdjhsdlkfjslkd you've gotta be kidding me!
VC: but Ricardo, I think it's important that we keep up with your progress! especially now that you can't see each other for forgetful reasons and stuff, right??
VC: but we can be quiet now and let you talk to your friends
VB: I'll be quiet as a mouse, if RT doesn't respond until one of the others do.
RT:
VB: Good boy. The board is all yours, Ricardo.
BE: It always was mine!!
BE: Whatever. Let's just... guys, and I mean MY guys. Just report, please

--
EVERYONE WHO CARRIES A COMPUTER

You may reply to Ricardo's new memo if you happen to read it.

[Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers]

--
VIEVE

You make the process quick with your LIGHTWRATHER. A very efficient weapon, that is. So efficient that the pigs stop to marvel at it.

"Where did you buy that axe?" the important looking pig asks, kicking another pig in the stomach before he could ask the same question before him. "Is it expensive? Is it mass produced? It looks just like the thing we could use to cut away annoyingly hard tree stems! And it looks quick enough to be able to slash those fairies in half too!"

Some pigs that have gathered around the important one nod approvingly and are closing in on you with their hands raised. It seems like they want to take the LIGHTWRATHER away from you!

==> Flee from the pigs or otherwise get out of this mess somehow. End up in a dirty city that looks like it was built for humans, but with stressed up pigs living there instead. You're free to make it up however you want and encounter whatever pigs or imps/ogres that you want.


When you have outsmarted or outrun or otherwise hid from the crazy pigs, a glowing creature the size of a Barbie doll appears in the air in front of you. It squeaks happily in a language you don't really understand, with a voice a bit too high pitched for you to really hear. She flies up to you and hands you a little present. It is a white pendant in a chain. On the pendant, a purple mark is, looking like a cat's face with a pair of huge boobs underneath...

==> Who could possibly have given this to the fairy? Hmm? What's his name? Hmm? Just say the sprite's name out loud.

[Lt. Col. Fantastic]

Kefka just laughs at me. Well, he laughs until sand clogs his throat, causing him to cough up a lung in a highly comedic fashion. He frowns and starts talking again.

"I guess I have to tell you some things... before we massacre! Hahahaha. Let's see then... Didn't I tell you already? You are on your very own LAND. A planetoid in the MEDIUM, which is like space only better - if I'd fly up there, I could probably fly ANYWHERE and breathe without problem!"

He pauses to sigh and click his beak again. He seems...annoyed? I guess that's what he gets for being annoying all the time.

"You have a quest and I CAN HELP YOU DEVASTATE YOUR LAND! If you should choose to do that. But it could be a better idea to explore your land bit for bit, find the local population and learn from them more about your mission. MISSION, HAHAHA! More like a SUICIDAL OPERATION! Actually. Or if you want my help, I can kill you FOR YOU!"

Kefka is starting to freak me out. He starts to shudder, perhaps trying to fight an overpowering impulse to kill me. Or not to kill me. I'm not sure. But I do know that he's somewhat forced to be helpful, if a little uncooperative.

"Aaaahsjdk. Anyways, your friends are on their own planetoids, LANDS, spread around the center of the MEDIUM, called SKAIA. And SKAIA, baby, is where we ALL WANT TO GO!! Eventually. But if you end up there without understanding your ROLE, it won't do any good. So try to find out from the locals... who you are!"

Kefka grabs his head and turns away, mumbling about ignorant children. He seems to be done with being helpful.

"Hey! Uh...thanks!"

He just clicks at me with his back turned. I kinda...feel bad for him. But this really isn't a time to console ghost guides that may or may not want to kill me. So. Huh. This is the medium, I get that. And my land is some desert land called...Lodac? Yeah. And there are people here? Locals, he says...what do I look like....no...I messed that up. But I have to find out about a mission...and get to some place called SKAIA. So I guess it's like the heaven/final battle type thing, where I go with all maxed out stats and go hand to hand with the big bad guy, with my female sweethearts, the plucky comedic relief Ricardo, and possibly some cool ghost guys like Kefkasprite and Fluffriksprite. But before I can do that I gotta do this quest thing and do some major level grinding.

I start to head off when my necklace beeps. I quickly pull out my wallet, and then my computer.

-- babelsEngineer [BE] opened memo on board OUT OF THE ASHES --
BE: Hey
BE: I made a new board, so that those strange other people won't be here
BE: I'd like a status report from everyone. We were supposed to play this game together, weren't we? But I'm pretty alone here. Except for a catlady who's going to take me to their leader. Or something
BE: Also, apparently I might be a prince of some kind. Fits me well, of course. I think it might be some aspect of the game
BE: Have you gone through your first gates? Please tell me you remembered to bring your computers. I... oh wait crap
BE: I didn't bring the computer I have SBURB installed on. Sorry Vieve, doesn't look like I can be your server until I get back to my house
BE: And I have no idea where my house is so I have no idea if I'm going to get it back
BE: And even if I do return home (if my house in this land can be called home) the imps have probably stolen it
BE: So yeah, I admit I made a mistake there
BE: But! Have you seen any cats? She mentioned pigs as well
VB: Nope, no cats here.
RT: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
RT: COULDN'T YOU HAVE KEPT YOUR STUPID MOUTH SHUT SO THAT WE COULD KEEP READING THIS
VC: I've actually got to agree with RT there :/ which makes me feel a bit weird
VB: Hm. Sorry.
BE: askdjhsdlkfjslkd you've gotta be kidding me!
VC: but Ricardo, I think it's important that we keep up with your progress! especially now that you can't see each other for forgetful reasons and stuff, right??
VC: but we can be quiet now and let you talk to your friends
VB: I'll be quiet as a mouse, if RT doesn't respond until one of the others do.
RT:
VB: Good boy. The board is all yours, Ricardo.
BE: It always was mine!!
BE: Whatever. Let's just... guys, and I mean MY guys. Just report, please
BV: Bonjour
BV: I am past my first gate as well
BV: No animals of any sort have appeared
BV: Well. There were some flamingo imps but other than that, nothing.
BV: Kefkasprite said there were some natives here, and I see a village
BV: I'll let you know what turns up when I check it out

I pack up my laptop and head out to the village. Cats? Pigs? Are these locals really animals?

[Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers]

--
VINNIE

KEFKASPRITE seems to have calmed down for the time being. Ricardo is apparently still on his boat or something and quickly messages you back.

BV: Bonjour
BV: I am past my first gate as well
BV: No animals of any sort have appeared
BV: Well. There were some flamingo imps but other than that, nothing.
BV: Kefkasprite said there were some natives here, and I see a village
BV: I'll let you know what turns up when I check it out
BE: Vinnie! God, I'm glad you are alive
BE: Not overly happy, I just mean that it would be a shame if you were dead
BE: You know
BE: Flamingos you say? Underlings apparently take on the shape of whatever we mixed our Kernelsprite up with. What did you prototype? A garden flamingo or something?
BE: Go to your village! But be careful, because this catgirl here attacked me as soon as she saw me
BE: I wonder what animals you will have. Report back later!

Seems like Ricardo clearly sees himself as your leader.

If you go close to the village, you will see that it consists of stone towers with carved out rooms inside, and windows like holes in the wall. Some tents are also outside these rock-towers, both as market stalls and as houses.

As soon as a villager spots you, he will start babbling and run up to you, attracting more villagers until they surround you and try to push you towards the center of the village. They are certainly not human. They look like little red crocodiles on two legs, wearing hats or belts or vests of various colors and materials. Most of them also wear necklaces with colorful feathers or stones, giving them a rather tribal look.

Either, the villagers succeed with driving you to the main plaza, or you flee and enter the village some other way. KEFKASPRITE might or might not play a part in this.

No matter how you do, you will eventually reach or at least see the main plaza from where you are. There, a rust colored, wrinkled reptile with a feathery hat and far too many necklaces have now gathered other villagers and either talks to you or calls out in hope that you will hear him.

"Non-reptile! You are awaited! Legends have since long foretold of the boy from the skies who holds the right to this LAND and will return one day to free the tribes from our wars and teach us to live in peace again. The villagers speak of your appearance and it matches with the legends. They also speak of your red spirit companion, which also matches with the legends. If you truly are the HEIR, the Redspin tribe is yours to command. I have no doubt in the matter, but for the rest of the tribe to believe in you and become yours to command, you must aid us for a while first, showing us that your power is true."

Yes, he did just say that there is a bunch of QUESTS in this village that you'll have to do it you want these reptiles' help in realizing that ROLE that KEFKASPRITE mentioned, and level up.

==> Play this out. You may reach the plaza in any manner you like, bunnying any reptile beside the MONK on your way. You may also make underlings like IMPS or OGRES or BASILISKS appear, if you think it would serve your story well. And KEFKASPRITE is also yours to bunny.

[Lt. Col. Fantastic]

As I approach the village, I can make out large stone towers, with hole-windows carved out. The sandstorm prevents further inspection, however. On the ground are tents...some are market looking and others apparently homes. It is very American-Indian looking. Native Americans? Yeah I think that's the right term. No signs of any villagers yet oh god what is that.

A bipedal crocodile comes out of nowhere. Not just any, run-of-the-mill bipedal crocodile, but a red one. He wears a very tribal looking necklace, covered in stones, what look like crocodile teeth, and feathers. Also, he is wearing a belt that looks suspiciously like my dad's like a sash across his chest.

"Greetings, non-reptile!" He says cheerfully. Apparently he talks too.

"Uh, hey reptile," I respond, "So I guess you are native to this land." He strokes his snout thoughtfully.

"Yes," he finally says, "I guess we are. Though I'm not sure if anything can be described as a non-native..." he spends several minutes contemplating this. From inside my necklace my computer beeps. It's probably Ricardo. It'll have to wait a bit, I guess.

"Hmmm...come to think of it..." he starts, "I've never seen you before. Who are you?"

Wow. Sherlock Holmes on the case.

"I'm Vinnie Valentine...uhh...the hero of this game!" Man, I feel like such a bad*ss saying that.

"Or, at least that's what the giant floating birdman told me."

The croc mulls this over in his head before something clicks.

"OH! HEY! HEY GUYS! COME OVER HERE! COME, COME FAST!"

I don't have the heart to tell him of his improper use of the word fast. Or the time really, because more crocs start coming out of the homes to see me. They start to "Ooh" and "Ahh" over me, and then one starts to talk about the elder. The others catch on and the all start raving about the elder. Jesus Christ I'm like their messiah or something. I decide to go along with them, seeing no harm in meeting an elder.

"Hey hey hey, calm down now. Hey! Hands off! No, don't take that....gimme that...hey!"

I finally get them off me.

"Let's just go see this elder guy, okay?" Reminding them of the elder seems to snap them back into focus.

"Oh, okay! Hey, lets show him the elder guys!"

I roll my eyes as they lead me through town. We pick up more crocs, and it seems the whole village is in the mix. Eventually we get to the center, and a really old looking crocodile looks up at the ruckus. He's got lots of necklaces and even an old hat on. The crocodile I met earlier speaks to him. After a few seconds of whispering, he looks at me again.

"Non-reptile! You are awaited! Legends have since long foretold of the boy from the skies who holds the right to this LAND and will return one day to free the tribes from our wars and teach us to live in peace again. The villagers speak of your appearance and it matches with the legends. They also speak of your red spirit companion, which also matches with the legends. If you truly are the HEIR, the Redspin tribe is yours to command. I have no doubt in the matter, but for the rest of the tribe to believe in you and become yours to command, you must aid us for a while first, showing us that your power is true."

Okay this is by far the most helpful thing kefka has done for me. So uh, I am the Heir of the land...so like I inherit this place? Awesome. That's pretty cool I guess. And I'm supposed to be doing quests anyway right? I can level up some more, maybe increase my mangrit again. Wait where did that come from? Whatever.

"Okay, sounds cool. I'm the Heir alright. And yeah the feathery *sshole is my spirit guide. But, I don't know about any powers...I have my gunblade I guess, but I'm not like going around and casting magic or whatnot."

I can't hurt to do a few quests, and these might be important later on anyway.

[Red's Hawt Chibi Pelippers]

--
VINNIE

"I'm the Heir alright."

At these words, the eyes of every red reptilian nearby widens and they start cheering at an incredibly loud level. The elder MONK nods and seems to want to bless you or something.

That's until KEFKASPRITE comes flying along, landing in the midst of it all and squashing a couple of crocs under his ghostly tail.

"That guy? The HEIR of LODAC? Give me a BREAK!!" He laughs maniacally. Then his face screws up for a bit. "Though it is true, he is the HEIR." He shakes his beak violently and hits himself in the head with his fist. "But I am the real HERO! KEFKASPRITE!! I will prove it to you and then the Redspin tribe shall be under MY command! MINE!!" Another laughter that gets mixed with various birdy noises from the beak.

The crocs back off with worried faces and the MONK looks from KEFKASPRITE to you. "You're saying you would be a better HERO for LODAC than the rightful HEIR?"

"ANYTIME!!" KEFKASPRITE laughs. "He said it himself, he doesn't have a single true power! While I... can do... THIS!!"

He flaps his wings and sends a stream of feathers through the crowd of reptilians. Some get pierced by the feathers and others get knocked back into the walls of the rocky towers. The crocs around them don't seem devastated though. They merely nod thoughtfully at the display of power.

Oh, and the sash around the first reptilian's chest? It actually is your DAD'S BELT.

==> Why. Why did you prototype the Kefka figure? React.