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  #3326    
Old January 6th, 2013 (1:03 PM).
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TornZero TornZero is offline
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Don't hesitate to spill all your feels out into the thread, Phantom.
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  #3327    
Old January 6th, 2013 (6:15 PM).
Victini
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Speaking of spilling feels, I think I want to spill something real quick... ;w;

Originally when I posted in this thread I had the mind set that I was a Gray-A. Turns out I had that all wrong. I was mistaking the signs of a Gray-A for what's actually proven itself to be demisexuality to me. I discovered it fully because of an ex-partner of mine recently.

I realized that my lack of desire in general and such applies to every being I know... untiiiil I actually come to love and or care about them on a deeper level. I didn't pick up those signs until my ex-partner ended up showing it to me inadvertently. .//////.

Go figure. It's similar to being a Gray-A, but your loving feelings end up applying just to that person who gives you feels. >//^//>
  #3328    
Old January 6th, 2013 (6:40 PM).
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Star-Lord Star-Lord is offline
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Demisexuality is one of those things I don't completely understand. That's just me though, I can see it actually happening though because I know of people who are so reserved in themselves and would never dare open up to someone sexually unless they had some sort of connection like that. That's cool though.

As for people who call themselves "demiromantic" I feel like they have no idea how interpersonal relationships work.
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  #3329    
Old January 6th, 2013 (6:59 PM).
Victini
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moogles View Post
Demisexuality is one of those things I don't completely understand. That's just me though, I can see it actually happening though because I know of people who are so reserved in themselves and would never dare open up to someone sexually unless they had some sort of connection like that. That's cool though.

As for people who call themselves "demiromantic" I feel like they have no idea how interpersonal relationships work.

I-I guess the best way I can explain it is that I can't feel desires for people based on lovely appearances or anything instinctive. Those kinds of things don't get to me at all. ;w; I have to already be 'attracted' to someone on a deeper level. The way I usually describe it is if I'm not already in love or caring deeply for someone, I'm asexual. XDD;

That usually helps to get the meaning out there better. Hope it helped a bit. ^^; Demisexuality is a project to explain, dfkjdslj.
  #3330    
Old January 6th, 2013 (7:13 PM).
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Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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I'm sorry I've been so horridly absent guys, my life has been keeping me away big time. I haven't forgotten about you though, I've been watching this thread like a hawk but I just haven't had the time in any one sitting to sit down and formulate an actual post .

Phantom, you should continue to spill your feels, because I'm going to do the same about a guy I went on a date with in a minute

Firstly though, Victini, I'm so happy you've sorted out what you can identify as! Though I thought demisexuality was in the Grey-A group? Also I'm happy you've decided to come back and share with us again, it's been a while since we've seen you around!

OK so now let me all tell you about the date I went on last night!

I was on Grindr and came across this guy named Jesse. Grindr is usually full of horny freaks who want nothing more to get into your pants so I was thinking of giving up on the whole thing altogether when I came across this guy and his picture was cute so I decided to talk to him.

We hit it off quite well, talked about music and TV and stuff, and I said we should do something some time and he said yes. This was the first time I've actually asked a guy out so I was really happy when he didn't reject me

Anyway I had to go to work so I said I'd talk to him later, then I didn't see him online on Grindr for a few days. Then on Friday night I saw him again and he talked to me and he said he was feeling emotional because he was thinking about his best friend in the world that died six months ago from an epileptic seizure in her sleep. So I really felt for him and asked if I could do anything to help him feel better and he said he'd like to go out for a slushie. I got excited that he wanted to meet me so I ran around and got changed but then he changed his mind but said we should do something soon.

I gave him my number and he gave me his and he texted me on Saturday morning and we ended up making a plan for last night. It was very awkward at first, as it was always going to be, being a first date - and he got a phone call near the beginning of the date and he told whoever called him that he was "just hanging with a friend" so that was a little discouraging but at the same time took a lot of pressure off the whole outing. So the awkwardness eventually subsided and we talked and laughed and went driving around to various places (as it was a Sunday night and there's not really anything to do on a Sunday night ).

Eventually we got to this lookout and we were looking up at the stars and talking and laughing and he was showing me some awesome YouTube videos (by the way, if you haven't seen Nigella Talks Dirty, then my GOD you have to) and he snorts whenever he laughs and I find that absolutely ****ing adorable omg.

Anyway so we stood up and he goes "can I ask you a question?" and I said "sure" and he said "Can I hug you?" and I said "sure" so we hugged. And then I said "I owe you a hug anyway, I promised you one when we were talking the other night (about his dead friend)" so we hugged again and then he said "Damn you're nice to cuddle" so we kept hugging. The hugs were lasting longer each time until they were minutes at a time.

Then we started rubbing each others backs while we were hugging and when we came out of each hug we were sort of lingering closer to each other and then I said "Can I ask you a question?" and he said "sure" and I said "Can I kiss you?" and he just looked at me and smiled and then we kissed!

And we kissed again. He told me I was a good kisser which was really awesome since that was actually my first kiss (I've done sexual things with friends before but never kissed anyone I was interested in).

Aaaaa so exciting! We ended up making out like seven times and then we had to go because it was midnight and he goes to bed earlier than I do

But yeah I'm seeing him again tonight! We're going to see Pitch Perfect and it shall be awesome!
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  #3331    
Old January 7th, 2013 (7:49 PM).
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Minato Arisato Minato Arisato is offline
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Man, I wish I had such super nice stories to share with you all, but since I mostly keep to myself, I usually don't talk to anyone.
  #3332    
Old January 8th, 2013 (11:08 AM).
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Lateon Lateon is offline
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A little while ago, an older gentleman (50+) came out to me at work. He's known all his life, but never actually came out to his family. He had a boyfriend, but long story short, his boyfriend hung himself with a dog collar =(

I was reflecting about how hard it must be for older generations, especially in my highly republican area, to come to terms with their sexuality and keep it a secret for their whole lives. I couldn't imagine having to carry that burden around for so long.
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  #3333    
Old January 8th, 2013 (12:50 PM).
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Esper Esper is offline
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It must have been pretty bad in the past if even today in the developed world you still have people committing suicide because of the pressure and shame of being gay.
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  #3334    
Old January 8th, 2013 (5:25 PM).
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Altix Altix is offline
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the world is so sad... Everything's so sad. Nothing is sad proof.
  #3335    
Old January 8th, 2013 (5:44 PM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
But yeah I'm seeing him again tonight! We're going to see Pitch Perfect and it shall be awesome!
Aw, so cute. <3

AAAAND, how long has it been since I posted here? ._.
DID I MENTION I GOT MY FIRST BOYFRIEND? Like, almost four months ago but I honestly think it's been that long since I posted here. . . .
I'm not sure where to start. :x . . . So, I think I'ma just let my post end at this awkward cliff. *plunge*
(Also, I'm now in love with P!nk but that may or may not be completely irrelevant. :>)
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A burdened heart sinks into the ground
A veil falls away without a sound
Not day nor night, wrong nor right
For truth and peace you fight
Sing with me a song of silence and blood
The rain falls, but can't wash away the mud
Within my ancient heart dwells madness and pride
Can no one hear my cry

Embrace the dark you call a home,
Gaze upon an empty, white throne
A legacy of lies,
A familiar disguise
Sing with me a song of conquest and fate
The black pillar cracks beneath its weight
Night breaks through the day, hard as a stone
Lost in thoughts all alone
In the white light, a hand reaches through
A double-edged blade cuts your heart in two
Waking dreams fade away,
Embrace the brand-new day
Sing with me a song of birthrights and love
The light scatters to the sky above
Dawn breaks through the gloom, white as a bone
Lost in thoughts all alone


In endless dreams, countless realms collide
Hope falls only to rise like the changing tide
But all dreams come to an end,
Just whispers on the wind
Sing with me one last time, for light's sacrifice,
Endless dawn came but not without a price,
Lost in the waves there glimmers, a pale blue stone.
I think of you, all alone
  #3336    
Old January 9th, 2013 (8:05 PM).
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Altix Altix is offline
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congratulations on your bf. P!nk is cool
  #3337    
Old January 10th, 2013 (7:10 AM).
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@Altix - Thanks~

Quote:
Originally Posted by LightningAlex View Post
Congratulations on your boyfriend, Nakuzami :) May I ask how you two met?
Ooooh, I guess that's where I can start.
That seems like an awkward story to tell. Well, time to make an attempt, lol.

I think I knew him for about a year, perhaps a little more, before we started dating. AHAHAHA, but the circumstances of our meeting is where it gets a bit awkward. Not at the time, but when I tell the story now it is.
At that time, he was dating my sister. :/ Well, technically my step-sister. WELL, if you get really technical she's not even that; her mother and my father have been together for, like, ten+ years, but they're not married. They refer to themselves as being married though. (Oh gosh, I sound like I'm making excuses. I guess I am. xD)

Let's put it this way: my sister is a bit of a psycho and knows how to be a major b****. She randomly decided that she hated his guts this summer. She stopped dating him a few months before that, when she pretty much dumped him to chase a long distance relationship that didn't end up lasting anyways. (I think I've already been dating him longer than my sister did.)
He's bisexual. I've known that since she was dating him, and I suppose I had a crush on him for a while and . . . oh my, I don't even know. @_@ Long story short: we liked each other and started dating September 16th. There's . . . about a three year and nine month age difference between us, (apparently completely legal in NY) lol. The only time I even notice it is when it comes to talking about school or all them privileges you get when you turn eighteen, which he did October 1st. //pfft
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A burdened heart sinks into the ground
A veil falls away without a sound
Not day nor night, wrong nor right
For truth and peace you fight
Sing with me a song of silence and blood
The rain falls, but can't wash away the mud
Within my ancient heart dwells madness and pride
Can no one hear my cry

Embrace the dark you call a home,
Gaze upon an empty, white throne
A legacy of lies,
A familiar disguise
Sing with me a song of conquest and fate
The black pillar cracks beneath its weight
Night breaks through the day, hard as a stone
Lost in thoughts all alone
In the white light, a hand reaches through
A double-edged blade cuts your heart in two
Waking dreams fade away,
Embrace the brand-new day
Sing with me a song of birthrights and love
The light scatters to the sky above
Dawn breaks through the gloom, white as a bone
Lost in thoughts all alone


In endless dreams, countless realms collide
Hope falls only to rise like the changing tide
But all dreams come to an end,
Just whispers on the wind
Sing with me one last time, for light's sacrifice,
Endless dawn came but not without a price,
Lost in the waves there glimmers, a pale blue stone.
I think of you, all alone
  #3338    
Old January 10th, 2013 (8:58 AM).
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LaVida LaVida is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Victini View Post
Speaking of spilling feels, I think I want to spill something real quick... ;w;

Originally when I posted in this thread I had the mind set that I was a Gray-A. Turns out I had that all wrong. I was mistaking the signs of a Gray-A for what's actually proven itself to be demisexuality to me. I discovered it fully because of an ex-partner of mine recently.

I realized that my lack of desire in general and such applies to every being I know... untiiiil I actually come to love and or care about them on a deeper level. I didn't pick up those signs until my ex-partner ended up showing it to me inadvertently. .//////.

Go figure. It's similar to being a Gray-A, but your loving feelings end up applying just to that person who gives you feels. >//^//>
Well, I hope, I won't sound rude or anything after writing this>>

You see, I think, it's nice that you kind of "figured it out" and got to know that you were actually wrong the first time around. But... does labeling really matter that much? Of course, it's good to know who you are etc. but when it comes to sexual orientations, I sometimes get the feeling that people limit themselves too much. Does it matter if somebody is hetero-, bi-, homo- or asexual?

I think it's best to tell yourself: "Well, right now, I seem more like this, but if I come to like something else, it will be fine, too."

I don't know why I'm even typing this. Maybe because so many people are going on and on about what orientation suits them best. When I read your post, the same thought ocurred to me... Sure, you can call yourself whatever you want to, but isn't it easier to just "let it be how it is" and not keep thinking too much about orientations?

I hope, this didn't sound too harsh...

By the way, demisexuality doesn't sound so uncommon to me. I guess, I'd have to call myself this way as well as I don't seem to be attracted to people unless I develop feelings for them. However, I know a lot of people who are like this and I don't see a reason why it should be so unusual.

I guess, I could call myself demihetero and homosexual? You see, I only find guys hot when I have feelings for them but when it comes to girls, I find them attractive regardless of feelings.
(Haha, sorry, I'm just joking around with the terms a bit. Nothing meant too seriously.)
  #3339    
Old January 10th, 2013 (10:09 AM).
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TornZero TornZero is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaVida View Post
Well, I hope, I won't sound rude or anything after writing this>>

You see, I think, it's nice that you kind of "figured it out" and got to know that you were actually wrong the first time around. But... does labeling really matter that much? Of course, it's good to know who you are etc. but when it comes to sexual orientations, I sometimes get the feeling that people limit themselves too much. Does it matter if somebody is hetero-, bi-, homo- or asexual?
People simply need an identity. Labels are a method of putting that identity into words without dragging it out.

Heterosexual: "I like the opposite sex. ... No, I don't like Justin Bieber."

Homosexual: "I like the same sex as me. ... No, I still don't like Justin Bieber."

Bisexual: "I like both." This can very easily be dragged out into particular preferences of each persuasion

Pansexual: "I like everyone!" ("Wait, so you like hermaphrodites and shemales too?" This obviously deserves a punch in the face, but it'll still be asked.)

Asexual: "I like no one." (Frankly, I feel like this is basically sounding out, "I'm Batman," and it shouldn't be explained further because you'll end up with a Batarang in your back and/or crotch.)
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  #3340    
Old January 10th, 2013 (11:08 AM).
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Esper Esper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TornZero View Post
Pansexual: "I like everyone!" ("Wait, so you like hermaphrodites and shemales too?" This obviously deserves a punch in the face, but it'll still be asked.)
As someone who identifies as pansexual I think I'd rather explain to someone that there aren't such things as hermaphrodites (at least in humans) and that shemale is an impolite term and that trans, transgender, intersex, or another word would be better, but that, in a sense, yes, a pansexual person can (and most likely does if this is what they identify as) find anyone attractive whether they are male, female, both, neither, or what have you.

And then I'd punch them in the face.
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  #3341    
Old January 11th, 2013 (5:05 PM). Edited May 24th, 2013 by Phantom.
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Phantom Phantom is offline
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So my mom has been in denial ever since my er, coming out issue.

So we're in the doctor's office, and she looks at me weirdly and says, "Are you wearing makeup?" I respond that yeah, I was. She tells me that I never wear makeup, I said I was barely wearing any and it was to cover up a small zit I had. She then tells me I never wear it and asks who am was I trying to impress. Honestly, I just was covering a zit, but then she continued, asking what his or her name was.

She said 'her'.

My brain pittered out for a second.

I figured the waiting room at the doctor's office isn't the best place for a parental blow up.

But this is the closest she's ever come to even awknowledging that I like women.
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  #3342    
Old January 11th, 2013 (10:41 PM). Edited January 11th, 2013 by Victini.
Victini
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Originally Posted by LaVida View Post
Well, I hope, I won't sound rude or anything after writing this>>

You see, I think, it's nice that you kind of "figured it out" and got to know that you were actually wrong the first time around. But... does labeling really matter that much? Of course, it's good to know who you are etc. but when it comes to sexual orientations, I sometimes get the feeling that people limit themselves too much. Does it matter if somebody is hetero-, bi-, homo- or asexual?

I think it's best to tell yourself: "Well, right now, I seem more like this, but if I come to like something else, it will be fine, too."

I don't know why I'm even typing this. Maybe because so many people are going on and on about what orientation suits them best. When I read your post, the same thought ocurred to me... Sure, you can call yourself whatever you want to, but isn't it easier to just "let it be how it is" and not keep thinking too much about orientations?

I hope, this didn't sound too harsh...
... I guess I'm having a hard time understanding what lead you to reply to me at all in that manner. XD; I guess I'm not finding a point to be honest?

I'm not going on about what orientation 'suits me best'. I'm posting an update to our group on my epiphany in regards to learning about myself. Putting a label on my sexuality is the same thing as putting a label on gender or labeling a disorder... it's the same thing. Giving a 'label' to things is a way to help others understand without having to explain it (most of the time). When you give a single word to describe a ton of things, it can be understood faster and better by the general population.

I get the whole 'we're people not produce, no need for labels blah' type of thing, but really... labels are not just for you. They are also there to help everyone else understand you. And my whole idea of using the word demisexual to describe how I approach love and attraction helps others to understand me better when it comes to that. I feel like if you want others to understand you, you gotta use labels. XD;

tl;dr :
Quote:
People simply need an identity. Labels are a method of putting that identity into words without dragging it out.
What Torn said.

... So I guess I'm missing the point of that reply afterall... ;w; Ah well.~
  #3343    
Old January 12th, 2013 (7:56 AM).
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LaVida LaVida is offline
 
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I'm sorry, Victini, if I confused you. You see, when I finished typing, I didn't really know either why I was saying that. (I also hinted at that xD) But I thought, since I had been writing so much, it'd be better to simply submit it than to just delete it again... so yeah. Sorry, I must admit, it's not really connected to your previous comment XD

Yes, I understand that labels are really there to make other people understand you better. But you see, I often see people who are badly trying to figure themselves out. They ask questions like "Am I homosexual or bisexual?" This is when I ask myself "At this moment, is it really so important to put a label on yourself?"

I'd say, go easy and figure it out over time, it's not important to put a label on right away. I think people sometimes take a risk and identify as something too soon, when in the end, they figure out, they are in fact something else. I mean, sure, it's fine to identify as whatever you like, if you feel it suits you... but at the same time, the moment people put a label on themselves, they kind of limit themselves as well. That's why I said in my last reply, that it'd proabably be best to be "open-minded" about one's sexual orientation....

Again, I'm not referring to you or anyone... It's just something, that I was thinking would be interesting to share.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 View Post
So my mom has been in denial ever since my er, coming out issue.

So we're in the doctor's office, and she looks at me weirdly and says, "Are you wearing makeup?" I respond that yeah, I was. She tells me that I never wear makeup, I said I was barely wearing any and it was to cover up a small zit I had. She then tells me I never wear it and who am was I trying to impress. Honestly, I just was covering a zit, but then she continued, asking what his or her name was.

She said 'her'.

My brain pittered out for a second.

I told a friend and he said why didn't I tell her then about my girlfriend. I figured the waiting room at the doctor's office isn't the best place for a parental blow up.

But this is the closest she's ever come to even awknowledging that I like women.
I imagine that it must have been really awkward when your mother asked what her name was you were (in her mind) wearing makeup for, especially at a doctor's office. What did you tell her then?

Since you came out, has your mother been acting differently toward you? (Sorry, I don't know your story and if you don't feel like replying, it's fine too)
  #3344    
Old January 12th, 2013 (12:48 PM). Edited May 24th, 2013 by Phantom.
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Phantom Phantom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaVida View Post
I imagine that it must have been really awkward when your mother asked what her name was you were (in her mind) wearing makeup for, especially at a doctor's office. What did you tell her then?

Since you came out, has your mother been acting differently toward you? (Sorry, I don't know your story and if you don't feel like replying, it's fine too)
Naw it's okay.

My mom sort of found out by being a snoop and looking through some emails between a friend and I a few years ago, in which I talked about some heavy stuff, including coming out and that I was atheist. My mom has basically been in denial about the fact that I was interested in women too, and was more pissed about the atheist thing. Since then we've had huge arguments about religion and cried and everything. About being lesbian? Nothing. So her even mentioning that even in passing was a huge moment where I sort of had a brain fail. I just told her the truth, that zit zilla had attacked and I was covering it up. Besides, I was just wearing a little concealer, nothing big, so I'm not even sure how my mom noticed, or even cared.

Nothing has changed otherwise though.
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  #3345    
Old January 12th, 2013 (3:09 PM).
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BlueShellBeast BlueShellBeast is offline
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Mind if I join you guys? I'm just an awkward transguy mindlessly wandering about his life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaVida View Post
Yes, I understand that labels are really there to make other people understand you better. But you see, I often see people who are badly trying to figure themselves out. They ask questions like "Am I homosexual or bisexual?" This is when I ask myself "At this moment, is it really so important to put a label on yourself?"
I just want to comment on this one. I think that 'labels' are really important things for both getting people to understand quicker (they can quickly google it and find out what it's about) and you can get some closure once you finally figure it out from both an outside community and an online community. I know when I finally had a word for what I was, I was finally able to relax over the 'What am I?' portion of my mind that was asking that.

I also don't quite think that it truly limits you, unless you go ahead and limit yourself. I mean, a bunch of words can't keep you from doing the things that you want to do. Of course, you have the right to disagree with me.
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  #3346    
Old January 13th, 2013 (10:46 AM).
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Esper Esper is offline
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I think labels are a double-edged sword. Like what BlueShellBeast said, you get that ability to quickly understand a lot of things and feel like you're not alone. But I think you also risk pigeonholing yourself, risk identifying too quickly with something in a rush to feel like you belong to a group. I wouldn't blame anyone for that, I've done it myself, but I would worry it would lead to trouble later after someone's had a chance to cool down.

Let me use myself as an example. I grew up figuring I was a normal straight boy because that's all there was. Nevermind that I would pretend to put on makeup, play with dolls, and secretly try on clothes of my family members. I also played with toy soldiers and did other boyish things like have crushes on girls. In high school I also had a crush on a boy, which caused me no end of confusion, and wore a dress to school once, but I was still just a straight guy. You know, a non-judgmental and open-minded guy. Except by the time I was done with high school I really didn't feel like I was a guy at all. I felt like I was really a girl and slowly I came to terms with that, with being actually a girl, after speaking with people, especially trans people, reading and reflecting a lot. I was trans, but I wasn't "typical" trans. I didn't want to go through surgery and was okay keeping those parts down there. You know, a little intersexed. But I kept with the belief that I was a girl, a trans girl. For a while I wouldn't let myself do or feel things that were too masculine and I rationalized a lot of behavior and feelings. Now we've come to where I am right now and I feel like at this moment I'm really more genderqueer than anything. Some days I really want to be girly, wear dresses, put on makeup, paint my nails, and some days I'd rather be a slob and play video games all afternoon. (And yeah, I know that plenty of girls never wear makeup and play tons of games.)

tl;dr I feel like I've jumped to identify myself too quickly in the past because I found a word, and identity, that really appealed to me in the moment.
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  #3347    
Old January 19th, 2013 (7:00 PM).
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Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
Emile Hersch turned 30 today. Who the hell is Emile Hersch?
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Hi BlueShellBeast, welcome aboard!

As for the labels discussion, I think too much emphasis is put on the idea of it. I agree with everything that Scarf said (and also enjoyed finding out more about her as this is the most she's probably opened up in a while!) but I also think people are too hesitant to decide on a label because of the stigma that has popped up surrounding labelling. I don't find pigeonholing that much of a risk - just because you've given yourself a label, doesn't mean you can't change it. Labels can be peeled off and and replaced quite easily if you should ever change your mind.

I'm gay, I've labelled myself that and I don't see myself ever changing that, but should I begin to feel that I am attracted to girls as well, I'm not so precious about being gay that I wouldn't be able to change my label to 'bisexual'.
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  #3348    
Old January 20th, 2013 (10:02 AM).
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Esper Esper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
I'm gay, I've labelled myself that and I don't see myself ever changing that, but should I begin to feel that I am attracted to girls as well, I'm not so precious about being gay that I wouldn't be able to change my label to 'bisexual'.
You know, you're only the second gay guy I've heard say something like this that I can remember. (I'm sure more feel this way, but I can't remember hearing them say it.) I have heard many react terribly to the idea of ever not being gay. Maybe that's just an act, a persona, a guise, but it made me think that they were very stuck to their labels.
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  #3349    
Old January 23rd, 2013 (10:06 AM).
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LaVida LaVida is offline
 
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I agree on what both of you said Scarf and Shining Raichu. Sometimes I think that labels are really too overrated but I do understand that people want to belong to a certain group they can identify with. But I guess that some people rush things a little too much.

May I ask something else?

Do you guys wear anything (e.g. a rainbow bracelet) to show that you're gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans...? And if so, has anybody ever noticed and said something about it?

I've been thinking about getting a rainbow or even a bisexual colored (you know, pink-purple-blue) key chain or bracelet. I think it would be pretty nice to underline that part of me but I don't really know where to get something like this (beside on the Internet).
  #3350    
Old January 23rd, 2013 (12:37 PM).
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Esper Esper is offline
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I find that having rainbow this or that stuff on my person invites unwanted strangers to make comments (positive and negative) and I'd rather not talk to strangers so I don't wear anything like that.
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