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  #4076    
Old July 30th, 2013 (05:30 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Shining Raichu:
I don't think this is valid. The fact that 7% is now millions doesn't make it any more noticeable, because it's still 7%. The same proportion of a larger crowd is no more or less noticeable than that of a smaller crowd. The only way it would become more noticeable is if the proportion itself were to change.
It does, scientifically speaking, make something more noticable. Especially considering we can connect together via social media, making minority groups more interconnected and accessible.

Example:

When a small town (UK) these days has around 500 adults, using the 7% rule 35 people deviate from heterosexual. That is approaching a strong number, it means there is a strengthened possibility of you meeting another homosexual, or having friends. Even if some of these people are in the closet, there are still people you might find.

If we go back to when villagers were less than 100 people, there were 7. Now, once you filter in whatever the percentage of 'closeted' people in, there are even less. There are less opportunities to meet a gay person, even if the percentage is the same.

A further example - are you more likely to notice gay people in a village or a city? A city has a larger population, and the majority of western-cities now have some kind of gay scene caused by the congregation of people, making them far more noticeable. Again, proving the point.
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Old July 30th, 2013 (07:24 AM).
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I just think that most people aren't born strictly heterosexual. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, even if it's in the middle with a strong favor toward the opposite sex. As people are allowed to explore their sexual desires, more are realizing they're not completely straight. Myself, I'm not completely gay. I do find the rare guy attractive. I'm either a Kinsey 5 or 4--depends on the day.
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Old July 30th, 2013 (09:01 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Drakow:
..this world is quite overpopulated...
This is where I stopped at first, because... it's not. Spatially, the entire living human population can be fit into Texas.

It's a matter of insufficient resources, not a matter of the actual population.
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Old July 30th, 2013 (09:57 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Songbird:
This is where I stopped at first, because... it's not. Spatially, the entire living human population can be fit into Texas.

It's a matter of insufficient resources, not a matter of the actual population.
To be more specific, 7 billion people could live in Texas with the same population density as New York City.

Also, Songbird, your signature is adorable. :3
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Old July 30th, 2013 (10:13 AM).
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@ Swiftsign: mmmm! I love your defense of your idea and it's really convincing! It is very plausible that you need a critical mass of people for those in-group channels of communication to flare up.

@ Psycho Yuffie: I'm of the opposing opinion that people are born with a certain plausible range of sexual identity - some narrow and some wider, some on different points in the spectrum - but I don't think most people fall in the middle. I'm not very attracted to the idea of middleness because it opens the slippery slope that sexual identity is mostly influenced by society and leads to, yunno, bad stuff.
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Old July 30th, 2013 (09:13 PM).
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Vsauce did a video on this. The entire population could fit in an area the size of Los Angeles if they wanted to.

Believe it or not. So I don't know whether that's relevant anymore, but it's my random trivia for you.
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Old July 31st, 2013 (06:45 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Songbird:
This is where I stopped at first, because... it's not. Spatially, the entire living human population can be fit into Texas.

It's a matter of insufficient resources, not a matter of the actual population.
Except that overpopulation and insufficient resources are essentially the same thing, are they not? If there are no longer enough resources to support a population - even if that population can fit comfortably in the area that they're in - then that area has become overpopulated, and the lack of resources is because of overpopulation. It goes for us as well, when looking at the world as a whole - even though spatially we can all fit quite comfortably, our population will eventually grow beyond the world's ability to support it. The insufficient resources are because of overpopulation. Insufficient resources doesn't just happen without a cause of some sort (whether overpopulation, natural disaster, disease, or the introduction of a new invasive species).
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  #4083    
Old July 31st, 2013 (08:53 AM).
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Quote originally posted by BlahISuck:
@ Psycho Yuffie: I'm of the opposing opinion that people are born with a certain plausible range of sexual identity - some narrow and some wider, some on different points in the spectrum - but I don't think most people fall in the middle. I'm not very attracted to the idea of middleness because it opens the slippery slope that sexual identity is mostly influenced by society and leads to, yunno, bad stuff.
I dunno. I think that a lot of people have a wider range of sexual identities than they may think they have, and that society can and does influence people's sexuality in the sense that a lot of people are pushed by society to the far corners of the sexual spectrum where they identify as straight or gay, but nothing in the middle.

I mean, when you look at it, we have so many examples of excuses we come up with to reinforce the idea that sexuality is consistent throughout one's life. We says it's okay during puberty to be attracted to someone of the same sex "even if you're not gay." While it's good that we aren't judging people for that, we for some reason dismiss that attraction as being "not real" or some confusion of hormones. I don't understand why we can't just accept that as a valid part of someone's sexuality. Well, I can understand to some extent. We're afraid (justifiably) of the accusation that sexuality can change because, although there is nothing wrong with that idea, it will embolden people who think it's wrong to be gay or bi or asexual or anything not heterosexual. We can all imagine what those people would do with that kind of message.

Personally, I think it's okay to say "I was born gay and I won't change" but it's better to say "It doesn't matter if you choose to be gay or not. There's nothing wrong with being gay." (Or replace "gay" with whatever identity you'd like.)

I'm not saying that everyone has made a conscious decision. I just think that one's sexuality should be no one's business but one's own and whoever you choose to share it with.
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Old August 1st, 2013 (02:38 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Drakow:
2) Nature (or some sort of unknown force or genetic change in thought process / something) is partially responsible for causing an increase in non 'straight' people being born into this world as a means to lower the global population and attempt to bring more balance to this world.
I don't think increasing the number of non 'straight' people would necessarily lower the global population. Same-sex couples have been known to have children. Wanting to have children is basically your own choice. Whether you want children or not has little or nothing to do with who you're attracted to (at least, that's my opinion). There are straight couples who have children and non 'straight' couples that have children. The same is true for not having children. Of course, I have to admit non 'straight' couples might have more difficulties having children than straight couples, but it's not impossible. (Sorry for the rant here, but this is like my weak spot and I can't seem to help myself. Part of it is because my dad (and some other members of my family) believe that gay couples who have children (or bisexual people) are not really gay (or indecisive). It's not like they're saying it all the time, but they said it once and that's enough to make me think about it over and over and over and over. It actually stops me from really coming out to my parents because I'm not 100% sure of who I am (I know it's impossible, but to me it's the only thing I want to be really sure of) and they might not take me seriously when I suddenly realize I'm not really who I thought I was).
What nature could 'do' is create something that affects our reproducing system so that there is less chance becoming pregnant. (But instead of nature doing that, we have nature creating diseases to try and lessen the global population)
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  #4085    
Old August 1st, 2013 (07:52 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Scarf:
I dunno. I think that a lot of people have a wider range of sexual identities than they may think they have, and that society can and does influence people's sexuality in the sense that a lot of people are pushed by society to the far corners of the sexual spectrum where they identify as straight or gay, but nothing in the middle.
I can most certainly vouch for this. Although I was never attracted to anyone, I always assumed I was straight because I found men more aesthetically pleasing than women, and had more "squishes" (an intense desire to be close friends with/in a platonic relationship with another person, rather than a romantic relationship) on men than women.

But once I realized I was ace, I started to question why that is, and started examining my true feelings on the subject. I found that, at the very least, I was paying less attention to women because I had been told all my life I need to find a men, and therefore, paid significantly more attention to men. Possibly I was even suppressing some of the feelings I had about women, again, because (I believe) I kept getting that message over and over again, and with the lack of attraction to ANYONE well... I guess I just subconsciously chose the "default" option. Now I've found that I have nearly the same number of squishes on women as men, and even though there are still more men that I find aesthetically pleasing than women, that number is slowly evening out as I continue to try and let myself actually take notice of the way women look and allow myself to feel what I'm actually feeling.
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  #4086    
Old August 1st, 2013 (11:30 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Scarf:
I dunno. I think that a lot of people have a wider range of sexual identities than they may think they have, and that society can and does influence people's sexuality in the sense that a lot of people are pushed by society to the far corners of the sexual spectrum where they identify as straight or gay, but nothing in the middle.
Yeah, when I was younger I thought that sexuality was basically black and white...until I was 14 and began learning slowly the big list of orientations/identities that are about.

That reminds me...I noticed that some newer folk (welcome by the way) have posted their stories about being trans, and that, I've only been slightly out since May, I never explained it to anyone other than my therapist. I just need to get this off my chest somewhere because jeez, it's kinda killing me otherwise.

I guess I can track it down to where I was about eleven. I always felt like a girl when I was a kid, but at the same time I was pretty confused about it because I felt pretty conflicted. Play groups outside of family were basically androgynous all the way so it didn't hit me as hard as others (I grew up in a family where there were no women born for seventeen years) so everyone was basically treated the same. Inside though I wanted to express my feelings to others, but I was somewhat popular (due to my brother), and had a generous amount of friends that would had not wanted to hear it at all. I considered myself a girl at home, but only when I was alone and behaved like getting caught would be the absolute death of me...big mistake.


In came middle school (K-12 alt school, years were broken up from Pre, K, 1-2, 3-6, 7-9, 10-12) where everything became separated as if everything was black and white, and I was not quite pleased with what hormones were doing with me at all. I was then given an indirect choice: stay with the peers I have for the past few years under a mask that is becoming very bothersome, or tell everyone and potentially need to leave the school behind...again, a mistake, I chose neither and became reclusive and depressed while telling no one. I stayed locked up even to my own family and only kept my best friend (who is with me to this day.) I was sometimes worried that some people would know something is wrong, but I stayed shut anyway. I transformed it into very bitter denial, quickly turning into a misanthropic and angry personality.


It stayed away until I was fourteen and starting high school in a different city. Not too long into the year I realised that I was indeed Pansexual, and did not want to take it lightly. For the trans of me though, I kept having visions of me biologically as a girl and...actually being happy. I tried to shove down like I had for two years, but it became difficult, so I substituted the bitterness with keeping myself entertained in order to keep it off my mind and stay in the closet. Again, big mistake. It worked, but with the price of...my grades making it so it'd be impossible for me to get accepted to a four year college, reclusive behaviour that was worse than before, and feeling like things were just going south. When I was about seventeen and a half I finally became warm to the idea of being pan and embraced it with open arms (being trans though, nononononono.)


Due to work being a huge distraction it wasn't on my mind at all, so I thought of it hardly ever. August of 2012 though my grandmother passed and it put me through quite the depression phase. Much like keeping my thoughts away from being trans, I attempted to bury it in thoughts so it wouldn't be a big deal and then...it happened. I suddenly could not keep being a girl out of my head anymore. It was the only thing I could think of, and it was coming at me like a freight train. The last thing I wanted to do though was admit it, and I came out...halfway. I acknowledged and accepted that I was not cisgender, but refused to put it to rest. I substituted for other gender identities instead...another big mistake. It made everything ten times worse than it was before, causing me to start hitting myself. While causing only minor headaches, it made me feel like I was about to lose my mind and make me do worse things. This continued until about early May this year where I finally became comfortable about being MtF. Which soon after led to this. Since then, and therapy I've been feeling better, and hope to be living the life I always should had very soon.
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Old August 2nd, 2013 (01:06 AM).
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Well my first time of being outed, I guess it had to happen...

To copy and paste from the empty closets thread:

I'm going to try and explain this the best I can and if you need any further insight into something just let me know.

So today I figured out I was outed. K is my friend that knows I'm gay(Female), H is my friend that I've been outed to(Male).

K and H are currently 'going out' with each other and I guess this is what lead to me being outed. This morning we were mucking around as usual and H said 'CF' which is what set off the alarm bells. 'CF' is the initials of someone I like and he quickly tried to cover it as 'capture the flag without the 't'' but luckily I knew better. I pulled K away and said "Did you tell him?" and she said "Yes" I still can't believe it. I trusted her and she betrayed my trust. I told her this and she got on the defensive. She said that I wouldn't be reacting like this if we were 'true friends' and I said that has nothing to do with it since she betrayed my trust. I haven't talked to H about this yet but I guess I'll have to eventually. It's even worse because I was starting to come out but now I feel like I sprint jumped back into the closet. Now I regret telling her because probably 90% of my coming outs are going to be her fault. It's even worse that I told her to I like and now H knows. I think I might have to lie and say that I don't like CF because I think H is going to go tell my other friends and get both me and CF embarrassed...

Help???
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Old August 2nd, 2013 (08:39 AM).
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Quote originally posted by TéaQQ:
*snip*
It's always hard coming to terms with things when you feel like you can't talk about them with anyone. We all get worried that people won't accept us and it holds us back from making those connections to good and understanding people who can support us. I'm glad you're feeling better and have the opportunity to talk with a therapist.

Quote originally posted by GreatTornado:
Well my first time of being outed, I guess it had to happen...

To copy and paste from the empty closets thread:

I'm going to try and explain this the best I can and if you need any further insight into something just let me know.

So today I figured out I was outed. K is my friend that knows I'm gay(Female), H is my friend that I've been outed to(Male).

K and H are currently 'going out' with each other and I guess this is what lead to me being outed. This morning we were mucking around as usual and H said 'CF' which is what set off the alarm bells. 'CF' is the initials of someone I like and he quickly tried to cover it as 'capture the flag without the 't'' but luckily I knew better. I pulled K away and said "Did you tell him?" and she said "Yes" I still can't believe it. I trusted her and she betrayed my trust. I told her this and she got on the defensive. She said that I wouldn't be reacting like this if we were 'true friends' and I said that has nothing to do with it since she betrayed my trust. I haven't talked to H about this yet but I guess I'll have to eventually. It's even worse because I was starting to come out but now I feel like I sprint jumped back into the closet. Now I regret telling her because probably 90% of my coming outs are going to be her fault. It's even worse that I told her to I like and now H knows. I think I might have to lie and say that I don't like CF because I think H is going to go tell my other friends and get both me and CF embarrassed...

Help???
My initial reaction to your story is to think that you shouldn't lie. It's not going to feel good to think that someone else has control over you like that. What I mean is, you can't change what's already happened, so maybe you should embrace it. Be the one who comes out to people instead of letting other people do it for you, possibly under circumstances that you'd rather not see.

Of course, this isn't just coming out, but admitting that you like someone so that complicates things. But, you know, there's nothing to be ashamed of in being gay and liking someone. Maybe you can talk with H and get him to understand that this is your thing to do and that he should be a good friend and let you do that when you're ready.
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Old August 4th, 2013 (06:15 AM).
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To my mind, if H's initial reaction to you being gay was to subtly tease you about the guy you like rather than 'ew omg he's a ******", then your problem isn't as big as you think it is. K definitely did the wrong thing by telling H, but you know what? This is going to happen. When you're a teenager, you can't afford to tell anybody your juicy secrets, because no matter how much you trust someone, there's one fact you can trust more than any of them:

Teenage girls are gossipy *****es.

Scarf's advice is right, I think. If you're not ready to take the step and come out to everybody, then you should talk to H. Teenage boys aren't quite so bad with secret keeping in my experience. If you make it clear to him that this is terrifying for you and his discretion is really important, hopefully he'll be receptive enough and he might even make K shut her big mouth too.

Let us know how it goes!
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Old August 6th, 2013 (10:05 PM).
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I've perhaps analyzed my sexuality a bit more than the average person--I think most people in the queer community tend to. It's easier to think of sexual orientation as straight, gay, or bisexual, but it's so much more complicated than that. To make it simple, I usually just save people the hassle and say that I'm a lesbian and be done with it. It's quick and easy, but not always completely accurate. It's pretty accurate, but I fall somewhere in the middle, honestly. I lean heavily toward women, but I'm open-minded enough to know when that rare guy catches my eye. I was only saying that I don't think that I'm far from the norm on this. If people are being brutally honest with themselves, they would realize through some introspection that they're not completely what they identify as. That being said, I'm not saying that a straight person should go having sex with a random person of the same sex. Hell, you don't even have to do anything with any small attraction you may have because that's just it: it's small. Not all attractions are created equal. Just because you find that guy down the hall cute, doesn't invalidate your vivid lust for that girl you work with. I guess I don't understand this idea that you can only be one extreme at a time.
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Old August 7th, 2013 (11:48 AM).
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I agree that introspection is good, but I also like and encourage people to read and learn about human sexuality so that you can learn about all kinds of people, about attraction and relationships and how the body works. All that good stuff and more.
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Old August 7th, 2013 (01:40 PM).
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Can someone explain to me how a polygamist relationship works?
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Old August 7th, 2013 (02:03 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Insomniac:
Can someone explain to me how a polygamist relationship works?
I've always have the opinion of "it doesn't," but that's just my point of view I have no idea how people can maintain them and keep themselves and their partner/s happy all at once.
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Old August 7th, 2013 (03:51 PM).
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I dumped, who is now, my ex, after he was like, "we should have a three-way relationship with this other guy". Of whom, I had never met. After doing so, he pursued this guy, well, kid, he was a minor! ...and they broke up after a week. They don't work. Much of the time it is indicative that the first coupling, of which branches into a trio+, is the root of the issue. It's like wanting to move on, but at the same time wanting to rekindle or fix a relationship. For me, it's a no can do. However, it may be the case that three people, of whom, didn't have any established pairings prior somehow simultaneously fall in love. I am not sure on this, so I cannot say either way if these are legitimate relationships, or in other words are balanced, stable, and lasting. What I can speak to, is that some of these relationships are founded on failed couplings, but that is not saying much.

I am all sorts of jealous and possessive with that sort of thing, and I prefer a partner that wouldn't even consider a polyamorus relationship to be an option.

The trick is, when trying to figure out what someone wants is to let them tell you first! It's probably the best filtering tool of dating for those who want to be in control of the dating life.

Example, you want to find a connection with someone you could potentially marry and have kids with. This is a very common must have for daters generally. Don't tell your date that before you ask the question. At this point, the date doesn't even know what your preference is, and thus you might be able to get from him or her a more honest answer. Make sure you don't give any hints, or implant some red herrings, until the date has answered the questioned sufficiently. For instance, ask, "so, are ya looking to have a bit of fun and enjoy your youth in this relationship, I mean, if you haven't noticed, there are a lot of different fish in sea; or are you looking for something more along the lines of a conventional commitment, with marriage, the kids, the golden retriever, and that whole thing?" It gives a bit of misleading hint that you might want a short-term relationship, when really you want the latter. If the date chooses the latter, you have a decent perception of what the date actual wants, simply not trying to appease you. I mean, don't use this for every little detail, just the few must-haves, especially the ultimate desired outcome of the relationship. This works for me all of the time, but sadly, it usually affirms incompatibility most of the time.

Anyway, this can save you a lot of time if you, let's say don't want a polyamorous relationship. And that's tonight's tip from the cynical and unseasoned bachelor!
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Old August 9th, 2013 (02:13 PM).
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Quote originally posted by SwiftSign:
I've always have the opinion of "it doesn't," but that's just my point of view :P I have no idea how people can maintain them and keep themselves and their partner/s happy all at once.
That's how my opinion generally is.. When I hear "polygamist" I usually kind of cringe because it just does NOT make sense to me how you can commit to so much.
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Old August 10th, 2013 (10:04 PM).
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Totally joining! My name's Erika (hence the username) and I am a pansexual. I always knew that I was what you would call "gender blind" in that if I know a person well enough I may become attracted to them regardless of their gender or what they identify as.. My attraction is always leaning on personality, if there is a person I don't find myself attracted to at first they may win me over with their personality and who they are as a person.. vice versa, there may be someone I am initially attracted to who turns out to have traits I intensely dislike I will immediately lose all attraction towards them.

Pansexuality has been the term I found most fit me, however I'm still exploring things and I'm not going to be completely stuck with one label.. that's all part of growing up isn't it?
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Old August 11th, 2013 (03:23 PM).
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Brynjolf Brynjolf is offline
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Welcome to the club Erika :p

Pansexual does seem to be the right term there, but I guess the saying here is who needs labels?

I like to simplify things by calling myself simply lesbian but I do have preferences. I'd rather just be "lesbian" though so yeah.
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Old August 11th, 2013 (06:58 PM).
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Psycho Yuffie Psycho Yuffie is offline
 
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I haven't actually asked to join yet... May I?
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Old August 11th, 2013 (08:07 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Insomniac:
Welcome to the club Erika :p

Pansexual does seem to be the right term there, but I guess the saying here is who needs labels?

I like to simplify things by calling myself simply lesbian but I do have preferences. I'd rather just be "lesbian" though so yeah.
Thanks for the welcome, it's nice to meetcha! That's true, labels are sometimes unnecessary

And yes, following up on what Psycho Yuffie said do we request to join the club or just, post lol?
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Old August 11th, 2013 (09:34 PM). Edited August 11th, 2013 by The Dark Avenger.
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So, I have a fun little question to ask everyone.

Do any of you have friends that deviate from "straight" that act like it is their duty to remind everyone around him or her of their sexuality?!? (Being a bit flip here, I know!)

This has always been one of my pet peeves. Allowing sexuality to domineer one's life and personality. And no, this is not a jab at outgoing flamboyant gay men who are being themselves, or anything of that sort; it's often assumed that's what I am referencing so I be taking a preemptive strike :p ...Rather, it is when a person has to make a quip or commentary about an unrelated topic and apply to how they are gay, bi, ect. frequently. Or, act super paranoid that everyone is committing a hate crime against him or her ( Some people don't know what a 'hate crime' actually is!) Or have twenty rainbow flags in their room, whether we are talking shirts, hats, or flags. Isn't one or two enough.

I just see LGBT people creating an identity on being a sexual minority, when yeah, it's a part of them, but it is not a substantial quality that should play a heavy hand in manifesting the person that they evolve into as they age.

Along with this topic, I often think of "pride". I don't think that LGBT people should be ashamed nor take pride in being a sexual minority. though, the case can be made for the many hardships they have overcome as opposed to let victimize them. The same should apply to any biological or innate quality; being born with a trait doesn't mean you owe yourself a congratulations. However, how we address our biological traits is a different matter. For a few friends, and MANY acquaintances, there seems to be the notion that dancing topless in booty shorts as they overly sexualize the quality of being a sexual minority, is a good representation of themselves, as well as other sexual minorities that belong to that group.

I would much rather see a pride group that depicted LGBT people as the ordinary people we are. Though, certainly we can stick with 'Pride', a translation of self-acceptance would establish a less defiant and flashy tone, of which conveys counter-culture. In reality, we should be conveying an integration of those who are sexual minorities with the rest of the population. Though LGBT people have not been embraced by the general public up until recently, there needs to be a push away from segregating and alienating the gay community from the rest of the world.

I would love to see a pride parade in which there is dignity as opposed to self-degradation. Everyone wearing clothes, first off! They can still have sparkle or shine, but strutting around in ones underwear is nothing to be proud of, it's like, "hey we are proud that we are sexualized and promiscuous!". Rather, highlight the LGBT parents, whom are always upstaged by the loudest and raunchiest floats. Have LGBT people walking with their own parents. Have newly weds or partners walking hand-in-hand down the street. Feature the many organizations that help with HIV and AIDS treatment and awareness and Homeless LGBT Youth Organizations. Feature politicians and advocates of substantive policies that affects the lives of those who are LGBT. Class-up the drag queens, have them look like a million bucks - not hoochie mama's. Feature transgender people, who have undergone countless therapies and portray them as ordinary people who are trying to feel "normal", rather than make them feel uncomfortable around the sexualize atmosphere.

We should not be proud or highlight the fact that we are attracted to the same sex and that we share our hot bodies with each other. That is essentially all I got out of the one and only pride event I will ever go to. I just felt completely let down, and downright embarrassed by the portrayal. And, this affects how others will judge me; these groups should be more responsible with how they conduct pride events and really analyze how their actions affect LGBT people.

Rant, rant, rant. I know. I usually keep these opinions to myself for obvious reason; I thought that this would be a good group to open this dialogue with. Also, welcome new members
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