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(Mystery Dungeon Story Pt. 1) Destruction Has Begun

Logical Cabbage

A Very Big Altaria Fan
1,264
Posts
10
Years
Spoiler:
However it All Began.....


The loyal pokemon of Hollow Kingdom are still grieving on the news earlier not just two days ago. A mysterious figure stood out above on a cape watching all of the angry mob of pokemon holding up their banners against the Council. Their roars were quite frightening and she sighs in relief, grateful for the privacy to think.

Even though she was just a school tutor, she knew that these events are adding up. The sudden vanish of their beloved king, the summoning of young pokemon to the battlefield, the fall of Deoxys, the awakening of Kyurem and so many other things...

" I warned that foolish king to know who serves him. Now he's missing out of nowhere and we'd be easily be taken over by the Alos Believers. Oh why did this prophecy had to be..."

" Ms. G?"

The Gardevoir startled turns around to the voice but smiles when she sees who it is.

" Oh, it's just you Dratini. What brings you here today? I thought I said class was canceled this whole week."

" I know but don't you feel something coming worst than what has happened?"

The Gardevoir looks questionably at Dratini but then remembers how he is linked to all of this, even though she never told him so. Hesitantly, she continues the conversation.

" You're right, things are changing. But first let me give you this."

She looks around first and then walks up to a tree so old you wouldn't pay much attention to it. She pulls out a broken but sturdy maroon box. She looks at him, knowing that this will change his life forever. She opens it and pulls out a clear necklace and puts it around his neck. He stares at her and then realizes everything.

" So it's true," he says. " The Guardians are the cause of all of this. But why give this to me?"

" Because you too are a Guardian, Dratini."

He gazes at the necklace and thinks that this was fate. But the cautious side of him knew that pokemon will no longer consider him a child no more. If only his dad could see him now, except that he did a long time ago.

"But Ms. G, why me? Why me? How did you even..."
 
The Dratini never got to finish what he was saying because all of a sudden, a massive earthquake struck the kingdom. The Gardevoir knew what was coming and slowly begins to meditate.

Down below we can see pokemon in black and red uniforms emerge from the ground. A pokemon with a savage look in his eyes marches in front and draws out his sword. He stops and the whole army halts. The pokemon of the kingdom stops the protesting, waiting for them to kill. The local militia arrives but realizes their mistake as soon as they see the size. The Haxorus smirks at them, and lifts up his sword.

"Attack!!!"

He smiles as he charges towards their general and tackles him to the ground. He yells in victory and lunges the sword down to his heart. More pokemon come towards them but he lets them be. Who knows, maybe they can get some of these soldiers and convert them to warriors. The boss should be pleased since he encourages the captures of the valuable. It reminds him of his other attack earlier in the week, in that fire village. He hated how that stupid Guardian got away, but at least he manage to recruit a very powerful Quilava and get the ruby orb.

Still though, back to business. His mom would have said that it was wrong to be gleeful at massacres, but she was no longer a worry. After all, she was his first kill. Anyway, where could that Guardian be? Those annoying kids down the street in a pool of rich blood don't fit to be him. Oh well, at least he can have fun taking down these stupid pokemon.

A purple shape flew right to his way. He pulled out his sword to kill it but then recognized him. He was beginning to wonder what his right hand lackey wanted when he pointed towards a hill. Nothing too important about it and Haxorus badly wanted to smack his mute friend when he saw them. Forget about that Gardevoir, that Dratini was the pokemon he sought out. The Crystal, the great one said, was a pretty powerful yet timid for he was young.

" Head to the cape! Show no mercy, but bring me that Dratini alive!"

As his army marched towards the two, he smiled. Once he got the Dratini, all he needed to do was to drop the weapon and this land was theirs. Easier said than done, he thought. But his thoughts were rudely interrupted by a blinding light on the hill. Usually nothing made him close his eyes but that light burned his sight. A few seconds later, he sees the fairy lying useless on the hill. His men marched and took her away. As for the Dratini, he was nowhere to be seen.
 
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Incinermyn

Incinermyn

The Abomination Lives!!!
646
Posts
16
Years
Well, for starters, your formatting could use some work. This is a common issue I see online, though, so it's not a like big deal. It's just usually recommended on most forums/sites that you put extra spaces between each new paragraph (though, I go the extra length and suggest splitting up the dialogue/spoken parts into their own paragraphs too, whenever someone new speaks).

Logical Cabbage said:
How it All Began.....


The loyal pokemon of Hollow Kingdom are still grieving on the news earlier not just two days ago. A lone pokemon stood out at Frost Cape in the outskirts of the kingdom.

" I warned that foolish king to know who serves him. Now he's missing out of nowhere and we'd be easily be taken over by the Alos Believers. Oh why did this prophecy had to be..."

" Ms. G?"

The Gardevoir startled turns around to the voice but smiles when she sees who it is.

" Oh, it's just you Dratini. What brings you here today? I thought I said class was canceled this whole week."

" Are the rumors true about what really happened to the king? I thought that he was..."

The Dratini never got to finish what it was saying because all of a sudden, a massive earthquake struck the kingdom. Pokemon with red and black uniform attacked and burned down everything in sight. A Haraxous, clearly the leader of this army, was keeping his eyes out for a specific pokemon that the great one ordered. No one was to be spared but he was allowed to keep and convert the few fighters and teams in this kingdom. He just loved doing his job, but his priority was to obey orders.

His right hand lackey, a bewildered Crobat, pointed out two pokemon one the ridge. Haraxous looked up and he finally found the pokemon he sought out. The Crystal, the great one said, was a pretty powerful yet timid for he was young.

" Head to the cape! Show no mercy, but bring me that Dratini alive!"

As his army marched towards the two, he smiled. Once he got the Dratini, all he needed to do was to drop the weapon and this land was theirs. Easier said than done, he thought.
Click to expand...

If you note, this style looks a little more organized and eliminates the virtual 'block of text' you had. It isn't a full requirement everywhere, but it looks cleaner and is a little easier to read through.

Next I noticed at least one misspelling.

Haraxous
Click to expand...

I think you meant 'Haxorus.' Not a major issue, but I wanted to point it out.

Plot-wise, I think you could expand on things a lot. The conflict here in the beginning is a little obscure. Granted, that's the point of a prelude or prologue, but as a reader, I'm at a little bit of a loss. Having a conflict between kingdoms requires a little more build than a simple invasion. You had me up to the part when Haxorus told his men to take Dratini alive. That there raises some red flags for me since it signifies that Dratini is an important character. Wartime usually entails a lot of cruelty, even more so when the invaders are trying to be conquerors. That's alone is enough to build up a really strong plotline.

Hopefully this is enough to get you thinking. I look forward to the next installment.
 
Nolafus

Nolafus

Aspiring something
5,724
Posts
11
Years
I'm afraid this chapter is too short. I want you to lengthen it before you continue to work on future chapters. In addition to what Incinermyn said, I would also think about your writing itself. Right now, you're telling us, not showing. Here's what I mean:
A lone pokemon stood out at Frost Cape in the outskirts of the kingdom.
Click to expand...
You're telling the reader about this lone pokemon. In order to show, you need to describe what's happening, rather than just putting it plainly in front of the reader. Six basic questions that will greatly help are who, what, when, where, why, and how. Who's sitting out there? Where are they? What time is it? Asking these things will help a lot with getting a general picture of the story. I'm not the best at showing, but here's an example:
A figure sat on top of the big hill looking over the kingdom. It let out a sigh as the figure watched the kingdom below. All of the frantic voices running wild below couldn't be heard way up here, and the figure was grateful to be truly alone.
Click to expand...

So, something along the lines of that. Remember to show, not tell, and I guarantee that the chapter will be longer. Once you have made some revisions, shoot me a VM, and I'll come check it out. If you have any questions in the meantime, please don't hesitate to ask.
 
Nolafus

Nolafus

Aspiring something
5,724
Posts
11
Years
Nolafus said:
I'm afraid this chapter is too short. I want you to lengthen it before you continue to work on future chapters.
Click to expand...
I meant what I said. I want you to edit your first post and make the story longer before you go further with the story. Space it out, add a few details, and if it's still not long enough, just add more to the story until it is. I know it's not the most fun thing to do, but you're going to have to do it if you want to continue your fic on here. I deleted your latest chapter because you didn't listen to me. Just edit your first post and post a reply once you're done and want me to check it out for approval.
 

Logical Cabbage

A Very Big Altaria Fan
1,264
Posts
10
Years
Chapter 1



Stupid, stupid, stupid me. I kneel next to my home as these thoughts cloud me. Or what's left of it anyway. Stupid ashes, stupid me stupid Guardian me, stupid me, stupid. If only I knew that I was the Guardian of Ruby and not my brother. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Stupid Haxorus with that stupid Crobat of his. The insanity of his eyes when he laid his sight towards me. We are the only ones who know that my brother wasn't the Guardian of the Ruby, of this fire village called Sartamaro. Except I found out too late and now he's gone. I get up and walk up to the former lava hut, thanks to the Alos who invaded us with water and ground who used our powers against us. As I walk, I stumble on a rock but it looks a bit funcky to be it. I take a closer look at it and see that it's actually a skull.

" Sorry I killed you." I muttered.

Looks like those crazy, stupid pokemon left some bodies here. The rest are going down the river to the waterfall, with both of my parents included in the dead pile. I don't remember why I even came to the hut when I see the Ruby orb on the ground. Oh yeah, I forgot that the real one is here while that stupid Haxorus has a fake. I smile in what seems like ages but fades as quickly as it came. I pick up the Ruby but tiny raindrops fall on it. I look up to realize that it was not rain but my own stupid tears. I now carry the blood of my own village on my bare paws. I still don't feel like living. Too many pokemon died for and because of me.

" Done crying yet? You do realize we need to go to my base before they think I'm dead?"

Oh yeah, forgot trouble number two. Eevee. Supposedly they are a nice species of pokemon but she is far from nice. Still though, I have to be grateful that she found me or the weapon would have completed it's job of leaving no survivors. Trust me, I want to thank her but she makes it so impossible.

" Crybaby, we really need to move on. Now stop crying and let's go." I assume that's friendly.

" Why won't you just go by yourself Eevee if you want to go back. Nobody asked you to stay with me."

" Hello mister, but have you forgotten about your duty? You're a Guardian and so am I you little.."

" Enough already you jerk! I will never forget that I am stupid Guardian! Never have, never will you!"

I didn't even realize I mastered a fire blast until I see the fire burning down whatever is left of the lava hut. New discoveries everyday I guess. Now that I know how to do one, I badly want to scorch her behind. Let's see who's the crybaby now. I look at her and for the first time I see compassion in her eyes. Her jade pendant hangs around her neck, bright green and strong.

" It's not to pressure you or anything, but I seriously want to kick some Alos Believers but. Don't you?"

" Is this a game to you or something? Those pokemon are cynical and dangerous. Wow Eevee, you really are something."

I pick up my Ruby orb from the ground and place it in my satchel. I storm off straight to the woods. I don't need her help to rescue my brother. Plus, her enthusiasm to beat them up might get me dead before I see Quilava again. Who cares what happens to her anyway. No wonder nobody came with her. Stupid jerk of an Eevee, stupid Alos Believers, stupid me. I cross the trees without looking back towards my home. I grunt about stupidity again when suddenly the earth shook. It was feint, but even from here it felt powerful. Who knows where that came from.

After what seems like decades I take a rest before I continue on towards the next town I know of, Deliman Pools. Trust me, it's pretty far from my village so might as well rest. I lean back towards a tree and hear the wind as I relax. But who am I kidding? That earthquake earlier is still bothering me and I don't know why. That sun is too bright until I see that it's north of me. It's somewhere past noon but if that's the sun there, then what is that light east from me. I can't even look over there for the white is too bright. Then it fades.

Can somebody tell me what's going on here? I have no idea about the stupidity but why these unnatural occurrence? Maybe I should move on. It might just be me losing my mind. I get up when I hear grunting above a tree west to me. I wanted to just go but my feet beat my mind and I peak above a tree. I see something blue when it falls down. Huh. It's not everyday you see a Dratini fall from a tree. But that's not why I gasp. That crystal necklace is what makes me want to scream.

Almost at the same time I hear a cry but I know that cry because I already met an Eevee. I help the pokemon up an run towards the scream. That Dratini is a quick runner but there is confusion in his eyes. Introductions later you pokemon, but then I remembered how I reacted to discover who I was to. That's how my parents died. I just stood there and...

Nope, I have to keep running. I arrived just to see a Noctowl hypnotize Eevee to sleep. The Graveler and a Glalie grunt towards our direction. Wearing red and black uniform could only mean one thing: The Alos Believers.
 
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Logical Cabbage

A Very Big Altaria Fan
1,264
Posts
10
Years
Inside Fort Amalia....


Haxorus stands still in front of the huge red door, so tall that he looks puny next to it. Crobat flies above his head, wondering what lies behind the doors. He's never even been allowed to this area of Fort Amalia before and knows that this is bad. It's been three days since they failed to capture that Dratini and based on how his herend talks about the boss, he's guessing that he won't be pleased with them. He looks at Haxorus again but he doesn't even look nervous, just grouchy like always.

It wasn't that Haxorus didn't think that this was nonsense, it's just that he was daydreaming pleasant memories. His screaming mother who got killed all because she never wanted him. A little cutting here, some more there, and a stab in the heart. Blood, beautiful blood everywhere from her heart to her mouth to her eyes. She looked so darn beautiful, so still, such blood dripping from her. That was his first kill, then there was this neighbor who saw what he did. Stupid nosey neighbor. Stupid Accelgor. That's why when the rest noticed, there were two bloody and beautiful bodies on the pavement, so darn bloody. The way he screamed more mercy, he loved that. The screaming and blood. All beautiful unlike today. All because of that stupid Dratini. To see him dead would be....

All of a sudden the door open slowly, and dread filled the Crobat. The rest of the room was pitch black. Not even the closest sign of light. Haxorus was already there, walking inside. Crobat didn't know what to do but the general motioned for him to come. Almost the second he met up with him the doors shut behind him and was left in darkness. It was cold in here and he couldn't even see Haxorus no more. I guess the rumors about no one ever seeing the boss. He lost sight of his friend and no longer knows where he is.

" He's not here yet. He's putting a show for us."

Haxorus's voice. But does that mean that the boss isn't here?

" Then why leave us in this mess then? I can't see a..."

" Don't say no more Crobat, for your sake. This is an illusion for those with pure hearts. Only pokemon like the boss can see everything. He knows that I can see but he wants to test you. So if I were you I'd pretend that you can see or else you'll be dead. He only wants darkness in this army. Come over here you bat and sit."

After he sat down, he could only see Haxorus and nothing else. Five minutes and the room only felt colder. Who knows what time it was when a great wind howled in and the place was freezing. Remember to act like it, Crobat said to himself. Remember to act or die.

" Welcome."

A cold yet soothing voice began to speak. Act like you see the place, act like it, Crobat repeats to himself.

" As you know, failure is something I was born not to tolerate and letting that Guardian escape is a very grave error of you two. But, I'd be willing to forgive you because that Gardevoir is proven useful to us. She told us everything we needed to know and I no longer have use for a fairy. What'd you think of this Haxorus?"

" I am honored for your forgiveness but I think we can still use her. For the Dratini."

" Mind control then?"

He nodded. Crobat continued to act and keep his cool even though he saw nothing. He didn't know what he plans to do. This boss doesn't kid at all. Not at all. The speakers started to crack and the an the announcer talked.

" Alpha Code B-34! Experiment has escaped!"

Definitely not good.
 
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Logical Cabbage

A Very Big Altaria Fan
1,264
Posts
10
Years
Chapter 2

I don't know what exactly happened and my head feels very heavy. So heavy that it hurts so bad. I just want to close my eyes and fall asleep. I see a wing come towards me and motions me to come. I follow the wing for some reason but something in me tells that this is safety. Safe and secure and harmony. I want to turn my head around but a force keeps me going with the wing. I hear doors creak open and I'm lead to a huge room. Nothing special about it though, nothing special about it, just look forward. I obey these commands but finally I found the strength to turn my head. I see a brownish sort of fox looking at me. Something snaps in me but then I face forward.

That was a pokemon, right? Brown fox, brown fox, brown fox. I know that it's there somewhere but I don't recognize that brown fox yet I do. Brown fox, brown fox, brown fox...

" Come to me."

All thoughts stopped and I followed the voice. It sounded so warm and safe and I must obey it. I must obey, I must obey, I must come to the voice. My feet stay still and that voice in the back of my head is seriously killing my head. I must come to it, I must obey, I must come to that voice. I put my paws on my head and try to think. Who am I to think? I must obey the voice, I must obey....

Brown fox, brown fox, brown fox. Something tries to snap in me but I just can't hold on to these thoughts. Yet my feet are standing still. Now that I actually think about it, who am I supposed to obey? I look towards the owner of the wing and see a huge brown bird. Wait a minute, isn't that...

Everything fits in place and for the first time I turn my head towards the brown fox, or the pokemon that I know like a week ago, Eevee. Then I knew what happened:

Dratini and me tried to save her and escape but everything went wrong. Ice beams here and there and he was frozen before he could take down that Graveler. I was nearly dead there alone trying to fend off the Glalie but I beat them both up. Ice beams here, Rock Tombs there but I dug underground in desperation. They nearly found me and then I surprised both of them with Fire Blast. But that wasn't enough for either of them. Some Icy Winds here and Mud Shots there and then my feet couldn't move at all. I didn't even realize I dropped my orb until it started glowing from a distance. I felt warm, but warmer than normal.

There was a flash so bright that everyone of us closed our eyes, but then mine felt, well okay. I opened my eyes just and I could see clearly. Everyone of the Alos Believers dropped to the ground, grunting about their eyes. Taking this chance to escape, I carefully defrosted the iceberg of Dratini and as for Eevee, I just tickled her to get up.

" What do you think you're doing? This is no time to play..."

Her words were cut off by the sight of the three soldiers dropped on the ground, still telling the light to stop. I took the time to observe my orb. It seems that we all can see fine but those darn soldiers can't. But I guess now's not the time to mock them. Dratini lead the way and allthree of us ran as fast as our tired bodies could carry us. It was a very long and silent run, and I'm surprised that even Eevee is quiet. As night fell, the air started to get cold, too cold for normal. I'm a fire type and my kind doesn't freeze unless it's that extreme. Dratini noticed that I was falling behind and halted our little group.

" Cyndaquil, you know that it's not time to rest. We are all tired and we can't stop now. We've come to far and lost too much to rest."

" I know that. It's just that I feel so darn cold."

Dratini inched closer and gave me a quizzical look. Eevee just looks around the trees, wondering where were we. All of a sudden her eyes widen and then the air seems to be made of some real sharp ice. I feel so cold, too cold to even warm myself up. My legs feel weak and I fall to the grass.

" Sleep for now, and when you wake you will obey."

What was that voice? It was warmth compared to this air and I feel like I need to obey it. But I opened my eyes to see who it was but all I saw was Dratini and Eevee dropped down to and were shivering like me.

" Obey my command and sleep for you'll need it."

My eyes feel heavy and my head hurts so much and then I feel nothing.

I try to remember anything else but that's about it. But the question is still at hand: Where are we now? I don't remember seeing Dratini anywhere but Eevee's there, tied down. That's when I also noticed that our belongings aren't with us either. I face towards the mysterious voice that no longer controls me. It's a very medium-sized pokemon that looks like a solidified sun that can only be a Solrock.

The doors open and out comes more Alos Believers, dragging in a tied up Dratini. Plain horror is on his face until he sees me. He looks almost scared to see me but then calms down a bit when he looks at me and I give him a quizzical look. Solrock then moves up to a platform and that Noctowl walks me up right next to him. The soldiers throw Dratini right next to Eevee and then some stand behind them. Solrock then looks at them and speaks.

" As you two can see, all we are waiting for is for General Haxorus to arrive and pick you two pathetic Guardians up. You should learn from your friend over hear that was willing to compromise with us and saw reason."

Excuse me? Reasoning? What is this rockhead saying? To compromise with the Alos Believers is the same thing as me swimming in water. Totally stupid and never happening you Alos Believers! Trust me, I want to beat him up but my gut tells me to stop before I commit something that can get us all turned in to that crazy Haxorus and then we're toast. I need to come up with a plan. Come on you, think of something.

" I can always give you one last chance to be reasoned with or you can suffer your fate. But if you had some sense, you'd agree."

" If I had some sense, I'd know to never work for the lights of you stupid Alos Believers! After destroying everything in sight you expect me to help you? Never!"

Now I'm grateful that I'm the one up here and not her because she would have blown up our only chance to escape. I share a look with Dratini and it seems that he agrees with me too. Eevee looks at me and I just roll my eyes. Hope seems to spark in her eyes and she smirks. Dratini begins to talk too but then everything turns dark. We all hear a cry but it seems that Solrock is familiar with it and bumps into me as he runs away.

" Retreat men! I don't care what Haxorus will think, I am not risking it..."

The roar was heard and the soldiers ran. The lights came back on but Solrock was lying still on the floor, too still for normal. A huge pokemon with black wings that I recognize from my old storytelling books. He's...

" Name's Giratina kids. Now who wants to get out of here?"

I race towards Dratini and Eevee and untie both of them. We all get on his back and then he bursts through the roofs and get higher in the skies, until we are way too high in the clouds.
 
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Logical Cabbage

A Very Big Altaria Fan
1,264
Posts
10
Years
Chapter 3

I still don't know what to think of everything that's happened in the past days so far. Lying here in the grass and under the trees should help me feel relaxed. It doesn't though. I still try to register the details that Eevee and Dratini shared with me. I look up towards the moon and stars above me, wondering why mutorturing fate of our kind to be relying on kids. I want to know how all this feud of Guardians started and how it affects now. I just want to give up now, and maybe that's what I'll do.

Earlier when Giratina rescued us from the Alos Believers, I shared to all of them my gap of memory. Eevee and Dratini tensed at what I said and were silent. Giratina noticed this to and decided to land and hunt for food. We managed to scrape some berries and apples and ate next to a stream. The trees around and above us provided a good source of shade and the wind was blowing in a comfortable level, but Eevee and Dratini still have not answered my question. Giratina might have not appreciated our tensed moods because then he purposefully knocked down the biggest tree. Dratini was the first to break the silence.

" I guess now that we are a good range away from the Alos Believers, now is the good time for introductions. Who wants to start."

The heavy silence returned. Eevee never told me her story with the Alos Believers and I'm curious to know. Something tells me to not push it. Everybody has something to tell with grief; I see it in everybody's eyes. Dratini knew asking was pointless and decided to go first.

" I come from Hollow Kingdom and we never knew about anything of the Alos Believers and the war until two weeks ago. That's around the same time the king disappeared and Kyurem woke up from his cave and fled the kingdom. That's when things started to get real strange. Usually the castle is open to the citizens but they were bolted and locked. Then food distribution stopped and some homes went in quarantine. School was canceled and they shut down the orphanage, soldiers kept appearing and circling the castle. Since the orphanage was shut, I decided to snoop around."

" Wait, does that mean you don't have parents?"

That is a good question Eevee. But I'm too tired to make any remarks and let him talk.

" I never had any to begin with. But anyway, I snuck in the castle to see what was up in the castle. I crawled into the Sanctuary Library and found a Haxorus talking to the head general about a treaty. Before I could know what they were talking about, the Haxorus saw me and got out of there. Then..."

" Did you say Haxorus?"

I know. Pretty stupid of me to interject. But if that was the same Haxorus, he is so dead. I still have to get revenge on him for what he did. I can still hear that stupid laugh and see his smile. His stupid creepy smile.

" Do you know him? All I remember was that a Crobat was guarding the door. Is that him?"

" Do I know him? How can I forget that stupid lizard that destroyed my village? How can I forget Haxorus, the stupid dragon that killed my parents and took away my brother?"

" Calm down, will you? Don't make Dratini the guilty one here, Cyndaquil. How was he supposed to know all of this when they were so slow to get the news?"

" You're just as annoying as ever Eevee. How would you feel if someone you knew could stop the pokemon that robbed your family? I'm pretty sure that even if you had a family, you would have left them behind to die. No, you'd probably turn them in to save your own skin. Maybe you even work for them Alos Believers!"

Something sparked in her eyes, but I'm still not sorry.

" You want to know who worked for the Alos Believers? You did! You know why? Cause you were too weak minded and attacked Dratini and me in the woods that night. That little gap of yours made you forget how you nearly killed both of us, dragged us straight to the Alos Believers and they rewarded you doing that to us. They tried torturing us for two days without rest while you were just looking at us like you were above everybody. They carried you as their pet and even let you kill the previous prisoners there. And now you're telling me that I worked for those idiots?"

" You're lying and you know it Eevee. Why would I even help them?"

" Eevee's telling the truth Cyndaquil. You did do all that to us like being a Guardian wasn't enough torture for any of us."

Dratini ran away towards the bushes and Eevee followed him. They left me feeling.... empty. I would never hurt them no matter what Dratini didn't do or how annoying Eevee gets. I would never join them, I will never side with the Alos Believers. But then why this feeling in my gut? Why do I feel guilty? They won't lie about something this big, but I will never work for them.

" If you want, we can go."

Startled by the voice I turned around. It was Giratina who spoke. He said nothing during the fight and I forgot that he was there. I stayed silent; what more is there to say?

" This is what the Alos Believers want. They want all of you to be humiliated and destroyed. They want you to feel angry and heartless, especially their boss. You cannot let them destroy you; they feast on your darkness as their strength."

I said nothing. I feel like nothing. I know that I'm nothing. In the end he rounded us up and flew further away from where we were held. Nobody said anything through the whole way. When night fell, we all spread out and went to sleep. All but me, that is. Am I truly weak? Am I incompetent towards the Alos Believers? Did I actually work for them?

I stare at the sky again, hoping for some answers. That's when it hit me: there's a problem with our group. And that problem is me. Except this one I can fix by myself. I get up slowly, careful to not wake up anyone, and go east. They're better off without me. They can do it without the one that attacked them. I don't even bother taking my orb, they can keep that. Then I start walking without looking back.
 
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Logical Cabbage

A Very Big Altaria Fan
1,264
Posts
10
Years
Chapter 4


The winds howl as the sun begins to rise. I've been walking all night without rest, and I don't plan to rest until I know that they won't find me. I suddenly stop in my tracks and squint my eyes to see that I'm not hallucinating. Amber honey trees. Lust with honey with leaves that are red in the spring just like my dad described it. Grooar Trees Central. I can't believe that I found something familiar. Headmaster Torterra greeted us the first time my dad took me to the meetings. I remember how I just looked at the honey dripping from the trees and how his kid, a Turtwig, handed it to me. I remembered warming it up and how we both ate some. She and me became best friends and would always play together while our dads were at meetings. Those good times we had exploring together, I wonder if she's alright now...

I'm too afraid to go further. If the Alos Believers attacked us, chances are they invaded here too. I'm too afraid to go further. I don't want to see the destruction, I don't want to know what happened. But if outside looks normal, then maybe they're okay. Maybe I can warn them of what has happened. I can stay here and try to live on with life. But of late good news are of the past. Should I risk walking in there, hopeful to find them alive? I guess I should go foward, I have no where to go. My feet carry me on and it gets harder to breathe. I walk towards the gate and find it open. Not to mention that I'm only looking at whatever's left of the gate.

I should prepare for the worst. I already see a shattered Alos Believers flag under my feet. I feel the tears swelling my eyes and I don't dare to look ahead. I wonder if Torterra went down with a fight. Most grass and ground types are jerks to us, but not Torterra. He always seemed to know what everyone wanted, that's why he got elected as headmaster. Turtwig seemed to get her personality from her dad; after all, he's all she had after her mother passed away. Might as well explore around, I haven't laid eyes on food for a while. I brush away the tears and look up. My heart falls as I see all the treehouses broken with red stains. Red stains called blood. Stupid Alos Believers. Stupid army destroying everything I know. Taking away what I hold dear. I want them all dead. I want them to all die. They need to suffer for what they did.

As much as the sight twists my stomach, I need to find food. I continue to walk and seeing all the shops broken and the ashes everywhere make me just want to scream. The bloodshed and destruction has to stop. Stupid Alos Believers. I continue to walk further until I hear a rustling in the shrubs. So not all Alos Believers left. They are so going to pay for this. And I don't care how I do it either. They are to die!

" Come out you cowards! You hear me stupid Alos Believers! Come out and face me whoever you are! You will suffer for what you did here and everywhere else! The days that you destroy me are over! Come out you stupid..."

" I'm not them."

That was the quietest voice I heard. But it was enough for me to hear. And I know that voice to. We always explored the woods and everywhere our dads took us to see. That's...

" Cyndaquil, you're alive."

" Where are you Turtwig?"

" Right here."

She shows herself and emerges from the shrubs. She still looks like the same pokemon from our last visit, except for the grief in her eyes. The Alos Believers are so going to pay for this. She walks up to me and she doesn't say anything. She really doesn't need to anyway; her eyes give her away. Torterra's dead. She doesn't need to ask about my dad either, she can tell. We'd cry right now but we wept too long and have no more tears. No words spoken, she leads the way.

I won't go to take revenge on the Alos Believers if Turtwig does not want to go. She's all I have left to take care of; the same for her to me. We lost our dear friends, neighbors, and family to them. She goes behind a good chunk of destroyed homes and has built her own home to live in. It's just her here. I really want to destroy them, but I can't do it alone if there are others that seek revenge on them too.

" Say Turtwig, do you feel like going in another adventure?"

" An adventure in these conditions?"

" This isn't just any plain adventure. This is a special kind."

" How special?"

" Special enough to take revenge on the Alos Believers."

She stood there looking at me, speechless. She takes out some honey and smiles at me. I knew I could count on her. I smile too.

" Yes, let's make them pay. But first we need a plan."

" And food."

" Okay. Roast the honey."

I burn it as perfect as I can. We eat roasted honey with dry mints. And for the first time ever, I feel relaxed and hopeful.

Spoiler:
 
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Logical Cabbage

A Very Big Altaria Fan
1,264
Posts
10
Years
Chapter 5

After the roasted honey, Turtwig and me began sharing information. It wasn't much, but we figured out where all the attacks must have come from.

" In order for them to attack both our homes the same day, it needs to be east since it's the only way the attacks can happen accordingly."

" True, but instead of using this map, we can always explore outside for anything. Who knows Turtwig? Maybe some of those Alos Believers dropped something like a flag or anything really."

" Then exploring it is. Oh wait."

She smacks herself on the head. She walks over to more broken houses outside. She disappeared under and came back up seconds later with something in her hand. She was carrying a sort of box but knew that it wasn't one. It's too constructive, too manufactured, too... humane. She opened the 'box' and pulled out some spherical disc. It was a shade of green, and then she pulled out another one, this one being red. Seeing my horrified face, she began to explain.

" These are TMs, as we known since school, were constructed by humans. Except these are a special kind of them."

" How special? And what's this stuff doing here anyway? Are there humans here?"

The only worst thing beside the Alos Believers, the one thing worst than them are the Poachers. Humans that hunt us down and trap us in a round object that suffocate our freedom. My village got invaded twice by them. They were holding them and called them pokeballs. They had their own pokemon, except they were slaves to them. They obeyed them unconditionally, so much that it was creepy. Luckily my father knew how to defend us but still, they are ones to fear. So know you know how tensed I got at the mention of those creatures.

" Don't worry so much silly, with the war going on do you think humans feel like coming to Reveanimith? Our region is big but they won't risk their stupid lives to get us. Anyway, these are special because these TMs are powerful. They call us the 'starters' because we're rare to them and invented some sort of signature moves for us."

" Okay, I got that but how exactly to open them? The books said that only humans can open them. Even if we open them, what kind of moves will we learn?"

" According to the information, this red one is for fire types like you. It says Blast Burn."

I froze at her words. Blast Burn! As in my father's signature move? He always told my brother and me that someday when we were strong enough, we can learn that powerful burning flame.

" This green one is for grass types, so this is mine. This one is called Frenzy Plant."

" Isn't that..."

" My father's signature move? Yes it is. I know they said we'd learn this with time but we don't exactly have that. So give it a go?"

I push whatever thoughts I had and nod. It doesn't matter now; I have revenge to have on the Alos Believers. She first puts my TM in front of me and cracks it open with a Vine Whip. A burst of red light comes out and surrounds me. I feel a surge of energy, really a powerful kind, and then fire pumped harder in my back. Then, nothing. It stopped. I wondered what's wrong until I see it's empty.

" So I'm done now Turtwig?"

" Yep. My turn."

She does the same thing to hers and it cracks open. A green light covers her for a while and then disappears. She nods and closes the 'box'.

" How'd you even get this?"

" In one of the Poachings, a human dropped it and my dad kept it in the library. He'd understand why we need this anyway so don't worry about a thing. Now come on."

We both run until we past the former gates. From there, we headed east and tried to find any clues. Just dead leaves here, some rocks there, ashes everywhere, and a book there... Wait, a book!?

" Turtwig! Look what I found!"

She hurried back to me and looked at my find. We turned the page and saw a drawn map. Whoever did this is a real artist, because it describes everything so accurately. I point west on the map and see a tower drawn there. There was a star next to it and said AB. AB? What's AB?

" AB as in Alos Believers. That must be their base."

" You're right, that makes sense."

"But look where exactly is it Cyndaquil."

She pointed to the shrine in the middle of a lake. The lake outside of the base. It was CPGO. As in Central Pokemon Government Organization. As in where the Poachers come from. We've heard them say it but never figured where it was until now. Turtwig and I shared a look. We both gulped. And we saw the fear in our eyes.
 

Logical Cabbage

A Very Big Altaria Fan
1,264
Posts
10
Years
Spoiler:


Inside CPGO.....

" Don't worry Mr. Gerun, I'll have that Quilava by tomorrow."

He looked around the shiny dorm he was in and sighed. His brown eyes saw the golden plate by the glass door, reading 'Boss Quarters'. He smiled but quickly faded as he rolled his eyes at what Mr. Gerun was saying. He impatiently tapped his finger on his desk, grunting to himself as the person on the other line spoke.

" Yes Mr. Gerun. I promise you that this one will obey."

A pause. He nodded.

" No, this one won't go out of control. Yes I made sure."

Another pause. He balled up his free hand into a fist and slammed it on the desk.

" How many times do I have to tell you that he's under controlled? Yes I want the money. No I don't want the champion knowing this. I am sure!"

He then sends his free hand to his blond hair. Yet again he rolled his eyes and grunted.

" If you had any sense you'd know how to take care of it! What do mean you don't trust that I have it? I have a lot of pokemon to sell, trust me. No? Do you want the pokemon? Fine then."

With that, he hung up.

"Stupid guy. Glad I'm done with him," he mumbled.

He threw his phone to the wall but by miracle, survived the throw. He grunted again and left his quarters. He turned right in the hall to a lonesome elevator. He inserted the card that was hanging around his neck by a lace and typed a pin. With a dull sound, it opened up. He went in and stared straight ahead as the elevator descended. A piercing buzz sounded as the elevator stopped. He got out and opened the storage room to his left. He took out a strange purple blue gun and marched down towards the deepest cell. As passing by, pokemon from the other cells coward behind. The brave ones tried clawing at him and crying, but he just smirked at them. Finally he reached the final cell, and he typed a pin and went inside. He closed the door behind him.

" You're going to wish you were to be inside a pokeball instead you little Quilava. Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way. You choose."

" What can you do to me you pathetic Poacher? I'm not scared by the lights of you!"

Rage was shown by the Quilava. He just laughed and smirked.

" I heard that you know. Stupid Quilava."

Plain horror was replaced on Quilava's face. Then he gritted his teeth.

" Humans can't understand pokemon unless..."

" Then the hard way it is. For now on you obey me."

He pointed the gun at Quilava and shot the pokemon. He laughed horribly again. The Quilava rolled his eyes and passed out. A few seconds later, Quilava woke up, but he was calm. Quilava saw the motion of the man's hand and followed him. He swung his gun and laughed again. They exit out the cell and walk back to the elevator.
 
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Logical Cabbage

A Very Big Altaria Fan
1,264
Posts
10
Years
Chapter 6


That night we both slept, not knowing what to do. The stars were the last thing I saw.

All of a sudden, I see the army of the Alos Believers. I feel water everywhere, weakening the strength I and everyone else had. I could hear the screams of my mother and the grunting from my father. His Blast Burn wasn't enough to weaken them, and then Haxorus smiling and laughing. Then he drew out his sword and cut my father's head off. Blood, pure blood everywhere. My mother screamed and screamed until Haxorus commanded the army to drench her to death. My brother then gave a battle cry and tackled Haxorus down.

He tried fighting my brother but he was too fast. But then the remaining of the Alos Believers army came and surrounded my brother. He fought and fought but then he was weakened and outnumbered. They threw him in a cage and took him away. They left me and some of the other survivors scattered around the village. Then I decided to get out of the hidden passage in the tower. That's when he saw me and his eyes widen. Then he went to an Alos and yelled stop but that Empoleon shook his head. Haxorus screamed to stop but then he left. And up from above, meteors came flying, and then explosions happening once they hit the ground. And then I felt myself flying in the air and hitting the ground. Then there's someone telling me to get up, everything happening like it did, except for the screaming.

" I said wake up!"

Then I felt leaves hit my face and I wake up. I hear the screaming again and give a look to Turtwig.

"It's coming west of us. Should we go?"

The screaming pierces the air.

" Let's go Turtwig."

We run as fast as we can, but I still see the stupid Haxorus from my dreams. His stupid laugh, his stupid smirk, his stupid...

I stop my thoughts and see what's in front of me. I see a Leafeon and a Glaceon in Alos uniform surrounding something. Turtwig wants to go forward and I push her back.

" Let me do this Turtwig. I know how to beat them."

She nods and I go towards the two and they face towards me.

"Hey you cowards! How's being stupid doing?"

Both of them growl and grunt towards me.

" What? Afraid to get close you stupid Alos Believers?"

" Do you really think they came alone?"

That voice. Then from above the trees, Haxorus jumps out and lands in front of me. The Leafeon and Glaceon smirk at me and Haxorus laughs. I motion my foot to tell Turtwig to stay put.

" You can't run away Guardian. There's no where to go."

Leafeon and Glaceon walk towards me and I finally see who they were attacking. A Ditto lies down, grunting.

" I can take all of you on. Watch me."

Before the two surrounding me can respond, I use a Fire Blast on both of them and send them flying towards Haxorus. They knock him down and then I Flamethrower all of them. Haxorus reacts by throwing the two off them and then he draws his sword. Before I can move, he slashes the Leafeon and Glaceon to death.

" They served their purpose anyway."

I stare at Haxorus and feel sick. He just killed his own compatriots.

" You crazy sick bastard! Killing off your own army you stupid Haxorus."

Then, behind him, I see the Glaceon rise up, looking... fine. I nearly scream in sheer horror and Haxorus smirks. But then he turns around and then the same horror is in his face.

" Take this Haxorus! Ice Beam!"

Before the hit comes, he laughs and disappears. I duck the attack and I stare, speechless at the Glaceon. Then it transforms to a Ditto. Behind me Turtwig laughs. I begin to laugh to. Then the Ditto. We all laugh without a care in the world.

" Still though, thanks for saving me."

" It was nothing," piped Turtwig. " Always glad to help kick Alos Believers but."

" You gave Haxorus a scare. Have to hand it to you Ditto, that was awesome!"

" The least I could do after your help was to fight."

" If you don't have nowhere to go, then will you join us? We can use someone like you."

Ditto became silent after my offer. He thought, and then he gave me an answer:

" So when exactly will we hunt down the Alos Believers and scare them? You know, fun stuff."

And then we all laughed some more. We laughed and laughed, and I felt, okay. Okay for now.
 
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ShivaDF

ShivaDF

The Scooter-riding Artist
482
Posts
14
Years
  • Seen Aug 25, 2017
Done! Sorry I took so long to finish reading all of this.

So this is what I have to say so far (none of these are complaints, just questions): why are Haxorus and Crobat not affected by the illusion that doesn't work on the pure of heart? Neither of them are pure of heart, considering that they are cold-blooded killers. I have no clue who the Alos Believers are, but I think that you shouldn't make them generic villains. Give them more of an interesting background.

What is Giratina's role here? How is Giratina even appearing, considering it has to stay in its own world? I never thought of Giratina as a bad guy, but I don't understand why it is helping everyone.

Now for mistakes I noticed: it seems like you mix up the words "worst" and "worse" a lot. I can't really list all the place where that happens, but you can quickly check.

Why do both Cyndaquil and Haxorus describe their enemies as "stupid" all the time? If somebody destroyed my village and killed my family, I's call them a lot worse than "stupid." Cursing would be good, or just showing that Cyndaquil is upset without using words. Also, Haxorus isn't young, right? So he probably wouldn't be thinking that way. Your characters need to speak in defined voices.

The last thing is just my preference, but I found the fonts you are using really hard to read. I had to blow up the page to read it. I suggest not using different colors for one; besides, you don't need different fonts anyway. Everbody knows where your vantage point is without that.
 
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