So I just made this character for my story and I felt he was far from being good. So I wanted some advice on it. Should I add more details? Change something? Any good advice/critique is welcome :)
Max Herring
Age : 17
Ethnicity : African-American
Build : Slim/Athletic
Spirit : Hell Knight || Axel
Fighting : Close-range
Weapon : Axel's personal sword, The Executioner.
Looks :
Normal
>> Long spiky black hair down to his neck (like Raditz but shorter)
>> Brown-ish eyes
>> Scar on left cheek
>> Light brown skin color
>> 5'6"
Transformed
>> Hair turns orange
>> Eyes turn red
>> Skin gets kinda scaly
>> Whole body bulks up
>> 6'5"
Background : Born in December 1997, Max was abandoned by his parents, who claimed they had no time for children but didn't have the heart to abort the baby, to an orphanage shortly after. He was constantly bullied by the other children while growing up, some even calling him an "unwanted mistake". Though none of those insults got in the way of his cheerful spirit. He was convinced that things were going to get better at some point in his life. That's what kept him going throughout his orphan years. When he was 7 years old, he was adopted by the Brown family, which consisted of Jesse(father|47), Mariah(mother|50) and Angie(daughter|19). They had always wanted a son but the doctors had considered Mariah lucky to even have given birth to Angie. The couple cherished and raised Max like he was their own child. However happiness didn't seem to like him. A couple of years later, on Max' birthday, the Browns had a fatal car accident. Despite being in the car as well, Max escaped with just a few bruises. But his sufferings had only just begun. After the funerals and all the papers, he eventually had to move in with Angie, who couldn't decline. She started to blame Max for the death of her parents, saying he was cursed and only a burden. She had always held a grudge against him for supposedly taking her place as the "spoiled child". Angie would hurt him emotionally as much as she could but he had no other choice and no one to turn to. After all he was just an orphan boy that no one wanted. He went to school normally, hoping to find a safe haven there but it was the same as home, maybe even worse. He was constantly beaten by the jocks, humiliated by the others and the preferred target for bullies. It was so awful that he wanted to take away his life. His will was shattered and his spirit broken. But then, he crossed paths with a Demon Knight and this will change everything...
Spoiler:
Max Herring
Age : 17
Ethnicity : African-American
Build : Slim/Athletic
Spirit : Hell Knight || Axel
Fighting : Close-range
Weapon : Axel's personal sword, The Executioner.
Looks :
Normal
>> Long spiky black hair down to his neck (like Raditz but shorter)
>> Brown-ish eyes
>> Scar on left cheek
>> Light brown skin color
>> 5'6"
Transformed
>> Hair turns orange
>> Eyes turn red
>> Skin gets kinda scaly
>> Whole body bulks up
>> 6'5"
Background : Born in December 1997, Max was abandoned by his parents, who claimed they had no time for children but didn't have the heart to abort the baby, to an orphanage shortly after. He was constantly bullied by the other children while growing up, some even calling him an "unwanted mistake". Though none of those insults got in the way of his cheerful spirit. He was convinced that things were going to get better at some point in his life. That's what kept him going throughout his orphan years. When he was 7 years old, he was adopted by the Brown family, which consisted of Jesse(father|47), Mariah(mother|50) and Angie(daughter|19). They had always wanted a son but the doctors had considered Mariah lucky to even have given birth to Angie. The couple cherished and raised Max like he was their own child. However happiness didn't seem to like him. A couple of years later, on Max' birthday, the Browns had a fatal car accident. Despite being in the car as well, Max escaped with just a few bruises. But his sufferings had only just begun. After the funerals and all the papers, he eventually had to move in with Angie, who couldn't decline. She started to blame Max for the death of her parents, saying he was cursed and only a burden. She had always held a grudge against him for supposedly taking her place as the "spoiled child". Angie would hurt him emotionally as much as she could but he had no other choice and no one to turn to. After all he was just an orphan boy that no one wanted. He went to school normally, hoping to find a safe haven there but it was the same as home, maybe even worse. He was constantly beaten by the jocks, humiliated by the others and the preferred target for bullies. It was so awful that he wanted to take away his life. His will was shattered and his spirit broken. But then, he crossed paths with a Demon Knight and this will change everything...