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Pokemon Yellow: Special Parody Edition
Written By: CrazyRabidPony
Chapter One: The Beginning of Insanity
Yellow was an average ten-year-old girl--well, not average; more like below average. From surveying all eight bits of obsidian hair, red and black baseball cap, vest, shirt, and jeans, one wouldn't have been able to tell that she was a village idiot in the making. And she was often mistaken for a boy, which she didn't mind--choosing to cheerfully and politely correct the person who had prejudged her gender and gift them with a handful of noodles. Her IQ matched that of a Madagascar hissing cockroach, and on occasion would mimic the mannerisms of one on an unexpected impulse.
Eyes crossed in a blank stare that was fixated out the bedroom window, the young girl began to fantasize the day she were to receive her first Pokemon. What would it even be? "Would it be a Bubuhsaur, a Charmanderp, or a Squttle?" were the exact words that passed through her mind. As far as she knew, it could be a two-headed rainbow unicorn kitten from Mars with butterfly wings. And that is precisely what she imagined it to be as she mentally rode upon its back over a lake of chocolate and battled an armada of pocky monsters.
Then something occurred to her. Why did she have to wait anyway? She was old enough and she was prepared to leave, she reasoned to herself as she cast her gaze to her full backpack she had stored in the tree outside her bedroom. Coming to the decision that today was the day that she would meet the town's--and coincidentally, the region's--only Pokemon professor, she slid down the staircase and crashed to the floor at the foot.
Recovering with absolutely no injuries, she hopped over to her mother. The woman was seated with a sort of melancholic expression, as if she was dreading the arrival of some horrible tragedy.
"All boys leave home someday. It said so on TV," she stated, her eyes glued to the television screen that was showing happy cartoon ponies.
Yellow retained her usual mirth.
"But I'm a girl," came the answer.
With a twitch of her eye, something deep within the woman snapped… again. With a one-hundred eighty degree turn in mood, she launched herself from her seat. She hurled chairs across the room with alarming strength, sank her teeth into the couch to tear it apart with even more alarming strength, and ran headfirst into walls with even MORE alarming resilience, creating deep holes that would later be patched up along with similar ones dotted along the drywall. This behavior was not unusual for her, and the banshee-like cries that carried throughout the neighbor were long used to by the residents.
As Yellow's mother pranced with imaginary leprechauns, the child made a beeline for the door and the tree. Giving the trunk a headbutt with the startling inhuman power she inherited, her backpack dropped straight to the ground. Collecting it, she ran straight for the laboratory located a few blocks from her home.
***
Door flying off its hinges, it sailed across the laboratory and collided with one of the Pokemon professor's assistants as his clones looked on in horrified awe.
"Professor Oak!" Yellow cheerfully chirped, oblivious that she had just committed destruction of property.
"I told you! I don't want any Girl Scout cookies!" the mildly insane professor bellowed, strands of saliva flying from his mouth with each syllable. Cooking pot on his head and a fully loaded machine gun in his possession, he kicked over his desk to serve as a protective barrier. Upon analyzing and acknowledging who the visitor was, he was instantly becalmed and promptly tossed aside his weapon and discarded the pot. "Oh… Yellow, it's just you."
"Gramps! I want my Pokemon now!" whined a nearby spiky-haired boy as he stole a brief glance at the Poke' Ball sitting upon another desk several feet away. "I've been waiting here for six hours!"
"Be patient, er… whatever your name is." The old man squinted his eyes, lifting his hand to his chin as he struggled ever so hard to remember his grandson's name. "Green? No--Blue!"
The boy tightened his scowl with indignant irritation. He couldn't wait until the time arrived to put the forgetful old geezer in a retirement home and take over his laboratory.
"It's William!" he tetchily reminded him.
"Be patient, William, you'll get one eventually."
"Whadaboutme?" Yellow queried, bouncing up and down in excitement. "Can I have my Pokemon? Huh? Huh?"
"Of course. It's on the table," replied the annoyed Pokemon professor, extending his index finger to the Poke' Ball.
Approaching the table, Yellow took her time to unnecessarily inspect it from every angle. She then did the same thing with the spherical object.
"Neat! It's a Voltorb!"
"That's a Poke' Ball, Yellow," said Professor Oak, sharing a look of shame with his grandson--shame that he actually knew this human. "The Pokemon is inside of it."
"The Pokemon must be tiny."
Exasperated groans were released from both the Pokemon professor and his grandson. After knowing the girl for so long, they were still unable to believe that someone so stupid existed.
Just as Yellow stretched out her arm, hand open as she prepared to grasp the Poke' Ball, William shoved her aside and snatched his prize. Even with it in his possession, he still burned with anger at the fact that his own grandfather was so willing to gift a Pokemon to an idiot outside of his family over him. He was even questioning the man's mental health since he seemed to be content with giving the girl a Pokemon in the first place.
"William! What are you doing?!" Professor Oak sputtered, unable to believe what he had just witnessed.
"Muahahahahaha! This Pokemon is mine!" William proclaimed. Laughing evilly, he made a mad dash out of the laboratory to begin his journey.
"… Okaaaay…" Mind still reeling from the insanity his grandson had displayed, he shifted his attention to Yellow. "Yellow, I have one more Pokemon left and you can have it."
"Yippee!" the child cheered upon receiving a second Poke' Ball. "Hey, another Voltorb!"
A nervous drop of sweat slid down the old man's head in response. Right now, he was beginning to question the wisdom of his decision. Before he could say anything and hopefully correct this potential mistake, the Poke' Ball cracked open and released a blinding energy that materialized into a Pikachu.
"Finally! I'm free!" the electric rodent exclaimed in its language, before glancing up at the humans from her position on the floor.
Yellow, however, had taken no notice to the Pikachu, as she was too busy scolding the Poke' Ball she had mistaken for a Voltorb for using Explosion. Dreading letting the Pokemon go with this particular girl, he very slowly explained to her that the round object in her hand was a Poke' Ball along with its use. Pointing down at the Pikachu, he stated that she was her Pokemon, causing a panic to well up within the creature. Before she had any time to react--or more accurately, flee for her life--, the child swiftly dropped to her knees and curl her arms around her in a deadly embrace.
"Can't… breathe…!" the Pikachu choked out.
Shifting the Pokemon into one arm, Yellow accepted the gifted Poke'dex and five Poke' Balls from Professor Oak. The Pikachu shooting her former keeper a deadly glare, he responded with a look of remorse and pain caused by constipation. With another choking gasp, the fluffy mammal was whisked away.
"May Arceus…" Professor Oak trailed off as the remains of his sentence were erased from his mind. Since Arceus didn't exist in the first generation, the memory of even uttering the Pokemon's name was wiped from his mind. "May Nintendo God have mercy on that poor Pikachu's soul…"
After wishing the Pokemon luck in a silent prayer, he opened up the safe tucked away behind a bookshelf and began to play with the girly dolls that had been contained inside.
***
The wilderness is an unforgiving desolation. It was without the protection of a Pokemon children were forbidden to venture out on their own. No one could ever predict what monstrous beasts could be lurking beneath the cover of thigh high grass.
The Pikachu tossed the unconscious body of a Pidgey onto the pile of its copious brethren and Rattata that had formed while her trainer had led them around a single tree for the past hour. She heaved a sigh as they came to a stop, feeling the electricity stored in her cheek pouches running low.
"I still don't see Viridian City anywhere," Yellow said, surveying the area.
The Pokemon slapped a paw to her forehead and groaned at her trainer's stupidity. How was it possible for someone to walk around for an hour and not notice a city that was only a few yards away? Before Yellow could change their course towards a pack of rabid hippies, the rodent procured a frying pan and sprung at her from behind. In one well-aimed swing to the back of the head, the human was knocked unconscious. Heaving a sigh, the Pikachu dragged her trainer to Viridian City's Pokemon Center.
***
"Hey, wake up."
The Pikachu prodded her sleeping trainer in an effort to rouse her. Having dragged her into the Pokemon Center and onto one of the empty couches, she had gone ahead and saw herself to the nurse to be healed. Health completely restored, she was anxious to get going again.
"Mommy, I don't wanna go to school," Yellow whined in her slumber, rolling over onto her side, her back facing the Pokemon.
After many attempts at awakening her trainer, the Pikachu swiped an Old Rod from a Fishing Guru and proceeded to repeatedly smack her trainer with it.
"GAH! SOCK MONKEYS ARE ATTACKING! DON'T LET THEM GET ME!" Yellow cried out in a panic as she leaped skyward and clung to the chandelier above. Unable to hold her weight, the chandelier was detached from the ceiling and shattered upon impact to the floor. Rushing to her side, the Pikachu checked for any injuries. Unfortunately for the Electric-type, the girl had sustained none. Dizzy spell dissipating, Yellow turned a grin to her Pokemon. "Heya, Sparkle!"
Ear twitching, the Pikachu's mind processed her given nickname. In her anguish, balled up her paws and tossed them heavenward as she cried out "why me?" at the sky--or, in this case, the ceiling.
***
Taking up an exploration of Viridian City, Yellow and the newly named Sparkle allowed their eyes to wander. Soon, both came to a cessation as they stumbled upon a building enveloped with an angelic glow, a most beautiful chorus ringing in their ears and filling them with an indescribable bliss. It was a Dairy Queen.
"Hey, Sparkle, want some ice cream?" the girl inquired, dropping her eyes to her Pokemon.
Feeling a break in the nightmare that was her life, answered with an enthusiastic nod. The pair sat themselves down at a table and enjoyed a variety of dairy treats. As they indulged themselves in frozen bliss, they shared joy and laughter and took part in chugging contests before succumbing to brain freeze and crashing from the sugar rush.
"Get back here!" a voice originated from within the establishment.
A female Nidoran with an ice cream cone held firmly between her teeth dashed out of the building with the owner of the voice close behind. An enraged ten-year-old black girl resembling a Cooltrainer was in hot pursuit. Ducking behind a trash bin, the Poison-type wolfed down the cone and vanilla soft serve. Once she was finished, she scanned the area from her hiding place, soon spotting Yellow and Sparkle waking up from their nap. She dashed into their direction, unnoticed by all with the exception of the angry girl. The Nidoran gently nudged an empty Poke' Ball that had been dropped by Yellow. As the object split open, she was sucked inside before it closed again.
They mystery girl hadn't known that the Nidoran was wild and had assumed that Yellow was her trainer. Retrieving the dropped Ball, Yellow glanced around. In order to avoid eye contact, the girl spun around and clenched her fists, shaking with rage. Gritting her teeth, she created a vow that she would avenge her beloved ice cream.
Once she turned back around, she found that Yellow was gone. Huffing in frustration, she set out to hunt down her victims.
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