[Pokémon] Yellow's Adventures: Kanto

This is my first fan fic, so I hope its ok. I dont think css is necessary so ill just use normal text also please leave feedback


Daniel woke up in Pallet town, Kanto. It was seven thirty am, the day before his tenth birthday. His house was the the second one from the left on Ash Drive, named after a famous Pokémon trainer who, starting in Pallet, left to travel the regions. Daniel's father was a part time Pokémon professor and a professional Pokémon trainer. He was currently traveling the Orre region, trying to learn about as much pokemon as possible and meet as many people as possible. Daniel was super excited for his birthday and couldn't wait for his first pokemon. He sat up in his bed and stretched.

"It's going to be a long day," Daniel sighed to himself.

He crawled out of bed and went to find some clothes. Daniel found a pair of blue jeans and a white t-shirt.

"Daniel! Time for breakfast!" Daniels mother called.

Daniel threw his pajamas in the hamper and ran downstairs.

"Oh, I see your already dressed," Daniel's mom noticed.

Daniel waved and sat down at the dining table and waited patiently for his food.

"A bowl of cereal coming right up," his mom said cheerfully.

"Thanks mom," Daniel replied. After eating his food, Daniel grabbed his hat and ran outside into the sun.

"Be back before dark!" his mom called.

"Ok, I will," Daniel called back.

Daniel ran down the avenue to his rival Nathan's house. Running up the steps, he jumped over the sleeping cat and knocked on the door. He heard some talking from the inside, then heard some foot steps. The door opened to Nathan's mom, who was a tad short and a bit wider than Daniel's mom.

"Hi Yellow, how are you?" Nathan's mom asked.

"I'm doing good, is Nathan home?" Daniel inquired.

"Yes, he's inside right now" Nathan's mom let him into the parlor.

"Nathan! Your friend is here!" Nathan's mom called up the stairs.

"Coming!" Nathan called down.

As Nathan's mom wandered off, Nathan himself slid down the stairs, wearing a grey shirt and black jeans.

"Howdy," Nathan said. "Hey, you want to play some trading cards?" Daniel asked. "Sure, let's go!"

Right, so, this is really quite short. I'm not even sure it qualifies as an entire chapter. But I'll do a basic grammar overview.

tyler1616 said:

It was 7:30 am, the day before his tenth birthday.

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Write out the time.

tyler1616 said:

His house was the the second one from the left on Satoshi avenue, named after a famous pokemon trainer who, starting in Pallet, left to travel the regions.

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Street names should be capitalized, also, you're using the Japanese name, but are calling the city by its English name? I would advise not to do that.

tyler1616 said:

Daniels father was a part time pokemon proffesor and a proffesional pokemon trainer.

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Right, there needs to be an apostrophe in 'Daniels', Pokémon should be capitalized and is missing the accented é, and both professor and professional are misspelled.

tyler1616 said:

He was currently traveling the Orre region, trying to learn about as much pokemon as possible and meet as many people as possible.

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Same issue with Pokémon, which I assume is throughout.

tyler1616 said:

He crawled out of bed went to find some clothes.

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Missing a word.

tyler1616 said:

Many called him Yellow because often times all he wore was yellow. Daniel found a pair of blue jeans and a white t-shirt.

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Why even mention this now? There's no point. It's information vomit.

tyler1616 said:

Daniel threw his pajamas in the hamper and ran down stairs.

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Extra space.

tyler1616 said:

"Oh, I see your already dressed," Daniel's mom exclaimed.
Daniel waved and sat down at the dining table and waited patiently for his food.

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New paragraph. And she didn't really 'exclaim' anything. Since exclamations are usually followed by an exclamation point.

tyler1616 said:

"A bowl of cereal coming right up." his mom said cheerfully.

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Comma not a period after 'up'.

tyler1616 said:

"Be back before dark!" His mom called.

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'His' should be lower case.

tyler1616 said:

"Ok, i will," Daniel called back.

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The pronoun "I" is always capitalized.

tyler1616 said:

"Yes, hes inside right now" Nathan's mom let him into the parlor.

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You're missing the apostrophe here.


Overall, the grammar wasn't too bad, I've seen far worse. This was just some typos. What writing program do you use? I would suggest Word at least, or if you don't have it OpenOffice, it's a completely free program that is basically the same as Microsoft Word. Any writing program worth a cent would have caught those errors I found.

You also have a problem with telling what is happening rather than showing us. Get us into the character's head. Don't just tell us his father is in another region, how about you show how much he misses his father, or how proud he is of him. Maybe he's resentful? Who knows, this is just one example on ways to further build the world.

Ok thanks for the feed back, ill fix the errors and look into openoffice

Edit: I fixed the errors but about the getting into the characters head, ill focus more on that in the next chapter.

Just before I start the chapter I want to say a few things. First a disclaimer I probably should have put in the first post. This story is NOT about the character from the manga. Second, I have just realized the shortness of my first chapter, so, sorry to those I offended. And finally I would like to shout out to PhantomX0990 for recommending openoffice, it really helps. Now, without further ado, lets begin, (or continue).


Later that same evening, Daniel and Nathan were engaged in a heated trading card battle when Nathan's mom came up.

"Hey Daniel, its almost dark, I think your mom would want you home by now," Nathan's mom suggested.

"Yeah, okay, ill get going." Daniel replied.

After giving his goodbyes, Daniel grabbed his hat and was off to his home. When Daniel got home, his mom was making riceballs.

"Hey mom, I'm home!" Daniel called.

"Welcome home, the riceballs are almost finished." his mom replied.

"Ok, ill be upstairs," Daniel said.

After going to his room, Daniel kicked his shoes off and threw his hat on his desk. He was clad in his pajamas when his mother called for supper. After washing his hands, Daniel headed downstairs for supper.

"Alright! I'm ready to get that food in my belly!" Daniel claimed, hungrily.

"It's still hot, so be careful," Daniel's mother warned.

"I will," Daniel said.

Even after he said that, as soon as the food was served, Daniel still engorged himself, burning his tongue along the way.

"Ow! It burns!" Daniel cried

"I told you so," his mom teased.

Daniel had just finished his last rice ball when there was a knock on the door. Daniel swallowed his food and ran up to get it.

"Coming!" he yelled.

Once he got to the door he noticed he was only wearing pajamas.

"Oh, to heck with it," Daniel said under his breath.

He opened the door to his next door neighbor, Brianne.

"Uh, hi," Daniel said, starting to blush

"Hey Daniel, my mom just finished a new page to her music and wanted to know if your mom wanted to hear it," Brianne explained.

"Uh, ok, I-i'll call my mom over real quick," Daniel stammered.

"Mom! Um, visitors!" Daniel called.

Daniel's mom hurried over to the door while Daniel went and flopped on the sofa. He turned on the TV to find a Pokémon battle tournament ongoing. It was a "heated' battle between a Magmar and a Camerupt. Daniel watched it for a while as the ladies conversed on the front porch. As the Magmar was defeated by the Camerupts body slam, Daniel started dozing off as his mom came back into the room.

"Hi," Daniel said sleepily.

"Well Daniel, I suppose it's off to bed with you now, you have a big day tomorrow," Daniel's mom explained.

"Oh alright, but tell me how this battle with the Onix and the Sandslash ends, okay?" Daniel asked.

"Sure thing, I'll tell you in the morning," Daniels mom assured.

They said their good nights, and Daniel hobbled up the stairs to his room.

"Sandslash," Daniel said dreamily, "I would really love to have a Sandslash."

Daniel crawled into bed thinking about his father, about what Pokémon he would send to Daniel, and if he would send one to Nathan. Daniel was proud of his father. His father had gone through the Kanto region and the Orange Islands; He was halfway through the Orre region. Daniel couldn't wait to see him again. The last thing on his mind before he went to sleep that night, was that Sandslash battling that Onix. He couldn't wait to hear the results.

--------

Daniel woke the next morning to the sound of a Pidgey slamming on his window. Daniel yelped in suprise and fell out of bed. As he stood up the Pidgey flew away, leaving Daniel in peace.

"Good riddance," Daniel mumbled

He looked at his clock and saw it was nine forty six.

"Nine forty six huh, I best be getting dressed," Daniel said to himself.

He found a pair of light blue jeans and a black T-shirt. After that he decided to wear his yellow denim vest. Tossing his pajamas in the hamper, Daniel trekked downstairs. Once he got down, he could smell some eggs and bacon being cooked. Daniel gasped and ran into the kitchen. In there he found his mom and Brianne cooking breakfast.

"Morning sleepyhead," Brianne said teasingly.

"Brianne, what are you doing here?" Daniel asked, dumbfound.

"Cooking, I practiced it with my mom, and I supposed because it was your special day, I would cook for you," Brianne explained.

Daniel just shrugged and sat down at the kitchen table. While breakfast was cooking, Daniel stared out the window, watching a pair of Spearow peck at each other. Then, he remembered last night.

"Hey mom, who won?" Daniel asked.

"The Sandslash; It was a close game, but when the Sandslash used earthquake, it was all over," Daniel's mom recapped

Daniel beamed with happiness, then went back to watching the Spearow.

"Oh, and Daniel, happy birthday," Brianne commented.

"Thanks," Daniel replied.

Once breakfast was served, Daniel's mom and Brianne sat down.

"Dig in," Daniel's mom said, relieved.


After eating, Brianne left to go get her mother, while Daniel's mom took Daniel to the community hall. They went to the trainer division. Then they stopped at the presentation room.

"Usually this would be done at a professor's lab, but Pallet no longer has a professor, so we use the presentation room," Daniel's mom explained.

"Now, we have no normal starters on hand, but your father sent some other Pokemon from Orre, so, let the ceremony begin!" Daniel's mom declared.

"It's a ceremony?" Daniel asked sheepishly.

"Not really, It's just an important time in your life," Nathan's mom explained.

"Woah, you scared me!" Daniel exclaimed

"Sorry for sneaking up, we didn't expect you to be so jumpy," Nathan teased.

Daniel growled, but put his attention back on his mother. She reached under the podium and pulled out a box. She than proceeded to open the box. Inside were three pokeballs.

"Inside this box there are three Pokémon," Daniel's mom said.

Both Daniel and Nathan peered inside the box, hardly containing their excitement.

"These three Pokémon, are Staryu, Sandshrew, and Pikachu," Daniel's mom said ominously.

"Which will you choose..."

Here my 3rd chapter, hope the battle isnt to short, or too long


"Who will you choose?"

Those were the words that echoed in Daniel's head. He had a choice between Sandshrew, Staryu, And Pikachu. He wanted Sandshrew, but didn't want to rush his decision. The eyes of his friends and mother bore into him as he stood above the three pokeballs. Nathan broke the silence

"Choose already!" he barked.

"Hush now, this an important moment in his life," his mother shushed him.

Daniel took one last look before making his decision.

"I choose Sandshrew!" Daniel declared, taking the pokeball from the pedestal.

"Alright!" Nathan shouted "My turn!"

Nathan ran up to the pedestal, pushing away Daniel, and grabbed a pokeball.

"And because you chose Sandshrew, I'll choose Staryu!" Nathan claimed, excitedly.

"Aw biscuit." Daniel murmured.

"Hey! Yellow my man, how bout a battle to test our bloodlines," Nathan challenged.

"Your on!" Daniel retorted

All of the mothers and Brianne just sighed and stepped back. The boys ran to opposite sides of the room and pulled out their pokeballs.

"Ok Sandshrew, let's go!" Daniel called, throwing out his pokeball

In midair, the pokeball opened and a flash of light illuminated the room. Once the light died down, there was a lone sandshrew, standing in the middle of the room.

"Ok then, Staryu I choose you!" Nathan called.

When Nathan threw his pokeball, it had the same effect as Daniel's, But instead revealed a star shaped pokemon.

"Ya!" The Staryu cried out.

"Sand, sand, Sandshrew!" The Sandshrew called back.

"Alright, let's kick it off! Staryu Tackle!" Nathan called.

The star pokemon jumped up and shot towards the Sandshrew.

"Gah," Daniel yelped "He's coming so fast, Sandshrew, um, Defense Curl!"

The Sandshrew rolled up into a ball, causing a small layar of white to appear around him.

"Hiya!" The Staryu cried as he smashed into the Sandshrew.

Sandshrew didn't go back very far, but was still wounded.

"Ok, Sandshrew, counter with Poison Sting!" Daniel commanded.

The Sandshrew growled and shot a poison barb at the Staryu.

"Staryu! Harden!" Nathan yelled.

The Staryu's body turned into a hue of gray, preparing for the Sandshrew's attack. As the barb hit, the Staryu wasn't hurt much, but was poisoned.

"Ha, good job Sandshrew," Daniel praised.

The Sandshrew gave a pleased cry, and was back to his enemy.

"Alright Staryu, tackle!" Nathan called.

"Sandshrew, quick, counter with a Scratch!" Daniel commanded.

As the Staryu shot for the Sandshrew a second time, the Sandshrew rushed toward the Pokemon with his claw outstretched. About halfway across the room, the two forces collided, sending both of the pokemon back to their trainers. Both of the pokemon painfully got to their feet.

"This battle is over, Yellow!" Nathan declared.

"Your right, it is," Daniel replied.

Nathan gasped as he remembered his Staryu's condition, and watched as his pokemon fainted of poisoning.

"What! No way! You beat me!" Nathan said in denial.

"Alright! Good job Sandshrew return," Daniel said, withdrawing his pokemon back to it's ball.

As they went to the center of the room, the ladies went to congratulate the victor.

"Good job Yellow!" Brianne congratulated Daniel.

"Good job son, I'm proud of you," Daniel's mom praised.

While they congratulated Daniel, Nathan's mom went to assess the damage.

"Well, you sure did rough this ol' place up," Nathan's mom commented.

"Yeah, sorry," Nathan said sheepishly.

"Well, no problem, it's your first battle, so enjoy it," His mom assured.

Nathan stared glumly at his feet, trying to deal with his defeat.

"C'mon man, chill out," Daniel said.

Nathan just grunted and started to walk away when Daniel's mom called him back.

"Hey guys, I have another thing for you two," she said.

The boys walked over to her, wondering what it is.

"These are Pokedexes," she explained "They record data on the pokemon you have seen, but gain more information if you catch them. All the other completed Kanto pokedexes have been destroyed or lost, so we need you two to complete them, like the few who have in the past,"

The boys stared at the two devices, filled with wonder.

"Well, it seems like completing it is rather important," Nathan commented, "So if I complete it, ill be famous?"

"Well, sure," his mother answered.

"Awesome, well then ill complete it for you, and for my fame!" Nathan said, a new spark in his eyes.

"Well, ill do some with the pokedex, but I truly want to beat the Kanto pokemon league, and travel the regions," Daniel said.

"Well whatever you do, at least now you have pokemon," Brianne said cheerfully.

"But now, lets stop holding you two back, go on your journey!" Daniel's mom commanded.

Both of the boys cheered, and sprinted towards their destiny.


As the kids ran through town, they kept on pushing each other, racing to Route 1. The sun was high in the sky and the grass was greener than ever. It was the middle of autumn, and the leaves were a bright orange color.

"I'm going to be the first to Route 1!" Nathan bragged.

"Oh yeah? We'll see about that!" Daniel challenged.

Daniel firmly secured his hat and started dashing forward, staring to pass up Nathan.

"You think your going to get off that easy?" Nathan challenged.

"I don't see anyone stopping me," He said back.

As they made it around the corner, they say saw Route 1 in the distance. Both of the boys put on another burst of speed an raced neck and neck. As soon as they reached the edge of the concrete, Daniel dived forwards, into the grass.

"Yes! I made it," Daniel said, exhausted.

"Darn it," Nathan mumbled.

Damian flipped on his back and stared up at the sun. It felt nice to lay in the fresh grass. He had hardly left the town; this was truly an adventure.

"Well, I guess this is farewell," Nathan concluded.

"Huh, your leaving already?" Daniel asked, confused.

"We both have different goals, so there is no reason to stick around," He answered.

Daniel sat up and looked at Nathan.

"May we meet and fight again," Daniel responded.

"Yes, may we..."

Hello to my non existant viewers, here is chapter 4. Hope youu like it.

Daniel stared at the sky as the sun started to set in the west. The breeze was light and he heard the distant cries of pokemon and the busy noise of the town 10 feet away. As Daniel finally sat up, he checked around his area to see if there were any nearby pokemon. Confirming that there wasn't any, he called out Sandshrew.

"Sandshrew, come out!" Daniel called.

There was a flash and Sandshrew materialized in front of Daniel.

"Walk with me?" Daniel offered.

Sandshrew nodded and waited for Daniel to continue. As they walked down Route 1, Sandshrew started singing a little song. As Daniel had no idea what he was singing, he just hummed to what ever tune there was. As they continued, They heard an incessant squawking, coming from above.

"Well what do you think that is?" Daniel asks to no one in particular, peering at the sky.

As looked, he heard Sandshrew make a panicked noise.

"Sandshrew what's wrong?" Daniel asked to the little pokemon.

"Sand.. Sand.. Shrew!" The pokemon cried, beckoning to the Sky.

As Daniel looked up, a Pidgey swooped down from above.

"Sandshrew, quick, Sand Attack!" He called.

Sandshrew grunted and tossed a clump of sand at the incoming pokemon. It hit its mark, but did little to slow down the pokemon.

"What the.. Sandshrew, Scratch!" Daniel commanded.

As the Pidgey approached Sandshrew, he jumped up and scratched the bird, changing its course, and crashed into the ground.

"Alright, I got this," Daniel confided in himself, " Pokeball, Go!"

As the red and white ball flew at the bird, both Daniel and Sandshrew stared in anticipation. As the pokeball hit the bird, a red beam hit the pokemon, retracting it into the ball.

"Come on, come on!" Daniel pleaded.

The ball wobbled for a few seconds, than a click could be heard.

"Yes!" Daniel cheered.

Him and Sandshrew jumped for joy, then went to retrieve the pokeball.

"We got our first friend!" Daniel said cheerfully.

As Daniel picked up the Pokeball, two more Pidgey flew down infront of them, squawking challenges to Sandshrew and his trainer.

"If its a double battle you want, then its a double battle you will get," Daniel said, "Pidgey, come out!"

Daniel sent out his new pokemon, and it materialized next to Sandshrew.

"Ok, Pidgey, Tackle, Sandshrew, Scratch!" Daniel shouted.

Both the Pokemon executed their attacks before the wild Pokemon could react, knocking them back two yards. Before Daniel could attack them again, both the Pidgey flew off.

"Well, I guess that makes our job easier," Daniel said, relieved.

As Daniel recalled his Pokemon, he looked down the road to see a middle aged man, dressed in samurai armor. Daniel started walking to the man, but then the man spotted him, and rushed down to him.

"Hi, hi, hi, why, hello there, I am a Pokemon trainer, well, once, was, no, still am, hehe," the man said with an impish grin on his face.

"well-" Daniel started.

"I, Once battled the great Ash Ketchum, oh yes yes, I did! We were both novices then, well I guess he isn't anymore. I'm not a professional trainer like I once was." The man rambled.

"Well I-," Daniel began.

"Oh! Do you want to battle?"The man asked, hopping excitedly.

"Uh, sure?" Daniel said confused.

"Ok, ok, lets go!" the man yelled. "Pinsir! Go!"

He threw a Safari ball and out materialized a Pinsir.

"Ok, Pidgey, Go!" Daniel called.

As Pidgey flew out, the Pinsir clapped its horns excitedly, jumping up and down franticly.

"Man, this guy and his pokemon both have a few bolts loose," Daniel said to himself.

When the man had finally gotten himself together, Daniel was on the attack.

"Pidgey, Tackle!" Daniel shouted.

The tiny bird swooped down and smashed into the giant bug, sending it back a yard, but only doing cosmetic damage.

"ohh, yesyesyesyesyes, the thrill of the battle, the connection with the pokemon, its, exhilarating!" the man said, spinning in circles like a loony.

"Ok Pinsir, Sand-Attack!" he shouted.

As Daniel watched, confused, the bug swept a storm of dust at the Pidgey, having no effect at all.

"Um, pidgey, tackle," Daniel said lamely.

The bird did a small sigh, then rushed at the bug.

"Oh, hear it comes," the man says, staring at the incoming bird.

Pidgey hit hard, sending the Pinsir into the man, flying them into a tree. Daniel gasped, and ran over to the man.

"Oh boy that was fun, we should do it again sometime, Pinsir return," he said standing back up, calling back the pokemon.

Daniel stared with jaw agape with full disbelief. He called back Pidgey and walked over to the man.

"Um, good fight?" he said unsure.

"Oh yes yes, good fight indeed. In fact, so good, I will take you to Viridian city," the man offered.

Daniel just nodded his head and took off his hat to fan away the battles confusions. The man pointed further down the road, and started walking off, humming a tune. Daniel put his hat back on and followed along, listening to the whistle of the wind, and the humming of his unlikely companion.
Daniel stared further down the road, looking forward to new sights, and new dreams.


Somewhere else in route one, Nathan was wresting with problems of his own. Following his capture of a Rattata, Nathan stumbled upon a band of misfits in black costumes. Before Nathan could see what was going on, a pink cat like pokemon arose from the circle of mischief makers and flew off, causing the men to turn around. As Nathan was spotted, he did the only thing he could think of.

RUN

Hey Tyler, we're not non-existent! Your story's ok so far, although I wish you had given Daniel's mother more character. I think you did try, but I thought it was weird how she said "Which will you choose" ominously because normally parents are really excited when their children are starting out on a new phase in life or they'll be more supportive of their children and say something like 'Take your time to pick honey, choose the one that you like best."

I liked how the three starters could counter one another and I didn't notice that outright until Nathan chose Staryu to counter Sandshrew so it felt like you had put some thought into it instead of randomly selecting pokemon that you liked. I also thought that having all pokedexes lost or destroyed was kinda a weak excuse. Since Ash is famous for his calibre, he should be responsible enough to keep his pokedexes if he has the will and determination to become a pokemon master.

I thought you did a really good job with the Samurai character. I think that he's the one with the most personality out of all the characters. You might want to figure out ways to make your other character's personalities stand out more. For example, because you wrote Nathan to react the way he did when he lost, you could write him out to be someone who isn't very good at losing, but this is just a suggestion. Try to put yourself in the character's shoes and see how you would react if you were in that situation. Pay more attention to the way you behave in daily life to know yourself better. Believe me when I say that most of us don't really know ourselves as well as we think we do. This is usually because we have this picture image in our mind of who we want to be, but in reality we are usually very different. By doing this you can learn to incoorporate flaws into your own character's personalities, which would make them more realistic/relatable.

Anyway keep writing! Looking forward to your next post.

K, thanks for the feedback, ill get started on the next chapter soon, and try to add more personality.