[Pokémon] Through the Darkness

Yeah, she might THINK she got away with eavesdropping there. Somehow I can't help but get the feeling she's not as stealthy as she might like herself to be.

Should be interesting to see how (if) her powers manifest, and what comes of them.

Nice first appearnce with Chihiro there! I enjoyed her interaction with Arkus there and she seems like she'll have potential as a fun character. Like Sike, I'm also curious if she will manage to control her powers soon. Prety excited how this story will unfold!

Beta-Five browsed through the network's news feed, and the cultural section caught his eye. Yet another debate began over including the Pokemon anime and franchise from the old society in the cultural archives. He read further and saw that the Conglomerate yet again rejected the proposal, due to the destructive nature of the material.

Click to expand...

Oh my gosh, haha. And not the first time the anime has been referenced in fic that's posted here.

A short but interesting glimpse of how one of the beta agents work. The meion of Beta 5's past project comitted suicide caught my attention, makes me wonder if his latest project will do the same. Looking forward to more!

I suppose this is the part where I start pondering the exact nature of their little cube-solver. There's the immediate possibility that comes to mind, but I'm just going to stick that on the maybe shelf. I might give the other subjects a little thought while I'm at it.

All I know for sure is this chapter made me want root beer and hot pockets.

Not much happening this chapter, but the interaction between Chihiro and Serisen is cute. Chihiro in a hisstory book already had me very curious as to what is going on with that. Looking forward to more!

The line was short, a small gaggle of torchic chirping and squeaking as their mother picked out ice cream flavors.

Click to expand...

Okay that is cute as heck. The ice cream shop scene in general was, really.

He introduced splitting agents 1 through 7, watching the thoroughly examined strands get torn to shreds by tiny molecular bubbles and float out of view. Then he twirled the display around, analyzing the structure. He introduced a minute quantity of hydrochloric acid and watched the intermolecular attractions break apart, unfolding some pieces of the molecule and pressing others closer together. He waited for an opening, and when he saw one emerging, he attacked it with enzyme 14, cutting it off at twenty molecules. They floated through the gap – too many – and though he tried to quench the reaction, the enzyme slashed the inner structure to ribbons before he could stop it.

Click to expand...

Whoops!

"Actually, sir, would you mind if I got 2.0 the books?"

The director turned and waved his hair out of his face. He rubbed his chin for a moment and said, "Go ahead. However, let me remind you not to get too attached to the test subject."

Click to expand...

I suspect it's a little too late for that!

Guess I guessed right about µ2.0. I might've known rather than simply guessed if I hadn't forgotten what lowercase mu looks like. Meanwhile my brain's held onto part of the VR Troopers theme after all these years. The things it thinks are precious, I can't understand.

He threw off his lab coat, took a quick shower, heated up a hot pocket, and, hours later, fell asleep on his laptop, the a stream of b's worming their way through the end of his report.

Click to expand...

I love that image.

I'll admit some of the scientific terms you threw in there went over my head since Science isn't a strong suit of mine, lol. I can understand though in this type of setting the people involved won't dumb down the language and such.

"And my name is two-point-oh, right?"

"µ2.0," Beta-Five corrected. "They call you 2.0 for short."

"Mewtwo… I see. Thank you Beta-Five."

"Let me know if you need any more books."

Click to expand...

I do like this scene there. The scene before that, the part where Beta-Five discusses with their boss about getting the books themselves, I agree with Sike that they're becoming too attached to the test subject there.

The part with the Vigoroth's comatose and the mention of "Darkrai's unique energy" makes me wonder what those people are up to. Don't think this will be the last time Darkrai will be referenced. Looking forward to more!

"Mr. Renfield, Mr. Renfield, Chihiro was late to class!" Seth blurted out. Chihiro felt her heart sink into her stomach as Mr. Renfield looked at her.

Click to expand...

Poor Chihiro. At least the teacher lets it slide this time.

She found Mr. Borsche, the zangoose teacher, first. He was straightening his polo and combing his long white ears.

Click to expand...

For some reason this imagery amuses me.

The part with Chihiro able to use the Aura, lucky Serisen wasn't that badly hurt. Hm I probably missed this, but I take it the teachers already knew about Chihiro using Aura? If not, I would think there would be a reaction over Chihiro able to use that. Either way, Chihiro must be overwhelmed after her parents revealed everything to her. Looking forward to more!

Quite the intense discussion those directors had there. Yeah, I can already tell trying to convience Arkus that Darkrai was back won't be easy. Also can't help but notice the mention of Zoroark able to read both minds and computer storage. While I can understand the minds part due to their illusion ability, them also reading computer amuses me for some reason, haha. Beta Five serving as an envoy should be interesting (though I'm betting there will be quite a few obstcles along the way). Looking forward to more!

"Hello Heste, how are you? Yes, I'm fine, I was calling to see how Serisen was doing." A long pause later, he said, "I see. It wasn't easy for Chihiro either. I think all we can do is give them time. No, forcing them won't do any good. I'll try my best. Take care Heste."

Click to expand...

Spotted a mention of Heste there. Would be cool if she makes an appearance soon.

I feel bad for both Chihiro and Serisen as now things are awkward for them. Hopefully that'll pass soon. Also not surprising Arkus would react that way when Chihiro asked that question. Yeah, I don't have that much to say as this chapter is more slowing down things after that gutter incident, but I still like it. Looking forward to more!

Finally decided to take a look at this series, and I have to say it's pretty cool. I especially like the awkward interaction between Chihiro and Serisen, it makes sense pretty much for what happened, but I do hope they can work through it.

This,

"I thought they were just friends. Well, I guess all children grow up someday."

Click to expand...

made me chuckle a bit. It reminded me of the bit with your mother in Fire Red/Leafgreen.

Anyways, I look forward to what happens next.

I thought Fourteen's confession to Beta Five was cute and the awkardness between them works. Also I admit to chuckling over Beta Five's explaination of what love is to µ2.0. Even funnier Arwen and Aragon were referenced (I really enjoyed their interaction in the movies way back, heh). Looking forward to more!

The part with Chiriro considering self-harm that was a tough read (in a good way!). I think you portrayed the subject of that in a tasteful manner. I like Arkus comforting Chiriro at the end there, very sweet. I'll admit Chiriro mentioning she was hungry reminded me a bit when Arkus and Alicia were starting their relationship and in one of their scenes it ended in a similar way. Looking forward to more!

Director Lammers telling Beta Five he'll be director one day and then to not trust the other directors sounds pretty suspcious to me although I can already tell everyone's been clashing heads.

The protocols prohibiting outside substances flashed through his head, but before he could think of taking the soda away, µ2.0 had already taken a sip.

"It's good!" it said, giving the bottle back to him. "Can I have some more?"

Beta-Five forced a smile onto his face. "Maybe after the cryo-freeze, okay? I have to go now."

Click to expand...

Okay, this part is sad since µ2.0 was excited over the drink (I like root beer too, haha).

Alpha-Fourteen smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You'll be fine. All you have to do is follow the squad captain's orders, and he'll make sure you do everything right."

"Yeah, thanks. I should go, uh, watch the videos again."

"Just relax! You'll do fine!"

Click to expand...

Their interaction started out awkward (and understandably so), but I like how Alpha-Fourteen encouraged him.

Thousands of skeletons rested in the dusty chairs, their jaws contorted into their dying screams. Some had left their chairs and crawled towards the doors, and others held each other in their arms. A few had blown their own brains out with guns that were still held within their bony clutches.

Click to expand...

Well, that's pretty unpleasant.

The very last few paragraphs where Beta Five having that image and dealing with the Teddiursa was also disturbing there. Poor Teddiursa. D= Looking forward to more!

Arkus turned towards her and said, "Did you really think I didn't notice you eavesdropping that night? I even thinned the barrier around our room so you could hear."

Click to expand...

Called it!

So, Director Sheldon, I trust you've already sent out a recon team?

Click to expand...

This is the part where I confess that I totally read that as "Director Shieldon" the first time.

"That's not quite what I mean." Alpha-Fourteen rubbed her earlobe and bit her lip. "Through whatever mechanism of hormones and other biological factors – something I'm sure you would understand better than I – I have developed deeper feelings for you, ones that, in the old society, would have been consummated with marriage."

Beta-Five's face whitened, and he stepped back into the wall. "Wh – what are you saying?"

"I'm not asking for an answer now. I just want you to give it some thought."

"B-b-but the preparations, and the memory wipe, and, and why now?"

"I know I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry, but there might not be another chance. If you want me to, I can erase this memory for you, so it's like I never asked."

Beta-Five took a deep breath and placed a hand over his eyes. "I – I need time to think about this. Then maybe."

Click to expand...

I smell a possible spanner in the works. Smells kinda wrenchy.

"We-we-well, um, hold on." Beta-Five went into the other room for a drink and tipped the nearest container he could find into his mouth, only to spit out the acetone."We-we-well, um, hold on." Beta-Five went into the other room for a drink and tipped the nearest container he could find into his mouth, only to spit out the acetone.

Click to expand...

LOL GJ NERD

"I have to – I have to calm down," he told himself. "Get some water. Not acetone, water."

Click to expand...

Yes, B5. Those are two different things. Gosh that whole mishap amuses me. Especially considering how it contrasts with him telling psykitty he's going to be put to sleep when the reality is he's slated to be put to sleep.

Hands shaking, he tried to tell the kitchen unit to prepare a glass of water, but instead, he got a bottle of root beer.

Click to expand...

I'm beginning to think making me crave root beer is your mission in life.

"If I just had some of his blood," she mused to herself. She shook the thought from her head. He wouldn't give her his blood, nor would he happen to have it lying around.

Or would he? The thought slithered into her mind like a snake and struck. She rationalized the existence of some hidden stash of his blood, waiting for the day she was old enough, then she pondered where he would keep it. Once she had wiped the blood onto some toilet paper and flushed it away, she walked up to her parents' room.

Click to expand...

And here I thought, for whatever reason, she was actually going to resort to getting dadstabby.

Meanwhile I can't help but suspect she's not going to get away with this snooping any more than she did her last.

"You know there's another option," another zoroark pointed out. "Just have her drink your blood already. You should've done it when she was born, if you ask me."

"I won't allow that until I'm sure Darkrai is no more. We have no other means to defend ourselves if it returns."

Click to expand...

Little does he know his daughter's already channeling her inner vampire even as he speaks. Whoopsy doopsy!

Chihiro licked her lips, and her eyes widened as she tasted the blood. Then she looked up and saw her unchanged hands.

"It didn't work," she said.

Click to expand...

Aye. Should be interesting to find out why not.

Thousands of skeletons rested in the dusty chairs, their jaws contorted into their dying screams. Some had left their chairs and crawled towards the doors, and others held each other in their arms. A few had blown their own brains out with guns that were still held within their bony clutches.

He stumbled away from the scene and knocked over a skeleton next to the door. The tiny, frail skull bounced along the floor, away from its juvenile frame.

Click to expand...

Now there's a memorable image.

Chihiro's eyes wandered across the table until she saw the straw sitting in her cup. She took it, held it in front of her eyes, and called forth her Aura. It seeped into the straw, warping the plastic and tearing it into strands. Then she wove the strands into a miniature humanoid figure, adding strands of long, thin, dark hair and tiny claws to complete the image of a zoroark. She held the figurine up in her hand, and then she placed it on the table and made it walk forward.

"Wow," Serisen said. "Can you make it do more stuff?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, dance?"

Chihiro waved her hand, and the figurine waved its limbs in a clumsy jig. After a few steps, it teetered towards the edge of a table and tumbled off.

Click to expand...

And there's another one.

Lunch that day was her favorite, relative to everything else on the menu. Though the pizza crust was soggy and limp, and the sauce, tasteless and runny, the greasy coating of cheese on top made each bite slide down her throat with a buttery coating on her tongue.

Click to expand...

While this is great sensory detail, not sure if this adds anything much to this chapter. Maybe have Chihiro notice her surroundings more while she was eating? Or her noticing/not noticing Serisen duing lunch and then she felt her stomach dropped and not felt like eating anymore?

Glad to see Serisen and Chihiro able to patch things up again. Thought the scene with Chihiro making the Zororark figurine is cute and it's nice of Serisen to comfort her. I do worry about him and the blood, though. I don't think he's really okay either. Looking forward to more!

Yes, B5, you totally vaporized it. If we're now expanding the definition to include "did nothing of the sort", that is.

So there's that wild card in play. Wonder what that's going to yield. Disaster? (For whom?) Salvation? (For whom?) Worldwide root beer shortage? We just don't know.

If we're expanding the definition of "we" to include "just us readers".

"Did it… have a personality?"

"Well, it loved to read, especially fantasy books. It also had a taste for root beer."

"Root beer? Really?"

Click to expand...

I think I already said this again, but pretty much why µ2.0 is likeable to me. Otherwise, still enjoying Beta Five and Alpha-Fourteen's interactions.

"Oh, good." Director Sheldon glanced back at Lammers and leaned closer to him. He hoarsely whispered, "I have a piece of advice for when you're Director one day, and make no mistake of it, you will be Director. You're his favorite, after all. Anyways, make sure no one ever pushes you around, got that? And that goes for Alpha-Fourteen too. Let yourself get harassed by them and you'll only be miserable."

Click to expand...

Second time Beta Five's been informed of that, hm...The banter between the directors was fun, though.

Some more interesting developments for this side of the story with more mentions of memory wipe. Looking forward to more!

"Get to close and you'll pass out," he told Mr. Renfield. "Please have a seat on the other side of the room."

Mr. Renfield glanced at the bed before joining his wife in the chairs. Then Arkus beckoned his daughter closer.

"I need you t tell me what you feel."

Click to expand...

First bolded part, "too." Second bolded part, "to."

"That's Fred," Arkus said as he peered over her head. "He's been there for over six hundred years."

Chihiro walked inside and ran her fingers over the sheets. Dust gathered in her fur, gray, fine, like powdered bone.

"Is that a human?"

Click to expand...

Oh, Fred's back. Hi, Fred.

"Let's put your English to the test, shall we?" he said, brushing her question aside. He plucked Spirited Away from the collection of DVDs and put it into the player. Then he left and brought back a bowl of popcorn.

"Is this where you got my name from?" she asked as the movie started.

"Yep. I always liked that name."

Click to expand...

I admit, I did watched the movie some years ago, but forgot there's a Chihiro in there, heh. Chihiro's reaction to the movie was amusing.

One thing I noticed is you used the filter word "felt" on occasion. For instance, here,

As the gems filled, she felt her eyes droop and her shoulders sag.

Click to expand...

Here you can changed up a bit. "As the gems filled, her eyes droop and her shoulders sag."

I do feel sorry that Chihiro needed to be stayed away and isolated for a while. I do hope the Darkrai ordeal will be dealt with sooner than later, but something tells me it isn't going to be that easy.

Notice here I took out "she felt" there and the sentence reads a bit faster. I can understand sometimes it might be unavoidable to use "felt", but in this particular cause we're already aware Chihiro's eyes is drooping and her shoudler's sagging. I read a blog post from Tumblr concerning filter words, but I'm sure if I saved it somewhere, haha. If I do, then I'll link it to you.

A bittersweet but good read this chapter, looking forward to more!

Very minor, but this part I think you can merge two paragraphs into one:

"Good morning, Mr. Ackerman. I should probably take a vacation as soon as possible. Well sir, I'm currently seeing four humans standing in front of me. Yes, humans, in these weird black clothes. Yes, I'll check to see if they're actually there."

The machoke held his hand over the phone and asked, "Excuse me, but are you actually there?"

Click to expand...

"Good morning, Mr. Ackerman. I should probably take a vacation as soon as possible. Well sir, I'm currently seeing four humans standing in front of me. Yes, humans, in these weird black clothes. Yes, I'll check to see if they're actually there." The machoke held his hand over the phone and asked, "Excuse me, but are you actually there?"

A minute later, seven police officers arrived, led by Chief Heste. In her hand, she held a pistol large enough to punch through a rhydon's chest. Her thick leather uniform gleamed in the office's dim light, and her officer's badge sparkled on her chest.

"Try anything and I'll blow you a new breathing tube," Heste said. "Let's go."

Click to expand...

Oh hey Heste.

Only three hundred humans still awake, huh? Welp, goodnight humanity. Kidding, kidding. In all seriousness, though, Arkus going to meet with the director shall be very interesting and I don't blame the agent for feeling skeptical at the end there. Looking forward to more!