[Pokémon] The Gem Dynasty Episode .5: Pilot

Now this story of a marvelous first person story takes place at the ending of the pokewar that devastated the lands of Kanto and Johto.
A family of Mysterious geckos lived in a far region away from hoenn or sinnoh, the leader was a colored Sceptile with a huge personality that others feared. he commanded the pack to obey his every whim and steal from other pokemon that invaded their territory without hesitation. It was horrible for the pack they couldn't do a thing as long as the sceptile stayed in power! however, as all hope was lost a pokemon invaded the territory with purpose and ideals. the guards, or grovyles, laughed as he was one of the weakest that have ever tried to invade the awful dictatorship.
This Hoppip was born in the region of Kalos, But His family was killed by Humans who wanted the natural resource of Cotton, along with the Hoppips, they killed Swirlixs Slurpuffs, cottonees, and Whisicotts to gather the materials they needed. A tailwind struck the hoppips and and separated them all to other regions across the skies. When this hoppip lost everything he went mad and devoted his life to protect the world of pokemon from evil humans and pokemon. all he knew was Fairy Wind, Flash, and seed bomb; which was very unique. but it was too weak in stats so it could not fend for itself.
Back at the Grove, Hoppip was getting frustrated at the laughter that enveloped the Grovyles. It rushed through and used Flash which blinded them and the Hoppip went to the empire that was under control of the evil Sceptile.

Hey there! Welcome to FF&W!

The rules of the section say that chapters can't be short, especially when the writing can be longer. Your story should have quite a bit more description to it, letting the reader know what's going on and why.

You have a story about a Sceptile in control of a group of wild Treecko, and I guess they get invaded by the lone Hoppip? What's happening in your story isn't completely clear. When writing, you should make sure that what you're trying to get across to the readers is clear enough to not have any confusion. I had to think a little about what you wrote to realize that the Hoppip was invading the land of evil Treecko for...some reason.

How did this Hoppip know about the evil Sceptile? They're regions apart, and Hoppip isn't in contact with anyone to hear about evil Sceptile. How is Sceptile even evil? You say that he is, but you haven't shown it to the reader. Instead of saying "Sceptile was evil!", show it by having him commit evil acts. Does he hoard food from his subjects? Put his subjects into slavery?

You also should add more description to what happens to the Hoppip. It's such an important event in his life, changing it completely and giving him the goal that's the focus of your story. That event where the humans come to kill Hoppip's family should be more detailed.

Adding in all these details will not only help your chapter reach the requirement set by FF&W's rules, but also clear up confusion in your story and make it read better. Rushing through important details about the plot, characters, and world just leave your readers confused and frustrated, which isn't a good thing.

Also, this story has quite a bit of grammar errors. Random capitalization, missing needed capitalization, and bits of punctuation in the wrong spot (or missing from the right spots) only made this more confusing to read.

its my first post so i wasn't exactly sure where to go with it and as for the character explanations, the back stories will be shown later on as the story continues every Sunday.

NeonGeaso said:

its my first post so i wasn't exactly sure where to go with it and as for the character explanations, the back stories will be shown later on as the story continues every Sunday.

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Well, I would recommend actually planning out the story before writing it out. It helps with consistency and avoiding writer's block. Astinus pointed out several ways you can beef this chapter up a bit, and since the rules say that chapters can't be incredibly short, I want you to work on this a bit before you continue to work on the rest of the story. Just listen to Astinus, and you should be fine. Also, I'm not sure why you bolded the chapter, put it in a new font, and made it larger than normal text.