Flowerchild
fleeting assembly
- 8,709
- Posts
- 13
- Years
- She/Her
- Hyperspace
- Seen Apr 23, 2024
Hey there! I enjoyed the demo of this a lot!
Like RB11 said, this game's pretty chalk-filled of grammar errors. To help you fix these in Beta 2, I took screenshots of all the ones I could find, along with a couple of other problems and opinions.
Personally I'm not a huge fan of the titlescreen font. Of course, it's 100% your decision, but if you were looking for a second opinion... I don't like it much.
Should be which of all these Pokémon do you like best?
Poke ball should be Poké Ball. This mistake shows up in a bunch of other places too.
your way
Spelled actually wrong.
Studying books? As in, the action of studying books, or books for studying? I'd just get rid of the word studying, it makes the whole sentence weird.
Should be I should be off now and go to
Why the weird line break? This mistake is in a ton of places.
Redundant word. Make it either should contain a random item. or should have a random item inside. You don't need both.
Should be why do you have to....
Also it's a little weird to say why do you have to... because.... It's like he's answering his own question.
My babe loves those pretty flowers.
As my English teacher always said, avoid run-on sentences!
accepted.
Use proper tree shading, please.
I'd put a comma or an exclamation mark after unfair.
Get rid of who are those.
Um. Replace guys with team.
Replace ruined with rid.
I think if I were telling someone about an evil team, I'd bring up the take over the whole region part before the get rid of Mega Evos part. It's just funny speech.
Who's they?
Should be growing, not grown.
Replace He with He'd or He'll.
Also, with most roadblock events the NPC actually walks up to you rather than yelling from several tiles away.
Rewrite that entire sentence. I'm not even sure what you mean.
But it's going to cost money.
Replace the first is with the.
Should be well it's none of your business.
Should be two sentences.
Replace got with been a.
Misspelled truth. Also, behind the cave? You mean inside it.
Please redo this. Every sentence has at least 1 error.
Need a comma after by the way.
Replace I with I'm.
Also, if you want it why didn't you go get it? You've been standing there for a millennium!
You mean a few?
Get rid of either on or during.
ANYWAYS not ANYWHERES
Should be So be careful where you step.
???
Replace has with is.
Should be ...looks exactly like that Nurse....
Replace can with were.
Needs a what after it's.
Huh?
Replace remove with moved.
Weird sentence structure. Should be something like Son, you've always made me and your mother very proud.
A little more than annoying, right? They attacked your lab!
How are
What self-respecting trainer doesn't know the proper plural of Pokémon?
Remove guys. Why is that part of the sentence?
I think you mean I'm still going to train as hard as possible to beat you.
After all? We just met!
No one has ever.
Also, no one's ever challenged you before?
He's the Gym? You mean he's the Gym Leader.
Should be either you better beware or you better be aware.
Inquiry sentences end with a question mark.
Should be has ever.
What are you talking about?
Should be either leave me alone or leave me in peace.
Seriously?
A couple more things. I think you getting your first Pokémon could use a little more fanfare. Usually the professor gives it to the player as a major event, but here they're just sitting there right away. It's a little unimaginative.
Lastly, I'm not a fan of the New Cave music.
Despite all those, I found this game pretty enjoyable :) I think it has potential and I wish you luck.
I took a couple screenshots of my favorite bits.
That's cool, and I like how you can talk to them and they'll list the moves they're using. You could have their Pokémon jump or move slightly after they say this too.
lol. None of us do.
HAHAHAHAHAH. I pretty much burst out laughing.
Also really funny.
Like RB11 said, this game's pretty chalk-filled of grammar errors. To help you fix these in Beta 2, I took screenshots of all the ones I could find, along with a couple of other problems and opinions.
Spoiler:
Personally I'm not a huge fan of the titlescreen font. Of course, it's 100% your decision, but if you were looking for a second opinion... I don't like it much.
Should be which of all these Pokémon do you like best?
Poke ball should be Poké Ball. This mistake shows up in a bunch of other places too.
your way
Spelled actually wrong.
Studying books? As in, the action of studying books, or books for studying? I'd just get rid of the word studying, it makes the whole sentence weird.
Should be I should be off now and go to
Why the weird line break? This mistake is in a ton of places.
Redundant word. Make it either should contain a random item. or should have a random item inside. You don't need both.
Should be why do you have to....
Also it's a little weird to say why do you have to... because.... It's like he's answering his own question.
My babe loves those pretty flowers.
As my English teacher always said, avoid run-on sentences!
accepted.
Use proper tree shading, please.
I'd put a comma or an exclamation mark after unfair.
Get rid of who are those.
Um. Replace guys with team.
Replace ruined with rid.
I think if I were telling someone about an evil team, I'd bring up the take over the whole region part before the get rid of Mega Evos part. It's just funny speech.
Who's they?
Should be growing, not grown.
Replace He with He'd or He'll.
Also, with most roadblock events the NPC actually walks up to you rather than yelling from several tiles away.
Rewrite that entire sentence. I'm not even sure what you mean.
But it's going to cost money.
Replace the first is with the.
Should be well it's none of your business.
Should be two sentences.
Replace got with been a.
Misspelled truth. Also, behind the cave? You mean inside it.
Please redo this. Every sentence has at least 1 error.
Need a comma after by the way.
Replace I with I'm.
Also, if you want it why didn't you go get it? You've been standing there for a millennium!
You mean a few?
Get rid of either on or during.
ANYWAYS not ANYWHERES
Should be So be careful where you step.
???
Replace has with is.
Should be ...looks exactly like that Nurse....
Replace can with were.
Needs a what after it's.
Huh?
Replace remove with moved.
Weird sentence structure. Should be something like Son, you've always made me and your mother very proud.
A little more than annoying, right? They attacked your lab!
How are
What self-respecting trainer doesn't know the proper plural of Pokémon?
Remove guys. Why is that part of the sentence?
I think you mean I'm still going to train as hard as possible to beat you.
After all? We just met!
No one has ever.
Also, no one's ever challenged you before?
He's the Gym? You mean he's the Gym Leader.
Should be either you better beware or you better be aware.
Inquiry sentences end with a question mark.
Should be has ever.
What are you talking about?
Should be either leave me alone or leave me in peace.
Seriously?
A couple more things. I think you getting your first Pokémon could use a little more fanfare. Usually the professor gives it to the player as a major event, but here they're just sitting there right away. It's a little unimaginative.
Lastly, I'm not a fan of the New Cave music.
Despite all those, I found this game pretty enjoyable :) I think it has potential and I wish you luck.
I took a couple screenshots of my favorite bits.
Spoiler:
That's cool, and I like how you can talk to them and they'll list the moves they're using. You could have their Pokémon jump or move slightly after they say this too.
lol. None of us do.
HAHAHAHAHAH. I pretty much burst out laughing.
Also really funny.