[Pokémon] Tricksie's Bizarre Adventure [G-Rated]

The grassy, sun-lit ground felt cold beneath the little pokemon's trembling paws. The warmth of another pokeball seemed to leave her small, dark-gray and red form. The tall shadow wordlessly receded behind her. The memory of pokeball, heal ball, and then the alluring luxury ball she had found herself in seemed to cause her little muzzle to lower in shame. Harsh words and memories of many failed battles echoed through her mind like a golbat's terrible screech as the one who hurled those sentiments disappeared into the forest.

Her usual blurred vision was further obscured by fully formed tears that threatened to fall every time she blinked. She ran as far away from her moment of shame and the spot where she was released from her bonded obligations, all hope of fulfilling her fondest dreams dashed, by one missed tackle and un-dodged, super affective force palm too many.

"It's not fair! It's just not fair," she whimpered to herself as she traveled through the fuzzy word before her. What looked like tall brown blobs with green fuzz on top came into her sight as the tall grass of the plains gave way to a lush forest. She squinted, bringing the trees and shrubs into better focus before quickening her pace. It wasn't long before she was back on familiar ground, the sounds and scents guiding her towards her old den where laughing voices made her heart skip a beat.

"Well look who's back!" a pokemon sniggered with a huge grin on its small, dark-gray muzzle.

"Did another trainer dump you? That's soooo sad. So much for mommy's little champion," another sneered as it lifted its little red paw to scratch at its fox-like ear.

"Hey mama, look, 'squinty' is back again," the first pokemon called, running to the opening of its hidden den where a larger, more imposing pokemon lay. A low grumble came from within as a single, sleepy blue eye opened to the scene.

"Don't call me that!" the humiliated pokemon shouted, doing her best to keep her tears from falling from her pale blue eyes. A great shadow shifted within the den as icy blue vision came to rest on the stoic yet slightly trembling creature. A long, dark-gray maw draped with long, blood-red fur and exotic facial marking emerged, turning a melty-eye to the returning pokemon.

"Children, go play," the pokemon called "mama" by the taunting pokemon firmly spoke. The fidgeting youngsters cast one last taunting look to their sibling before scampering off with a tiny bit of bully-bravado lingering in their swishing black tails. Mama knelt beside her pup, whose vision seemed to rest anywhere but on her, and placed a dark-colored and red-clawed paw atop the little one's back.

"Is it true? Did another human cast you away?" Mama spoke with a soft voice. The little one's trembling worsened as small sobbing hiccups finally broke through her failing stoicism.

"YE-HEH-HES!" the little one sobbed and leaped into her mother's arms, feeling her little body get pulled into a warm embrace. "I did my best for her mama, I really did. I thought it would be different this time; she seemed so kind and pretty and had the cutest pink bow in her hair, she even gave me a nickname too. Things were going so well—but then I kept missing and getting hit and she spent so much money--she said I was a waste and oh--mama she told me to go away!" she cried, doing her best to try and keep the tears from coming, only to feel more burst from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, sweet heart. Didn't mama tell you humans were cruel?" the mother spoke with a hint of bitterness in her latter words. The little one buried her face in her mother's chest fur to better mute her now half-screaming cries. After a few minutes of shushing, gentle stroking and loving words, the little pokemon's cries finally subsided, leaving a runny nose and puffy eyelids in their wake.

"I just want to be a champion mama, I wanna be one so bad…" the little one sniffled as she rubbed her eyelid with the back of her paw

"After how they've treated you, you would still fight for them?" mama asked with a disapproving look.

"It's not for them! I want to be in the record books, I want to be the best battler ever! I want those stupid Mein Fus to tremble in fear when they see me! But how can I do that when I – with, OH!" the little one squinted as the world around her briefly came into focus only go fade into a blurry soup once more. She stomped the ground with a frustrated huff. The pout produced cause the mother pokémon to resist the urge to smirk and pinch her adorable child's fluffy little cheek.

"You do not have to be a battler to be special, love. You can make your mark in other ways. Not everyone is meant to be a champion; sometimes it's ok to just be you and make your mark some other way," mama soothingly spoke with a soft smile. Her smile faded into a look of worry as the child in her sight suddenly went very still.

A wide-eyed look of epiphany seemed to wipe away all signs of sadness as her tail and nose began to twitch in thought. She looked to her mother with a wide grin and a wagging tail.

"That's it! Mama, you're a genius!" the little one shouted with a little creak in her voice as she dashed over to give her mother an enthusiastic hug. "I gotta go – and this time I won't be back until I'm a champion!"

The little one quickly left her mother's arms and dashed back into the underbrush. Though the grass and shrubs were obscured and fuzzy in her sight, the path before her seemed all too clear. She panted a little as her pace quickened, despite an occasional stumble over a stone or small tree root. As she traveled the forest seemed to recede, giving way to unnatural paths and walkways through the shrubs.

Her face grew determined as the smells of cars, macaroons, camp fires, and all things human started traveling toward her on the wind. Her racing mind seemed to slow down to focus on a single, tantalizing thought:

If I can't be the champion as a pokemon, then I'll be the champion as a pokemon TRAINER!

The little pokemon shivered a little as her bright red paw met pavement. The city before her, Nimbasa her old trainers called it, seemed to glow despite the noon-time sun shining clearly in the cloudless sky upon it. The little pokemon squinted from the brightness, allowing a temporary moment of focus as she moved forward through the seemingly oblivious crowd. Shiny, smiling people quickly walked about the streets as the little pokemon hurried to hide before any of the chattering masses could spot her.

She stood beside a garbage bin along the corner of a particularly busy street and concentrated. In a snap and a swirl, the spot where the little pokemon stood was now seemingly occupied by a second garbage bin. Using her natural illusionary skill, the little pokemon, known to her native region as a "zorua" intently watched passers by with intense interest.

While she had spent some time with her trainers, the little zorua watched the passers by as if she'd never encountered a human before, hidden eyes watching how they walked, spoke, laughed, stumbled, argued, dressed, and generally existed.

Hmm, if this is going to work I'm going to have to pick one that's easy to mimic...girls are really cheery and pretty -- they appear to like to dress up all frilly and stuff, bleh. Boys are tough and aggressive; they light to fight, now that's more MY speed -- maybe I should pick one of those? she thought to herself with an internal frown as one of the humans in her sight came dangerously close to throwing a used bubblegum wrapper into her illusion-made lid-scalp.

She resisted the urgh to sigh in relief as the human chose the actual trash bin beside her instead. It was then the sounds of rumbling came from the garbage bin and the sound of a happy giggle escaped it's lid. A single, grey tendril emerged and what looked like a smiling trash bag followed.

"Yay, bubblegum!" it spoke in it's native pokemon dialect as it threw the used wrapper with chewed gum into it's pointy-toothed mouth with a gleeful gulp. While it chewed, the garbage pokemon, known and feared by the Nimbasa city waste management corp as 'trubish' turned it's slightly confused and questioning gaze to the trash bin beside him.

"When did this get here? Oh well, fresh trash--" is spoke to itself as it reached for zorua's illusion-lid.

"Hey -- stop it, I'm not trash!" the little zorua hissed as another human passed by, tossing what looked like a half-eaten hot dog the trubish's way. The trubish smiled at the human before greedily digging into his new meal.

"A talking trash bin?" it mused aloud as is stifled a burp.

"No, I'm a zorua."

"If you're a zorua, then why do you look like a trash bin?"

"I can make illusions."

"Oh...so why are you a trash bin then?"

"I'm people-watching!"

"'People-watching? Why?"

"Reasons."

"What sorta reasons?"

"Whaaaaaaay do you neeeed to know?" zorua asked with a slight huff.

"I dunno, I'm just askin', sheesh." the trubish replied with a frown, causing a little guilty pinch in the little zorua's chest. She sighed and spoke again, oblivious to the listening ears only a few steps behind her.

"I need to make a human disguise so I can get a pokemon to train. I heard from my old trainers that when a human child is old enough they go to a pokemon professor to get their first pokemon." she explained. The trubish slowly brought a dirty tendril to the top of it's trash-bag body and scratched itself in thought.

"Why are you doing that when you can just get a trainer?"

"...long story," Zorua spoke with a sadness in her voice that was enough of sign to silence the curious trubish. He gave a little hum before digging back into his trash-bin home.

"Well good luck with that. If you need to know, the Professor's lab is a few blocks down the street. Big building; you can't miss it," the trubish informed.

"That is a huge help, thanks! Now for my disguise..." she mused as her attention returned to the throng of city-dwellers. The more she watched the more confused she grew as some boys walked by, dressed in fancy clothing and a few girls walked by with short hair and baggy pants. With one last, exasperated huff she closed her eyes and concentrated. She waited until the crowds were thin before envisioning what she might look like as a human and with a small smile she changed.

With a swish and a swirl the second garbage bin was gone, causing a few lingering people people to turn and do a double take. In its place was what looked like a young human girl dressed in casual traveling clothes with short red hair, styled with a little red puff on top. She opened her soft blue eyes and looked at her self, seeing with clear vision, that her illusion was complete.

With a deep breath she turned in the direction the trubish said the pokemon lab would be only to be halted by a gentle tap to her shoulder. She turned to see an older man, a green-haired appearing to be in his mid 30's, standing behind her with a gentle smile on his hansom face. She blushed a little as his spoke with a wink.

"Before you go, young lady, you may want to do something about that." he said as he pointed to her rear with a chiming of his bangle bracelets. The little Zorua, now human, turned to look where the older man had pointed. Her eyes went wide in horror as what looked like a puffy black tail sat just above her khaki cargo shorts.

"Oh-Oh no--"

"Don't get upset, it will weaken your illusion spell. Just close your eyes, be calm, and focus a little harder," he instructed. The young lady slowed her breathing and closed her eyes in panicked concentration. A moment later and with the older man's gentle voice in her head, the tail disappeared. She opened her eyes, checked, and gave a grateful sigh.

"Thank you so much!" she wordlessly communicated, causing an amused smirk to come to the older man's face.

"You must also remember to move your lips when you communicate to people otherwise they'll be very confused."

"O-Oh, right. hehe," the young lady said with moving lips. "You're a real life saver, sir."

"It's the least I could do, after rudely eavesdropping on your conversation. Do you really mean to trick the pokemon lab into giving you a pokemon?" he asked, causing the young lady to guiltily pout.

"Well when you put it that way, it makes it sound like I'm stealing or something."

"Well, is that not essentially what you're doing?"

"B-But, I have to try -- I...I have to do this, it's the only way I can become a champion! I'm sorry but I have to go -- thanks again!" The young lady quickly spoke with an apologetic bow before running away toward the pokemon lab and her destiny.

Hi! My name Scarlet Knight and I'll be reviewing your story for this month's Reviewing Challenge. I'm gonna read it bit by bit and make comments as I go along, attempting my best to offer constructive criticism and highlight the good parts, with a few reactions here and there. Let's begin!

The grassy, sun-lit ground felt cold beneath the little pokemon's trembling paws. The warmth of another pokeball seemed to leave her small, dark-gray and red form. The tall shadow wordlessly receded behind her. The memory of pokeball, heal ball, and then the alluring luxury ball she had found herself in seemed to cause her little muzzle to lower in shame. Harsh words and memories of many failed battles echoed through her mind like a golbat's terrible screech as the one who hurled those sentiments disappeared into the forest.

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This is a strong start emotionally speaking. I can already gather that this is about a Pokemon, who seemingly has had a rough past. Good work!

"Well look who's back!" a pokemon sniggered with a huge grin on its small, dark-gray muzzle.

"Did another trainer dump you? That's soooo sad. So much for mommy's little champion," another sneered as it lifted its little red paw to scratch at its fox-like ear.

"Hey mama, look, 'squinty' is back again," the first pokemon called, running to the opening of its hidden den where a larger, more imposing pokemon lay. A low grumble came from within as a single, sleepy blue eye opened to the scene.

"Don't call me that!" the humiliated pokemon shouted, doing her best to keep her tears from falling from her pale blue eyes. A great shadow shifted within the den as icy blue vision came to rest on the stoic yet slightly trembling creature. A long, dark-gray maw draped with long, blood-red fur and exotic facial marking emerged, turning a melty-eye to the returning pokemon.

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This is impressive writing. I already care about the main character, and my heart aches for her struggle to keep a trainer. My only issue, a small one at that, is that I wish I at least had an idea of what kind of Pokemon where bullying her, just for the purpose of imagery.

"YE-HEH-HES!" the little one sobbed and leaped into her mother's arms, feeling her little body get pulled into a warm embrace

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I love the way you wrote that dialogue. I can really see this happening.

"I did my best for her mama, I really did.

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There should be a comma between "her" and "mama".

"I'm so sorry, sweet heart. Didn't mama tell you humans were cruel?" the mother spoke with a hint of bitterness in her latter words.

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Oh wow! My initial thought of the mama character was that she was purely sweet and nurturing, but with this one sentence alone, you gave her this fascinating bitter outlook towards society. Just like that, she becomes three-dimensional. Again, impressive work.

"I just want to be a champion mama, I wanna be one so bad…" the little one sniffled as she rubbed her eyelid with the back of her paw

"After how they've treated you, you would still fight for them?" mama asked with a disapproving look.

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I'm sorry. I just keep quoting these because I love these dialogues. They're so simple but they say so much, and I think that's something that any writer should be proud of, when done so well.

A wide-eyed look of epiphany seemed to wipe away all signs of sadness as her tail and nose began to twitch in thought. She looked to her mother with a wide grin and a wagging tail.

"That's it! Mama, you're a genius!" the little one shouted with a little creak in her voice as she dashed over to give her mother an enthusiastic hug. "I gotta go – and this time I won't be back until I'm a champion!"

The little one quickly left her mother's arms and dashed back into the underbrush. Though the grass and shrubs were obscured and fuzzy in her sight, the path before her seemed all too clear. She panted a little as her pace quickened, despite an occasional stumble over a stone or small tree root. As she traveled the forest seemed to recede, giving way to unnatural paths and walkways through the shrubs.

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This "epiphany" feels a little rushed, but the way you wrote it was very well. I realized, as you described the way the protagonist regained her confidence and ran off, stumbling and such, that you really have a way with words. That's a rare thing for me to see in fanfiction, and I applaud that. Still, I feel it would be more natural for the protagonist to reach her epiphany a few hours later. I mean, when do epiphanies ever come so instantly?

If I can't be the champion as a pokemon, then I'll be the champion as a pokemon TRAINER!

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Well THAT'S a twist. I'm officially hooked for at least one more chapter. Your characterization was great, description was great, wording was great. Everything was great. I believe this was Mienfu, meaning the mother is probably a Mienshao, but I would appreciate specification of this. And the pacing felt a bit rushed, but I can excuse that for a prologue. Really great job, here, and I hope my busy schedule permits me to continue reading.