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There was something that I noticed about your chapter and I was going to point it out in your thread (like you asked) but you haven't posted the new chapter there yet, so...

« Oui, je peux répondre à votre question. Le magasin de surplus militaire est sur la rue Soleil, et pour y arriver il faut tourner à droite sur la 14ème rue, puis continuer jusqu'à ce que vous voyez le 7-11 à votre droite, vous tournez à droite là, c'est la rue Oak, à ce moment-aller à la première à droite comme si vous étiez au volant et le prendre, c'est quand vous êtes sur la rue Soleil, et le magasin est le premier bâtiment sur votre droite, »"The military surplus store is on Sun street, and in order to get there you have to turn right on 14th street, then continue until you see the 7-11 to your right, you turn right there, that's Oak street, at that point go to the first right turn as if you were driving and take it, that's when you're on Sun street, and the store is the first building on your right" the elderly man said to Alex as he handed a map to Alex.

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All this French? It's not needed. Especially since you're translating it out to English right afterwards. I get it. Kalos is based on France, and you want the region to feel authentic to the real world equivalent. But having conversations take place in French that are translated out right afterwards isn't a good way to go about it. Readers, especially those not fluent in French (and I don't know how many members are fluent in French here), will just skip over the French part of the conversations to head directly to the English translations.

It would be better if the French conversations were about important subjects, or provided some development about the characters. But right now, typical conversations about unimportant subjects like buying Pokeballs really aren't that fascinating to read about in English, let alone a different language that's then translated to English.

Unless there's a story reason for it, skip out on the characters speaking in long paragraphs in a foreign language. Just say in the narration "Everyone on the streets spoke French, and Alex reminded himself to speak the language to avoid seeming different." Just something like that so the reader can understand that the characters are speaking in a different language, but you don't have to write out the French and the English when people are really only going to read the English.

Astinus said:

There was something that I noticed about your chapter and I was going to point it out in your thread (like you asked) but you haven't posted the new chapter there yet, so...



All this French? It's not needed. Especially since you're translating it out to English right afterwards. I get it. Kalos is based on France, and you want the region to feel authentic to the real world equivalent. But having conversations take place in French that are translated out right afterwards isn't a good way to go about it. Readers, especially those not fluent in French (and I don't know how many members are fluent in French here), will just skip over the French part of the conversations to head directly to the English translations.

It would be better if the French conversations were about important subjects, or provided some development about the characters. But right now, typical conversations about unimportant subjects like buying Pokeballs really aren't that fascinating to read about in English, let alone a different language that's then translated to English.

Unless there's a story reason for it, skip out on the characters speaking in long paragraphs in a foreign language. Just say in the narration "Everyone on the streets spoke French, and Alex reminded himself to speak the language to avoid seeming different." Just something like that so the reader can understand that the characters are speaking in a different language, but you don't have to write out the French and the English when people are really only going to read the English.

Click to expand...

Thank you for your review and here is that piece again without the French bits, but with an indicator.


Thank you for your review, and remember to review the previous chapters as well.

@ G. R. Snail

There's no ignoring something like the dark once you've become aware of it and by this point in time I, had become quite aware of it.

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The comma should go before the "I", not after it.

As I was saying, this track. Surrounded both sides with trees higher than most that you'd find at a park, or even a forest, these trees were rather special. Daunting, and ever so frightening, but special nonetheless.

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This segment is... weird grammar wise. You end the first sentence in an awkward spot, and then don't give the second sentence a clear subject. I can infer that the second sentence is talking about the track, but then the sentence is all about the trees. I would consider revising this part. Oh, and the last sentence doesn't have a subject either.

Overall, a nice start. The voice is strong and consistent. I would comment on the story, but I don't know much about it. All I know is that there's this guy who's looking for his son in the woods. Oh, and he's angry at some girl.

The writing style fits, and I don't really have any complaints about it. Nice job.

@ BlueStone

Ah, a bit of pokemon lore. I'm not sure about the earlier pokemon, but there is a bit here that conflicts with the lore we know from the games. Reshiram and Zekrom split because of two heroes that wanted different things. So, that's already explained. I'm not sure if you knew that or not, but just thought I would point it out.

The Pokemon fought fiercely for 15 days and 15 nights, until the war ended, Mew had won, and Arceus retreated into hiding.

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This part seems so... short. I would love a bit more lore behind the war. Plus, this sentence might be bordering a run-on sentence, so I would rework this a bit.

Overall, a nice little tale. I like it at least. You really have the lore voice down well, and that's something some people struggle with a lot. So, good job!

@ BlueStone

Ah, a bit of pokemon lore. I'm not sure about the earlier pokemon, but there is a bit here that conflicts with the lore we know from the games. Reshiram and Zekrom split because of two heroes that wanted different things. So, that's already explained. I'm not sure if you knew that or not, but just thought I would point it out.
Oh no, I didn't, lol. I guess I should look into that.

Quote:
The Pokemon fought fiercely for 15 days and 15 nights, until the war ended, Mew had won, and Arceus retreated into hiding.
This part seems so... short. I would love a bit more lore behind the war. Plus, this sentence might be bordering a run-on sentence, so I would rework this a bit.
Oh my gosh, I can't believe I left it so vague XD. What should I put there instead?

Overall, a nice little tale. I like it at least. You really have the lore voice down well, and that's something some people struggle with a lot. So, good job!
Thanks :)



EDIT: How's this?

nice job on the lore man. I wish you luck on any future writings that you decide to do.

What follows is a nonfiction narrative of a real experience in which nothing interesting happens. I truly wish I had some more compelling writings to share, however my laptop was recently stolen in the Windy City. Feedback is welcome and appreciated. Try to enjoy.

Hey guys I'm here with a semi first draft of a script I have for a possible manga I was thinking about trying to make. The story is going to follow the plot of Platinum with twists and a bigger emphasis on character development and Lucas, Dawn, and Barry working together as a team. Think of the script as the script to an anime episode and try not to mind the grammar and spelling errors too much I would love feedback on my portrayals of the characters so far and the story in general. Please constructive criticism no flame. Also towards the end I was listening to the Skyward Sword theme and it got me in a big adventure mood so Rowans ending speech might be a little cheesy and over blown I got kicked off the fan fiction page so just message me if you have feedback positive or negative

This is Lucas. He is hoping to one day become a Pokemon master just like his father. Nothing will stop him from defeating all 8 gyms and the Pokemon league. He as vowed to become the greatest trainer in Sinnoh and maybe even the world! But first he has to get out of his room and away from his TV

TV: Special news today coming from Sandgem town today as the famed Pokemon researcher known to many as Professor Rowan has returned from the Kanto region back to his home, the Sinnoh. He has been quoted saying he will set up the first world class research facility in the Sinnoh in Sandgem Town in order to help research the legendary Pokemon said to be living in Lake Verity

(commotion heard downstairs and crashing heard)

Barry: sorry sorry sorry

(running up stairs heard)

Barry: Lucas Lucas did you hear?

TV: In other news a streak of red was seen in the sky today in Hoenn

Barry: a streak of red huh, wonder what that could be, I mean did you hear?

Lucas: slow down barry hear what?

Barry: Oh my god this is so great some professor guy like Rowan or something is in Sandgem Town. I heard you can get Pokemon from him if you get there. We gotta go now Lucas! Before all the Pokemon are gone!

Lucas: Ok lets go race you there

Barry: Ha you'll never beat me in a race and pretty soon you'll never beat me in a Pokemon battle either

(both run out the house)

Lucas's Mom: Huh Lucas where are you going?

Lucas: gonna get some Pokemon mom I'll be back before dark!!

(Lucas pops his head back in the door)

Lucas: Love you!!

Barry: Your making this to easy, come on Lucas!!!!

(Barry's mom open her door)

Barry's mom: Where are you two going in such a hurry!!
(Barry and Lucas are running until Lucas trips over a branch and hits a small tree dropping a nest from it Starly then attack them both)

Dawn: Piplup bubble beam pronto!!

(Piplup scatters the Stary and saves barry and Lucas)

Dawn: Piplup return!

Dawn: You reckless fools you ruined my research I almost had that Starly egg

Barry: Ughh those Pokemon ripped up my jacket

Dawn: Ughh those Pokemon ripped up my jacket (in mocking voice) the nerve of you. Let me tell you something…

Barry: Barry

Dawn: Barry, didn't your mother ever teach you its not nice to talk over other, and it would be nie if you showed a little consideration for my loss instead of mooring over your ugly jacket

Barry: Hey calm down girl we were just trying to get some pokemon and I take pride in how I dress, something it appears like you don't

Dawn: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!!!!

(Rowan walks up)

Rowan: Dawn what is the meaning of this is your yelling what scared off that flock of stary i just saw?

Dawn: Proffesor I'm sorry it just that umm

Barry: Wait your professor rowan?

Dawn: What did I say about interrupting me?!

Rowan: Yes I am child and whats your name

Dawn: This is Barry, he's the nimrod who scared off all the staly

Barry: Sorry Professor but me and my friend here were runnig to get Pokemon from you

Rowan: (laughing) Do you think I just give out pokemon?

Barry: Well I mean kind of like I heard you were from a guy who heard it from the news or something I dont remember it could have been lemme think umm

Rowan: My my, your brain runs at full speed doesn't it
Barry: (embarrassed) ya well

Rowan: Forgive me but im not sure I know your name

Lucas: Ohh sorry Professor I'm Lucas and im the one who hit the stary nest and made them go haywire, sorry

Barry: Ya, so maybe you should give the evil eye to him not me lady

Dawn: I'll give the evil eye to whoever I want, me and my ugly clothes are free to do as we please. And trust me it not like I want to stare at you, it hard to stare at such a disgusting face to be honest

Barry: Why you I'll…

Lucas: (grabs barry) We should probably be going back to Twinleaf Town

Rowan: You're going to Twinleaf Town? Why dont you two escort me to Lake verity then, its not far off and considering the commotion you stirred up, its the least you can do

Lucas: We'd be happy to professor

Rowan: And if you two want pokemon then why dont you try out these two

Dawn: Professor your not really going to give them those are you

Rowan: We'll see Dawn

(Rowan reaches into his bag and pulls two poke balls)

Rowan: For you Barry, this Pokemon should be right up your alley

(Barry gets a turtwig)

Barry: Really Professor and slow Turtwig?

(Turtwig tackles Barry)

Rowan: He's almost as hot tempered as you'd say

Rowan: Here lucas this one is for you

(Lucas gets a chimchar)

Lucas: What is it Professor?

Rowan: Its a Chimchar, a fire type pokemon

Barry: Hey no fair, fire beats grass
Rowan: Ahh I see you know more about pokemon than would meet the eye, dawn you can head back to the lab I,m sure these two can escort me just fine

Dawn: ...but but

Barry: You heard the man leave us be, we got important stuff to do

dawn: Ohh would you shut up

barry: Bye bye love you!!

Dawn: Im going to kill you i swear!!

(At Lake Verity)

Barry: So gramps what are we doing here

Rowan: Its profesor for the 12th time

Barry: Ok gramps

Rowan: And were here so I can get some reading on that island

Lucas: What island I can't see though all this fog

Rowan: Hmm yes, Dawn was supposed to use the stary to defog this place

Barry: I can barley see at all

Lucas: Hey looks like there other people here (pointing at three silhouetted figures)

Barry: I'll ask them if they can defog this place, HEY YOU GUYS!

(the three figures turn and one walks up)

Rowan: Cyrus!

Barry: Huh you know this guy?

Cyrus: Its good to see you old man

Lucas: Hey dont call him that only I can call him that

Cyrus: (snickers) I see you still have younger trainers do your work for you, never a man to get his hands dirty

Rowan: Hmm I'm inclined to call you a hypocrite, why don't your goons come out of the fog and show their faces

Grunt 1: Gladly

Grunt 2: Well take it one step further and show you our pokemon too Zubat go!

Barry: If you want to fight I'm game I'm sure Turtwig would love to destroy you and your weird hair for his first battle

Lucas: Barry, don't escalate things

Barry: I wont let these two pawns try to intimidate us with their Pokemon Lucas come on get your Chimchar out too

Cyrus: He's right Barry, lets not let things get out of hand

Barry: Then why dont you tell your thugs to back off

Cyrus: Hush now the important people have to talk

Barry: Why I ought to….

Rowan: Barry… So Cyrus why are you here

Cyrus: Same reason you are, I'm observing the legendary Pokemon

Rowan: And what would you want to learn about the legendary pokemon hmm?

Cyrus: Im afraid thats a conversation for another time you see I have to be somewhere (turns back to his grunts) I trust you two will handle this

Grunts: (nod)

Cyrus: leave the old man, the other two you can dispose of, (walking away) Its been fun Ill see you later

Grunt 1: Zubat lets go poison sting!

Grunt 2: You too!!

Lucas: Huh (fumbles with poke ball and get Chimchar out)

(Chimchar gets out right infront of the poison sting and doesn't have time to dodge, turtwig deflects it with his head)

Lucas: Chimchar! Uhhhh (Lucas glaces over to Barry's battle)

Barry: Turtwig tackle!!!

Grunt 1: Dodge it

(zubat dodges but turtwig catches him with his tail)

Barry: Nice job your faster than you look turtwig

Lucas: No kidding

Rowan: Pay attention to your battle

Grunt 2: Zubat Bite!

Lucas: Huh?....Chimchar dodge it

Rowan: And leer!

(Chimchar dodges then eyes the zubat straight on intimidating it)

Lucas: Great now scratch!

(chimchar runs up to the zubat paralyzed in fear and takes the scratch head on

Lucas: A critical hit yes!

(The zubat is down and chimchar scratches again fainting it)

Lucas: I didn't say to do that but I guess…

Barry: A little help you know, if you got the time, its really whatever

Lucas: Huh? sorry chimchar scratch that Zubat!

Grunt 1: You're out already? Fine I'll do this myself, Zubat leech life from the Turtwig

Barry: Tackle!

(The zubat quickly flies next to the turtwig dodges the tackle and leeches the life, turtwig goes down)

Barry: Come on turtwig don't fall now

Rowan: Leech life is a bug move its super effective against grass types, your Turtwig cant take other hit like that

Barry: Come on Turtwig second time is the charm tackle again!

Grunt 1: Same thing!

Lucas: Chimchar try to intercept it!

(The Zubat dodges the turtwig again but is hit by the chimchar and sent flying away, but bites the chimchar before it scratches the zubat which then get tackled by the turwig and faints)

Barry: Awesome! nice job Turtwig return and get some rest!

Lucas: Ya amazing you too Chimchar return

Rowan: Good job both of you

Grunt 1: Why can't hq give us pokemon like that?

Grunt 2: All we get are these garbage Zubats

(a figure appears behind the three)

Mars: Never send a grunt to do a commander's job

Barry: Huh?

Mars: Purugly finish these amateurs

Barry: Bring it on! Turtwig I've got more Pokemon for you to destroy

Lucas: (quietly) Barry, our pokemon are tired from battling and that Pokemon looks really strong, We can't win!

Barry: You never know unless you try, Turtwig tackle

Mars: Purugly fury swipes

(before the two collide me spirit comes in-between them and puts both pokemon to sleep

Mars: Ohh my

Barry: Come on Turtwig you can nap later!

Mars: You fool don't you know what just happened! I must report this to Cyrus.

grunt 1: We'll huh escort you

Grunt 2: Ya

(the three run off)

Barry: Turtwig return

Rowan: Hmm

Barry: What?
Rowan: the way you thrust your pokemon in battle like that was foolish

Barry: Hey it worked didn't it

Rowan: I just hope you learn to not be such a hothead, there wont always be a legendary pokemon to save you

Lucas: So that was the legendary pokemon

Rowan: Yes Mespirit, the being of emotion, come you two lets head back to the lab. We have much to discuss

(Back at the lab)

Rowan: Dawn get these two's pokemon healed up

Dawn: Yes professor

Barry: Come on Dawn how about a heroes welcome, look happy to see us, we are heros after all right Lucas?

Dawn: The only place I'd be happy to see you is in a cage with the other circus freaks

Barry: Hey thats no way to talk to the guy that single handedly saved your precious Professor

Dawn: Ohh ya I'm sure your friend did nothing

Barry: Ohh sorry luc…

Dawn: And if you were as good as me your Pokemon wouldn't need healing because they wouldn't have taken a hit (takes the poke ball from Barry)

Dawn: I don't think we've been properly introduced, I'm Dawn and you are?

Lucas: Lucas, uhh good to meet you

Dawn: Just dont be as annoying as your friend and well be good friends ( takes the pokeball from lucas)

Lucas: You get used to him don't worry.

Dawn: Doubt it (puts the pokeballs in the healer)

Dawn: Here's you coffee professor

Rowan: Thank you Dawn

Dawn: You two want anything? i can get Lucas water, Barry will have to get it himself

Lucas: I'm fine thanks

Barry: I'll take a virgin pinocolada, extra coconut flavor, three pineapple slices on the side and can you put the little umbrella on top

Dawn: How about I give you a knuckle sandwich

Rowan: Actually Dawn if you could sit down I would like you all to hear this

(Dawn reaches for the closest seat which is next to barry but barry puts his feet on the seat)

Barry: Sorry my hero feet need this seat you wouldn't get it though its a skilled trainer thing

Dawn: It's ok maybe if I sit next to Lucas I won't be able to smell everything you've been in in the last two weeks

Barry: I smell of adventure

Dawn: Adventure in the trash

Rowan: Everyone listen up today Barry, Lucas, and I encountered Cyrus

Dawn: Cyrus? He's back?

Lucas: Ya and we totally kicked his butt

Dawn: Now I know thats a lie

Rowan: He sent some grunts after us that Lucas and Barry were able to defeat handily if I do say so

Dawn: Wait so these two can actually battle?

Rowan: Yes they showed great expertise in combat I'm actually considering letting them keep the two pokemon i gave them

Barry: Huh for real gramps?

Rowan: I said considering so cut it out with the gramps stuff

Barry: Yes professor rowan, the one and only, young, handsome, smart, Professor Rowan

Dawn: Incredible the creature is capable of saying things other than insults

Barry: Not the mention I can count to like 17

Lucas: So who is this Cyrus guy anyways?

Dawn: You want me to professor?

Rowan: I'm not stoping you

Dawn: Cyrus was once on a research team with the professor looking into the mythology of the Sinnoh creation myths

Barry: Ohh you mean that old bedtime story?

Rowan: Our team found its not just an old bedtime story but real events that happened long ago.

Lucas: So why does Cyrus hate you now?

Rowan: Our funding stopped and the research team had to be disbanded, Cyrus was furious. He thinks I should have fought for our team harder and blames me for the disbanding to this day.

Dawn: He's also a very strong trainer someone not even Barry the magnificent could beat

Barry: Mmhmm sure

Rowan: This is not a joke Barry, Cyrus was obsessed with the myth and using the creators of Sinnoh for selfish reasons

Lucas: We got it Professor well be careful

Rowan: You two

Barry: Ya

Rowan: What do you plan on doing with those Pokemon

Barry: Taking on the League of course, its been mine and Lucas's dream since we were kids

Lucas: Were planning on become the first champion pair

Dawn: Ahahahahahahhahhah, oh your serious

Barry: It may be a childish dream but its better than being a lab assistant

Dawn: Hmmmmmm

Rowan: Well I'm going to ask while you take on the League Challenge you keep an eye out for Cyrus and his men

Lucas: Sounds fair since you did give us Pokemon

Barry: Ya thanks Professor but I'll proboly just use the Pokemon you gave me to catch an even more powerful one

Rowan: Hahah I'm sure you will well since you two are going to be looking at all the Pokemon you see anyways I want you take these

Lucas: What are those

Rowan: They're Pokedexs, they record data about the Pokemon you encounter

Barry: Cool

Rowan: And my final request is this

Barry: Ya sure anything

Rowan: I want you to take Dawn with you

Barry: Except that….

Dawn: I don't know if I'm on board with this either

Rowan: Dawn as my lab assistant I need you to go around sinnoh as I cannot anymore at my age

Dawn: Can't I go with someone else?

Rowan: No these trainers will be heading to all the major spots in Sinnoh to get the gym badges they need and you will need to study all the major spots in Sinnoh, you could say its meant to be

Barry: Didn't you hear the old man, were meant to be

Dawn: I wouldn't date you if you were the last man on earth

Barry: You wouldn't be able to get a date even if you were the last woman on Earth if you keep dressing like that

Dawn: IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY CLOTHES WHY DONT YOU JUST LOOK THE OTHER WAY

Rowan: Why don't you two take it outside

Dawn: Your right, indoors is to civilized for a bar-barry-an

Barry: How long did it take for you to come up with that

Dawn: It take me long long time barry (in barbarian voice)

Rowan: Lucas I have something to give to you

Lucas: Huh what is it

Rowan: It's an old orb we found in one of the ruins we discovered

Lucas: Why are you giving it to me?

Rowan: In all my years I never found a use for it, but I feel like you can and if its important to Cyrus I trust in in your hands more than my own

Lucas: I'm not the best person to give it to shouldn't you give it to Barry or Dawn

Rowan: I am very specific with my actions Lucas, I would not be giving this to you if i did not have complete trust in you and your character.

Rowan: You see those two arguing out there

Barry: Lets settle this, Turtwig go

Dawn: No fair you have the advantage

Barry: I thought you were the master trainer

Rowan: They need a leader, one with common sense but also guts and willingness to put things on the line. You now command the fire type Chimchar, barry the grass type Turtwig, and dawn the water type Piplup. In battle each of those Pokemon is powerful but they also have weaknesses. But if they all work together, fire, water, and grass, they can cover each others weaknesses and truly shine It is the same with people you see, together your all talented trainers, but together, together you will truly be able to show this world true power

Lucas: I understand, trust me professor we will be great (runs out and gets dawn and barry to run with him)

Rowan: (looking out at them run away an Aipom walks next to rowan) Aipom my old friend, do you remember that old crown we found excavating?

It was the most beautiful thing I ever seen, a bring shiny pearl in the center, diamond studs on the side, and all held together by a strong platinum frame.

Hey guys I'm here with a semi first draft of a script I have for a possible manga I was thinking about trying to make. The story is going to follow the plot of Platinum with twists and a bigger emphasis on character development and Lucas, Dawn, and Barry working together as a team. Think of the script as the script to an anime episode and try not to mind the grammar and spelling errors too much I would love feedback on my portrayals of the characters so far and the story in general. Please constructive criticism no flame. Also towards the end I was listening to the Skyward Sword theme and it got me in a big adventure mood so Rowans ending speech might be a little cheesy and over blown I got kicked off the fan fiction page so just message me if you have feedback positive or negative

This is Lucas. He is hoping to one day become a Pokemon master just like his father. Nothing will stop him from defeating all 8 gyms and the Pokemon league. He as vowed to become the greatest trainer in Sinnoh and maybe even the world! But first he has to get out of his room and away from his TV

TV: Special news today coming from Sandgem town today as the famed Pokemon researcher known to many as Professor Rowan has returned from the Kanto region back to his home, the Sinnoh. He has been quoted saying he will set up the first world class research facility in the Sinnoh in Sandgem Town in order to help research the legendary Pokemon said to be living in Lake Verity

(commotion heard downstairs and crashing heard)

Barry: sorry sorry sorry

(running up stairs heard)

Barry: Lucas Lucas did you hear?

TV: In other news a streak of red was seen in the sky today in Hoenn

Barry: a streak of red huh, wonder what that could be, I mean did you hear?

Lucas: slow down barry hear what?

Barry: Oh my god this is so great some professor guy like Rowan or something is in Sandgem Town. I heard you can get Pokemon from him if you get there. We gotta go now Lucas! Before all the Pokemon are gone!

Lucas: Ok lets go race you there

Barry: Ha you'll never beat me in a race and pretty soon you'll never beat me in a Pokemon battle either

(both run out the house)

Lucas's Mom: Huh Lucas where are you going?

Lucas: gonna get some Pokemon mom I'll be back before dark!!

(Lucas pops his head back in the door)

Lucas: Love you!!

Barry: Your making this to easy, come on Lucas!!!!

(Barry's mom open her door)

Barry's mom: Where are you two going in such a hurry!!
(Barry and Lucas are running until Lucas trips over a branch and hits a small tree dropping a nest from it Starly then attack them both)

Dawn: Piplup bubble beam pronto!!

(Piplup scatters the Stary and saves barry and Lucas)

Dawn: Piplup return!

Dawn: You reckless fools you ruined my research I almost had that Starly egg

Barry: Ughh those Pokemon ripped up my jacket

Dawn: Ughh those Pokemon ripped up my jacket (in mocking voice) the nerve of you. Let me tell you something…

Barry: Barry

Dawn: Barry, didn't your mother ever teach you its not nice to talk over other, and it would be nie if you showed a little consideration for my loss instead of mooring over your ugly jacket

Barry: Hey calm down girl we were just trying to get some pokemon and I take pride in how I dress, something it appears like you don't

Dawn: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!!!!

(Rowan walks up)

Rowan: Dawn what is the meaning of this is your yelling what scared off that flock of stary i just saw?

Dawn: Proffesor I'm sorry it just that umm

Barry: Wait your professor rowan?

Dawn: What did I say about interrupting me?!

Rowan: Yes I am child and whats your name

Dawn: This is Barry, he's the nimrod who scared off all the staly

Barry: Sorry Professor but me and my friend here were runnig to get Pokemon from you

Rowan: (laughing) Do you think I just give out pokemon?

Barry: Well I mean kind of like I heard you were from a guy who heard it from the news or something I dont remember it could have been lemme think umm

Rowan: My my, your brain runs at full speed doesn't it
Barry: (embarrassed) ya well

Rowan: Forgive me but im not sure I know your name

Lucas: Ohh sorry Professor I'm Lucas and im the one who hit the stary nest and made them go haywire, sorry

Barry: Ya, so maybe you should give the evil eye to him not me lady

Dawn: I'll give the evil eye to whoever I want, me and my ugly clothes are free to do as we please. And trust me it not like I want to stare at you, it hard to stare at such a disgusting face to be honest

Barry: Why you I'll…

Lucas: (grabs barry) We should probably be going back to Twinleaf Town

Rowan: You're going to Twinleaf Town? Why dont you two escort me to Lake verity then, its not far off and considering the commotion you stirred up, its the least you can do

Lucas: We'd be happy to professor

Rowan: And if you two want pokemon then why dont you try out these two

Dawn: Professor your not really going to give them those are you

Rowan: We'll see Dawn

(Rowan reaches into his bag and pulls two poke balls)

Rowan: For you Barry, this Pokemon should be right up your alley

(Barry gets a turtwig)

Barry: Really Professor and slow Turtwig?

(Turtwig tackles Barry)

Rowan: He's almost as hot tempered as you'd say

Rowan: Here lucas this one is for you

(Lucas gets a chimchar)

Lucas: What is it Professor?

Rowan: Its a Chimchar, a fire type pokemon

Barry: Hey no fair, fire beats grass
Rowan: Ahh I see you know more about pokemon than would meet the eye, dawn you can head back to the lab I,m sure these two can escort me just fine

Dawn: ...but but

Barry: You heard the man leave us be, we got important stuff to do

dawn: Ohh would you shut up

barry: Bye bye love you!!

Dawn: Im going to kill you i swear!!

(At Lake Verity)

Barry: So gramps what are we doing here

Rowan: Its profesor for the 12th time

Barry: Ok gramps

Rowan: And were here so I can get some reading on that island

Lucas: What island I can't see though all this fog

Rowan: Hmm yes, Dawn was supposed to use the stary to defog this place

Barry: I can barley see at all

Lucas: Hey looks like there other people here (pointing at three silhouetted figures)

Barry: I'll ask them if they can defog this place, HEY YOU GUYS!

(the three figures turn and one walks up)

Rowan: Cyrus!

Barry: Huh you know this guy?

Cyrus: Its good to see you old man

Lucas: Hey dont call him that only I can call him that

Cyrus: (snickers) I see you still have younger trainers do your work for you, never a man to get his hands dirty

Rowan: Hmm I'm inclined to call you a hypocrite, why don't your goons come out of the fog and show their faces

Grunt 1: Gladly

Grunt 2: Well take it one step further and show you our pokemon too Zubat go!

Barry: If you want to fight I'm game I'm sure Turtwig would love to destroy you and your weird hair for his first battle

Lucas: Barry, don't escalate things

Barry: I wont let these two pawns try to intimidate us with their Pokemon Lucas come on get your Chimchar out too

Cyrus: He's right Barry, lets not let things get out of hand

Barry: Then why dont you tell your thugs to back off

Cyrus: Hush now the important people have to talk

Barry: Why I ought to….

Rowan: Barry… So Cyrus why are you here

Cyrus: Same reason you are, I'm observing the legendary Pokemon

Rowan: And what would you want to learn about the legendary pokemon hmm?

Cyrus: Im afraid thats a conversation for another time you see I have to be somewhere (turns back to his grunts) I trust you two will handle this

Grunts: (nod)

Cyrus: leave the old man, the other two you can dispose of, (walking away) Its been fun Ill see you later

Grunt 1: Zubat lets go poison sting!

Grunt 2: You too!!

Lucas: Huh (fumbles with poke ball and get Chimchar out)

(Chimchar gets out right infront of the poison sting and doesn't have time to dodge, turtwig deflects it with his head)

Lucas: Chimchar! Uhhhh (Lucas glaces over to Barry's battle)

Barry: Turtwig tackle!!!

Grunt 1: Dodge it

(zubat dodges but turtwig catches him with his tail)

Barry: Nice job your faster than you look turtwig

Lucas: No kidding

Rowan: Pay attention to your battle

Grunt 2: Zubat Bite!

Lucas: Huh?....Chimchar dodge it

Rowan: And leer!

(Chimchar dodges then eyes the zubat straight on intimidating it)

Lucas: Great now scratch!

(chimchar runs up to the zubat paralyzed in fear and takes the scratch head on

Lucas: A critical hit yes!

(The zubat is down and chimchar scratches again fainting it)

Lucas: I didn't say to do that but I guess…

Barry: A little help you know, if you got the time, its really whatever

Lucas: Huh? sorry chimchar scratch that Zubat!

Grunt 1: You're out already? Fine I'll do this myself, Zubat leech life from the Turtwig

Barry: Tackle!

(The zubat quickly flies next to the turtwig dodges the tackle and leeches the life, turtwig goes down)

Barry: Come on turtwig don't fall now

Rowan: Leech life is a bug move its super effective against grass types, your Turtwig cant take other hit like that

Barry: Come on Turtwig second time is the charm tackle again!

Grunt 1: Same thing!

Lucas: Chimchar try to intercept it!

(The Zubat dodges the turtwig again but is hit by the chimchar and sent flying away, but bites the chimchar before it scratches the zubat which then get tackled by the turwig and faints)

Barry: Awesome! nice job Turtwig return and get some rest!

Lucas: Ya amazing you too Chimchar return

Rowan: Good job both of you

Grunt 1: Why can't hq give us pokemon like that?

Grunt 2: All we get are these garbage Zubats

(a figure appears behind the three)

Mars: Never send a grunt to do a commander's job

Barry: Huh?

Mars: Purugly finish these amateurs

Barry: Bring it on! Turtwig I've got more Pokemon for you to destroy

Lucas: (quietly) Barry, our pokemon are tired from battling and that Pokemon looks really strong, We can't win!

Barry: You never know unless you try, Turtwig tackle

Mars: Purugly fury swipes

(before the two collide me spirit comes in-between them and puts both pokemon to sleep

Mars: Ohh my

Barry: Come on Turtwig you can nap later!

Mars: You fool don't you know what just happened! I must report this to Cyrus.

grunt 1: We'll huh escort you

Grunt 2: Ya

(the three run off)

Barry: Turtwig return

Rowan: Hmm

Barry: What?
Rowan: the way you thrust your pokemon in battle like that was foolish

Barry: Hey it worked didn't it

Rowan: I just hope you learn to not be such a hothead, there wont always be a legendary pokemon to save you

Lucas: So that was the legendary pokemon

Rowan: Yes Mespirit, the being of emotion, come you two lets head back to the lab. We have much to discuss

(Back at the lab)

Rowan: Dawn get these two's pokemon healed up

Dawn: Yes professor

Barry: Come on Dawn how about a heroes welcome, look happy to see us, we are heros after all right Lucas?

Dawn: The only place I'd be happy to see you is in a cage with the other circus freaks

Barry: Hey thats no way to talk to the guy that single handedly saved your precious Professor

Dawn: Ohh ya I'm sure your friend did nothing

Barry: Ohh sorry luc…

Dawn: And if you were as good as me your Pokemon wouldn't need healing because they wouldn't have taken a hit (takes the poke ball from Barry)

Dawn: I don't think we've been properly introduced, I'm Dawn and you are?

Lucas: Lucas, uhh good to meet you

Dawn: Just dont be as annoying as your friend and well be good friends ( takes the pokeball from lucas)

Lucas: You get used to him don't worry.

Dawn: Doubt it (puts the pokeballs in the healer)

Dawn: Here's you coffee professor

Rowan: Thank you Dawn

Dawn: You two want anything? i can get Lucas water, Barry will have to get it himself

Lucas: I'm fine thanks

Barry: I'll take a virgin pinocolada, extra coconut flavor, three pineapple slices on the side and can you put the little umbrella on top

Dawn: How about I give you a knuckle sandwich

Rowan: Actually Dawn if you could sit down I would like you all to hear this

(Dawn reaches for the closest seat which is next to barry but barry puts his feet on the seat)

Barry: Sorry my hero feet need this seat you wouldn't get it though its a skilled trainer thing

Dawn: It's ok maybe if I sit next to Lucas I won't be able to smell everything you've been in in the last two weeks

Barry: I smell of adventure

Dawn: Adventure in the trash

Rowan: Everyone listen up today Barry, Lucas, and I encountered Cyrus

Dawn: Cyrus? He's back?

Lucas: Ya and we totally kicked his butt

Dawn: Now I know thats a lie

Rowan: He sent some grunts after us that Lucas and Barry were able to defeat handily if I do say so

Dawn: Wait so these two can actually battle?

Rowan: Yes they showed great expertise in combat I'm actually considering letting them keep the two pokemon i gave them

Barry: Huh for real gramps?

Rowan: I said considering so cut it out with the gramps stuff

Barry: Yes professor rowan, the one and only, young, handsome, smart, Professor Rowan

Dawn: Incredible the creature is capable of saying things other than insults

Barry: Not the mention I can count to like 17

Lucas: So who is this Cyrus guy anyways?

Dawn: You want me to professor?

Rowan: I'm not stoping you

Dawn: Cyrus was once on a research team with the professor looking into the mythology of the Sinnoh creation myths

Barry: Ohh you mean that old bedtime story?

Rowan: Our team found its not just an old bedtime story but real events that happened long ago.

Lucas: So why does Cyrus hate you now?

Rowan: Our funding stopped and the research team had to be disbanded, Cyrus was furious. He thinks I should have fought for our team harder and blames me for the disbanding to this day.

Dawn: He's also a very strong trainer someone not even Barry the magnificent could beat

Barry: Mmhmm sure

Rowan: This is not a joke Barry, Cyrus was obsessed with the myth and using the creators of Sinnoh for selfish reasons

Lucas: We got it Professor well be careful

Rowan: You two

Barry: Ya

Rowan: What do you plan on doing with those Pokemon

Barry: Taking on the League of course, its been mine and Lucas's dream since we were kids

Lucas: Were planning on become the first champion pair

Dawn: Ahahahahahahhahhah, oh your serious

Barry: It may be a childish dream but its better than being a lab assistant

Dawn: Hmmmmmm

Rowan: Well I'm going to ask while you take on the League Challenge you keep an eye out for Cyrus and his men

Lucas: Sounds fair since you did give us Pokemon

Barry: Ya thanks Professor but I'll proboly just use the Pokemon you gave me to catch an even more powerful one

Rowan: Hahah I'm sure you will well since you two are going to be looking at all the Pokemon you see anyways I want you take these

Lucas: What are those

Rowan: They're Pokedexs, they record data about the Pokemon you encounter

Barry: Cool

Rowan: And my final request is this

Barry: Ya sure anything

Rowan: I want you to take Dawn with you

Barry: Except that….

Dawn: I don't know if I'm on board with this either

Rowan: Dawn as my lab assistant I need you to go around sinnoh as I cannot anymore at my age

Dawn: Can't I go with someone else?

Rowan: No these trainers will be heading to all the major spots in Sinnoh to get the gym badges they need and you will need to study all the major spots in Sinnoh, you could say its meant to be

Barry: Didn't you hear the old man, were meant to be

Dawn: I wouldn't date you if you were the last man on earth

Barry: You wouldn't be able to get a date even if you were the last woman on Earth if you keep dressing like that

Dawn: IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY CLOTHES WHY DONT YOU JUST LOOK THE OTHER WAY

Rowan: Why don't you two take it outside

Dawn: Your right, indoors is to civilized for a bar-barry-an

Barry: How long did it take for you to come up with that

Dawn: It take me long long time barry (in barbarian voice)

Rowan: Lucas I have something to give to you

Lucas: Huh what is it

Rowan: It's an old orb we found in one of the ruins we discovered

Lucas: Why are you giving it to me?

Rowan: In all my years I never found a use for it, but I feel like you can and if its important to Cyrus I trust in in your hands more than my own

Lucas: I'm not the best person to give it to shouldn't you give it to Barry or Dawn

Rowan: I am very specific with my actions Lucas, I would not be giving this to you if i did not have complete trust in you and your character.

Rowan: You see those two arguing out there

Barry: Lets settle this, Turtwig go

Dawn: No fair you have the advantage

Barry: I thought you were the master trainer

Rowan: They need a leader, one with common sense but also guts and willingness to put things on the line. You now command the fire type Chimchar, barry the grass type Turtwig, and dawn the water type Piplup. In battle each of those Pokemon is powerful but they also have weaknesses. But if they all work together, fire, water, and grass, they can cover each others weaknesses and truly shine It is the same with people you see, together your all talented trainers, but together, together you will truly be able to show this world true power

Lucas: I understand, trust me professor we will be great (runs out and gets dawn and barry to run with him)

Rowan: (looking out at them run away an Aipom walks next to rowan) Aipom my old friend, do you remember that old crown we found excavating?

It was the most beautiful thing I ever seen, a bring shiny pearl in the center, diamond studs on the side, and all held together by a strong platinum frame.

3rddegreepwnedge, I would suggest expanding more on the script for starters. A script isn't meant to just show dialogue - it needs to include details on the setting, stage directions, and how characters speak and what they do. Just being a script means you should skimp on those details - they are what help make the story interesting after all, and dialogue alone won't carry the story. You do this a couple times at the very end, but it has to be throughout the whole script.

Also be sure to proofread. You're missing out on a lot of full stops there to end sentences, and some lines you didn't capitalise either (e.g. 'Barry: a streak of red huh, wonder what that could be, I mean did you hear?'). Run it through a spell and grammar checker and edit for simple errors like that, as they are easy to fix and just distract from the story.

Very very short post here, because I want some reassurance that what I'm doing is working. The current chapter I'm working on is a flashback chapter, and I want to make sure the reader understands which scenes are in the past and which are in the future. I'm worried about the current scene that I'm writing, since this is the first time I'm writing a flashback chapter ever, so I'll share it here.

I should warn that this isn't edited at all.

May I post some stuff as well :D I've already started on my own FanFiction here called Pokémon The Kanto Journey.

Astinus said:

Very very short post here, because I want some reassurance that what I'm doing is working. The current chapter I'm working on is a flashback chapter, and I want to make sure the reader understands which scenes are in the past and which are in the future. I'm worried about the current scene that I'm writing, since this is the first time I'm writing a flashback chapter ever, so I'll share it here.

Click to expand...

So as I understand it, the first two paragraphs are strictly narrative-present, and the third acts as a bridge between narrative-present and narrative-past, which starts with the fourth paragraph.

I read it twice before being certain on my understanding, but that may just have been because I haven't read the story up to that point. If you're worried about the reader missing the transition--which I always worry about when the scene changes substantially over only a few lines--I don't think it would hurt to add a "Five Digi-Weeks Ago" or another delineating something on its own line before the fourth paragraph. I know some people don't like artificial meta-text or other formatting stuff in their writing (say, putting a flashback in italics), but you need to tread carefully when it comes to temporal transitions.

Maybe the third paragraph could be extended by establishing where the following flashback takes place as well, so you're more sure the reader registers the scene change? If there's genuine ambiguity about the transition, I'd say it's because on its own the fourth paragraph reads like it could take place in the same location/time as the first two. If the change in the location is emphasized as well as the change in time, I think it might work better.

So yeah, Digimon. Digital Monsters. Digimon are the champions. *repeats ad nauseum*

pokenavkev15 said:

May I post some stuff as well :D I've already started on my own FanFiction here called Pokémon The Kanto Journey.

Click to expand...

You don't need permission to post excerpts here, so have at it!

Ok then :) Here's a little draft for my Fanfic. I'm intending to make the R/B/Y/Fr/Lg story "darker." Also, some backstories will be included such as the formation of Team Rocket, so this an early draft.

I agree with icomeanon - Something like a scene transition would help (I've always used *** - nice and simple, and not overly informative, although italics for that past scene would be doable too imo). Mind you, without context it may well just be harder for me to tell. Or more info - the transition does need a bit of work either way in being clearer.

So yeah, Digimon. Digital Monsters. Digimon are the champions. *repeats ad nauseum*

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When I think of the Digimon theme song, it's in Polish because of the small handful of episodes I watched it was in Polish. [/aside]

pokenavkev15 - I'd suggest spacing that out firstly, so there's a line of spacing between each paragraph/new line of dialogue. That way it'll be easier to read.

Thanks, bobandbill and icomeanon6! I decided last night to cut the scene that I was transitioning to in the sample I posted because it didn't add anything to the story. (The information I wanted to tell can be done in one sentence in the present narration.) I'll be sure to keep the advice in mind if I ever attempt this again!

This is the prologue to my failed NaNoWriMo-Camp piece. It's a chase scene, I really struggled to fluff up the words without repeating myself or losing the pace. I was reasonably happy with this bit by the end.

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=345775
A story I wrote about pokemon betraying humanity, and the war between the two species.

Hi,

I didn't see a better place to post this, so sorry if this is in the wrong forum/thread. I was hoping I could get a few of you writer folk to help me revise/proofread a Code of Conduct I've written mostly from scratch, found here.

My eyesight is can be kind of terrible at times and at present I lack spectacles to look over it too much, but besides errors which aren't as important atm I'd really like to get y'all's input on how I can better word the document, if it's not fine as-is. It's meant to be a general rulebook and reference piece for a microblogging platform I'm scratch-coding. The goal of the document is to protect the website, its staff, and affiliated parties and applicable authority relations while setting in stone what users are to do and not to do to ensure a safe, family-friendly, and positive browsing experience (like any public website CoC should).

Obviously not asking for legal advice or anything, but I think what's already there should give a clear enough picture if you can help. Thank you

I haven't decided if this scene has a place in my novel, yet, but it was fun to write. Quite telling, too.

The drive to see Matron got longer every year. Seth stared out the darkening window, ignoring the Kindle laying on his lap as he watched the fields roll by. They weren't quite in the middle of no where - he could still hear the occasional static of other thoughts when they passed a well-spaced house - but it was close enough, in comparison to the chaos of New York. There was never a moment's peace in a city of the world, and never would be. It would be an endless rain of useless, petty thoughts invading his mindspace at every turn.

He let out a soft breath when the radio, too, turned to static, and leaned forward to retrieve the CDs from the glovebox. "Bach or Debussy?" he asked, lifting a disinterested brow at his father in the process.

Colton adjusted his grip on the steering wheel, flexing tired fingers. "Debussy. Have you already finished your book?"

"Two of them."

His father gave a slow nod, combing his fingers through his dark hair in thought as Nocturne floated from the CD player. "Even the Iliad?"

"It bored me, but yes. One would think that gods would have more sense than they displayed," the child said, and gave a negligent shrug. "In comparison to the humans, their power was absolute. It seemed rather stupid that they spent so much effort playing with them, when they could have simply molded them to their will. Aphrodite was the only one to exercise her power as she should've, and even that was for petty reasons."

"Hmm." Colton shifted hands, rubbing under his glasses after a pause. "Have you considered -"

"I have."

His father gave a tight nod. "While I understand that you get tired of having to hide certain things, Seth, it's still rude to cut someone off."

Seth finally turned, blue eyed stare patronizing. It was also detached. "I know what you're going to say before you even finish thinking it. It seems like a waste of breath."

Colton's lips pressed into a thin line, and he let out a soft breath. "We have a different bent. I don't have your advantage." He was uncomfortable. Again.

The ten-year-old just shifted in his seat, turning back to the window. "We do. And in comparison to the general population," he mused, waving an idle hand towards a house in the distance, "we are gods."

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I'm a bit stuck on chapter 8 of Pokémon: Clefairy Tales. I intend to start by focusing on a Super Nerd before Leaf appears. For the ensuing battle, I'll pit Leaf's Geodude against the Super Nerd's Magnemite and Voltorb. However... I don't know where to go from there.

Jovan summoned one of three Pokémon on his person. A creature resembling a Poké Ball with angry eyes appeared. "You ready to do this?" the super nerd asked. The creature, a Voltorb, flashed a small amount of electricity in approval.

Jovan proceeded to secure a metal dome over the Voltorb. "Three... two... one..."

KABOOM! Jovan removed the dome and recalled the Voltorb, which was in no condition to battle. He removed the pieces of the rock and found a Dome Fossil. As he put it in his bag, he heard footsteps. Turning, he saw Leaf standing there. "What the...!?" he exclaimed. "Don't sneak up on me!"

Click to expand...

This is the start of Pokémon x Youkai Watch anime crossover story I mentioned in Plot Bunny thread. This is how Keita got into the Pokémon world thanks to Hoopa's ring malfunction and meets Ash, Serena, Clemont and Bonnie. It's taking place right after the events of XY movie 2, or Hoopa movie, if you want. It is placed in Dahara City, the movie location.
Bear in mind this is still first version, which needs lots of polishing. Also, I am still not decided about if I should use Japanese or English names for Youkai Watch characters. I am using Japanese for now, since I am more familiar with them, but I may change that in future, depending on your input. For Pokémon characters, however, I will definitely use English names, so don't hesitate to tell me how this Japanese-English mix works for you, so I can change it in future. The working title for now is Keita goes to another world, but that may change too. Thanks for your input.

Keita was in his room, admiring his Youkai medal collection. Suddenly, he heard yelling from his wardrobe. He opened the door to his wardrobe and saw Jibanyan and Hikikoumori being taken by grey hand to some pink essence filling golden ring. Keita grabbed yelling Hikikoumori and yelled on Whisper to help him. Whisper flew to look what's going on, and Keita told him to grab Jibanyan and got him out of that thing. Whisper did so, but despite their try, they couldn't beat the strong hand from the other side. They were taken by the hand and fall on ground who knows where.
"Did Hoopa startle you?" big, grey blue and pink Jeanie-like creature, with lots of unattached hands, asked.
"Whisper, what is this?" Keita asked.
Whisper looked on his Youkai Pad, but couldn't find this creature.
"I… I… I… don't know, Whis," he admitted.
"What? Not even your pad knows that?"
Whisper, ashamed, shook his head.
"This is Hoopa," said boy in blue and white jacket, blue pants and red and white cap. "I am Ash Ketchum and this," Ash pointed on yellow rodent-like creature, "is my partner Pikachu."
"Pika Pikachu," said Pikachu.
"Hi, I am Serena," said girl with short blond hair, brown and red hat, pink dress with red cape and brown stockings.
"I am Clemont," said boy in blue and yellow overall. "And this," Clemont pointed to girl in brown shirt with black ribbon, black shorts, white skirt and yellow satchel, "is my little sister Bonnie."
"And this little one," Bonnie opened her satchel, "is Dedenne."
"Wait!" Keita yelled. "So many Youkais and so many people who could see them?"
"Youkai? You mean ghost or spirit? Trust me, Pikachu is very alive," Ash said.
"Pi," nodded Pikachu.
"But you have some strange Pokémon with you," Ash said and took out his Pokédex.
Ash pointed his Pokédex on Whisper, but it did not react at all.
"That's strange," Ash mumbled.
He pointed his Pokédex on Pikachu and it recited Pikachu's data.
"Hmm, so it's not broken," Ash stated. "So, what are those creatures if they aren't Pokémon?"
"Pokémon?" Keita asked.
Serena, Clemont and Bonnie looked at each other with confused look. They had no idea what creatures Ash was talking about.
"Ash, what are you talking about?" Serena asked.
"I am talking about those three," Ash pointed on Whisper by Keita's right side, Jibanyan by Keita's left side and Hikikoumori hiding behind Keita's right leg.
"Sorry Ash, but there's nothing there," Serena said.
"So, you can't see them," Keita stated. "But how he can?"
"Huh?!" all four friends said.
"Guess I have no other chance," Keita sighed. "These are Youkais. I can see them thanks to this Youkai Watch," Keita pointed on his left wrist.
Youkais?" all four said again.
"Yes, spirits, which are responsible for all strange things in our world… well… my world, as I am not sure I am still in my world, thanks to these things you called Pokémon."
"Wait a minute! There are no Pokémon where you live?" Bonnie asked shocked.
"No. At least none were discovered yet."
"That's sad," Bonnie stated and petted her Dedenne.
"But in my world people can't normally see Youkais too. I wonder how you can see them."
Ash thought about it and then remembered something: "I was told I am Aura Guardian…"
"Aura Guardian?" Clemont asked surprised.
"What's that?" Serena asked.
"Aura Guardians were legendary Aura users, which travelled around world and helped others with these skills," Clemont explained. "However, I thought Aura Guardians disappeared long time ago."
"Not true," Ash said. "In Sinnoh, I've met Riley, who is Aura Guardian. It was also in Sinnoh I was told I have these skills too. But I decided to continue my journey as normal Pokémon trainer and never really thought much about this."
"But, how could this allow Ash seeing Youkais?" Keita asked, still very confused about this strange world he ended in.
"Well, Aura is some sort of force present in every living being," Clemont explained. "Those who could use it, are able to sense things others can't. That's probably why Ash could see these ghosts of yours."
"Hey Ash, sorry for taking so long," yelled young woman who just came. "I hope Hoopa did not cause any trouble."
"Actually, he did, Meray," Serena said. "He brought this boy from who knows were."
"Hoopa!" Maray looked at Hoopa angrily. "Take him back NOW!"
"Hoopa can't," Hoopa said ashamed.
"What do you mean by 'Hoopa can't', you big hairball?" now Keita was angry.
"Hoopa did not mean to bring someone from another world. It was accident, Hoopa doesn't know how happened. Hoopa is not sure he can repeat it."
Now Keita's stance changed from angry to sad. Ash noticed this and came to him.
Ash put his hands on Keita's shoulders and said: "Don't worry, ehm…"
"Oh, sorry, my name's Keita Amano."
"Don't worry Keita, we'll find a way to get you home."

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