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What Pokemon should Titus Receive from his Parents before going on his Journey?

  • Miltank

    Votes: 2 50.0%
  • Tauros

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Bellossom

    Votes: 1 25.0%
  • None

    Votes: 1 25.0%

  • Total voters
    4
5
Posts
9
Years
    • Seen Feb 28, 2015
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    Last edited:
    6,266
    Posts
    10
    Years
  • Aw that poor Cyndaquil getting banged by some birds like that )x Why does this remind me of that one episode of the Johto anime that had the girl with a Skarmory taking on Ash's Cyndaquil and Brock's Vulpix?

    But this is still alright, and I voted Miltank for the parents' gift as that's a Pokémon I think would fit well for him.
     

    Nolafus

    Aspiring something
    5,724
    Posts
    11
    Years
  • I want to thank you for posting your story, but I'm afraid I have a few qualms with it. Don't worry, they aren't big problems, but there is something I would like to point out. The chapters here are much too short.

    The general rule of thumb I use for this is basically my laptop. If I can fit just about the entire chapter on my screen, then it's way too short, and this chapter has room to spare. Now, if you're looking for a safety point to get to, then anything past the 800 word mark is perfect. Because the chapters are way too short, I'm going to be restricting you on posting more until you add more to this recent chapter. Of course, I wouldn't be a very good mod if I just told you to try harder and left it at that, so how about some tips?

    The first thing I'm noticing is that you're really telling us rather than showing. This is probably the hardest thing about writing, so I'm just going to give you a brief overview. A good starting point is asking, "Can the camera see it?" It's a good starting point because that's pretty much what showing is. Well, it's not entirely what it is, but it's a good place to start. Since I learn best with an example, here's what I mean:
    Titus was in the big red barn, reading a book called 'The tale of Iris and the Articuno' which he had been reading for a while now.
    This right here is dry because you know what the character is doing, but you're not immersed in the scene. I'm not the best, but I'll try to give an example of what I'm looking for. With showing it should go something like this:
    Titus thumbed through another page of the book he was reading and let it fall to the ground. He sat lost in thought once again as he mulled over the events that unfolded in the last couple weeks. His gaze drifted out the barn's old window as his thoughts continued. I can't stay here.

    Hopefully tht gives you some clue on what I'm looking for. This will help your writing a lot. It's very difficult, but trust me, it's worth it. You'll hold your readers' attention, and they'll be interested to keep reading.

    Of course, this isn't the only way to lengthen a chapter. Another tip is to just add some more events. You know, continue the story until you think the chapter is ready for me to take another look at. It might seem picky for me to stop people from writing future chapters, but I would just like a little more effort put into these guys.

    If you have any questions or concerns, let me know! Once you're done with the update, let me know in a VM or PM, and I'll come to check it out. Hopefully, I'll lift the restriction and you'll be good to go. Good luck, and I hope to hear back from you soon!

    Edit: We're good to go!
     
    Last edited:
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