Okay, because I just lost roughly fifteen paragraphs of an incomplete review because of how PC works and I didn't take the precaution I normally do of saving it, this probably won't look as funny as the original 15+ paragraphs did. However, I wish that you'll be able to laugh at some of this while reading it.
First, welcome to PC. I hope you find some RPs to get involved in and friends with whom to have fun, and I'm
very sorry if I make your first experience here at all unpleasant. I have a habit of that which I'm trying to work on, and losing an essay's worth of writing in one idiotic mouse click isn't helping me. I also don't want to blow off steam while I still have most of the information from the previous attempt in my head. Please understand that none of the other GMs are as salty as I am. They also don't talk to themselves as much.
I hope.
Since the RP has started, we aren't taking reservations. However, since there are open slots there's nothing stopping you from signing up, aside from five spontaneously finished characters that immediately get accepted. That won't happen, but I feel it right to warn you.
Now, to actually get on to the review, please note that you are not the first person to have had any of these issues in particular brought up. We also really don't care that you're new to PC, as long as you're able to take things with a
grain bucket of salt.
A character's age in Vale must be between 13 and 17. Vale doesn't teach only magic; it also acts as a normal high school.
Vale takes place on modern Earth, so the name is inappropriate. There are a lot of unfortunate little girls who were named Daenerys after Game of Thrones started airing, and some idiot on Wipeout legally changed his name to Starfire, but "Verane Ithias" is not one of those names. Someone signed up to Old Vale as "Anthony Dragonwind", too. At least yours makes sense in a fantasy world, but, still, the "modern Earth" thing is why there's a problem at all.
Second, Nature needs to be included in your choice of elements. "Earth" pertains only to minerals; metal and plantlife require much finer control over the element (and more so with nature in particular since you're controlling living things). It also needs to be explained in his history (whenever you finish it) how he managed to get so powerful before coming to Vale. A mage without formal training will have basically no capacity to use any of the spells you've listed, let alone nature magic itself.
Why only wood? Unless you're misspelling everything and mean to say he controls weed, your character is going to be extremely limited in what he can do. Seriously, weed alone would give you more potential than wood alone. Plus, it would be funny as hell.
"Nature" even pertains to biology. Nature mages can SHAPESHIFT. Obviously not much, but they COULD, and you pick WOOD. Normally, you'd want to would instead of could, but Colony and I are really trying to encourage players to could.
On his spells:
The descriptions make me think of a skill book that anyone can just rip off, and that's not a good thing. Mages have completely different ways of using their magic such that not even very similar spells are exactly the same, and they react to being able to use their spells differently. Your character sheet is about
your character. How does he use his spells? What do they do to him? Make it so they're
his spells.
Earthen Ring: Why do you mention that there's a potential charge up time if he can instantly throw 3-9 cannonballs faster than Aroldis Chapman whenever he wants? It's redundant. It should also take a lot of work to telekinetically carry and throw 9 sizable cannonballs made of dirt and stone at any given time. However, exhaustion is a stupid limitation when mages have high endurance, so maybe it could burden him physically instead of mentally to carry so much material.
Gust of Splinters: Where does the material required come from? If he has to yank the wood from a tree, he's going to run out quick. With only one exception in an already-occupied element, material cannot be created or summoned from nothing like in Naruto. To compare magic in Vale to an existing universe, the bending from the Avatar series is the closest parallel, taking the element directly from the world around you (again with the one exception of the already-occupied element). As with the previous spell, there needs to be a downside to carrying so much material and still concentrating on a target.
Nature's Protection: Out of all potential methods to protect someone with earth magic, you pick an unsustainable box that immobilizes the person it's supposed to protect. I recommend taking a look at Geras32's signup for an idea of an efficient earth-based protection spell. His is a metal spell, but you get the point.
TreeCore: This will kill you, without exception. By the science of it, replacing your bones with anything will kill you—bones are constantly breaking down and rebuilding themselves, and nothing else does that besides other living cells in the body. Wolverine does it because the adamantium is fused to him, and not actually replacing anything. (He also has pseudo-immortal regenerative abilities, but that's beside the point.) Human bones are already more durable than concrete, and mages even more so; it's everything stuck on the bones that's squishy. Bringing that pesky Earth science into it again, there is no such thing as unbreakable, especially wood.
Wood Form
I want to applaud you for being brave enough to go with such a powerful spell that changes how your character fights and protects themselves. However, I also want to scold you. Colony and I in no way accept "last resort" abilities. This is a three-point list of why:
The first is that your spell requires significant charge time and extreme concentration. Fights in Vale are very fast paced, being over within minutes (if even that).
Second, not only will he
never get the chance to use this due to reason #1, but he'll die by giving himself the "essence of wood". There's nothing about wood that's particularly special or helpful for a human being like concrete skin. If anything, he'd be weaker for it.
Third is that they're just unpleasurable to look at, no matter the medium. "I was saving this for last..." is the absolute biggest copout in the history of writing. Believe me, I've tried it, and it just looked and felt
wrong. Made me feel dirty.
You also end up contradicting yourself, and I hope it was your late-night post-job writing that caused it. "The ultimate act of protection and durability." is the first sentence, but you turn it into a double-edged Buster Sword halfway through the paragraph. "The damage the caster can take is greatly increased, as with the damage the caster can inflict." This is not protective nor durable in any sense of the word. I always say things like, "They can't hurt you if they're dead," but this doesn't really count when it's made out to increase your defensive ability from the first sentence.
On the side effects:
"He loses all personality and emotion besides loyalty." The only thing I can ask about this is,
why? Why does he lose his personality? Why does only loyalty remain? To whom or what is he supposed to be loyal?
"He fights for his friends!"
Thanks, Ike, but that's not exactly a reason for him to lose his personality, especially leaving just a sense of loyalty. It's not like wood is loyal to anything.
#1: "Wood Form can last as long as necessary." Why does he ever bother dropping it if he knows he's going to get himself killed because of the total vulnerability he's supposed to have afterwards?
#2: You already know what's wrong with this.
#3: Being permanently stuck is unacceptable, not because it's too strong or really screwed up, but because it's just a stupid limitation of someone's abilities. The only thing I can cite for doing this well is
Animorphs, and that involves DNA theft and shapeshifting.
Lastly, every one of your spells would be significantly easier to use and master, and are much more readily available if it were just earth magic. If you want to go with more advanced elements, that's fine, but we want you to think "Not Naruto" when you're coming up with them.
Gods... if only I put this much effort into college or something.
Also, I gotta make an Animorph kind of character now. Or I can just read the books again.
...
Nah, I'll make an Animorph character.
