A possible fanfic

I have a fanfic thats been in my files for a year now. I'm sure it can go somewhere if I can get past my writer's block (and laziness). Heres the Prologue
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Prologue

"Years and years Team Galactic has been making fools of themselves in the Sinnoh region. Going for universal domination, something always dreamed of, but never accomplished. Today marks a new day for Team Galatic, this is because we stand before a new leader, a much more powerful leader. Attempted plots for legendaries proving fruitless, senseless attempts on rocket fuel that was never needed, all of this farce will be put to rest." read a Team Galactic grunt.
"Can you believe this crap Derek? And what does...uhhhhh...farce mean?" asked the Grunt as he stared at the incomprehensible word in the memo scratching his beard.

Two grunts were standing in the rec room looking at the new memo on the board. The room was mostly full of virtual reality games and a pool table.
"New management always sucks." the grunt named Derek started throwing darts at a picture with the new boss's face on it.

"Sucks? I think we can have a better vocabulary than that." A menacing man had just entered the rec room, he had dark hair, his features were distinct, and he donned an impressive black designer-suit and loafers.. "I think the term 'sucks' could apply to the grunts I currently have employed. Also, farce would be a noun, it means joke, again much like my employment."

"Awww man, no disrespect Boss." Derek pleaded. "Isn't that right Josh?"

"Yeah Boss, no disrespect" Josh repeated as he started backing up.

"Well the fact that I feel disrespected is minor. Can you two grunts define the word draconian? asked the Boss with a smile on his face. The two looked dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry, where is my head? It was a rhetorical question." Looking at the two grunts still staring at him in fear and confusion, his anger started to rise. "You two must be kidding, if my mere vocabulary confuses you to this state, how do you handle missions! You two are annoying me beyond comprehension!.......However I do have a task even you two can manage" he stated, calming himself down.

"Anyhing boss!" The two yelled in unison, both saluting him.

"Can you guys handle a simple kidnapping?"
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I want to develop it more too. Basically I need a beta and a co-writer

that sounds interesting... although i thought team galactic broke up after their failed plans (in both game and show... and manga)? o well im proly rong it sounds good though!

I like this. The humour is subtle. Rec room? "New management always sucks"? Team Rocket's headquarters look just like an office building, and their grunts are office workers. I'm glad you're aware that Team Rocket's canon schemes are harebrained and will never, ever work. Writing Team Rocket as a serious organization has a lot of potential, especially if you plan to throw in canon characters and how stunned they are that Team Rocket is actually doing something.

The new boss looks like a real badass. Your antihero, am I right? He needs careful characterization. What I don't like is that right off the bat you have him getting angry over nothing at all. It's too easy to give him a "hot temper" streak that eventually proves to be his downfall. That's been done. Besides, anyone high up in a hierachy like this one should know how to be condescending towards grunts. Losing your temper in front of subordinates makes you look pretty bad.

Second, kidnapping isn't that easy. Just think about it. If these two don't know what 'rhetorical' means, they probably can't pull off a kidnapping. If you do write their task as simply grabbing the victim off the sidewalk, pulling a bag over their head, and throwing them in the back of a black van, you'll really slash the realism of your fanfic. If realism was what you were going for. If light comedy is more your thing, disregard this comment.

Rabbit said:

I like this. The humour is subtle. Rec room? "New management always sucks"? Team Rocket's headquarters look just like an office building, and their grunts are office workers. I'm glad you're aware that Team Rocket's canon schemes are harebrained and will never, ever work. Writing Team Rocket as a serious organization has a lot of potential, especially if you plan to throw in canon characters and how stunned they are that Team Rocket is actually doing something..

Click to expand...

Actually it's team Galactic, everyone always does Team Rocket

Rabbit said:

The new boss looks like a real badass. Your antihero, am I right? He needs careful characterization. What I don't like is that right off the bat you have him getting angry over nothing at all. It's too easy to give him a "hot temper" streak that eventually proves to be his downfall. That's been done. Besides, anyone high up in a hierachy like this one should know how to be condescending towards grunts. Losing your temper in front of subordinates makes you look pretty bad.

Click to expand...

Good point, I'll fix that.

Rabbit said:

Second, kidnapping isn't that easy. Just think about it. If these two don't know what 'rhetorical' means, they probably can't pull off a kidnapping. If you do write their task as simply grabbing the victim off the sidewalk, pulling a bag over their head, and throwing them in the back of a black van, you'll really slash the realism of your fanfic. If realism was what you were going for. If light comedy is more your thing, disregard this comment.

Click to expand...

I can PM you the whole kidnapping scene if you like. I liked it and its basically how the whole plot starts, so I won't make the grunts so stupid and elaborate more on why he actually uses them.

Oh yeah, Team Galactic. xD; Sorry, knee-jerk reaction there.

Sure, I'd like to read what you have planned.