Imoen had noticed him, he could give her the ice cream, he had one good thing that day after all, maybe he wasn't a total jerkbag! Then her eyes locked on Wattson and glazed over for a moment, when they cleared again they seemed different somehow. With no warning Imoen attacked Wattson, viciously launching him to the top of his gym's front stairs with a blast of water from her
weapon pokemon. Then the sirens Jeff had been hearing earlier got louder and all of a sudden an entire platoon of blue-haired
bimbos hoes hoe-POLICE OFFICERS showed up, apparently to apprehend Imoen.
Oh so she was the cause of all that ruckus I heard on my gurney ride through the city, why didn't I just tell her to scram when she bumped into me? Then again this kind of crap follows me wherever I go lately, better to at least deal with it with a friend...no matter how crazy. And then she dashed over to Jeff himself, and snatched the ultimate ice cream of apology and friendship...and vanilla. Jeff felt a tear form in his left eye as she ran back towards Wattson the moment she took the ice cream, before Wattson defused the whole situation and she went inside. For some reason he felt like the way she took the ice cream from him was the most cruel and evil thing she could have possibly done right then.
And, just like that, in a huff of hallucination-induced fury she was gone. After the door closed behind Imoen a certain im-patient's gurney started to shake, heck it even got him just about upright before going over and planting his face firmly on the floor in front of the stairs. It started to move towards the stairs, dragged by unyielding determination! Oh yeah, and Jeff's arms, of course this only went on for a few more seconds before a foot stomped his hand and pinned it to the floor. "And where exactly do you think you're going?" Some incoherent mumbling and maybe even a "Hmpf!" Or two were uttered by the gurney, and surprisingly Dr. Gooseland replied as if he were fluent in the language...which he is.
"Oh so you want to march in there and watch you're friends match do you?"
An affirmative mumble.
"Well you can't."
"Mf?!?"
"Because I'm the doctor and I say so."
"Mpfpf!"
"My reasons? Why must you make me waste more words than are absolutely necessary? Can't you see? Down there, on the floor, where you put
yourself because you are an idiot? The Jennies are forming a perimeter around the gym because if you're friend
does lose she's going right to the slammer."
"Mpf!...Pf?"
"Well...if she wins she's free to go...because Wattson said so, being a Gym Leader is like being a mayor...except you don't have to manage the city at all...your word just has a lot of weight, and you're good at fighting...and-well being a Gym Leader is actually WAY better than being a mayor, especially when you own the city biggest casino. Hooo-ey, you and your friend are lucky Wattson's just the right kind of coocoo, or she'd be screeeeeewed."
"hmpf."
"What? Doesn't being a crazy person and bumping into you mean you're friends? Best friends? Forevvvvvsies? That's how I met my best friend."
"pf."
"Yup, he bowled me right over while I was studying from the only medical book I ever bothered to buy."
Silence.
"What do you mean you thought I'd be the one who bumped into him? And before you ask yes I still know what you're saying when you don't say anything, I KNOW EVERYT-well not quite everything, I don't know as much as Brotad. But I'm still a whole Groudon more knowledgable than you are you brat, that's it you're grounded, unless you beat Wattson on your first try you're staying on this gurney with me."
At this the hand under the good...ish doctor's foot pulled with renewed vigor and through his foot off as the gurney *cough* Jeff's scrabbling and pulling became so frantic he was up the stairs and to the front doors of the gym in no time, despite how much any physicist would want to argue with me. Sadly that didn't mean Jeff was standing upright, so since the Jennies had turned off the doors' sensors in case Imoen tried to sprint out after losing her battle Jeff merely scrabbled his face right into another painful meeting with an inanimate object.
Dear Dr. Gooseland reacted to the oh-so-rude actions of his beloved patient with admirable grace...as he gave Jeff a light kick to his hindquarters and laughed. "Did you
really think you could get away from me with all the things you've learned about me so far?" Coincidentally after being low on oxygen from being squeezed by sadistically tight gurney straps and having said gurney's weight on him so long, Jeff was a little lightheaded and the violent kiss with that sexy sexy door knocked him straight to dreamland to hang with Kirby. "Alright, enjoy your nap ya doof, ah I love it when they anesthetize themselves."
A door opened, some feet stepped past the gurney, undoubtedly not noticing it was actually a Jeffery-turtle, a rare offshoot of the Jefferey Giraffe which is known for Pokemon battles and having bad luck, it's also a distant cousin of the black cat. "Oh, hello young lady." Dr. Gooseland greeted who he knew to be Imoen, if you're surprised by that you obviously haven't payed enough attention, but of course I can't say how. They don't pay me enough to get on Brotad's bad side...AW CRAP- Because Brotad hates spoilers of course, he has NOTHING ELSE TO DO WITH THIS EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP! Ahem, Dr. Gooseland continued. "You seem to be back to Imoen Gesenbow and no longer the great and powerful Bloodhunt, if you're back to your senses I suppose I should tell you Jeff intends to go battle Wattson now if you care. You could go and watch him but I'm sure you have other...things to get back to. It should be quite enter-hm? The doors haven't closed yet."
Of course the doors should have closed, the doors themselves still worked and with the sensors off there was no reason for it not to close...besides the gurney stuffed between the doors that is. "Oh no, you go in when I wheel you in, I'm responsible for you and I will NOT be blamed for any damage you cause! There's not enough money left in your wallet for me to pay off the Jennies!"
"Hmpf!" At the command - yes it was a command and yes the pokemon can understand it, they can understand just saying their own names to each other can't they? Shut up - Jeff's Pidgey burst from it's own pokeball as it was wont to do and promptly kicked sand into the doctor's eyes, his only weakness...no not attacks to his eyes, sand silly.
"Argh! My eyes! My perfect, all-seeing eyes of omniscience! They can't see anything, they're notniscient!" With that the Pidgey flew through the open doorway and Romanov - who everyone probably forgot was following Jeff and Doctor Gooseland the whole time because he's never in his pokeball - Slid on his belly like an obese penguin that still has a slick belly and pushed the gurney into the gym along with himself before the doors closed and would not reopen thanks to the dead sensors.
Dr. Gooseland sat on the ground and began rubbing his eyes, but didn't bother to yell or make the Jennies let him in as he most assuredly could have, instead his visage donned that maniacal look it showed Jeff back at the hospital clinic place-type deal. "Oooh I really hope he gets hurt while he's in there, I know just how I'll treat him if he does..."
Inside the Gym the gurney shook a bit and flipped over, revealing a gasping Jeff smiling like the idiot he had been accused of being. "I'm FREE! I'm free of that psychotic honk!" A honk is NOT the sound a Ducklett makes! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?! "Well...I'm still in this gurney...but I'm away from him, that's free enough for me a thousand times over. Pidgey, could you please press the pokeball that has the hot dog on it for me?" The little bird pokemon complied and out came Captain Beauregard Lefleur standing at attention with a happy bark. "Growlithe! Please use Ember as carefully as you can and burn the strap holding my arms down."
"Grow!"
Of course! Precision is an important part of being a soldier, especially a captain, you will be free momentarily general. If Jeff had asked any of his other pokemon to do something so risky it probably wouldn't have ended well, but if nothing else Beauregard is a professional, and he IS many other things, so moments later our hero's arms were unrestrained.
Jeff removed the other straps with gusto before rolling off of the gurney and sitting still face down for a moment before jumping up, his face was quite numb from punishment now and he acted as if nothing had happened. "Success! now...ONWARD TO VICTORY!" And with no warning whatsoever to the 3 confused pokemon left in his wake Jeff dashed onward...towards victory...I hope, I know what Gooseland does to patients that actually piss him off and I don't want to see it happen again, not even to Jeff. The burst of adrenaline from the excitement and fear of being free carried Jeff quickly and efficiently...that is until his body remembered his legs were asleep from inactivity and he - you guessed it - faceplanted, luckily his face was planted
in a very nice pot in front of who was to be his first opponent.
A man with a green mo-hawk many piercings and WAY too much leather jacket to actually be cool (None is cool) stood a good 20 feet away from our...brave...hero, tapping his feet as he tried to fight off the jitters. "Alright boy, you ready to rock?!?"
Jeff pushed the ground until his face lifted off of it and proceeded to stand before putting up two fingers. "Ok, two things: One, lame, that sentence and EVERYTHING else about you. Two, why aren't you asking ANY of the questions you should be and why do you know I'm here to battle you?"
"That was three things, and shut up I'm awesome, and because this is a gym, duh."
"...No you shut up."
"I'm not surprised to hear nothing clever coming from a brat who doesn't appreciate rock properly."
"I've been through enough today, I don't have to take that from a walking cliche who doesn't even talk like a rocker."
"Alright punk, that's it! You're going DOWN!"
"Oh look, more cliches, and an ironic derogatory name too!"
The rocker tossed a pokeball up into the air and began a sick riff on his air guitar while the deadly sphere of doom feel to the ground and released the instrument of Jeff's destruction: a Pachirisu.
Jeff immediately burst out laughing. "You've got to be kidding me! After all I've been through today all I have to fight to get through Wattson is a Pikasquirrel? A total knockoff? What's next? You're just a guy impersonating a wannabe punk rocker and you're actually the manager of some cheap boutique?"
"Hey! Don't talk about Amp the wonder-squirrel or Cotoure Le Wattson that way!"
"Oh please I-wait you're serious?...Uhhh...Okay Rodrigo you're up!" One tossed pokeball later and Jeff's other pokemon had to watch after chasing after Jeff as the green rockasaur stepped onto the battlefield accompanied by acoustic guitar noises.
Alright little fluffy-tailed rodent it's about time I teach you the meaning of pain as long as today is cliche day.
Once the rocker saw his target make an appearance he decided it was time for Amp to bring the gospel of rock to Rodrigo and Jeff as he had so many others. "Alright amp, let's start this show de-clawing that whatever it is! Charm!" The Pachirisu immediately let out an adorable noise and adopted a sweet pose in front of Rodrigo.
"Awww...it's. So. CUTE!" Jeff's eyes grew big and sparkly as he watched the fuzzy static ball attempt to sharply lower Rodrigo's attack stat. "Why I could just pick it up and-" WHAM! DOWN GOES THE SQUIRREL! HE JUST WASN'T READY FOR SUMMER SLAM!
Sorry, but the only charms that have any appeal to me are the feminine variety, now I think it's time you allowed me and my maestro to pass. The unphased Larvitar clamped his jaws shut around the Pachirisu's tiny torso and began to shake him through the air, ignoring the rocker's desperate attack orders and the type-mismatched electric attacks that moved harmlessly over Rodrigo's form. This continued until Rodrigo was satisfied and threw the squirrel to the floor, it's swirly eyes confirming it's loss. Jeff didn't say a word, he just strode past the poor rocker with his pokemon following, snapping his fingers in the guy's face on the way.
It only took another minute or so of brave marching...well actually it was more like relaxed, victorious walking with Jeff whistling a tune. Listen narrating is hard when you can't just make up hallucinations gimme a break! The point is Jeff's next opponent stopped him with a word...and her beauty but anyways. "Halt!"
Jeff froze in place and stared for a moment before standing at attention even tighter than Beauregard. "Yes ma'am whatever you say my sweet scarlet beauty." Standing there, looking at him with anything other than a smile, but still captivating him with her gorgeousossityness was Helia, another one of Wattson's trainers. Not only is she as tall as Jeff, she's got smooth blemish-free creamy skin, infallibly truthful hips and quite a nice small marble statue of someone's head and shoulders in her mansion. *Nudge nudge wink wink* Well she rolled her eyes at Jeff and reached for her pokeball, prepared to add him to the list of losers who got the honor of looking upon her before being thrashed in battle.
Romanov stepped forward, determined to get a piece of the action after having to spend an entire afternoon following Jeff's gurney and listening to him and the doctor snipe at each other. Helia smirked and tossed her pokeball to the ground. "Go, Hoplite!" And the beam from her pokeball formed itself into a vicious looking Squirtle.
Jeff swooned for a moment but quickly caught himself with the power of confusion. "Wow, she's so hot when she's getting ready bat-wait Squirtle's not an electric type! This is an Electric gym, you can't just-"
"Thunderbolt!" A bright golden energy sparked into life around and throughout Hoplite's body and arced towards Romanov from it's hand like a spear of Zeus and zapped the poor
penguin Munchlax but good. "Ah!......Why do these things happen to me? Better yet, why haven't I learned not to question the logic of it all yet? Alright Romanov, go give that Squirtle a lick!" Romanov ran up to the Squirtle and prepared to confuse and disgust it into defeat, but it was for naught."
"Withdraw." The Squirtle hid inside it's ultimate fortress of doom and left Romanov to pick up and lick a shell, ignoring the salty tang of soft and fluffy reptile in all it's ridiculousness. "Thunderbolt" And thus the name "Hoplite" Was explained when the Squirtle zapped Romanov while simultaneously blocking his attacks.
Crapcrapcrap what'do I do? How do I stop her she's as adept at battling as she is at stealing hearts.
"Skull bash!"
Before Jeff could put anymore thought that would most likely just be ruined by the sensuality of his opponent into the battle it revved up again when the Squirtle came back out of it's shell and flew at Romanov almost like magic.
Ding! "Romanov, use counter!" Romanov slammed his left foot and then his right foot down sumo style and became covered in a threatening orange aura. Helia's eyes widened at the realization that there was no way for Squirtle to stop it's attack now even though her wits were definitely quick and sharp enough. Hoplite flew at Romanov inexorably and just when he was a bout to connect Romanov grabbed one of her arms and spun around, flinging her headfirst into the wall with all the momentum of her own attack and his throw. Jeff's hopes were dashed however when Hoplite promptly pulled itself out of the hole it had made in the wall and prepared to resume conquest. "Uhhh...Oh my, umm...Time out! Challenger get's one substitution sexy defender get's none, league rules!" Helia didn't bother arguing, sure he was right but it was mainly because none of his pokemon could stand a chance against Hoplite, even after a hit like that.
"Alright Rodrigo, Romanov's had enough of a workout
maybe it was good enough for a level I dunno this junky pokedex won't tell me how much xp I get for some raisin It's time for you to shine after that last easy victory!"
Helia lost her composure at this for just a moment and had to speak up. "Seriously!?! You just complained about Hoplite being a water type and you're going to battle her with a pokemon that's quadruple weak against her?"
Jeff smiled, feeling assured of his victory now. "Oh don't you worry my fiery vixen who is not a vulpix, what I have in mind for dear Rodrigo next is something he's never failed at."
"Alright, if that's how you want it, I'll tell Wattson you put up a better fight than most of the trainers who had the misfortune of running into me instead of one of the weaker disciples. Hoplite, finish this farce with Ice Be-"
"Rodrigo use Attract!" Jeff gasped out as fast as he could.
Rodrigo winked and Hoplite froze in the middle of taking a deep breath and almost choked on the attack she was preparing as her blue visage was suffused with pink. She wasn't willing to hurt the gorgeous hunk of non-luminescent plutonium that was advancing on her with a seductive sway of the hips, but she would never fail her mistress because of her own mind, so she did the only thing she could. She hid in her shell where she could sort her thoughts in peace, that is, until she heard the voice of defeat like a doorbell of death.
Oh sweet damsel, why do you hide from true love? Come now, I'm sure I can think of plenty of reasons for you to come out of your shell, and it will be worth it I assure you. She poked her head out for a moment and he seized the chance, stroking her chin gently and coaxing her to stand back up and become like putty in his arms.
Yes yes Senorita, just relax, the Maestro de amour is going to take care of you, and teach you the meaning of love. He leaned in close, his minted breath on her face, heating her up even more, he drew even tighter, smoochably close. He had been leering at her amorously the whole time and now his opportunity was at hand, just as his mouth drew close to her neck to place a tentative kiss.
The first lesson is...in a relationship you must always establish who is the alpha right away. The perfectly sculpted lips were quickly replaced by domineering fangs and Rodrigo sank them into his beloved without hesitation. Hoplite was so shocked she fell without anymore fight, and once Rodrigo had a real grip on her she couldn't get enough traction to fight back even with her senses about. In no time Hoplite's struggles grew yet more feeble and Helia recalled her.
"Alright, I supposed you're not too bad." The voluptuous red head declared, drawing closer to Jeff in practically the same attack as Jeff without the biting. "Sorry not-so-stud, you are kinda handsome and I am impressed, but your destined to sail other ships, ships that aren't written by the same person you are. But we will meet again, I don't just take defeat...lying down, and next time I'll be the one who comes out on top."
Her words inflamed Jeff's face and just as she passed him she finished her speech with a tap right on the pack of his neck that covered him in shivers of more than one kind. Defeated, Helia left the Mauville Gym, knowing she had no more growing to do there and determined to become stronger. Jeff was left with nothing else to do but walk until he found the largest room of the gym to face it's mayor. Sadly Wattson was still plenty for battle, laughing and guffawing with honed battle prowess instead of a silly mustache, a monacle, and a hotline phone with a silly face to save the town from certain doom. It was time for our would-be hero to earn his first badge.