Need some meat.

Yeah... you came in expecting to glance at the post, and click that Report doo-thangy o'er there didn't you? Well no siree-bob, I posted so I can get some meat on my bare-bones concept for a Fan-fic.

Anyways heres the idea, so far. It's about a man who was a trainer in his younger days, but after discovering that the Pokemon League Champion won all of his matches by cheating, and that the entire League has been corrupted, he decides to bring it down.

I need a lot more to fill this blank canvas in, but I want to know what you guys thought of it first.

I think it's a great idea.

Well thanks... but I was kind of looking for some more constructive criticism, as in: how I can improve the concept...

This is great concept here.
One question though is this about a man recalling how he disovered this corrupt scheme (Ex: Telling his grandchildren or something) and exposed it, or is it just a trainer that suddenly found this out?

No it's about a man and him trying to take it down, like the Prologue will be him discovering the corruption, and the rest of the Fiction will be him actively trying to take it down. And the character is going to be 18-26 years old, I'm tired of the 10-15 year old thing...

Ah I see...
Hmm...
What about this was all a small part of a greatly corrupt organization. It goes even beyond the elite four and on to other things...
I really dont know. I 'd have to think awhile as to think of how to improve this concept.

Well there wouldn't be much higher to go, 'cause in my Fiction, the League Board is the government, so they control everything in the region.

oh finally someone adds an adult as the main protagonist, it's always been a preteen teenager thing.

Bamachi said:

oh finally someone adds an adult as the main protagonist, it's always been a preteen teenager thing.

Click to expand...

Side note, but almost all of my characters are adults. >_> Furthermore, I know I'm not the only one who does this sort of thing. It's not exactly common, sure, but I wouldn't call it rare or never done, either. You just have to look around for it.

Back on topic, I'm curious. You say he was a trainer in his younger days, so that implies that there's a lapse between the time that he was a trainer and present day. If that's so, then you have the problem of figuring out how the character gets back into things. If that's not so, then you've got the problem of figuring out why the trainer, who would have been in the system for several years, hasn't figured out the corruption thing sooner or hasn't just taken it as an old piece of news. (That is, if you've lived under a corrupt government for a long time, unless we're talking 1984 or V for Vendetta, usually, the people who have lived under it for so long they can't remember what it's like otherwise just take it as a mundane piece of news that the government is a corrupt dictatorship. And even in the aforementioned examples, the characters only realized this kind of state wasn't good because the government made their lives suck so much.)

On top of that, I'd suggest spending time on figuring out why this character cares. Sure, there's the "right wrongs and triumph over all evil" angle, but to tell you the truth, that's been done. Few people actually would go out of their way to fix something deeply corrupted -- or if they do, they really should probably have a good motive for doing so other than it's the right thing to do (which is usually vague and -- frankly -- usually uninteresting).

As a very vague concept, sure, you could do that. In fact, I believe Pokemon MASTER has that kind of storyline (although it's been a few years since I've touched that fic). You just need to really think about things logically from a character's standpoint -- the hows and whys of why this character would get involved.

Not to mention figure out the what happens after. A lot of fics tend to go up to the major battle, have the main character win it, and end the fic with roses and daisies, but when you're dealing with the government or some massive organization that extends into everyday life, you just have to have a plan for putting something in place so that life doesn't descend into violent chaos. *shrug*

Good luck.

Hmm, what Jax Malcolm said made me think of something.

What if this man was a trainer way back those ten years ago and found out that the Pokémon league is just one big pile of cheating. Back then he didn't care that much, apart from being gravely disapointed, and went on with his life (maybe because nobody would have believed him even if he told everyone). But then, a couple of months ago, he noticed how nobody beats the E4 anymore and young trainers become very depressed over their futile tries to beat them. Maybe someone could even kill him/herself after trying again and again and again and still not succeeding, and that makes our guy angry and he decides it's time to do something, because clearly he's the only one who knows.

And yes, what comes afterwards? Will this protagonist of yours become the new president or whatever of the Pokémon League? Who will choose the new E4? Are gym leaders also corrupted? How can the world be a better place again or is happiness forever lost?
Moreover, can you settle stuff like corrupt governments with Pokémon battles? Isn't that a bit too easy?

Oh, but hey, what if there's a major corporation behind all this? You know, money talks and people are easy to pribe. Man, would it be awesome if Poké Mart was behind this conspiracy :D Or maybe even the organization responsible for keeping Pokémon Centers running. Or maybe it's our humble and friendly Poké Mart behind them, too..? I love conspiracies ^-^

Okay...

This is basically what happens: Our as-of-yet unnamed protagonist loses against the League Champion, after the match he finds the Champion's locker room, and opens it slightly, to thank him for the match, but, they are not in the room. The protagonist decides to wait in the room, but finds several used syringes, puzzled, he picks up a note lying on a bench, which is from the Chairman of the League, and is telling the Champion, that these syringes might help in his upcoming matches...

So yeah, it's just the Champion and Board that are corrupted now, but it is slowly spreading through the ranks. And the cheating involves a steroid-like drug which increases a Pokemon's power.

Yuoaman said:

So yeah, it's just the Champion and Board that are corrupted now, but it is slowly spreading through the ranks. And the cheating involves a steroid-like drug which increases a Pokemon's power.

Click to expand...

So why does your protagonist care?

Basically, the short version of my earlier post breaks down my suggestions into the following questions:

1. How long ago was this?
1a. If time has passed between the time the protagonist gave up training (as "in his younger days" -- the phrase you used in your first post -- implies) and present day, then why is he only taking action now?

2. Why does he even care? Remember, the "justice for the sake of justice" very rarely happens in a single individual, and even then, there's usually more than that as a motive. Not to mention it's usually tried and true, and frankly, it's not very interesting if you leave it at that. Huge numbers of stories have protagonists that go out and right wrongs because they're the hero. Very few of them have protagonists that go out and right wrongs because there's a specific reason that has nothing to do with the fact that they're the hero. (Yes, stopping cheating for the sake of stopping cheating would fall under "because I'm the hero" category here.)

3. Does your character have a plan to go about bringing down the league?
3a. What kind of world does your character want to shape after the league -- which you've already stated to have a massive influence on your world -- is brought down? Keep in mind that the league (as you've said) is essentially the government and therefore needs to be replaced. That is, there is no happy ending if you don't think about this part because the only possible outcome if you don't is anarchy.
3b. Given that your character is essentially inciting anarchy, what kind of reaction will he get? Will everyone just flock to him and support him because he's the hero, or will there be resistance against him because he's bringing down the government?

I apologize if any of these questions sound biting, but I really think you need to sit down and plan beyond the "the league is cheating, and it's my job as the hero to stop it" idea. Writing a story that stops at that has been done before, and frankly, those times left a number of plot holes that would have been interesting to see fixed. A believable hero shouldn't just go out and do things because they're right unless they're not particularly bright or interesting heroes. Stories like that become predictable. However, if you sit down and think a bit more about the above questions, you'll be able to develop a character who has more of a motive and who has questionable methods (because this character will essentially be an anarchist).

Don't get me wrong. Yes, cheating is bad, and it's logical to react to that. But so far, all he would know is that the champion and the chairman are corrupt, not the entire system. And even then, overthrowing the both of them just for this seems like a little much. Maybe at most, the protagonist would want to expose this to the media, but outright revolution?

Also, it seems rather odd that the champion would just leave that kind of thing laying around. I would assume that someone at that high of a rank would make more of an effort to conceal evidence that could be used against them unless the champion isn't the brightest bulb in the bunch.