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[Pokémon] Coren Of The Sea [HOENN]

Dendisan

Poké Breeder
12
Posts
8
Years
  • Hey; I'm a writer and i'm bored, so here i am telling the untold story of 'Coren', a grass-type trainer and breeder residing in Fortree.

    I'm also a first time poster here so if i missed some rules; i apologise.

    Blurb;
    Hiding from his past, uncertain of his future, chased by the night-terrors that try relentlessly try to usher him unto his inherited obligation, he and his lifelong partner Ludicolo [Luigi] tread the fine line of anonymity and local fame as a renowned professional breeder of Grass-type Pokémon, but with the elements of land and sea crashing against each other and the rebirth of the legendary Pokémon Kyogre and Groudon unto Hoenn; nobody is spared of their destined part to play in the prophecy.
    Not even Coren.


    Warning;
    Mild language and Suggestive themes, nothing sexual but romance is romance.

    Rating;
    13+


    Disclaimer;
    Hoenn is the love-child of GameFreak and their respective, incredible minds. All the places and some of the people are a product of that and owned by their respective writers, not me.

    ____________________________________________________________________________________


    >***************<
    [Pokémon]
    [Hoenn]

    Coren Of The Sea


    Prologue

    Fortree was alive with the bleats of the morning Wingulls.

    A charming town in the morning and more communal than most. The scene was always like so, the younger men remained ever attentive to the older women who struggle to scale the tree-house homes on their daily commute to the Poké mart, women would throw gossip from window to window and children would play in the thick overgrowth with each other and their Pokémon.

    Coren shook from his sleep as an invasive caw bellowed through the open window of the Fortree hut; in an instant he was upright; saved from the night terrors that plagued him, calming once he realised where he was.

    And who he was with.

    Winona was as beautiful as ever, serene in sleep; her breathes polite and quiet escaping rhythmically to the morning hustle. It was amusing. So amusing Coren found himself worked up to a smile. The commodity of waking up to her after battling the his night terrors was something he wouldn't trade the world for, not now, not ever.

    He went to brush her hair, Silver and wild and his privilege as her lover... Edging closer... Softly... gracefully.

    At least until Luigi woke up.

    Luigi's Luxury ball shook with tremendous force as he threw himself off the bedside drawer, the impact of the floor pushing his release button and unveiling him unto; and on top of, Coren.

    Luigi was large for a Ludicolo, Heavy too, ever sporting its prized possession on it's straw beard. The "Dance Demon" ribbon of a Pokémon Masters-tier contest, the pin of the ribbon impaled Coren as Luigi rather mercilessly flailed on his partner.

    Coren cried out as the pin of the ribbon slashed about, turning his forearm into a Picasso painting, awaking his immediately amused lover.

    Her voice was ashy in the dry morning wake but soft, and composed enough to temper the two now brawling partners, reducing Luigi to a loyal stance before her and Coren to a seat on the wooden floor, blushing violently.

    "I swear it's every morning with you two." She mused, catching Corens apologetic eyes before he could retort.

    "But i wouldn't have it any other way, y'know." She then assured, pulling a pokéblock from curious area of the bed and tossing out toward Luigi's already open mouth, she escaped the bed and slipped on her cosy jogging pants before approaching Luigi lazily.

    "Now Luigi darling; might you run to Lady Nai'eens house and pick up my gym leader outfit, the new season starts today and no doubt there'll be challengers from all the reaches of Hoenn looking to earn the badge."

    Her request was met stoutly, Luigi looked unsure of her request, mainly due to his naughty nature, so she continued.

    "There's Pokéblocks in it for you dear." She teased.

    And the tease was all it took for Luigi to be off and over the bridges faster than a Ninjask.

    "Anyone would think you a Grass type trainer, Winny." Coren spoke, impressed but rather exasperated with his inability to control his lifelong companion.

    "I have the diction, and if that fails me i can always bring some bottled water to sway them in my way as grass types are too smart to be tedious. Everything they do is for the betterment of themselves and their friends, be it physically or emotionally."

    Coren was amazed at her knowledge of the typings' everyday. Never being able to forget the time she defeated Lt. Surge with just her Tropius and unseen environmental advantages at the annual "Battle of the best" Gym tourney not two months back.

    "You say Luigi does naught but anything for the betterment of himself and his friends?" Coren bemused jokingly, presenting her his now scarred arm that had formed a rather comical 'L'.

    She giggled at the sight "You and Luigi are an enigma on that front, but there is one thing i love about you two that I've yet to see in any other trainer of that typing achieve." she said, sitting on the bed and slipping on some shoes.

    Coren rose an eyebrow to which she answered.

    "Your relationship is genuine, you're above and beyond trivial things such as respect."

    Now it was Corens' turn to giggle "Surely respect is a value best held onto by both Pokémon and trainer alike?" He quizzed.

    She shook her head gently "In the kingdom of the sky it's everything, but a flying-types respect is valued the same as a grass-types honesty, tell me, have you and Luigi ever lied to eachother?"

    Coren skipped a breathe, she had a point in that, he and Luigi knew everything about each other, and naught could be left to the imagination or to doubt, as there was none.

    "That's true, we're always truthful, but is that not a form of respect?"

    "No, I believe it's something else." She answered on the beat, a half smile rising on her lips as Coren grew increasingly bewildered.

    Luigi entered sporting Winonas scarf and rather haphazardly carrying the rest of her outfit, Coren jumped up immediately.

    "Luigi! How da..." a wave of Winonas hand silenced Coren as she approached Luigi, her ashy morning voice turning to ice in Luigi's ear, her posture rigid.

    "You are going to go back to Nai'eens' and you're going to get my outfit straightened again, if you are not back in 5 minutes with the uniform uncreased and neatly on the bed I will have Skarmory hold you down as i feed you bitter berries until you burst." She threatened.

    Luigis' demeanour turned from disdain to dismay as he feared even interacting with her Skarmory, and again he was off down the rickety bridges of Fortree.

    Coren was beside himself at the women he had managed to... manage.

    "You're really amazing Winny, y'know that?" Coren spoke as she jumped up to watch Luigi go through the doorway.

    His compliment was met with grace as she span around 180 degrees to face her lover.

    "Of course i do, and so does Luigi, I mean, once he's back that'll be the second thing he's done for me this morning." she said, peaking Corens' curiosity.

    "Second thing?" he asked.

    A giggle and a mischievous wink escaped his starry-eyed lover as she pointed to Corens' arm and answered.

    "I do love a bad boy with a few scars to his name."

    Coren managed a laugh before Winona was called for from a distant hut, the very hut Luigi had entered to revitalize Winonas' gear.

    "I'm going to go see what our sweet, sweet Luigi has done now, might you be the best boyfriend i could ask for and pick me up a few hyper potions down by the 'Mart? I can already see the queue outside of the gym from here."

    Coren nodded and smiled, stealing a kiss from her before she was off about her busy day as a Gym leader, leaving him with a "Don't forget to get dressed!"

    'A bad boy with a few scars' He thought to himself as he set about putting on his outfit, releasing a half-chuckle; half-sigh as the words bounced around his head.

    If only she knew.

    But she could never know.

    Not her.
    fortree_city_ps_by_xpuresnow-d7oxyes.png
     
    Last edited:

    Bay

    6,388
    Posts
    17
    Years
  • Hi there! So I read your premise and decided to check it out as it sounds very interesting. Before I begin, want to suggest perhaps have the text be default color (usaully black) instead of green. Reason for that is some styles might not clash with the text well. Something to consider.

    With that out of the way, the story now. First off, ntoiced some parts where you cuold have taken the time to proofread. In several instances you didn't captialize the letter I. Besides that, there are several occasions where you didn't punctuate dialogue right.

    "There's Pokéblocks in it for you dear." She teased.

    If the dialogue isn't ending in an exclamination or question, you shouldn't capitalize the pronoun and period should be replaced with comma, like this --

    "There's Pokéblocks in it for you dear," she teased.

    She giggled at the sight "You and Luigi are an enigma on that front, but there is one thing i love about you two that I've yet to see in any other trainer of that typing achieve." she said, sitting on the bed and slipping on some shoes.

    For this sentence, there should be a period before the dialogue "You and Luigi..."

    Since the summary mentioned night terrors, I think it would have been great if you described Coren's nightmare there. I love nightmares written, haha. Otherwise, this is off to a cute start. Interesting you have a grass trainer/breeder in a relationship with Winona, ya know, the type disadvantage and all. I'm curious if you'll have Winona's role be more than Coren's love interest. Luigi seems like to be a fun Pokemon, too.

    Overall you could do some proofreading but this story already has some potential there and looking forward to which direction you'll take it.
     

    Dendisan

    Poké Breeder
    12
    Posts
    8
    Years
  • That was some glorious critique and I appreciate it whole-heartedly.

    My punctuation has always been flawed and I use a program with no auto-correct or prompt so it's a matter of me improving my vocabulary as I go, which is hard when I get into it, the ideas are so fresh and fulfilling i write them down before they're processed punctually and sometimes grammatically. xD
    This is a come-down from a hiatus of writing too, finding this board made me giddy to play around with some ideas and I guess the rush of putting finger to keyboard got to me.

    Yeah upon re-reading it for clarity I noticed multiple mistakes but I had already stayed up until 4am concocting future chapters of worth with drafts and plans and simply let it lie, I'll do the text thing so thanks for the heads up and overall I'm very glad you see potential.

    The night terrors are to remain enigmatic for now, I'm on of those storytellers who answer questions with questions and tease with page-turners until executing the answer/point/plot/enriching becomes necessary, not too much though, only because this is the prologue did I leave it up in the air, establishing base, living situation, a weak description of Fortree so others could have space to insert their own memories of the treetop town of Gen 3.

    Thanks again mate and i hope chapter one pulls through for you, should be out in a day or two, how lengthy is too lengthy a chapter for clarity?
     
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