[Pokémon] chapter 1: STARTING IN A NEW REGION

Hello! Aki here. As a fan of pokemon I dreamed of making my own pokemon story, own legends, new region and to stretch it out I even dreamed of making a pokemon game with game freak hehe.anyway that was just me dreaming. I'm just here to let my creative juices as a pokemon trainer and lover to express my thoughts and imagination as I fight my Insomnia. but first i'm just gonna give you a head start that i really suck on my grammar but what the heck! lets just start our very own fan made story of Pokemon.


So the story started like this

PROLOGUE

In a region located at the middle of the other well known pokemon region where myths about legendary pokemon are once real to the naked eyes of the people living there before;
where the power of the pokemon Gods where once un-containable and exceeds far more than what humans imagine them to be.
By the mercy of the Pokemon Gods the land was always abundant;
by day as sun rays revealed the wonders and beauty of the rivers full of Feebas others even transcending into a marvelous Milotics and at night the reflection of the stars from the broad sky merges with the lake as one as a school of Finneon can be seen dancing from bellow the water,
some plants grow as tall as mountain and produce multitude of harvest; some said that even grapa berries can be seen even as huge as an Exeggutors head.
Gentle breeze of the wind brings a sweet scent of floral aroma and honey to everyone's presence,
The land was all green and plentiful, it was a paradise for both pokemon and humans

until such time where a team of colonial troops that was labeled by most Inherited story tellers as "Obscura" from a far away region came and did something terrible that led to the pokemon Gods power and physical image to be "Distorted".

it was said that a young pokemon trainer tried to help and defend the pokemon Gods against "Obscura";
the trainer manage to fight and vanquish the evil organization away but the trainer was too late to stop them from Distorting the Power of the Pokemon Gods.
as time passed by from generation to generation the son of sons of the heroic pokemon trainer secretly guards the region of " Nai "to prolong peace and order.

(suddenly a kid start asking)
but mom! where is the story about pokemon battle? you told me you will tell me a great bed time story about epic pokemon battling but all i heard was more of your fairy tails and no battle scene... again!

Mom:
sigh... hehe... you are a very grumpy kid; you know that do you? you're just like your dad obsessed with pokemon battling. your still 5 years old when you become 10 and when you recieve your starting pokemon from "Professor Palm" , i'll give you a much better story, I promise! Anyway time for you to go to bed you little Snubble.
sleep tight and always remember that mommy loves you so much.
Good night Aki.
(mom kissed aki on his forehead)

(Aki crosses his arm and said...)
Aki:
well it was a pretty good story... Good night mom. I love you too.

As Aki fall asleep in his warm tendered bed he began to dream about what he wanted to be when he grow up.
as the sun runs after the moon and the moon runs away from the sun
Aki dream more and more about having an adventure on his own,
catching and training different pokemon,
battling gym after gym and meeting and befriending new pokemon trainers just like his dad.
Aki was full of excitement and wonders that a day never passed by without him thinking about who will his starter be.


5 years later:
1 week before Aki's Birthday.

Aki:
URGH!!! WHY CAN'T I SLEEP???
SIGH!!! I STILL CANNOT DECIDE WHICH POKEMON WILL I CHOOSE???
Okay just calm down and let me just think it all over again ...
(PHEww)

There are 3 main pokemon that i can choose from
the grass, fire, and water type pokemon

each one have their own sets of advantage and flaws
so here they are...

(next chapter)

hey I like your story aki. Just waiting for next.

thank you desinishon for the good word.
I really want to continue more but i just get lost every time I try to find where to write and post my stories...
hehe i'm still a newbie to this site after all.

AkiDragonight said:

In a region located in-between the other well known pokemon regions, there are myths about legendary pokemon still to reveal themselves to the naked eyes of the people living there.
The power of the pokemon Gods there, once un-containable, exceed far more than the expectations of the humans.
But the mercy of the pokegods in the land was always abundant.
By day the sun rays revealed the wonders and beauty of the rivers full of Feebas, others even transcending into a marvelous Milotics; at night the reflection of the stars from the broad sky merges with the lake, as one as a school of Finneon can be seen dancing from bellow the water.
Some plants here grow as tall as a mountain and produce bountiful of harvests; some said that even grepa berries can be seen even as huge as an Exeggutors head. (1)
A gentle breeze of the wind brings the sweet scent of a floral aroma and honey to everyone's presence.
The land was all green and plentiful, it was a paradise for both pokemon and people.

This was such until a team of colonial troops (they were labeled by most story tellers as "Obscura")(2) from a far away region came and did something terrible that led to the pokegods power and physical image to be distorted.

It was said that a young pokemon trainer tried to help and defend the pokegods against Obscura.(3)
This trainer managed to fight and banish the evil organization away, but they were too late. They had already distorted the power of the pokegods.
As time passed by, from generation to generation, the great grandson of the heroic pokemon trainer secretly guards the region of Nai(4) to prolong peace and order.

"But mom, where is the action? The pokemon battling? You told me you will tell me a great bed time story about epic pokemon battling, but all I heard was more of your fairy tails... again!"(5)

"You are a very grumpy kid," the child's mother sighs, "you know that, don't you?(6) You're just like your dad, obsessed with pokemon battling. You're still just 5 years old. When you're old enough to recieve your starting pokemon from Prof Palm, I'll give you a much better story, I promise! Anyways, it's time for you to go to bed you little Snubbull! Sleep tight, and always remember, mommy loves you so much Aki." she says quietly, kissing her son on the forehead.

"Well, it was a pretty good story... Good night mom. I love you too." the boy replies, crossing his arms.

As Aki fall asleep in his warm bed he began to dream about what he wanted to be when he grew up.
As the sun runs after the moon and the moon runs away from the sun.
Aki kept dreaming more and more about having an adventure on his own.
Catching and training different pokemon, battling gym after gym, and meeting and befriending new pokemon trainers just like his dad!(7)
Aki was filled with so much excitement and wonder that a day never passed by without him thinking about who will his starter pokemon would be.

Five years later, 1 week before Aki's 10th birthday.

"Urgh... why can't I sleep?" Aki thinks to himself with a sigh. "I still can't decide which pokemon to choose..."
"Okay, just calm down and let me think it all over again..." he turns over in his bed, "There are 3 main pokemon that I can choose from - the grass, fire, and water types; each having their own set of advantage and flaws. So here they are."(8)

Click to expand...

Sorry to be that guy. But I read your first chapter and I really liked it! It seemed to me that you could really use some editing first, though. So I took some time and tried my best to clean it up. My writing looks like this at first aswell, so don't worry!

(1) This first part here was a large run-on sentence, but extremely descriptive, I liked it! Just remember that starting a new line isn't grammatically correct, you need to have a proper starting and ending point for a descriptor like that.

(2) If there's some information in a sentence that really just lengthens the text, you can put it inside a parenthesis (like this, actually.) and not have to apply grammar rules to it. Whatever is inside the parenthesis can be placed in a sentence but it doesn't interact with it!

(3) Once you have stated a name of an organization that needs emphasis, such as Obscura, you don't have to keep referring to it as "Obscura." Now that your reader has learned the term, they'll be able to recognize it.

(4) This part is just my preference, referring to it as "Nai" would be perfectly correct, I'm just nitpicking.

(5) "When a character speaks, remember to put all of the dialogue inside of these." Santalune says, "And add a descriptor like I did just now to break up chunks of dialogue and give the reader a reference point to jump to if they get lost."

"You can add natural pauses like that there every so often, but don't go overboard!"

(6) There's an example of a pause in dialogue!

(7) I love how you describe things, but remember to use new lines sparingly.

(8) Remember that a sentence such as: "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!" sticks out drastically from the rest of your text and is considered "yelling at your reader." You should be able to give enough description to let the reader know that your character is yelling instead of using capitals. Like this:
"I can't believe it!" Santalune exclaimed excitedly.

So there you go! I really am liking where this story is going. If you want me to look over chapter 2 before you post it I'd be more than happy to. Ask me any questions you might have, as well!

-Santalune

It is fine. you don't need to say sorry.
thank you for giving such great advice
i will definitely try using it next time =_)

Hey, I liked your story and can't wait for the next chapter, keep up the good work