Why is it so taboo to openly talk about your problems?

First off I should preface this by saying that I completely understand not wanting to be around too much negativity. Other than that though I can't think of many reasons to resent people for talking about their problems, unless you're being forced to listen to someone speak about their issues ad nauseam.

I just hate it when people say "we all got shit to deal with" in an effort to stop others from opening up about their own problems. Someone venting about something that's troubling them isn't equivalent to them comparing their issues to others, let alone putting their issues above those of others. I'm sure some people do dramatize their issues and act like they have a greater burden to carry than everyone else around them. I know I have to keep my whining to a minimum otherwise I'm insufferable to be around. Some people genuinely want to get better though and they feel that opening up could lead to the help they need. Sometimes a hug from someone who cares can do more than a script from a doctor.

Another point I often hear against venting is that it's a form of attention seeking. Well yeah maybe some people do want attention and consolation for whatever is troubling them. What's inherently wrong with that? Is it preventing you from opening up and receiving attention, consolation, advice or comfort yourself? Even if nobody can help you with the issue at hand, simply being heard out by a sympathetic ear can go a long way. Why should people be expected to save their drama for their stone-faced, monotone therapists and keep things relatively light with almost everyone else in their life? It's not like you have to befriend someone who is too "whiny" for your sensibilities. Again I can think of cases where it would get annoying, especially if you thought they were constantly complaining about petty things. I just think that generally speaking, society is too harsh on those who vent.

I know I'm all over the place here so this is most likely a poorly constructed OP. The title asks the main question anyway so hopefully some discussion can come of this.

tl;dr just read the thread title and ignore my rambling bullshit lol.

Well from my perspective it's just so fucking awkward for me sometimes to talk about someone's issues with them. Like I've had people talk to me about them getting raped or someone in their life dying and I just don't know what to say or do and it ends up making me feel extremely uncomfortable and I feel terrible for feeling that way, but I can't help it. Other people's very deep emotions are uncomfortable for me mainly because I really don't know how to console, especially if someone starts to cry their heart out to me I really don't know if I should talk to them, just sit and listen, hug them? I think part of the problem is that I'm not a very touchy person so hugging them, or rubbing their back, or saying deep consoling things is so weird to me. I feel like I am completely faking in that moment and that makes me feel even more bad, but I gotta do something so idk!!!

As for myself I often don't talk about my own problems kinda for the same reasons listed above. It feels so foreign and awkward to me. In one sense opening up to someone means they're really going to get to know you in that way and I don't really like people knowing me in that way to begin with. Then there's how they're going to respond. If it's a horrible response it completely deters me from wanting to open up again and ultimately makes me feel like a moron for trying.

So yeah idk I think in some cases maybe there's just a lot of people like me where it's so fucking awkward and uncomfortable whether you're the one getting your emotions out or you're the one listening. That maybe people resort to saying the kinds of things the op mentioned just to get it over with. I know there have been times where I've wanted to say things like that because in my mind I'm just like "omg please don't get emotional on me I can't handle it" but I don't because I know how much it hurts to hear a line like "we all have shit in our lives" when you really need to get something out.

Actually, there was an excellent interview between Stefan Molyneux and Gabor Mate.

"People tend to shun the pain of others because it evokes the pain in themselves."

Basically, you have a bunch of really hurt and traumatized people in society who, rather than overcoming the pain, seek a constant influx of stimuli and distraction to avoid the feelings of pain and discomfort. Be it junk food, video games, tv, porn, or etc.

I'm in a really weird possition. When other people have problems, I want to help them as much as I can, cheering them on as good as possible, while also trying to avoid bringing my own problems up. But because of me having my own problems that I'm not able to handle, helping others has this terrible effect of consuming that little bit of energy I managed to preserve up to this point. It's these situations when I just shut myself out of everything, hoping everything's going to be alright again. It is really unfortunate, if there's nobody to talk to, because you always have that thought of just being an "attention whore".

Heck, I even regret it everytime I write something about my problems on here, soon afterwards. ^^"

I have a different view on this than most, i love surrounding myself with people who share their problems, i dunno why but i love offering a helping hand, giving advice and my thoughts on issues, and nothing ever gets me down, you could say i'm the type of person who is sickeningly happy every day even if something bad goes wrong. I swear its the only emotion i have, i don't feel sorrow, remorse, regret, anger, any negative emotions.

The weird part is, that i'm a very closed individual who likes to keep myself to myself, no one ever knows how i feel because i never tell anyone my thoughts or feelings, i don't know if thats just because i'm very cautious, or because i don't feel comfortable sharing my feelings, but i've always found that i attract those in need of a shoulder to cry on without me really wanting it. Yeah i know i kinda just contradicted myself a little bit, but its a little complicated.

I'm the type of guy people openly share secrets with me because they know once they tell me its never going to be shared, it gets lost in the void of my being, i'm not a big fan of being around people, i prefer a solitary, peaceful life away from big groups, but i find i am actually good at solving peoples problems and enjoy doing so.

It really is such a weird way to be, like no one ever gets close to me because i have a heart of steel and an iron curtain defense that is impenetrable unless i give you access, i don't have any trust issues but i just don't see the point in letting people know how i feel, i put up such a convincing front that even if i am a little down, know one can ever tell.

I think its good for people to share their feelings because someone who listens can really change your views, they might offer a solution you never thought of or just be there to get something off your chest, even if they do not offer advice, just listening can really make the difference.

So yeah, i say its a good thing that shouldn't be taboo'ed.

I have networks of online friends who I "therapy" with more so than my real friends. I'm socially awkward so online chats are simpler abd easier for me than face-to-face.

As a teenager, it's natural that I look for an outlet to vent about my mostly irrelevant problems and fears.

Humans are selfish by nature. As much as we'd like to help others, the needs of oneself come first. The same goes for our problems. At the end of the day, do we wholeheartedly care that our peers have problems? And after such a long day, do we really want to carry the weight of others in addition to ourselves?

So what do we do instead? We don't listen, or stay away from someone. I use "we" as an overgeneralizing statement about society, as not everyone is like this. I admit that I am selfish and most of you should as well.

This is an awfully disorganized statement; my scattered brain wanted to cover a few things at once.

R.F. said:

I'm in a really weird possition. When other people have problems, I want to help them as much as I can, cheering them on as good as possible, while also trying to avoid bringing my own problems up. But because of me having my own problems that I'm not able to handle, helping others has this terrible effect of consuming that little bit of energy I managed to preserve up to this point. It's these situations when I just shut myself out of everything, hoping everything's going to be alright again. It is really unfortunate, if there's nobody to talk to, because you always have that thought of just being an "attention whore".

Heck, I even regret it everytime I write something about my problems on here, soon afterwards. ^^"

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If I understood well, my situation looks like yours. I like to help others, but sometime it took so much energy, specially when I don'T have much to begin with. I am very introvert and I refill my energy by being alone and do alone stuff. So when I want to be alone, I can't help if someone text me with a problem or want to talk to me, because I can't stand being around someone at that moment.

But when "my batteries" are full, I love to help others.

I have to say I can't stand people who always talk about the same problem, every time you see them. I have some friends like that and it's like they doesn't care/ doesn't realize if you are busy or you don't have any time/energy.

Murmansk said:

"People tend to shun the pain of others because it evokes the pain in themselves."

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Love this quote. Sometime that's what happen. In my opinion, it is easier to help someone who's problem don't remind me bad souvenir or bad feelings. I know I am not the only one.

If it is, I don't care. I openly talk about things that are bothering me. I may not go into great detail with some people about things that I consider larger problems since I don't want to really burden them with my problems, but I have absolutely no qualms venting to someone. Venting is important. I think I'm a very emotionally stable person, and sometimes all I need is a good vent. Then I'm over it five minutes later.

Probably because there's not really much we can do about your problems and getting emotionally invested in them would be emotionally exhausting. That's exacerbated by the fact that a lot of people don't really even consider the advice given to them (even when they ask for the advice to begin with). Plus, there are usually other things I'd rather be doing than listening to someone's problems. In the end, it's exactly like the phrase you hate so much says: we all have our own problems to deal with and if I'm going to actually spend time on something, it may as well be on something I know I can actually influence. Not to mention there's nothing that says I'm going to be any better at solving your problems than you are. I'm only human, after all. If the problem's difficult enough that you need advice on it, chances are it's complex enough that someone without the proper context isn't going to be able to give very useful advice.

I'm fine with offering a bit of advice, but real-world experience has taught me not to get too invested in people's issues, no matter how much I want to help them. The best solutions tend to be the ones you come up with on your own, anyway. If you just want someone to listen to all your problems and hold your hand, get a significant other. Better yet, get a psychologist, that's what they're paid to do. The rest of us have our own lives to live.

because talking about your problems does nothing to actually fix them, if I talk about my problems to anyone I'm not asking for sympathy I'm asking for answers and solutions so I can get myself back on the right path on life

some people honestly believe that going around and sitting in their own misery will help them well that's bullshit, because you need to actually get off your ass and do something about your problems

we can celebrate how much our lives suck and just do nothing to actually address why that sucks and youll still be a miserable fuck. you go and actually ask for solutions you can at least manage or even possibly get rid of your issues

most people dont want to listen to a whiner who you cant even help directly anyways. they have to do it themselves 99% of the time

I'd say a lot of times it's considered taboo because it completely changes the dynamic of a relationship. that can be good and make you closer! Yet it can also be really bad where one person becomes the dependent and the relationship changes in a way that can't be reversed. Venting is important and helpful, but you have to know your audience.

And maybe society is too harsh towards those who vent. At the same time though, before you should try and open up and be honest with others, you need to be able to do that with yourself. Otherwise how are you not going to end up frustrated when they don't give you what you need, because what you really need is acceptance of yourself? It's fine to have insecurities, so long as you're... secure in your insecurities? Like so long as you know your limits and problems and understand that others may not get them. Otherwise there's a good chance of alienating others, or as I said changing the dynamic of a relationship to something potentially verging on being emotionally or mentally abusive.

It only seems like it's taboo because people are starting to lose empathy which is really sad. Everyone has different ways of letting out their frustrations whether it's venting, exercising, playing games etc and we are losing that basic understanding.

I've personally never had such issues with openly talking with others about their 'problems'. I remember I literally used to be a therapist to a lot of friends trying to understand what they are going through, what their problems are, and giving them advice if I could. Eventually I realized I had a a lot of problems myself which I don't talk about openly with many besides close friends who are more than open to listening if I want to talk. I don't really consider openly talking about someone's problems taboo most likely because of my expirences with others.

i don't think it's a matter of it being taboo or anything like that, there's also nothing wrong with needing or wanting to open up but it completely depends on who you're opening up to? these things are often very personal and i even ask my friends 'can i rant/vent to you for a bit' because you're gonna put them in a position that they might not be comfortable in.

I think the main issue is when someone leads to to believe that it's okay to vent/open up and then scold you for doing so or alienate you for it. I am not a person who easily opens up and I always ask if it's okay for me to before I do. I would never put my problems on someone unless I knew they were comfortable with me doing so(or at least led to believe so...)People need to stop being so harsh on people who have problems and try to understand and listen. You may not be able to help but sometimes people just need someone to read what they are going though. I can't tell you how many times I have opened up to someone and felt better just because I have had someone hear me out.