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Writer's Lounge Need advice? Want to give advice? Come on in and share ideas with your fellow writers. Just remember, all fics go in the main forum.

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  #1    
Old May 30th, 2008, 02:59 PM
Shedinja8's Avatar
Shedinja8
Niger, atrum vel malum. Sumo.
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Darkest corner of your mind...
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Adamant
ooc (out of context) : I came up with this idea for a fanfiction. This is my first one, so please don't say it's horrible. It's my first try. And for reference, its about 30 years into the future of Ash's time. Here is a portion of the begining of it. I hope you like it.
.

A cylinder chamber filled clear liquid sat in the middle of a dark room. White plasma floated in the chamber. Electric shocks flowed into the chamber.
“Stop the power! It’s changing!” a man yelled.
“It’s not fully stable!” another one argued.
“Stop it you two before your both going to be ‘unstable’.” the last man boomed. The two fell silent. This man defiantly had power over them. “Turn it off…” The two men ran over to a switch. They defiantly didn’t want this guy mad. The electricity stopped. The plasma stretched and swirled. It took in the shape of what looked like an animal. “Soon,” the third man said, “A power greater than Entei will be born!”

SLAM!!!!
Thirty cops crashed through the door. “Freeze!” they yelled. They kept guns pointed out straight out at the three men. “Your not getting away with this!” one yelled.
“Oh no?” the third criminal said. He slammed on a large red button. Simultaneously, the chamber with the red plasma stared to rise. It broke out of the roof, breaking several support beams. The building was coming down.
“Forget the chamber! We gotta get out of here!” One cop yelled. All of the cops quickly evacuated. The building clasped with a big bang.
With in minutes, news crews pulled up asking questions. “What happened here?” “Did you find the identities of the criminals were?” “What do you think happened to those guys?” Questions popped up like wild fire. The cops only answered only one clearly. “What were these men making?”
“What ever it was,” one cop said, “It must be found … quickly.”




ooc: So what do you think? And remember, It's my first try...
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  #2    
Old May 30th, 2008, 08:28 PM
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Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Are you just posting part of this to get some opinion before writing the rest? Or is this the complete thing. If the first option, then it's fine to be posted here. If the other option, then you're in the wrong section.

But I have no idea what this is.
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  #3    
Old June 11th, 2008, 03:31 PM
Shedinja8's Avatar
Shedinja8
Niger, atrum vel malum. Sumo.
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Darkest corner of your mind...
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Adamant
Absolutly the first one. I just want people's opinoin. And by the way, should I make the main character a girl or boy? I'm thinking girl, but I'm not sure..
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