[Pokémon] Power (PG-15)

Hi there. I have come from another Pokemon community in search of critique and praise alike, in order to better myself as a writer. I hope you enjoy this story. If non-action fanfiction isn't quite your cup of tea, I suggest that you not read this story.

Also, if you are planning to comment on the story, I suggest you comment by chapter. There's a lot to read.

This fanfiction is dedicated to no one. Through my words, I present the crux of my beliefs and ideas and leave them open to anyone who wishes to be enlightened.

Table of Contents
Note: Not all chapters displayed are posted.

Chapter 1 - Ideologies of a Demagogue
Chapter 2 - I Learn How to Write
Chapter 3 - Disastrous News and the Invisible Monster
Chapter 4 - I Listen to a Story
Chapter 5 - How Objectivity Pertains to Legendary Creatures
Chapter 6 - I Escape the City
Chapter 7 - First Mission: Introduction to Life
Chapter 8 - I Make a Friend
Chapter 9 - The Ideology of a Flagrant Consumerist
Chapter 10 - I Do Not Like This World
Chapter 11 - Second Mission : The Town of Innocence and Disease

Prologue

Helo.

This my firs time writng.

I m going to writ about th things that th big man says. I m going to do this so that I can rember everything that he tels me.

The big man say that I m being branewashd. He say that I m a mindles human with no personality and no emoton. He say that this is not good. I do not understand what he is teling me. I do not understand what good means.

The big man say that I can sav the world. He say that the world is in danger. He say it is filed with coruption, opression, war, and death. He say that I will becom a hero and I will save th world if I let him teach me things. I do not understand th big man. He can not seem to explain to me what th words corruption, opression, war, and death mean. He also can not explain to me what hero means.

Th big man say that I m being treated in a bad way. He say that I m a human, but I m a slave. He say that I m a beast and a brute. He say that I hav been twisted into the shap of a hideous monster.

I do not know what monster is.

Chapter 1 - Ideologies of a Demagogue

Her demeanor was menacing. Possessing a grim face marked with icy gray eyes, horridly pale skin, and vicious chapped lips, the morose looking girl stood at the front desk of the county library. The way she tilted her eyebrows would make any commoner's spine tingle. The young fled from her, the old shunned her. The casual adventurer would try to avoid her, and the nobles would sneer at her. There was something in her eyes, something in her face, which told everyone that she did not want company, and she did not need company.

There were only two things that made the seventeen year old girl somewhat bearable: Her figure and her hair. Seemingly out of place, her smooth, straight, silky brown hair rolled down her shoulders and stopped just shy of her slim waist. Her hair shone whenever she was under a light, which was common, since she worked in the library every day. She wore a leather black trench coat and black leather gloves, along with black leather boots. Her boots weren't high-heels. She didn't wear makeup. She seldom smiled.

A chubby young boy named Robert, roughly eleven years old, skipped through the library doors. Eager to research on his new biology project, but still fairly new to the library, Robert headed straight for the front office. As he neared the front office, though, he began to wind down, and by the time he reached the girl's desk, the joyful boy's face had turned into a gloomy one.

The girl sighed, rolling her eyes. "What do you need this time? Do you plan on checking out the whole shelf of biology books?"

"Uh-" The stout, freckled, and red haired figure hesitated at first, remembering the last time he visited; Robert had checked out twelve chemistry books because he couldn't decide which ones to read first. The pump boy's glasses drooped, but he quickly pushed them back up with a stubby finger. He sniffed. "As a matter of fact, I do plan on checking out some biology books today. Can you please show me to the section on creatures-"

"Hold on a second." The girl quickly typed some numbers onto her keyboard and scanned the screen. Her apathetic tone pierced Robert's skin. "You still have fines. Three of the chemistry books that you checked out were turned in a week after they were due. You owe us 150 leptons."

Robert replied, crestfallen. "Um… well, I don't really have any money at the moment… I totally forgot about that one time..." The distressed boy trailed off and looked into the girl's eyes, hoping for some mercy. He began to plead. "Please, I need those biology books as soon as possible so that I can start on my research project for school. It's about creatures - I'm studying the habitats of the creatures near the Ghost Town-"

"What?" The girl suddenly looked up from the computer screen and swiftly glared at the boy with rage and contempt. "You honestly think you can study creatures that you cannot even see with those pathetic little eyes of yours?" she uttered in a menacing tone. After a pause, she curtly pointed towards the doors the Robert came from. "Get out. The library closes in fifteen minutes, and the library is also closed all day tomorrow. Sorry kid, but you can't get your books. Now hurry; get out. What, do you think I'm joking?"

By now, a couple of readers had looked up and few people were gathering at the front desk. But in a few seconds, the distraught Robert had already run out the double doors, blubbering and muttering something about never coming back. The girl, her face now somewhat colored with anger, swiftly swiveled her head, encountering numerous awkward glances and stares from several of the people there. The girl shoved out her temporary feelings of embarrassment and fury and began to get ready to close for the night.

Her name was Sophia.

The name meant wisdom.

The world was nearing a tipping point. It had been nearly two centuries since the destruction of human civilization. The destruction, caused by a foolish creature tamer and his legendary creature, left little for the survivors of the apocalypse to work with. Despite this, governments formed, rules were established, and technological innovation flourished. Sadly though, a new worldwide trend of "Metropolis" centers had started plaguing the world. These centers, headed by the "Officials", used mechanized, emotionless humans to build up and protect the Metropolis. These Metropolis centers praised the idea of manipulating legendary creatures for the sake of the development of the human species. A minority group, which included Sophia, was worried that this may bring about a second Armageddon. The librarian dedicated herself to learning about the histories of the past, as well as keeping up with the current events around her, in order to help prevent the capture of these sacred creatures.

"Knowledge is power," she uttered, as she always did while exiting the library. The pale Sophia turned around to face the double doors and locked them up, when two hands suddenly grabbed her shoulders. She nearly jumped, but she managed to bottle up her surprise.

"Knowledge may be power, but power corrupts." The two firm hands turned her around so that Sophia stared at a rugged but nicely dressed man.

Sophia knowingly glanced at him, shrugging off his hands. "Let me guess. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely?" She rolled her eyes.

"Nope, not quite," the man replied, chuckling. "There's no such thing as absolute corruption." The man's jet black eyes flashed along with his black hair and his shining white teeth. He rubbed his hands together. "Whoo, its pretty cold out here. I figured an overcoat would keep me warm, but I'm still freezing!"

Sophia dodged his comment, looking away and staring out into the street, which was lined with metal rails. It was nighttime in the large, urban city. A damp, dreary, and cloudy night hung over the gray skyscrapers, enveloping the city. Old style light posts illuminated the daft haze that surrounded its streets. Pedestrians and beggars, most in coats, with downcast faces, lined the sidewalks, a distant mumble in the pale girl's ears. A few cars, their metal wheels attached to the icy rails, presented themselves out on the road at this time of the night, their presence sparse as the cheeriness of the dull urban sect. Sirens could be heard in the distance. A night club across the street was booming some kind of hip-hop music, music that was likely as vulgar as the people who were moving to its rhythm.

"Hey, Sophie? You there?"

Sophia quickly turned her head around again. "Ah, sorry. I just spaced out, that's all," she murmured sheepishly as the two teenagers began to head home.

The man's name was Eugene. Sophia had been in the same class with him ever since she had moved in a year ago. Eugene was quite the character. He had come from a long line of prominent creature-tamers. He owned a few hundred creatures and always kept a few with him, under his belt. But Eugene wasn't just fortunate. He was also a walking encyclopedia, which was what primarily drew Sophia's interest when they met. Over time, the two became close friends. Eugene would occasionally do something really nice for her, like offer an umbrella on a stormy night, or donate a book to her vast collection of documentaries and novels. Admiring his intellectuality and kindness, Sophia began to have fleeting moments of attraction towards him. It was silently established that they had somewhat of an innocent affection for each other. Despite this, there was still tension. A deep scar ran between them on many particular issues, none of which either were too comfortable talking about.

"So…" Eugene began. "How's your uh… ghost thing doing?"

"You mean Nightmare?" Sophia half-mumbled, half-inquired.

"Uh, yeah… Gee, you give your creatures really weird nicknames."

The pale girl gave Eugene a peculiar look. "Come on, Eugene, does he really creep you out that much?" Sophia pulled a shining, glossy orb out of her pocket. The cold steel was painted red and white, with some of the white paint chipped off.

Eugene flinched. "Uh, kind of. I mean, I know a lot about that cursed species and its sinister past. It's not a pretty creature. Not only does it require special visual lenses to see, but it also freaks the hell out of me every time I do see it with those visual aids!"

"Oh…" Sophia's hair reflected the luminosity of a street light as the two passed by its faint glow. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Eugene quickly changed the topic. "Well, I hope that your part-time job at the library wasn't too frustrating today…" Eugene received an upsetting glance from Sophia. "Um, well…" There was an awkward silence, followed by another question. "Did you almost get yourself fired again?"

Sophia gave Eugene one of her menacing stares. "Please, Eugene. It's not like this happens every day-"

"Yeah, it happens almost every week. Come on, Sophia. Are you sure that job is right for you?"

"It's the only job I can get," Sophia lied. She looked out into the street again. "Barely anyone else is willing to let me work for them. They all say that I'm too 'sour'."

"Well hey; at least you're not bitter. I'd rather have a lemon than a grapefruit for a f-"

"You're not helping."

More silence. There was a small crowd of people congesting the sidewalk up ahead.

Eugene finally spoke. "Have you been wondering why I'm dressed up right now?"

Making her way past a busy portion in the sidewalk, Sophia shook her head. Struggling to catch up, Eugene began to explain. "Well, okay. I'll tell you anyways. So apparently, I'm going to be meeting with an Officer of the Metropolis tonight at midnight, sharp."

After she passed through the crowd, Sophia met Eugene's excited eyes with her incredulous ones.

"You're kidding." At first, the pale girl leered at the nicely dressed man, but then she turned away. "Eugene, I seriously don't think we should be talking about this anymore if you're going to continue to-"

Eugene, still fervent with excitement, exclaimed, "No, no! Sophia, you don't get it! This is perfect! I might get a once in a lifetime internship to their organization! Imagine that… and who knows? I might even recommend you-"

"What? No!" Sophia turned back, her face ablaze. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely! You're willing to participate in the most inhumane act this society has ever done! Do you know how cruel the Officers treat the people who live in the Metropolis?! You're damning yourself, Eugene! You'll be damning yourself if you even consider a job like that!"

Eugene talked in a soothing voice. "Sophie, the Officers treat them with respect. Not like the world we live in today-"

"Are you kidding me?" Sophia was shouting hysterically now, tears evident in her gray eyes. "They treat those people like robots! They have breeding grounds - yes, they freaking breed humans - and they have those damned computers that tell them every damned day what their damned task is and what their damned life is all about! They are never taught to love, or to feel joyful, or to-"

"Or to what? Feel pain? Feel depressed?!" He menacingly stepped towards Sophia. Eugene's mood swiftly changed, his voice increasing in volume and his eyebrows narrowing with every word. "Knowledge has corrupted you, Sophie." The tone of his voice was filled with bitterness, spitefulness, and condescendence. "Look at you. You're miserable all the time. You're cynical. You think humans should all go to hell. You think society is terrible. You're the depressed one, not them." Eugene took a step back. "Don't you understand? This Metropolis works - people across the world are increasingly agreeing that our society should be governed under such terms!

"Look at the world around you. You all strive for knowledge. You all strive to live better lives. You all strive. That's what makes people like you depressed. You're never satisfied with yourself. You focus so much on climbing the mountain, to the point where you don't even care about what's on the other side anymore. And then you turn on everyone else and say they're selfish? Look at you! All you care about are goals, goals, and goals! You want higher standards of living? Then I suggest leveling off that mountain and replacing it with something I like to call social well-being. In a true state of social well-being, we base our lives around working with each other, rather than striving for frivolous material gains.

"That is what this world needs. We need to denounce our lonely struggle in the name of teamwork! We need to denounce our fervent ambition in the name of community! And we most definitely need to denounce our endless and futile questioning in the name of the people! To hell with progress! To hell with ambition! To hell with knowledge! To hell with pain!"

By now, the demagogue had drawn a crowd far larger than the crowd Sophia had attracted in the library. The crowd consisted of people in trench coats, suits, and rags. There were ordinary looking pedestrians, fierce looking businessmen, downtrodden beggars, and even some intoxicated looking party goers. But Sophia wasn't focused on that. Her vision was blurred; her cheeks hot with rage and shame, and her fists were clenched, full of regret, as well a little bit of doubt. By now, many people were clapping and cheering and chanting.

"To hell with progress! To hell with ambition! To hell with knowledge! To hell with pain!"

Eugene was madly laughing the whole time. The crowd started getting rough as the shoving, yelling, and confusion ensued. After taking in the whole scene, Sophia turned around and broke through the mob, pushing her way through, tears smeared on the arm of her trench coat. She ducked her head as she made her way back home, avoiding all people at all costs. But she was already used to avoiding all people. What was harder to avoid was Eugene's words.

"To hell with progress! To hell with ambition! To hell with knowledge! To hell with pain!"

"No," she spoke aloud to herself, "I'll never accept that utopian mindset." For a moment she smirked. "It's…ridiculous!" Her smirk faded quickly, though, and she stopped and slowly gazed down at her feet. Eugene had a point. Sophia wasn't exactly the happiest girl alive. She was never content with anything. Her life was dedicated to becoming an intelligent, open minded individual. Her life was miserable.

What if Eugene was right?

It started to rain.

Sophia's frosty gray eyes softened. Eugene had meant at least something to her. What was left was a gap in her heart, or rather, her brain. Gloomily walking towards her apartment, Sophia silently scolded herself- she should have seen this coming. She silently vowed to herself that she would never experience such attractive impulses for a guy like that again.

After all, it wasn't like any other guys would want to approach a girl with a nasty demeanor like hers.

Chapter 2 - I Learn How to Write

Th big man says that people and cities have something called a name. I do not think I have a name. I do not think that th city that I live in has a name. I m not sure if I believe th big man.

Th big man says that I can stop myself from being branewashd. Th big man thinks that he can help me. He says that he will help me get a personality. I m trying to get a personality. Th big man tells me that a personality is what I need to truly live. He tells me that I need one to be happy. He tells me that I can feel so much more than I can feel now. Love, Hate, Pleasure, Pain. He tells me that he will try to give me a personality.

I m not allowed to write. If They catch me writing, I will be punished and I will not be able to see th big man anymore. Th big man says that I will not get caught writing. I m not sure if I believe him.

My duty is to watch eggs. I have to watch them in a warm room. Sometimes, th eggs break and thre is a strange, dark figure that appears from them. That is when They come. They tell me that I have done a good job, and They take away th creature. I do not know how many eggs I have watched. I have lost count. I have heard Them say that they use th creatures for protecting th city. They have said that th creatures have protected us for years. I do not know what this years is.

Th big man says that he knows what years are. He says that you can't see a year. He says that it is a unit of time. He is confusing. I do not know what he means by time.

Th big man says that he will take me away from this place as soon as he can. I do not understand. I can not leave this place. It is imposible. That is what They said to me. It is imposible to leave this place. It is imposible to leave. I do not believe th big man.

Th big man tells me many things. He tells me that I m trapped in a very bad place. I do not understand these words. I ask him what very bad is. He can not explain it to me. He says that once I get a personality, I will be able to understand what bad is. He says that I m being controlled. I do not understand this, either. He says that I m ignorant and that I need to be brought into th light. Th light that I know of is th very bright circle in th sky that I m not supposed to look at.

I m also not supposed to look at Their eyes. If They catch me looking at their eyes, I will be punished. I have never been punished before. They say that once I m punished, I will not be able to watch th eggs anymore. They say that I will not exist. I do not want that. I want to watch over th eggs. Thre is something that keeps telling me to watch th eggs. I do not want to stop existing. I want to watch th eggs.

We worship th great bird. I go with them when they tell me to. If I do not go with them, I will be punished. Th great bird is in a cage. They say that th bird is meant to be in th cage. But th big man said th bird is not happy. Th bird always hits th cage with its large, silver wings. It is very big. Th big man asks me if I'm scared, but I do not know what scared is.

We learn how to read, but not how to write. That is why I m having trouble with my writing. My writing is also hard to read. Th big man says that I will get better at writing. He says that I need to write things down so I remember them. He says that I forget easily. I do not know what forget is.

Th big man teachs me many things. He says that I m special.

I do not know what special means.

You have something quite interesting and original here. I don't believe that I've seen anything with a plot anything like the one presented here, and I applaud you for on that fact - political commentary isn't a thing often seen in fan fiction, let alone Pokemon fan fiction.

Now, there are a couple of problems I have with your story, most of them with your unnamed writer... How is it that he (she?) is able to use the vocabulary shown - limited it may be - without ever being taught to write? I understand that knowing how to read should be a huge asset in writing, but there should be more spelling and punctuation errors, especially for those words relating concepts unfamiliar to the writer. (Think the early chapters of *'Flowers for Algernon'.) Though of course, as time passes, and he becomes more accustomed to writing - even for concepts unfamiliar to him - the errors should begin to become more infrequent...

I hope this helped with your writing in any way at all, I truly can't wait to see the next chapter.

*Flowers for Algernon*

...Fascinating! When I first read this, I wasn't expecting much, to be honest, but it caught me up and held my attention, especially the parts in first person. The third-person political commentary was a bit less interesting, although it was very well-written. It did seem to descend into Author Tract at some point, though, when the characters are speaking in very long sentences with lots of italicized words. I'm not sure what the point is that you're trying to get across. (rereading it, I sort of quail at your pro-capitalist speech. Okay, so utopias are bad, but erh D: I don't want to get into an ideological debate with you, though, so I won't press it.)

...My one other bone to pick is that it isn't, y'know, Pokemon yet. Which is fine, really, it makes for a good reveal. I am curious as to what's in those eggs (are they the breeding grounds the girl was talking about?), and what the first-person character actually is.

Will be watching this for updates.

I have added a paragraph, just before Sophia leaves the library. It's meant to reveal some of the plot and give a little more reason for the reader to read this story. Please tell me if it's a bit too superfluous or anything like that.

As for intentional mistakes and the purpose of the debate... Well, I'll work on it.

The Fanfiction won't have much of pokemon in it. The only crucial role that pokemon plays in this is the plotline. Then again, I suppose that's a pretty important part.


Thanks for your comments! I'll post chapter 3 in roughly five hours if no one else replies.

Chapter 3 - Disastrous News and the Invisible Monster

Sophia's house was quite a dreary place. There was a single, fragile bulb that hung over her quaint kitchen. Her kitchen consisted of a dull looking refrigerator, a dusty microwave, and a rusty faucet that smelled awful every time the cold water knob was turned. Sometimes, the faint light of the bulb would go out and the lackluster librarian would go on for days without getting it replaced.

The apartment also consisted of one bedroom, a miniature bathroom with a shower, and a living room, which was where her computer was. Computers were standard all over the world. Manufacturers decided to stop making television sets and start capitalizing on computer-marketing. The shift was made back when civilization was in early reconstruction.

As she pressed the power button to her monitor, Sophia plopped back in her chair and tried to recall every vivid detail that was inscribed in the ancient books, before the legendary bird creature had turned the world into ashes.

In the past, natural selection had favored more colorful creatures. Rodents that inhabited streets, deserts, and grassy prairies were of various vibrant hues. Some of the more graceful birds flaunted their beautifully colored feathers, ranging from bright pink tail feathers to sky blue wing feathers.

But when the skies turned black and the cities were all that was left, most of the wildlife that creatures had once called home was gone. Most surviving creatures of the apocalypse were creatures that sought shelter in dusty and dull urban sects. Natural selection abruptly shifted. Almost every creature now exhibited a grayish tinge. Camouflage was how most creatures survived, and the ones who didn't use camouflage were rarely spotted. Creatures were often seen with a gray fur coat, or a gray hide, or a gray shell. Colors of purple and yellow and blue turned to brown, gray, and black. The life many surviving humans once knew, according to the ancient books, was empty without such vivid creatures.

Sophia continued to think about the ancient books as she subconsciously reached for her belt and clutched the cold, steel capsule. She felt around for the circular button. Once her index finger was on top of it, the librarian yanked the orb from its holster, pressed the button, and threw it. The sphere flew out of her hand and quietly bounced onto her carpet. Suddenly, it exploded into bright green neon colors as the red hemisphere of the orb flipped open. The neon glow gradually faded, and the round container automatically clamped shut.

Sophia braced herself.

Without warning, the ball shot from the ground to her hand, ramming into her leather glove and making a clunking noise. Luckily, her reinforced leather gloves prevented her from wincing in pain.

In the past, she thought grudgingly to herself, creature-tamers didn't have to deal with icy, painful, metal, and worst of all, magnetic orbs.

A strange aura gradually enveloped her. Sophia felt a tingling sensation through her body. There was nothing to see, but she knew that the creature was there.

"Hello, Nightmare. I haven't summoned you all day. I'm sorry, today was really busy for me." Sophia's voice was soft and somewhat content. This was how she always acted around her creatures, especially Nightmare.

There was a faint, jumbled whisper in the air. Sophia smiled and closed her eyes. When she did, the floating creature's figure was visible in front of her, in the blackness of her eyelids. It was of a solid, dark purple shape. The shape resembled that of a suspended head with sharp edges. The creature brandished sharp appendages that resembled claws, which hovered near its looming head. Its eyes glowed brightly, a stunning mixture of pink and red. The creature's glow radiated from its sickle-like claws. Another feature that stood out was its sharp, pointed grin, which was illuminated by that same pinkish-red aura.

The pale-faced librarian spoke in a wispy, reminiscing voice, her eyes still closed. "It's amazing how so many people can be frightened of you, but I know that you're not like that. I know you're a softhearted creature. That's why General Kyros assigned me to you." Her smile grew wider. "But I remember being frightened of you when I first met you. I even remember the time I nicknamed you Nightmare. I guess the name kind of stuck…"

The creature whispered some more. Sophia nodded. "I believe that some day, the powers that rule over all of us will be overthrown and diversified, so that there will be a group out there that may accept you for your appearance." More whispering. Sophia slightly frowned this time. "Are you sure you're fine like this? Doesn't it hurt you to see people frightened by you? Isn't that why you continue to be invisible?" More whispering. Sophia remained silent for a moment. She then opened her eyes. The creature's shape was no longer there.

"I…think I understand. If you were as popular and well-known as the ancient creatures today, you would likely be captured by someone seeking to capitalize on your fame."

Sophia blinked, and then turned towards her monitor, still smiling. She double clicked an icon on her desktop. In seconds, the latest news appeared on the screen.

"Legendary creature captured," the girl repeated to herself under her breath. Her face fell. "Fifteen killed by electric shock. Barbed wings and pointed beak damage infrastructure of three buildings. Creature now secured."

Anger and fear slowly entered Sophia's heart. After a momentary pause, the pale-faced girl slammed her leather gloved hand on the computer desk. She held herself back from crying out in anguish and agony.

"It was one thing to be insulted by a crazy maniac that you have a crush on, but…" Sophia caught her own silly words, quickly glancing apologetically at the invisible aura beside her. After a brief moment of hesitation, she continued. "But… seriously? They had captured three of those five freaking birds, but they had to go for four? Are they out of their mind?! There are eight legendary creatures in the United Terrains total. Half of them are detained. This is not right. This is not-"

Sophia continued to read the report. The only sound that kept pumping into her ears was her own heart, which was beating faster than her eyes were reading.

"The National Government of the Eastern Terrain (NGET) has established safeguards on all premises in the National Creature Detainment Centre (NCDC). Advocates argue that the electricity generated by the aggressive bird-like creature could very well power our nation for a thousand years. Research is being done on a power grid that can sustain such power. Some skeptics claim that this may be a political misstep on the behalf of the NGET."

Sophia skimmed down the article, and then quickly breathed a sigh of relief as she continued to read:

"In other related stories, the calm, giant beast of the water that was initially captured the Western Terrain has recently escaped. Witnesses claim to have seen the creature 'elegantly' dashing away from its detainment centre. Further investigation by the National Government of the Western Terrain (NGWT) on the escape and whereabouts of the blue and white four legged creature are under way. An unfortunate result of this getaway is a short-term famine in the upper Western Terrain, where farmers are dependent on irrigation canals that used to be supplied by the water beast's powers…"

Sophia slowly inhaled, and then exhaled. It was relieving to know that one of the legendary creatures escaped. Still, Sophia knew that the ferocity of the Desumo Flax had to be contained. Now that the NGET had control of the vicious creature, the stakes were much higher.

The pale girl turned to the invisible aura. Her voice was riddled with sadness.

"Well, I guess I'll let you roam around the city for tonight," Sophia murmured. She then faintly smiled. "Just don't make too many children wet their beds, alright?"

The girl she felt the mysterious, dark aura slowly leave the apartment.

With mixed feelings, Sophia briskly turned off her monitor and quickly pulled out what looked like a black ear bud. She plugged it in her ear, and spoke clearly and concisely.

"Call Ivan."

There was a pause, followed by a drawn out tone, which signaled that Ivan hadn't picked up yet. After three more of the long, drawn out tones, a deep, powerful voice replied.

"Miss Kora?"

"Ivan. We'll need you to get that kid out of there as soon as possible."

"Hey, give me a break, will ya? I'm trying my best." The voice sounded amused. Sophia frowned.

"Ivan, don't be a pissoff. Look, they captured the Desumo Flax. We can't lose any more time."

There was a few seconds of silence. Then, the deep voice responded in a somber tone, "Look, Miss Kora. I only take orders from people who are higher up from me. I'll get him out of this place by tomorrow, okay? We can meet at the base tomorrow night…"

"Do you think he's really fit enough to join the organization?"

"You sound worried." Sophia's abrupt question didn't seem to faze Ivan. "Don't you believe General Kyros? He said that this guy's the real deal. And look at you; you were able to join this group at such a young age. Doesn't he have the same rights as you?"

Sophia rolled her eyes. "Ivan, all I do is gather information from people visiting the library. The importance of my job pales in comparison to the job of protecting creatures that are capable of destroying the world."

"But, Sophie, we're going to be saved! Kyros said that he's the one. He has a gift, a talent that has been suppressed inside his body for so long. Just watch. The Governments will be overthrown. There may even come a day when you actually smile-"

"Ivan. You're being a pissoff again."

"Oh. Sorry."

"But seriously, is the boy even capable of living up to the Renegades' major goals?"

"He isn't a boy. He's almost nineteen years old, according to the records. It's his mind that's young. Now pay attention. The major objectives of the Renegades are to prevent the manipulation of legendary creatures and to protect these ancient creatures from the hands of humans. Trust me, Sophie- this guy is a natural saboteur. I can see it in his eyes. He may not be a juggernaut yet, but I can assure you that he will be able to play a crucial role in undermining the plans of the National Governments."

"Both the East and West Terrains?"

"Yes. East and West."

Feeling somewhat relieved, yet still somewhat skeptical, Sophia tried to take in everything she had just learned. Her mind struggled to grasp the miracle that was right before her eyes. The conflicted girl replied in a strained voice, "Alright, Ivan. I'll see you later."

"You sound stressed, Miss Kora. You know, you should get some sleep. That would do you some good. Who knows, you might even stop calling me a 'pissoff'." There was a light chuckle on the other line. "Well, good night."

Ear bud now out of ear, Sophia stood up and began pacing. Was it possible? How could a boy - no, a kid - help the cause of the Renegades? She had been a member of the underground organization for ten months and she hadn't been of much help at all. The Renegades consisted of only a few hundred people, all across the Eastern Terrain; her duty was that of a lookout. Any rumors or local reports of happenings regarding the legendary creatures or the utopian cities were to be reported back to the base. The base, otherwise known as the headquarters, was located just outside of the big city. It was located farther to the east, near the Ghost Town. That was where she received her first creature, Nightmare.

Sophia grinned, remembering the freaked out look on Eugene's face when he first saw Nightmare.

Then, suddenly feeling self-conscious, the gray-eyed girl felt her long, brown hair. It was still damp from the rain. Her thoughts and feelings for Eugene brought back the story of the ice bird and the conversation with Ivan and the doubts she had of the new boy that would join the Renegades. Sadness overwhelmed Sophia once again, threatening to consume the entirety of her mind. Lowering her head as she struggled to keep herself from crying out, the dejected and disheartened girl of seventeen made her way to the miniature bathroom with the shower.

I only have two problems with this new chapter:

LampShade. said:

Chapter 3 - Disastrous News and the Invisible MonsterBut when the skies turned black and the cities were all that was left, most of the wildlife The word 'wildlife' doesn't seem to fit that well, maybe something more like: "the habitats that creatures had once called home was gone." or something similar. that creatures had once called home was gone.

Click to expand...

My only other problem is that seventeen seems far too young for Sophia to have the kind of character that she has. You've portrayed her as a bitter woman who knows that life can be improved, yet you've turned around and made her an inexperienced teenager. Why should this organization decide to allow a young girl in their ranks with no experience, and trust her with a powerful (I'm assuming that it's powerful) creature?

I tried to change chapter 3 up a little bit, in order to clarify Sophia's role as a Renegade. That way, she will seem more fit for her job. Keep in mind, I have been using the word "girl" to describe her.

I'll post Chapter 4 after another person or two comments.

Chapter 4 - I Listen to a Story

The big man says I have a problem. I do not know what he means by problem. He says that my sensry memory gets clouded every day and that it is disrupting my learning. He does not sound happy when he says this. I have come to know what he sounds like when he is happy. The big man says that if I write more, I will not have many sensry memory problems.

When he looked over my writing, he asked me why I captalized Them. I told him that it was because I always saw it captalized whenever They would give us books. The big man says that these books are corupt. I do not think I understand what this means.

My personality is getting better. The big man says so. He says that I am using more style in my voice and in my writing. He says that some day I will be an amazing speaker.

The big man told me a long story. He wrote it down for me word for word, and then told me to copy down what he wrote. He told me that it would help me write better. This is what he wrote down:

"You see, back then, they didn't have cities like this. There were no Metropolis centers, no mindless workers, and no crazy rituals to birds trapped in cages. No, that's not how it was back then. Back then, everyone had a personality. Back then, creatures were raised by people because people cared. Before the 'Master of All Orbs' was manufactured, creature-tamers would nurture and care for their creatures because they loved them.

But soon enough, a byproduct of technology had emerged. After years and years of seething aspiration and murderous drive, a terrorist organization had created a legendary ball that could hold captive any creature that the user wished. The most powerful and dimension-changing creatures could now be captured with the press of a button and the flick of a wrist.

Before the prototype became a standard means of mass production, though, a world-renown and moreover notorious creature tamer overthrew the entirety of the terrorist organization. Despite his bravery, the teenage boy - or so the story goes - foolishly acquired this 'Master of All Orbs' and used it on a legendary creature. This particular creature was crucial to the survival of the entire ecosystem. This creature brought sacred volcanic ash to the mountains in the south. This creature illuminated rainbows in the west. This creature brought up forest life in the north and the east. But most of all, this creature was evidently capable of destroying the entire planet.

No one is entirely sure of what happened next, or why it happened. All we know is that the creature went into a berserk state and burned everything in its sight, including the renowned hero.

There were few survivors of the legendary creature's wrath. These survivors are the people that made the civilizations we see today. We live in a post-apocalyptic world.

But unfortunately, the world isn't rebuilding itself exactly the way it was before. Drastic new experiments and power-hungry radicals have set up experimentation plants all across the region, so that people like you may work in their desensitized world. Fortunately, these are restricted to a certain extent, and are not allowed to used certain cities for their experiments. Nevertheless, there are unfortunate victims of this plague, including you. They're using you. And you can't allow that. You need to live. You need to take in the fresh air of freedom."

The big man spoke a lot. I was not entirely sure I agreed with him. This was my home. I did not need his fredom, or the new life that he wants me to have. I want to stay here and watch the eggs. That is what I am made for. He says one day I will change my mind, but I do not believe him.

The big man always tries to explain what the word special means. He compared it to people. He asked me if I have seen the other people in the city. I said yes, at least when I go out for rituals. He asked me if they all looked different. I said yes. He told me that I am like that. I am different from them. I understand this, but I still do not understand what special means. The big man says that I am a different kind of different. He says that I am different in ways that people can not observe at first. He says that it is something inside of me. He pointed to my chest, but I do not understand what he means by this.

The big man asked me what I do in my room. I told him that it was where I did all my work. He asked me where I slept. I told him that I did not understand what he meant by slept.

I told him that I watch the eggs until they turn into the dark creatures. If an egg breaks and fluid spills out, They come in and they give me a mop. I am supposed to clean the fluid when They give me the mop.

The big man asked me why I do not go outside of my room. I told him that I am not supposed to go outside.

The big man says that I should not tell Them that he is here. I tell him that I can not say anything to Them. He told me that he was releved and glad that I did not tell anyone. He said that he would be in big troubl if anyone knew that he was inside of the metropolis center.

There was one last thing that the big man said to me. He said that this was the most important issue because we could all dye if nothing is to be done. He said that the people who control me are doing something very bad. The people who control me have other great birds, similar to the one that we worship. The big man said that if they continue to tamper with the power of the legendary creetures that we worship, the creetures might go on a rampage. He said that history may repeat itself again, but the result may not be the same. He said that we may all dye this time. He thinks that if one legendary creeture nearly destroyed the planet, several legendary creetures would annihilate it.

The big man said that we would leave soon. I do not understand what soon means, but he said that he will teach me what time is soon. He said that when I leave this place, I will need a name. He said that he will give me the name Constantine. He explained that it was from the name Constantinos, which means constant, unwavering, and stedfast.

My name does not sound like any of the words I know. The big man said that I probably thought it was a weird name. He told me to write my name down, so that I knew how to spell it correctly. I asked him what constant, unwavering, and stedfast meant. He said that I will learn what it means someday.

First thought at the end of this chapter: it's spelled "steadfast."

Otherwise? This is getting better, and much, much more interesting. But drop the pretense-- they're Pokémon, call them Pokémon and Poké balls and Master balls and Trainers and Legendaries and all that. Yes, I know that it might feel kind of awkward, at first, since there are all the other things associated with the somewhat childish sound of "Pokémon," but lemme tell you, it will sound a heck of a lot better than repeating "creatures" over and over again. Embrace what they are, and it'll start sounding better eventually.

I'm very interested, and growing more so chapter by chapter. Funny-- the concept (captured legendaries and the destruction they can cause) is similar to the fanfic I'm currently working on. A coincidence, I s'pose. I like the first-person character, although the language is still a little unrefined; more practice writing from its POV will help that.

LampShade. said:

Before the prototype became a standard means of mass production, though, a world-renown and moreover notorious creature tamer overthrew the entirety of the terrorist organization.

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Since Constantine is copying the story down, shouldn't it be written properly as 'world-renowned'?

Zephyr+ said:

First thought at the end of this chapter: it's spelled "steadfast."

Click to expand...

I believe the error was intentional, due to the character's unfamiliarity with writing.

Zephyr+ said:

Otherwise? This is getting better, and much, much more interesting. But drop the pretense-- they're Pokémon, call them Pokémon and Poké balls and Master balls and Trainers and Legendaries and all that. Yes, I know that it might feel kind of awkward, at first, since there are all the other things associated with the somewhat childish sound of "Pokémon," but lemme tell you, it will sound a heck of a lot better than repeating "creatures" over and over again. Embrace what they are, and it'll start sounding better eventually.

I'm very interested, and growing more so chapter by chapter. Funny-- the concept (captured legendaries and the destruction they can cause) is similar to the fanfic I'm currently working on. A coincidence, I s'pose. I like the first-person character, although the language is still a little unrefined; more practice writing from its POV will help that.

Click to expand...

The thing is, the characters may not know that. Perhaps the government pushed the name 'creatures' on them to keep people form sympathizing with them too much?

And I must say I really like the direction the story is going in... very intruiging.

Hey guys, I'm incredibly sorry for the lack of plot embellishment for the next two chapters, but I haven't worked on them in months. These were the documents I have had for a while now, so I apologize for lack of style, transition, etc.



Chapter 5 - How Objectivity Pertains to Legendary Creatures

Spending more than an hour inside the Renegade's Headquarters was often irritating for Sophia. Despite the shining steel walls and the clean passageways and the large rooms with sophisticated technology, a particular issue always got to her head: air conditioning.

Sophia fanned herself with her gloved hand, annoyed by the length of time she was spending in the waiting room. General Kyros' office was one of the few rooms with air conditioning, and the dispirited girl was desperate for a cool breeze on her face. The Renegades were adequately funded, so it wasn't a matter of installing air conditioning in the building. Rather, whenever a full-scale ventilation system was implemented, the generator would run out of energy in minutes. The underground headquarters was simply too huge to cool down. As a temporary solution, there were multiple "vent rooms" throughout the Headquarters for fellow Renegade members to take in a breath of fresh air.

Despite the enormity of the building, there were only a hundred or so members who constantly worked in its premises. The waiting room next to the office of General Kyros was empty except for the pale faced librarian. Other Renegade buildings scattered across the region were incredibly small; on average, one would maintain roughly ten Renegade members.

Even though the Renegades were a relatively undersized organization, they were part of a much larger Sabotage group. This macro-alliance consisted of organizations, including the Renegades, which sought to overthrow the governments of the East and West Terrains.

As Sophia pondered over these thoughts, the tough steel door leading to the General's office opened up. A woman in her twenties with fair skin and blonde hair stepped out. She wore a somewhat revealing black dress, along with high heels and makeup.

The woman gave a dazzling smile to Sophia as she walked on by. Sophia, a bland looking girl compared to the women, glanced back sourly as she stood up to enter the room. The woman always smiled at Sophia, almost as if the woman was taunting her. Sophia grimaced. She had known the woman since she was a child. The two lived in separate cities now, but they would always see each other, because they were both Renegades. In fact, the woman was the reason why Sophia joined the Renegades in the first place. Still, Sophia always felt tension around the woman. There were many unresolved things between the two, and Sophia wanted to have nothing more to do with her.

As the pale librarian entered the office, her already depressed face grew worse. Kyros, a stern, middle-aged man with gray hair and broad shoulders, stoically sat in his luxurious chair.

"Miss Kora." The General's gruff voice compelled Sophia to stiffen her back and look at him sharply in the eyes.

"Yes, General?"

"There is no need to tell me about the capture of the Desumo Flax, or the Unda Canis, or the current state of Ivan's missions."

Sophia silently nodded, then slowly murmured "Yes, sir." Kyros often frightened her. It wasn't just his solid and apathetic conduct. Another quality of Kyros that disturbed her was his eminent omnipresence. It was rare that Sophia had to report something to Kyros that he did not already know. More often than not, it was Kyros that was informing Sophia of other happenings that Sophia did not quite catch. The intelligence of the librarian paled in comparison to that of the great General.

"Ivan also mentioned to me that the boy is causing him some trouble," Kyros stated. "This is expected. According to previous records of the Metropolis, this boy was quite a tough cookie. He was hard to subdue as a baby, and his mind is currently under severe handicaps. The boy is a natural thinker. He also seems to naturally oppose people. Ivan says there's barely anything that the two agree on. The boy constantly questions him, constantly finds flaws in Ivan's thinking, and constantly seeks more knowledge. This boy is incredible."

Surprised, Sophia replied, "Well, it's not common for you to as enthusiastic as this. I suppose this is a big deal."

Kyros nodded. "Yes, this is a big deal. As each day goes by, the National Government gains power from the legendary creatures. With every tick of the clock, these creatures get increasingly upset. We do not have much time until one of these creatures wreaks havoc upon the Terrains."

"So how to you plan on using this boy?"

"Simple," Kyros replied. "Intelligence reports of the recent runaway legendary creature - the Unda Canis - are traced to the segregated City of Intellectuals. I have talked with a diplomat in the area, and I have convinced him to show us their city. The objective is to find the runaway creature. We have one report that suggests that the secretive local government of the City has the legendary creature captive. I am sending you and the boy to the City to find out where they may be holding the legendary creature."

Sophia's eyes widened, surprised at the General's decision to send her. Her mouth was moving, but no sound came out. Finally, Sophia blinked and suppressed her shock. "Me? Why?"

Kyros nodded towards the door. "I was actually planning on Miss Cynthia to travel with the boy, but she said that she had to make some important appointments. So I decided to send you."

"But…" It was still hard for Sophia to speak. She had never been sent on a mission before, and she had no idea why she was being sent now. There was nothing special about her. The only useful thing she could do to help the Renegades was serve as a lookout.

"I know what you must be thinking," Kyros answered, as if he was reading the pale faced girl's mind. "In order to understand why I chose you, you must realize the secularity of the City. The City's diplomat stated that they prefer that we send a young woman to accompany the ambassador. They promised not to abuse the woman in any way, but they claimed to enjoy a woman's presence and are more willing to share with us the many aspects of their town if we were to bring a woman with the boy."

"So the boy is the diplomat?"

"Yes. And you will be the woman."

Sophia hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to take Kyros' explanation. She then spoke quietly, somewhat embarrassed of what she had to say, "I'm not that pretty…"

Kyros eyed Sophia skeptically. He then nodded. "It's natural for girls to feel like that. Don't worry; I'm sure they'll admire the way you look. The residents of the detached City are of a very worldly nature, and they praise a man's dominance and a woman's physical features above all else." A smile creased on his lips. "The boy has a very dominant mind, and you have a very attractive figure. I'm sure you two will acquire all the information you need."

Sophia stepped back, blushing. She muttered to herself sheepishly, feeling her flushed face with her gloved hand. It was rare for her to be called attractive. Eugene would sometimes call her cute, or pretty, but never attractive. Something about the word made her feel strange. It was a good feeling, but it was almost scary.

Kyros seemed to sense Sophia's humiliation. His voice rang louder than before, resounding with the assertion of a commander. "Miss Kora. You will report to the Departure Room in five hours. That is when Ivan and the boy will arrive. You will leave immediately upon the boy's arrival. You are to travel straight to the City of Intellectuals. Seven day's worth of provisions is required. Once in the City, you two will go to the House of the Enlightened. An ambassador will meet you there and show you around the city. Call me if you need any help. Otherwise, I will leave the rest up to you."

The still somewhat flustered girl nodded. Her chapped lips weren't moving.

"Is there something wrong?" Kyros asked.

Sophia began to speak, but hesitated. She understood what she was supposed to do, but there were other unresolved conflicts that she wanted to share. Unfortunately, the gifted librarian didn't know what to say. Finally, she mumbled, "Is there such a thing as… absolute corruption?"

The General's interest was piqued. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I have a friend. He says that there's no such thing as absolute corruption, and…"

The General interrupted Sophia. "Do you believe in absolutes?"

Somewhat confused, Sophia uttered, "Well, I mean…"

"Is there such a thing as absolute truth?"

A chord was struck in Sophia's brain. Of course there wasn't such a thing as absolute truth. Sophia knew barely anyone who believed in an invariable reality. After all, someone may perceive something as totally different from someone else. Sophia spoke confidently. "No. There's no such thing as absolute truth. For instance, one culture may consider sacrificial rituals bad, while another culture may consider them good."

Despite her awkward analogy, Sophia remained strong. Moral relativism was the philosophy of the new world. It was clear that different people see things in different ways.

"Are you sure?"

Sophia hesitated.

Kyros leaned further back into his chair. "You say that there are no absolutes. But is that not an absolute in itself?" The General's voice was powerful and moving. "You see, Sophia, this new civilization is plagued with the idea that we see all things differently; that killing may be just or unjust, that suicide may be corrupt or righteous, that Metropolis Centers may be cruel or dignified. This world praises the idea of being open minded. This world believes that subjectivity is omnipresent. This world believes that one may perceive a cube with no corners, or a fire with no light, or a voice with no sound. How ridiculous! An experienced philosopher would know that such an idea would be infinitely regressive; that, without a firm foundation to hold such beliefs, the idea of subjectivity has no basis of which to make its own claims! To argue against objectivity is to establish that a truth exists; to argue against a fixed world is to establish that a fixed truth exists; to argue against moral absolutes is to establish that a moral absolute exists!

"For instance, relativists may argue that a 'legendary' creature to one person may not be a 'legendary' creature to another. This is true, but it only further reveals that an absolute exists: 'legendary' creatures are perceived differently. I will agree that subjectivity exists in many things we perceive, but there will always be absolutes.

"To answer your question: Yes, there is such a thing as absolute corruption, for there is always an absolute in everything. By definition and connotation, corruption is bad; it is undesirable to its victims. No one can deny that. Therefore, corruption is absolutely bad. And therefore, all corruption that is pure corruption is absolute corruption."

Sophia cocked her head to one side, trying to understand the logic behind Kyros' words. "So all corruption is absolutely undesirable to its victims… right?" she asked.

"Correct. You should tell your friend sometime that absolute corruption exists, and that anyone is capable of being absolutely corrupt. That's what's happening to our nation as we speak; there are people with absolute power…"

"And that absolute power corrupts absolutely," Sophia finished.

Kyros smiled. "Why yes, it does. Now, enough of this chatter. I believe I have said the word 'absolute' far too many times in one conversation. I will be seeing you when you return. Good luck, Sophia. Your reports of the legendary creature will be vital to our operations."

Five hours, Sophia thought to herself as she left the General's room. It was five hours until she would meet the boy and embark on her first mission. The pale girl's face showed her profound anxiety. It was then that she remembered her part-time job and school. She would probably be gone for a week or so, which would interfere with her mid-term studies, but that didn't matter. She was still astounded by the fact that she was about to partake in a mission that could very well make a difference in the world.

Sophia swiftly walked down the steel hallways, a slight skip to her step and a small hint of a smile on her face.

Chapter 6 - I Escape the City

I'm getting out of here soon, according to the big man.

Recently, the big man has been teaching me what time is. For instance, he said that it's been two months since he has come to see me. This is my third written record. He told me that it's been two weeks since I wrote my first record, and it's been one week since I've written my second one.

The big man said that once we get out of here, I can call him by his name. I want to know his name, but he won't tell me. He said that I might acidentally say his name while we leave this place. If that happens, someone might hear his name and I would be punished.

I have learned many things over the past week. The big man has been teaching me a lot because he said I need to know as much as possible before I go out into the real world. He said that days pass by whenever the sun goes up and then down. He said that the sun is the light I am not supposed to look at. He also said that weeks are when the sun goes up and down seven times. Years are when the sun goes up and down over three hundred times. I can't remember the exact number at the moment, but I know that it is around three hundred and fifty times.

He told me how to use apostrophes and pronouns in my writing. He says it makes my writing look more personal. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what personal means. He keeps telling me that I will know when I leave this place. But I want to know now.

I have been feeling that a lot lately. I feel the need to know more. Ever since he taught me about time, I have felt a drive inside of me. I feel like I need to do things quicker now. I feel like I have to know more, and faster. I always feel like I want to talk to the big man more so I can learn more.

I do not feel the need to watch eggs as much anymore. The voice in my head that tells me to keep watching the eggs is fading. It is being replaced with everything the big man is teaching me.

The big man is also teaching me about creatures. He says that they are living, like us. He says we can tame them. He says that we can control them. But he says it's different from oppression, because the creature enjoys being controled.

I feel strange when he says this. Something is not right. I think it is because he always says it is bad for me to be controled, yet he says it is good to control these creatures. I do not understand this.

I am beginning to wonder if I really want to know so much. I think I am feeling what the big man calls happy, but I also feel sad a lot of times. I am a little scared, too. I have never experienced this before. This is all new. I am not sure I want this.

But what mainly keeps me from going back to my ignorance is the fact that the big man keeps calling me special. He said that it's a good thing to be the kind of special that I am. He says that I can save the world and that I will save the world.

That's another thing that the big man taught me. He taught me how to use italics. He said that when a writer slants his words, it means that he wants to put emphasis on the word. I am slowly beginning to understand what he means by emphasis.

The big man says that we are leaving soon. He said in less than one day, to be exact. He said that we will leave when the sun is gone and it is dark. I am still feeling scared, but I am also excited to see what is out there.

The big man said excited is a good word. But he also said that I will be a hero and that the word hero is a good word. And one time he said that a hero has a lot of power. And another time he said that power is corrupt. And another time, he mentioned that corrupt is a bad word. I do not understand. Will I be a bad person or a good person?

The big man also told me what a contradiction is. He said that a contradiction is when two oposite ideas are placed against each other. I am not sure if I completely understand what the word means, but I told him what I thought after hearing the big man speak about what a contradiction is.

I told him that if a contradiction is when two oposite ideas are placed against each other, and the big man says two things that go against each other, one thing can be said about the big man.

The big man is a contradiction.