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[Pokémon] Legend of Lightning

sasuneuchiha

Neither Darkness nor Light...
533
Posts
15
Years
  • Legend of Lightning CHAPTER ONE NOW UP!

    This fanfic is rated Pg-13, meaning blah blah blah blah blah...okay, time to get to the fun part!

    Alright, guys. This is my second attempt at a fic here on PC, but this one sounds a little better in my mind. I've done a lot of writing in school and for my favorite role play over in that section and I think its time I came over here to give this a shot.

    This is a Cross-Fic (not sure if this is a real term but I'm goin' with it) between Naruto and Pokemon. If you don't like these, give it a shot anyway. All criticism is wanted, so that I can make it better.

    First off, I guess I better explain this.

    Spoiler:


    And now for something about the world and the ninjas of it...

    Spoiler:


    Finally, I'll explain the ninja's powers in depth along with the use of pokemon...

    Spoiler:


    If you find anything I didn't include here, please tell me. I probably have it down somewhere...anyway! Onto the prologue!

    PROLOGUE: SHADOW OF THE PAST


    "Lord Raiko! We're under attack!" a man yelled, entering the large room. It was elegantly decorated, suggesting that someone of high rank was in here. Sure enough, a man dressed quite nicely stood from a throne on the other side of the room.


    "Attack? What in god's name do you mean, attack? Who would be stupid enough to attack the Raiko clan?" he asked, walking over. The other man, a simple soldier, was shaking.


    "They're...dragon...elementals..." the man said, his voice fading. He suddenly collapsed to the ground. Lord Raiko could see a pool of blood forming around him and a trail of it leading in from the hall.


    "Dragon elementals? Drakus? No, it couldn't be..." he whispered to himself, walking out the huge double doors. Sure enough, the complex was swarmed by ninja, both the clan members and other ninja. Their incredible strength showed this, as one of the clan was thrown at another, sending both crashing into the ground. Lord Raiko stepped back inside, no signs of worry or anything.


    "Dear?" another whimpered from across the room. Lord Raiko's eyes opened in shock as he heard the voice.


    "Emma...what are you doing here?" he asked, walking to the back of the room. His wife was standing there, holding a large collection of cloth.


    "They attacked...and I didn't know where else to go. This is the safest place in the whole complex..." she whispered.


    "I know, but it still isn't safe enough. And...oh good. You brought him..." he whispered, moving the cloth. Inside slept a baby, unaware of the chaos going on around him.


    "Of course I brought him...he is our son, you know. He still doesn't have a name, you know." Emma whispered. Lord Raiko sighed.


    "Okay, when we get out of this, we'll name him. Now promise me you'll stay here. I don't want you getting hurt." Lord Raiko said, rubbing his wife's back. She smiled.

    "I wish you could, but I understand. Just make sure you come back alive..." Emma whispered, smiling.


    "Hmm...but I will be. Now protect him for me." Lord Raiko said, removing his robe and dropping it on the foor. He was now clad in nothing more than body armor and two blades on his back. With that, he walked over to the door and opened it.


    Outside, it was absolutle chaos. Killing was going on all over the place, buildings were burning. One soldier was on the ground, cringing in anticipation of the final strike about to come.


    "Now you die, lightning scum. Let your entire clan be exterminated from this earth! Dragon Forc-" was all he heard, expecting the worse. He waited one second, two, three...but it didn't come. Instead, he heard another thing when he should've been hit.


    "RISING THUNDER!" the voice roared. He opened his eyes to see his leader, Lord Raiko, standing in front of him, his hand shocking.

    "Are you alright?" his leader asked, helping him up. The man was speechless. He had rarely even seen the leader, much less talked to him.

    "Ye...yes, sir..." he stammered.

    "Good, now get out there and fight. Show them no mercy, show them the fury of lightning!" his leader roared, running forward.

    Roughly an hour went by, the Raikos being crushed every second of it. Finally, only Lord Raiko was left. A familiar face stepped forward towards his heavily breathing form.

    "Ah, Edward. You're tired already? Pitiful..." the man said. Lord Raiko stood, glaring at him.

    "Drakus!" he yelled. Drakus smiled mockingly.

    "Now now, friend. Your time has simply come. Are you ready to die?" he asked, pulling a long sword from it's sheath.

    "No...not now. NEVER!" Lord Raiko roared. He swung his blade forward but was quickly disarmed. He immediatly followed up with his second blade...to the same result. Drakus laughed.

    "You stupid fool. Your time has come. Unless, of course, you wish to hand it over." Drakus said, smirking. Lord Raiko looked at him, confused.

    "What are you talking about, Drakus?" he asked. Drakus sighed.
    "Very well, I see how it is. I shall miss you...good bye, Edward." he said, driving he blade into Lord Raiko's heart. As the blade flew forward, his life flashed before his eyes.

    I'm dying...I'm sorry, Emma...and my son...my beloved son. My clan, I have failed you...its all over...this is the end for me...good bye...everyone... were the last things he thought. His blood flowed over the ground. Drakus sighed as he pulled the blade out of Lord Raiko's chest.

    "Stupid fool...if only you had realized that what I was doing was noble...oh well. A sacrifice for the world. Now, let's go make sure there are no stragglers. Find the documents and kill any members you find. Move!" he yelled. His ninja ran about the whole complex, searching every building. In the end, the would find nothing. It didn't matter anyway. He only needed those papers and he would be done.

    Drakus himself marched into his old friend's chambers. This would be where they were hidden. Still, what could Edward have hidden here? Stepping inside, he only saw one thing; A woman crying on the ground. She looked up, then backed away in fear, running behind the throne in the room.

    "Now now. I'm only here to collect what is mine. Where are the papers?" he asked. The woman walked forward.

    "Papers, what are you talking about? Leave me be!" the woman screamed. Drakus sighed.

    "You don't know where they are? Well then, it is your life that will pay the price. Prepare to die," Drakus said, walking forward slowly. The woman, surprisingly, had no signs of fear.

    "That's fine...kill me, but leave him be!" she pleaded. He raised an eyebrow.

    "Him? Don't you mean them? The papers?" he said calmly.

    "NO! I don't know where they are!" she cried. Drakus sighed.

    "Very well...then it is your life that will pay. Die!" he said calmly, despite taking a blade and stabbing it deap into her chest. She died instantly, not even having had time to feel the pain. He had been feeling...merciful. Still, that talk of a...him...had worried him. He walked around to where the woman had come out of. Only a pile of cloth laid there. He sighed. She had lost her mind, perhaps having heard her husband plead for his life. He left. The papers had not been there...but where else could they have been? Drakus slowly walked away from the essentially ruined compound. It was worth nothing now, but he wasn't thinking about that. Those papers had been quite important and they'd vanished. Perhaps another of the council members...

    Meanwhile, the people of the surrounding village had arrived on the scene. It had all been burnt, save one building. It wasn't worth checking any of them...or at least it wouldn't have been, had they not heard crying from the unburnt one. A woman stepped inside much louder crying. It was definately coming from in here. She slowly walked over to the other side of the room to find a bundle of cloth. This was the source of the crying. She lifted the cloth off to find a child...a baby boy. She smiled as she picked him up.

    "Now now, young one...Grandma Yuki will take good care of you," she consoled, walking away.

    Alright, that's my prologue. Rate, tell me what you thought. I know it was short and I promise the battles will be written out in the future, but this was just a taste of what's to come. Criticize however you must and I hope you'll keep coming back for more of this story!
     
    Last edited:

    King!

    better
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    Years
  • As promised, I'll give you a bit of a 'review'. Overall, it's good. The concept is interesting, and it isn't too short for a prolouge. Good details as well. The spelling errors I found immediately are fixed, and you even changed the words repeating. So, I have to say, I'll stayed tuned. :)
     

    sasuneuchiha

    Neither Darkness nor Light...
    533
    Posts
    15
    Years
  • The lack of reviews...well, was to be expected. It was only a prologue. Hopefully you'll enjoy this a bit more. Here it is! CHAPTER ONE!


    Chapter One: Roots

    The sound of screaming filled the air. One boy, roughly 14 years old stood in the middle of it all. He couldn't move as people were ripped apart by other men around him. Suddenly, it all broke. He couldn't see, his eyes were covered. All he could hear was screaming.

    "...I don't know what you're talking about!" were the only words he could make out before a loud scream pierced the air. A few moments passed, then the sound of a creaking door broke the silence. It was hard to make out the voices.

    "...here to collect what's mine." he heard a man's voice say.

    "That's fine...kill me, but leave him be!" a woman said, fighting back tears.

    "...mean...them?" he could only hear bits and pieces of the man's next part.

    He couldn't hear anymore after that, but a loud scream. His eyes snapped open. He took a deep breath.

    "Only a dream...no...a nightmare..."he stood up, looking out the window. The moon shone brightly through the glass. In the distance, he could make out a familiar sight. The Raiko compound. He walked over to the bed and pulled a jacket off of the bed posts. Slipping it on, he walked out the door, closing it quietly. No reason to wake up grandma.

    "I hope I can make it back before dawn…" he whispered. He'd had the same idea for months, but tonight was the only night he'd be able to pull it off for a while. There was a half moon tonight, so it was just bright enough to see but at the same time there wasn't so much light that he'd have trouble sneaking out of the town. He stepped downstairs and was about to be out the door when a light suddenly lit the room.

    "Now now, Sam, where do you think you're going?" a voice asked. Sam jumped in fear, turning around. An old lady sat in a chair nearby, a long match in her hand. She stood up and walked over to another table, lighting a candle.

    "Grandma, I was just about to…erm…uh…" he stuttered, trying to think of a legitimate reason for his being downstairs. The old lady looked over and sighed.

    "I raised you better than that. I know you were going to sneak out and see the Raiko compound." She said sternly. Sam looked down in shame. She really had raised him like that…but why couldn't he go see the compound?

    "I know that, grandma, but why can't I? Anyone else in the village could go, no sweat, but I can't…" he said, looking up at her. She sighed again.

    "Sam, that's because…well…you'd probably get lost," she said. Sam sighed. Just a second ago she'd been saying that he shouldn't lie but apparently it was perfectly fine for her to.

    "Grandma, even I know that's a lie. I know these lands just as well as anyone else in Root Village!" he protested. She glared.

    "Respect your elders, child! If I thought you were able to go there and be fine I would let you!" his grandmother barked. Sam stepped back. She usually wasn't this irritable…what could've happened?

    "But…Grandma…" Sam stuttered. She sighed again, looking up.

    "Why do you want to know about the Raiko's anyway? They were a family of ninjas, nothing else special about them…" she said simply. Sam looked up at her. She had an actual look of worry on her face.

    "They were all killed in one day…the genocide of the clan. That's why…that's why I want to go there. I want to know why…an entire clan…" Sam whispered quietly. His grandmother sighed.

    "I didn't think you'd ever question that…" his grandmother whispered. Sam raised an eyebrow.

    "What are you talking about, grandma?" he asked. She looked up at the ceiling and stood. She silently just walked over to a cabinet and pulled out some cloths. "What are you doing?" Sam stood and joined his grandmother.

    "Sam…I've always told you your parent died shortly after they had you…and that is partially true. The thing is, dear, you weren't born to my daughter or my son. I never married," she said. Sam looked at her, a confused look on his face.

    "I don't…" he started, but she quickly began talking again.

    "I wouldn't expect you to. Sam, you and I…are not related. In fact, I never would have met you if not for one tragic event. That event…was the Raiko clan genocide," she continued. Sam raised an eyebrow again.

    "What does the clan's genocide have to do with me? What're you talking about?" he asked, thoughts clouding his mind. A tear fell down her cheek.

    "Sam…you are a member of the Raiko clan…we found you shortly after the clan was eliminated…" she whispered. Sam tried to say something…but couldn't speak. Was she…telling the truth?

    "G…grandma…why? Why didn't you tell me?!" Sam cried, a tear flowing down his cheek. This was all too much. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WAS THE LAST RAIKO?!" She simply looked him in the eyes, no tears falling down her cheeks this time.

    "Sam…it's because…because you're the last Raiko. I was afraid…I was afraid you would run off. That you would try to go find your clan's killer…and kill him," she said. Sam sighed. Knowing just how he was…he probably would have.

    "Grandma…I would never leave you to do that. I promise…now, let's go back to bed. We both need our sleep," he said simply, attempting a smile. She also gave a grin.

    "Thank you, Sam. You're right…let's go back to bed. The two walked back upstairs after blowing the candles out before they went.

    Later that night, a lone figure slipped out the house door. Running towards the edge of the small village, they quickly reached the edge of town. Meanwhile back at the house, a single piece of paper laid on the table. It said:

    Grandma,

    I'm sorry for everything. I don't want to leave you, but I need answers, answers that neither you nor anyone else here in the village can give me. I want to know why. Why was my clan killed…and why was I spared. If I can find these answers…I think I can finally understand. When I do…I promise I will come back. I love you, now and forever.

    Until then,

    Sam

    "Grandma…I'm so sorry, but I have to go…good bye, my home. Good bye, Root Village" Sam whispered, looking up at the moon. This would be the last time he'd see the bright sphere in the sky from this village, but he needed answers. Stepping out of the gates, he walked out into the Land of Power…and his future.
     

    King!

    better
    1,859
    Posts
    15
    Years
  • Again, there were some repeating words. I found that I got sick of the words scream and heard quite quicly in the first few lines.

    "Only a dream...no...a nightmare..."he stood up, looking out the window. The moon shone brightly through the glass. In the distance, he could make out a familiar sight. The Raiko compound. He walked over to the bed and pulled a jacket off of the bed posts. Slipping it on, he walked out the door, closing it quietly. No reason to wake up grandma.

    'grandma' should be capitalized, as he is calling his grandmother Grandma, as a name.

    "I know that, grandma, but why can't I? Anyone else in the village could go, no sweat, but I can't…" he said, looking up at her. She sighed again.

    Again.

    "They were all killed in one day…the genocide of the clan. That's why…that's why I want to go there. I want to know why…an entire clan…" Sam whispered quietly. His grandmother sighed.
    "I didn't think you'd ever question that…" his grandmother whispered. Sam raised an eyebrow.

    Here, I'm pretty sure it isn't a major problem, but the second 'his grandmother' would probably do better as a 'she'.

    "What are you talking about, grandma?" he asked. She looked up at the ceiling and stood. She silently just walked over to a cabinet and pulled out some cloths. "What are you doing?" Sam stood and joined his grandmother.

    Here, the word 'just' shouldn't be there.

    "Sam…I've always told you your parent died shortly after they had you…and that is partially true. The thing is, dear, you weren't born to my daughter or my son. I never married," she said. Sam looked at her, a confused look on his face.

    'Parent' should be plural.

    The two walked back upstairs after blowing the candles out before they went.

    This sentence is worded a bit odd. I'm pretty sure it would look better like: 'The two blowed out the candles, and walked back upstairs.' But I'm not sure.

    Other than that, I think it was a pretty good start. A bit dramatic, and maybe I'd like to see a bit more of life in Root Village, but no matter.
     

    slls81

    What does that even mean?
    1,512
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    Years
  • Here's all the grammatical mistakes I could find.

    From Prologue:

    "Of course I brought him...he is our son, you know. He still doesn't have a name, you know." Emma whispered. Lord Raiko sighed.
    Repeating 'you know' twice in quick succession sounds odd to me. Needs to be rephrased. Maybe just drop the second 'you know'?

    "I wish you could, but I understand. Just make sure you come back alive..." Emma whispered, smiling.


    "Hmm...but I will be. Now protect him for me." Lord Raiko said, removing his robe and dropping it on the foor.
    Two things here. Firstly the misspell of 'floor', and secondly the response from Lord Raiko doesn't make sense. Either Emma needs to say 'be careful', or Raiko needs to reply simply 'I will' or something to that effect.

    . In the end, the would find nothing. It didn't matter anyway. He only needed those papers and he would be done.
    Misspell of 'they'.


    And from Chapter One:
    "Sam…I've always told you your parent died shortly after they had you…and that is partially true. The thing is, dear, you weren't born to my daughter or my son. I never married," she said. Sam looked at her, a confused look on his face.
    Presumably should be 'parents'

    Later that night, a lone figure slipped out the house door. Running towards the edge of the small village, they quickly reached the edge of town.
    Contradiction of terms. 'They' refers to a plural, but here a lone figure is being described.
     

    sasuneuchiha

    Neither Darkness nor Light...
    533
    Posts
    15
    Years
  • Chapter 2: An Ally… (Part 1 of 2)

    Morning broke as Sam awoke, his entire body sore. Sleeping on hard ground wasn't easy, but he'd have to get used to it if he was going to find the answers he was seeking. Standing up, he grabbed his pack full of supplies and began the long walk towards the next civilization: The Midland Checkpoint. It was roughly two days trip from Root Village if you were going by foot no matter how you put it. Walking, one would just go at a steady pace, end up there in two days. Running, you would end up running out of energy and pass out, ending up making it in two days. Either way, Sam was going to take his sweet time with the walk. He'd never been outside the village and intended to make the most of it.

    Several long hours of walking later, he stopped for a rest. Nothing had happened despite the time he'd spent walking. He'd seen a couple pokemon, a rare sight for someone such as himself, but other than that, nothing. Sam sighed, pulling one object out of his pack.

    "Grandma said only to use these in case of an emergency…but I need them now…" he whispered, strapping the object to this leg. He grinned at the sight of it; it made him feel a little more powerful. The happy feelings gave him the energy to keep moving.

    Not too long later, he spotted the first remarkable sight of the path. Several men had surrounded a small creature and were trying to coax it into a cage.

    "Come on, get in the crate…" one cooed. Sam raised an eyebrow in confusion. He walked forwards towards the men.

    "What are you doing?" he asked. The men jumped at the sudden voice. They turned to face him.

    "Nothing, really…just catching this Pokémon, you know?" one said, looking Sam over. He obviously decided Sam wasn't much of a threat. "But you'd better back off before we beat you down!"

    Sam backed up, a look of worry on his face. These guys were turning on him just like that? He slowly backed up, getting into a loose fighting stance.

    "I…I'm warning you, I'm really strong!" he stammered out the obvious lie. He sucked at fighting back in the village and he was pretty sure leaving wasn't going to fix that problem. Much to his dismay, the men laughed.

    "Kid, you must have a death wish or something. Just shut up, forget you saw anything and leave," a second man called over. Sam backed up a little more. If he was going to fight, he'd need that. The third and final man stepped forward.

    "I'll deal with him, guys. You just keep working on that Shinx." He pulled out roughly a three foot long chain. Sam cringed in fear. These guys were making such a big deal out of a little thing. Was it illegal or something?

    "Thi…this is your last warning!" he warned, half in fear, half in a last ditch effort to avoid the beat down of his life. The man grinned.

    "Ah shut up, kid. You're goin' down!" he yelled, swinging the chain. Sam, moving with all the speed he could muster, which turned out to be just enough, jumped backwards just in time. The chain crashed hard into the ground, causing a huge imprint. Sam gritted his teeth looked down at the pouch on his leg.

    "Okay then…you asked for it!" Sam reached for the pouch on his leg. Flipping the top off, he slipped his finger through a metal hole…

    "Kid, just give it up!" the man roared, whipping the chain back to go at Sam again. Sam pulled out the metal object, which was revealed to be a short metal knife, roughly six inches long. He spun it around his finger a couple times before grabbing it.

    "Alright…now you're going down!" he yelled, attempting to fake some confidence. He leapt forward at the man, who made no obvious moves initially. Instead, when Sam got close, he whipped his foot out, catching Sam hard in the gut. Sam flew backwards, clutching his stomach in pain. All the men laughed and Sam looked down at the ground.

    "Kid, just give it up. You're pathetic, honestly. Leave now and we'll even let you live if you keep your damn mouth shut," the first called. Sam gritted his teeth. He couldn't leave. Leaving meant going back to the village. He was on his own…he couldn't lose.

    "N…no…" he coughed. The men laughed.

    "Just learn you lesson, kid. Well, let's go, boys. We've got the Shinx anyway." The second picked up a cage and Sam could easily see the small creature pawing at the sides of the cage. Sam felt a tear slide down his cheek. He'd failed…and hadn't even saved the poor creature. Still, maybe he could do something.

    He raised his hand and took aim as best he could while on the ground. Swinging it forward, the knife flew forward…and crashed hard into the cage. The men were obviously startled. They turned to face him, all glaring.

    "You stupid kid, why'd you do that? You're lucky we've got places to be or we'd take you out right now or we'd take you down!" one roared. Sam sighed. He'd missed…but the cage had cracked. Maybe, just maybe the creature would escape. He sighed, letting the slow moving darkness take him.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Meanwhile back in the village, a meeting was being called out in the town square. Standing on a podium was none other than Sam's Grandma Yuki. Chatter echoed out from the crowd but the mayor and Yuki stood on the announcement podium.

    "And you're sure he's really gone?" the mayor asked. Yuki looked sadly on the ground.

    "Sir, he left me a letter saying he was leaving. He said he had to go find out what happened…" she whispered, producing Sam's letter. The mayor took it and read it over, color fading from his face as he did.

    "I…I see…well, if you'll excuse me, I must go address the town," the mayor struggled to say. Yuki nodded and walked away. Back in the safety of her own home she looked over the letter for what seemed like the thousandth time.

    "Sam…" she whispered, fighting back tears. She could almost hear his voice; still feel him stomping to get the mud off his shoes before coming back through the door with a smile on his face from playing with the children around town. Slowly but surely, her tears dappled the floor of the house.

    Later that evening while she lay in bed, she grabbed the ever familiar blanket. He may have been gone, but the blanket still made her feel safe. As she lifted it to wipe her tears, she noticed something; the sound of crinkling paper. Looking at it curiously, she searched it over. Before too long, she noticed a small pocket sewed into the lining.

    "I've never seen this before…" she whispered, opening it up. From within it, several old pieces of paper slipped out…
     
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