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Today, on this glorious day of May 5th, 2016, we gather here to celebrate the birthday of one of the internet's most influential and adorable contributors since keyboard cat. Let's give some amazing birthday wishes to everyone's favorite PGC mod, YT extraordinaire, resident David Bowie fanboy, Animal Crossing lover, Gliscor enthusiast, and prince of puns, Achromatic!! So gather your memes and gifs, friends, lets prepare to give Ben one of the most memorable PC Birthdays yet!
I am so proud you're legal now dude... and keep being the awesome member you are. Anyways, I hope you had a great 18th birthday because it's one of the ones you need to have etched in your memory.
Well, Ben, you rude, lying, cheeky British lad, I don't want to exaggerate, but it's something of a worldwide catastrophe that you and your puns and memes, all equally painful, have survived for the 18th year. Before I deal with another of your puns, I'd rather rend my nuts between two snug, white-hot planet-sized magnets, but those are a bit hard to find. So, here I am.
I was not told of this a year in advance, so this post is not as Quality™ as I'd hoped. I am also not a very rich man, Ben, so I am giving you a rushed Happy Birthday on a budget. Rather than buy you a birthday card, I will send you pictures of birthday cards I could have bought. I didn't know which you'd prefer on such short notice, so I gathered several of them.
I understand a Brit like you might not understand the true cost of these goods, so I converted their prices using the currency exchange rate £1 = $1.45, discovered on Google at 6:03 PM (GMT-7), 5/5/2016.
Our first exhibit is for the little kid in you:
Spoiler:
Let me be clear: $3.99 (£2.75) for a birthday card is a steep price, Ben, no doubt. But I wanted to make you happy, and I believed it was a worthy price for a Disney souvenir from Target. All the better that I didn't actually pay for it.
Second exhibit, to make you feel better about being up there with Jeanne Calment:
Spoiler:
Don't think for a moment I forgot you were a female fossil, Achro-chan. I want you to feel proud being so old and feeble, and for "surrounding me with love" in our innumerable Skype chats and calls.
And again, $4.99 (£3.44) is a luxury for non-1%ers, but I'm willing to splurge out for such a dear friend. That extra $1 went to a good cause; this was printed on sustainably sourced paper.
But, to be honest, this is my favorite one. It gets right to the point. It understands you as a twink person, Ben.
Spoiler:
This birthday card is as fab as you. Doesn't hurt that it reminds me of all those fruitful (and fruity ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) nightly excursions. All for only $2.99 (£2.06)! What a bargain!
HAPPYBIRTHDAY, ACHRO-CHAN!
I like your company, pls return.
By the way, Ben, you said you'd get drunk on your 18th birthday. A tall glass of water with a drop of Budweiser Light in it is an alcoholic drink only in a technical sense. Go all out. Carpe diem.
Regarding whether or not I'm allowed to post what I posted, I refer you to my colleague.
Regarding whether or not I should say this, as it offends you, allow me to inform you that your opinion on whether or not Homosexuality Is Unnatural, which you have made obvious here, has no bearing on the content of my posts. I will continue to play sensuous saxophones whenever you and Ben flirt in public or engage in PDA.
Regarding whether or not I'm allowed to post what I posted, I refer you to my colleague.
Regarding whether or not I should say this, as it offends you, allow me to inform you that your opinion on whether or not Homosexuality Is Unnatural, which you have made obvious here, has no bearing on the content of my posts. I will continue to play sensuous saxophones whenever you and Ben flirt in public or engage in PDA.
