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~The wolf sleeps~

Emma

愛
2,121
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Aug 19, 2012
Hey, I dunno why I decided to write a poem, but I was bored XD This is also the first poem I've done in a long time so it might not be very good XD

The wolf sleeps
The stars are gleaming
The sky is black
The trees are rustling
The wolf is back

Running at high speed
Catching its prey
Another life,
Taken away

It makes its way
Back to her shelter,
With her prey
Clinched in her teeth

She arrives at her cave
and drops the prey,
leaving it to her cubs
and walks away

The wolf lays down
at the end of her cave,
She rests her legs
and closes her eyes

The wolf lays still,
Silently breathing,
Silently dreaming,
Silently drifting​
 

Kalylia

Pokemon Breeder
893
Posts
18
Years
A nice poem, though I do have a few critiques...

Stanza 3: You changed the lines you were rhyming on. Not a good idea unless you carry the occasional switch throughout the rest of the poem, which you didn't.

Stanzas 5 and 6: No rhyme at all. If you plan on rhyming, try to do it consistantly.

Stanza 1: I loved the rhythm here and was dissapointed that it didn't continue throughout the rest of the poem. Your rhythm in general was rather hard to follow. You had good rhythm if the poem was taken stanza by individual stanza, but as a whole poem, the flow wasn't predictable.

It was a good poem, however, from a naturalistic perspective. You portrayed the wolf rather well. It was, however, lacking in a definate emotion. Right at the end, you caught an attempt at emotion. That would have come through much clearer had you played with the nostalgia bit more in previous stanzas.

~Keep up the good work!~
 
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