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music17
September 1st, 2007, 07:27 PM
Ok, since I don't want to constantly be making new threads on this board, I guess I'll post my poems here in this thread.

Here is the first one...It is called Open

Open a book and what do you see?
Nothing but words that mean nothing to me.
Stop trying to make connections because you’re not gonna find them.
Seriously the words don’t mean anything to me.

Now open my heart and you’ll see
My emotions run dry and try to flee
For my dying heart can bare no more
Heartache.

I’ve been dumped and down
I’ve been battered and beaten
Please don’t let me live
My heart is failing

I see it across from me
Out of my body
On a table being poked by men in white
What is keeping me alive?
I don’t know but what it is better not work

I don’t live for tomorrow
I live for today
For who knows what will happen over night
I could wake up in a dark fiery place

And me too cold to be warmed
Will sit there night and day
Not wanting to be moved
But wanting think upon what has happened.

Seriously I know my mistakes
And I know I can’t fix them
But people don’t understand I’m human and so are they
I guess they think they’re better than me

Why do they think they’re better than me?
I don’t know.
I’m fat, a band geek, choir nerd, drama geek
Smart A**, Dumba**, Quiet, and reserved.

How do those things work together?
Not very well
To many friends to deal with
To many to loose

One lost in a pool of blood
Another in a fight
One more in the confusion
All I have left is none

I torture myself everyday doing stuff I don’t want to do
Why do you ask?
Because I can, there is no other answer but that
I don’t even understand myself, but torture to myself is less to someone else

I guess I find myself lonely because I like it
No one to worry about
No one to worry about me
But I think people do worry about me

Too many people worry about me
I don’t know why
Its not like I care about them
They ask about me all the time

Any yet I wonder should I care?
Should I wonder where I’m going to tomorrow?

Welp there is numero uno!

I have deviantart account... llamasshouldfly.deviantart.com

There is my complete work!

I'll be back!

music17
September 2nd, 2007, 05:52 PM
Well here is a new poem...well not new...I wrote it I think in May

Warriors of the Wind

Well here we are again.
Stuck in a whirlwind of hope.
Lost in Love and Lust.
And never ending hate.

We say its fine.
We say whatever.
But we never say the words that matter.

I don’t get why we come back
I don’t know why I fall for you
But every time I do its over
You’re too much to handle

We say its fine.
We say whatever.
But we never say the words that matter.

I’ve given up at pleasing
I’ve given up all the teasing
We made our split a long time ago
Now lets just rest in peace and go

Six feet under is where we belong
With a grave that reads, “Never to be together.”
As mourners come to pass, they never realized I was last

We say its fine.
We say whatever.
But we never say the words that matter.

I put the knife to my wrist
Say it’s too much to handle
But in the end its you
Bleeding all over the handle.

I guess in the end we see who won
We get separated in the wind
Torn apart by a monstrous tornado
Where our bodies are thrown together
And Battered with relentless hate
And thrown torn and tattered


We say its fine.
We say whatever.
But we never say the words that matter.

I see who won
We each got half
I just supposed I’m the one who won
What mattered.

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
September 2nd, 2007, 06:04 PM
The rhyme scheme is pretty cool, it's the structure of the piece that makes it all sort of uneven, plus the metric changes and whatnot there. Anyway, It's a good poem, right there.

music17
September 2nd, 2007, 06:08 PM
Why thank you CWTAP, it means a lot!

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
September 2nd, 2007, 06:14 PM
Forgot to mention...
Open a book and what do you see?
Nothing but words that mean nothing to me.

That's an example of two verses matching with great rhythm, with 8 and 12 syllables respectively.

Just a reference amongst what you did very well here, because that's the right way to go. You could improve lots if you followed a closed metric scheme and made it constant throgout the poem, even one of your doing, like that I just mentioned; watching for the variety of number of verses in each stanza, too.

music17
September 3rd, 2007, 05:09 PM
Woo!

Thanks again CWTAP!

Here is something I wrote probably in February after a lengthy breakup after a 2 1/2 year relationship. It shows closure.

My Veins are full of pure hatred
My blood is black
Cut me open and see
That the hatred is within me

I feel the pain reality brings
I see the joy too
But the joy is all gone
And now all there is
Is me

The hate I feel has been there all the time
Hiding behind a stone cold locked heart
Whose key is lost in black blood
Saying, "the hatred is me"

Reality is my love
But also my foe
For the hate it brings
only grows to create my black blood

My life is pieces scattered on the floor
Relfcting back in a thousand different worlds
And each world brings its own, "Would I, Should I, Could I?"

The mirror is gone
Leaving seven years of bad luck
But was is luck to someone who
Feels no pain, when the blood they have
Is black

Soon comes the blood
Let is flow
The hatred will not go
It will never leave me alone

Reality left such a bad impression
Maybe I should go make my last
C O N F E S S I O N