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Opposite Gender

Guillermo

i own a rabbit heh
6,796
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    • There's more than likely a thread like this *somewhere* but I'm really, really lazy tonight and cannot for the life of me be bothered looking, so if there is, then sue me! :]

    Anyway, do you believe it's healthy to have a friendship, no strings attached, with people of the opposite gender? I've seen a lot of people think this false but I truly enjoy having female friends around me, personally. Give your reasons as to why and why not and if you don't, you will be shot. In the face. Multiple times.

    And I'm going to throw in this question too; which gender do you feel more comfortable around?
     
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    Cherrim

    Cherrim

    PSA: Blossom Shower theme is BACK ♥
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    • ...there are people who think it's unhealthy to share a friendship with the opposite gender?

    That thought has never, ever crossed my mind. I've always had friends of either gender (and arguably more friends of the opposite gender). Why would it even make a difference? :|
     

    Ho-Oh

    used Sacred Fire!
    35,992
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    • Seen Jul 1, 2023
    Hmmmm. A lot of my friends online are male, yet overall my closer friends are usually female, so, I think people are closer with their own gender? idk. :(
     
    LethalTexture

    LethalTexture

    Breeder and Battler
    2,312
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    • Forgive me, but I fail to see how or why people could think it was unhealthy to have friends of the opposite gener? Forgive my ignorance.

    But yes, I have always had friends of the opposite gener, it's just a social thing that happens naturally in my opinion.
     

    Guillermo

    i own a rabbit heh
    6,796
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    • Lightning said:
    ...there are people who think it's unhealthy to share a friendship with the opposite gender?

    That thought has never, ever crossed my mind. I've always had friends of either gender (and arguably more friends of the opposite gender). Why would it even make a difference? :|
    Click to expand...
    Considering I know people, yes.

    Horizon said:
    Forgive me, but I fail to see how or why people could think it was unhealthy to have friends of the opposite gener? Forgive my ignorance.

    But yes, I have always had friends of the opposite gener, it's just a social thing that happens naturally in my opinion.
    Click to expand...
    As above.
     

    Guillermo

    i own a rabbit heh
    6,796
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    • Horizon said:
    I'm sure you do, it's just an alien concept to me that people believe such a thing, and would be curious as to why. I'm not bashing them, for it is their belief.
    Click to expand...
    I don't know either, but there's a few examples of such. Distraction from work, too scared to talk to them, had heart broken previously, whatever.
     
    Cherrim

    Cherrim

    PSA: Blossom Shower theme is BACK ♥
    33,291
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    • Yeah, it's a ridiculous concept to me as well. I just... don't... understand. I can sort of see those reasons but that's really an issue with the individual, not a generalized "it is bad to be friends with someone of the opposite gender". :( I don't see how someone could justify generalizing male/female friendship based on conclusions of their own shortcomings with the opposite gender.
     

    Yusshin

    ♪ Yggdrasil ♪
    2,414
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    • Mm.. I don't believe in having close friends of the opposite gender. Your best friend of that gender should be the person you're with, and that should be enough really. You can have the occasional friend you chitchat with, but not online, and not all flirty on the phone. Your partner should be enough of that gender to suffice you. Co-workers of the opposite gender are obviously a different thing altogether; you can't avoid that, and it's best to be friends with your co-workers, but not too chummy.

    It just equals a smoother relationship in the end. No jealousy, no suspicion, etc. And it's not like there aren't any girls (assuming you're female) with similar interests or anything, so you still have a wide variety of same-gender friends to choose from.
     
    Rogue planet

    Rogue planet

     
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    • Seen Nov 5, 2017
    Yusshin said:
    It just equals a smoother relationship in the end. No jealousy, no suspicion, etc.
    Click to expand...

    I believe that if both partners love and trust each other then there'd be no reason for jealousy/suspicion anyway. If there's doubt just because your partner is friends with someone of the opposite gender then tbh it doesn't sound like a great relationship in the first place.

    I see no problem with it.
     

    Yusshin

    ♪ Yggdrasil ♪
    2,414
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    • Vendak said:
    I believe that if both partners love and trust each other then there'd be no jealousy/suspicion anyway. If there's doubt just because your partner is friends with someone of the opposite gender then tbh it doesn't sound like a great relationship in the first place.

    I see no problem with it.
    Click to expand...

    Mm... Maybe you trust your partner, but you don't trust the opposite gender.

    After all, men are sleazeballs generally. Even if you're as trustworthy as can be, male friends tend to joke sexually and might cop a feel without your wanting. Women are just as guilty as trying to be flirtatious and promiscuous as well, regardless how loyal and trustworthy you are.

    So it's not the relationship that's faulty; moreso the suspicion of these "friends" and their intentions. I don't trust the majority of men because most men have proven to be just after a piece of ass. Women I see the same as men, too. I trust my fiance at 100%, but I don't trust the women of society, so we generally just avoid it altogether.

    It makes me feel fuzzy when he tells flirtatious girls at work that "I don't want your phone number; I already have someone".

    <3
     
    Rogue planet

    Rogue planet

     
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    Yusshin said:
    Mm... Maybe you trust your partner, but you don't trust the opposite gender.
    Click to expand...
    As long as you trust that your partner would remain faithful then there's nothing to worry about. Even if their opposite gender friend wants to take things further, they should say no.
    Although, if you trust them and they betray that trust... Then you're better off without them.

    After all, men are sleazeballs generally. Even if you're as trustworthy as can be, male friends tend to joke sexually and might cop a feel without your wanting. Women are just as guilty as trying to be flirtatious and promiscuous as well, regardless how loyal and trustworthy you are.
    So it's not the relationship that's faulty; moreso the suspicion of these "friends" and their intentions. I don't trust the majority of men because most men have proven to be just after a piece of ass. Women I see the same as men, too. I trust my fiance at 100%, but I don't trust the women of society, so we generally just avoid it altogether.
    Click to expand...
    So much gender stereotyping.
    Again, even if people are doing these sort of things to your partner (even though it's usually not to be taken seriously), if your partner really doesn't want it then s/he'd ask them to stop or whatever. Just because people are acting flirtatious it doesn't mean they're going to snatch your partner away against their will.

    It makes me feel fuzzy when he tells flirtatious girls at work that "I don't want your phone number; I already have someone".

    <3
    Click to expand...
    So what's the problem? He's declined them, they can be flirtatious as much as they want; it doesn't really matter, does it?
     

    Yusshin

    ♪ Yggdrasil ♪
    2,414
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    • Vendak said:

    As long as you trust that your partner would remain faithful then there's nothing to worry about. Even if their opposite gender friend wants to take things further, they should say no.
    Again, if you trust them and they betray that trust... Then you're better off without them.
    Click to expand...

    I don't worry lol As said, I trust him at 100%, but I don't trust the opposite gender. At all. Neither does he.

    So we just avoid it altogether. It's no big deal. I have lots of female friends I can talk with who are just as quality of friends as male friends would be. There's absolutely no need for friends of the opposite gender specifically, especially if it risks causing suspicion (of the other person's, not your partner's, intentions) or jealousy for whatever reason.

    Anyway, that's what my partner and I agreed on, and I don't see the big deal. I just shrug my shoulders really. There have been times when I'd have liked to add a male friend from PC to MSN, but it's no big deal that I can't. I don't absolutely need a masculine friend. My fiance is my best friend of that gender, and I'm his best friend, so that's all we need in the end.
     
    Rogue planet

    Rogue planet

     
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    Yusshin said:


    I don't worry lol As said, I trust him at 100%, but I don't trust the opposite gender. At all. Neither does he.

    So we just avoid it altogether. It's no big deal. I have lots of female friends I can talk with who are just as quality of friends as male friends would be. There's absolutely no need for friends of the opposite gender specifically, especially if it risks causing suspicion (of the other person's, not your partner's, intentions) or jealousy for whatever reason.
    Click to expand...

    But even if your partner does make friends with a female who has intentions to take things further, as long as you trust him it shouldn't really matter about what her intentions are. People don't seek out friends of any particular gender, people seek out friendship with other people. There's no need to segregrate people based on their gender and avoid making friendships with people of the opposite gender just because they may have intentions of splitting you up.

    Whatever works for you I guess, if you're both happy with doing things this way then there's no problem for you two. I just don't see how it could be seen as something to avoid.
     
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    Yusshin

    ♪ Yggdrasil ♪
    2,414
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    • Vendak said:
    But even if your partner does make friends with a female who has intentions to take things further, as long as you trust him it shouldn't really matter about what her intentions are. People don't seek out friends of any particular gender, people seek out friendship with other people. There's no need to segregrate people based on their gender and avoid making friendships people of the opposite gender just because they may have intentions of splitting you up.

    Whatever works for you I guess, if you're both happy with doing things this way then there's no problem for you two. I just don't see how it could be seen as something to avoid.
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    Those intentions of that person could become bothersome, regardless your partner's good will and constant rejecting.

    Whatever floats your boat, really xD It works fine with my relationship; I'm sure it works with others, too, who have that same "restriction". I just like to avoid any issues that may arise for whatever reason. Sometimes you hafta sacrifice things in a relationship. I don't mind sacrificing something so minor.
     
    Cherrim

    Cherrim

    PSA: Blossom Shower theme is BACK ♥
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    • Yusshin said:
    Mm.. I don't believe in having close friends of the opposite gender. Your best friend of that gender should be the person you're with, and that should be enough really. You can have the occasional friend you chitchat with, but not online, and not all flirty on the phone. Your partner should be enough of that gender to suffice you. Co-workers of the opposite gender are obviously a different thing altogether; you can't avoid that, and it's best to be friends with your co-workers, but not too chummy.

    It just equals a smoother relationship in the end. No jealousy, no suspicion, etc. And it's not like there aren't any girls (assuming you're female) with similar interests or anything, so you still have a wide variety of same-gender friends to choose from.
    Click to expand...
    I disagree immensely. You're basing all of it on the concept that everyone will one day go out and find one person they intend to spend the rest of their life with--one person of the opposite gender. Throw different sexualities, whether or not someone is in a relationship, and all that jazz into the mix and I just don't see how your point stands at all.

    Honestly, I think if anyone is with someone who gets suspicious or jealous when they see their boyfriend/girlfriend with someone of the same sex, they need to get out of that relationship because that is unhealthy. If there is unconditional trust in the relationship (as there well should be), there's no reason to suspect anything when someone sees their friends.

    And really, that spreads into trusting your partner to have good taste in friends. Would you really not trust your partner to only hang out with women who, like you, are level-headed and not "promiscuous"? :\ You're making it sound like literally every other female in the world will be trying to seduce him if they so much as catch him alone. Sorry, but the world doesn't work that way. It is very possible to be good friends with someone and not be physically/sexually attracted to them in the least.

    My best friend is male. I've had female best friends in the past (before I met him) but in retrospect I was never as close. We can talk about anything and we share a lot of the same interests. And you know what? I've never been attracted to him "that way" and vice versa. But the way you're speaking... if I ever got a boyfriend, I'd pretty much have to never speak to my friend again because said boyfriend should be all I ever need. :\ That just sounds depressingly lonely.

    The only reason I can see to have your "best friend" be the same sex (not just gender) is so that you have almost everything in common. As in, so you really can talk about everything because really, a guy just won't understand when you want to whine about PMS or something but a girl will. But aside from sex-specific things like that? I see no reason aside from insecurity in a relationship to forbid oneself or others from being in a same-sex/gender friendship.

    Gender roles suck and society needs to break out of them anyway. When choosing your friends, you should choose them based on compatibility and whether or not you like them. And those criteria transcend sex and gender. I really see no reason to dismiss an entire sex as potential friends just because of the organs they have.
     

    Meowth! That's right!

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    • I believe that while you have a partner you shouldn't be hanging out one on one or having deep regular conversations with people of the opposite sex because that's disloyal regardless of your intentions. I'd rather any boyfriend of mine not have any female friends at all as recently a ****ty girl from my school befriended both me and my boyfriend only to steal him from me once he dumped me.

    As for having a best friend of the opposite sex, that's just stupid because if you have so much in common then why aren't you together? One of you is gonna be attracted to each other eventually, and that would wreck the friendship. Plus it might be a bit off-putting to potential partners if you have a friend of the opposite sex hanging around you all the time.

    The gender I feel most comfortable around? Probably gay guys, as I get slightly nervous around attractive boys, and a lot of straight guys nervous around me. I can't relate to most other girls at all, nor do I trust them.
     

    Yusshin

    ♪ Yggdrasil ♪
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    • It has nothing to do with their organs. It has to do with past experience. All of the men I've met, besides my fiance, have been total douchebags and just after sex all of the time. My entire family cheats on one another constantly, and all of my old friends from school share that same attitude. From personal experience on my side, the majority of women aren't looking for a male friend to play video games with. They're looking for a compatible figure, regardless the other person's relationship status.

    Meanwhile, my fiance's experience with other males and females alike have been 95% negative. He has few friends he would deem friend-worthy, since the rest are morons and interchange partners like no tomorrow.

    From our experience, women and men alike are primarily just after sex when they befriend someone of the opposite gender. The wrong idea might even rub off without you knowing, and that's not good.

    As said, it works for my relationship just dandy. Why not avoid trouble before trouble starts? I realize that there are women and men who aren't like the 95% we've met in life so far, or have shared experiences with in friendship. Unfortunately, the 5% don't come along too often. I have one or two female friends in real life, and that's better than 20 idiot friends really. Same with him. I'm friends with his male friends, and he's friends with my female friends. We're friends with all of our co-workers, regardless gender as well.

    Just do whatever works for you, really. This works for us, and it's not a restriction. We feel it's how a relationship should work and we have barely any issues at all. My fiance and I are alike in almost every aspect, including food, games, morals, and values. I'm happy that I found someone who's so alike to me :< We've been together for nearly three years now with just a few misunderstandings here and there. We tried the "anyone can be a friend" idea at the beginning of our relationship for about a year, and it didn't work too well, because of the intentions of the other person. This sprouted jealousy and anger towards the "friend" and pretty much an argument with either me or him, too, depending on whose friend it is. It didn't work for us because of the intentions of others, and we've just decided it's best to avoid all of that altogether and befriend only the same gender, co-workers of any gender, and friends of each other of any gender.

    It works for us. If it doesn't work for you, then so be it, but we have our reasons for rejecting other-gender friends, and those reasons are legit.
     

    Throat

    Oldschool pokemon
    346
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    Years
    • I'm not the kind that will ever marry and live the whole life beside a single woman (actually, few people do so, I just don't even desire it).
    If I'm just going to talk to a person, it doesn't matter wheter they are man or woman and due to what I stated above, no one will ever keep me from doing anything I want. If I am dating, the person won't have the right to claim anything from me, but surely I'd try to please her.
     

    Moltres111

    <- Serious business.
    486
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    Years
    • I like being friends with girls. However, some of my friends are actually so effing stupid that they think i'm going to ask out any girl I talk to. They piss me off.

    I have a really good female friend now though, and we always talk to each other as much as we can. We've been talking to each other a lot since February. :3
     
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