Confessions...(A revival)

While searching the forums I found this old thread. It made me crack up really badly, so I decided to ressurect it. Basically, what you do is...well, check out the old one for examples. Admit to PC your true identity, and let it be known to the world!!!! I hope this is allowed....

Here's my tale....
~*~
I am not human. I am a Wolfox on the run from Darth Vader. You see, I was created as a genetic fusion of wolf and fox in a hidden backwater part of the planet Hoth. My creation was meant to better humanity, as I was originally intended to be a mail carrier. But then everything went horribly wrong...

One day, the Empire's ships came searching for me. They sought to use my mail-carrying powers for evil instead of good. Led by Darth Vader, they captured me and locked me in a gingerbread house in a fairy tale realm. There, they attempted to absorb my powers into a giant machine that would fuel a mass slaughter of the Rebels. Weak, exhausted, and bloated from the endless candy bars Vader fed me, I could do nothing but let them drain me. Until one day...

Two humans, by the names of Hansel and Gretel, rescued me. Unfortunately, shortly after freeing me, the Empire captured them and zapped their memory, causing them to mumble something about a witch whenever asked about their misadventures in the woods. I escaped, however, and ran away to the land of Appliances. It was a rather annoying place, full of singing fridges, so I moved from there to a castle in England. There some old geezer with a beard taught me how to be a wizard, and I became great friends with this dude with a weird scar. Sadly, he was destroyed by a vulture-like man named Mr. Burns. This man turned out to be an ally of Vader, and once again I was on the run.

Three years passed. I learned how to read and write and sing in Elvish. I went through many various plagiarized lands, and howled about tacos on summer nights. It seemed I would always live this way, as a wanderer. But I knew, in my heart, that I could not run forever. I would have to confront Vader. And, for the good of fusionkind, I would have to win.

By fate, it seemed, I ran into Vader again in a land called Orre. He had convinced a company called Cipher to join him, and they sent out Shadow Pokemon to attack me. I still had some mail-carrying power left, and fought and defeated them with ease. Cipher ran like cowards. It was just me and Vader now...

I grabbed my UPS saber(What can brown do for you?) and took a stab at him. He sung a song about Care Bears and dodged gracefully, cutting a sharp left into my ribs. I fell upon the pavement, panting. I knew this was the end...

And then he said it: "Luke, I am your father."

"NOOO!" I screamed, throwing an egg. I had no idea who the heck Luke was, but thought Vader was being extremely cliche. While he assumed I was digesting the news, I was really concentrating my mail-carrying abilities on him. It backfired, and I turned into a frog. As I went back into my regular form, I knew I had no choice but to flee. Turning, I ran off into the setting sun. "I will get you one day, INDIANA JONES!" Vader screamed, before disappearing into the night.

A lot has happened since then, but ever since Vader's terrible confession I have never quite been the same. To try to forget my incredible failure, I took up learning how to type, and became a message board junkie. I pretended to be a human named Amy, an innocent twelve-year-old girl. And I have lived that way to this day....
~*~
And there's my sad tale, but I know I'm not the only one. A lot of you out there are also probably covering up bad identities. So what are you? A muffin, a statue, a rebel elephant? Do tell, as we don't want to have to force the truth out of you... :badsmile:

Please try to make it long and funny like mine, not just a one-liner. If you're a puddle of oil, we want to know your life story. 8D Do enjoy reading confessions and making your own, and I hope you have fun! :D

get real ok? lets talk for real here ya all now that im 9 years old? right?also i.......almost never go #2

Gah, that's spam. @.@ It's not supposed to be realistic, it's just supposed to be absurd and silly. That's the fun in it. XD

grandadvanceshipper said:

get real ok? lets talk for real here ya all now that im 9 years old? right?also i.......almost never go #2

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OMG!! I think i'm gonna die!! OMG thats so freakin funny!! Oh, yeah my confession. Ahem. I dont like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I hope thats good enough.

You guys don't seem to get the point. -.-; This is supposed to be for confessing your 'identity', see the old thread I linked. I know it seems silly, but it's just meant for laughs. But if you guys want to spam this place, fine with me... *watches thread die and get locked in her mind's eye*

I also have a confession to make... I am a 356-year old slice of cheddar from the ruins of Mygeeto. I was created on a mutated cow farm in Switzerland. I was packed and shipped to a galaxy far, far away, where the imfamous General Grievous put me in his sandwich.
I was tortured by Bologna, Ham, Salami, and Swiss.

But one frightfull day Bologna pushed from the sandwich during the Pretty Pony wars. Those beasts kept me hostage in their giant doll house on Pluto, just under the oversized purple hairbrush. Day after day I was nibbled, until one day, after 3 painful years, the Pony Empire fell. Pretty Ponies were now being processed and turned into Spam Meats.

I was laying on Pluto for at least a century when suddenly a fleet of Space Taco Warriors seized me. They tried to turn me into Nacho Cheese, but instead a strange dog-like n00b creature swallowed me. I was laying in its stomach along with crappy Lyoko mangas, Yu-Gi-Oh cards, smiley fries, passifires, and baby bottles. The smell was attrocious. All of a sudden the Dog Creature exploded because of the fall of the massive Lyoko empire. n00bs everywhere were dying.

There was a streak of light and I was in Transylvania. Apparently Count Chocula had used a tractor beam. I ended up in his cereal bowl along with CinnaMon, Trix Rabbit, and Lucky Leprechuan. "Hyuck. I'ma gonna eat you." said the Count, when suddenly Mr. T came through the wall. "FOO!" he exclamed. "OH NO! YOU!" yelled the Count as he made a run for his wetsuit. I made an escape from the dreaded bowl as Mr. T strangled Count Chocula using a speckled trout liver.

I dove out the window and landed in a bay. Nessie was there. She and I had some tea, but soon her husband, Mermaid Man, came home. "Nessie! I'm home!" he said. I dashed away and got hit by a bus. Then after my injury I moved to NY, posing as an 11-year old named Vincent. Later I moved to Florida, Hillbilly land.

Dun Dun Dun...

I'm a member of an underground organisation of juveniles that is often deployed on peacekeeping missions. This organisation also sets rules that juveniles have to abide by when living with parents. It sets up base in Tokyo and has its own court system. Members can be between eleven and twenty-five.

Good one Karasu. XD Lol... See, that's what you're supposed to do here. A prime example. Just write a random story about your identity, one that would make others laugh. That is all.

EDIT: Ooh, yours is good too, Crystal Walrein! =D Very funny. :)

Thorns said:

You guys don't seem to get the point. -.-; This is supposed to be for confessing your 'identity', see the old thread I linked. I know it seems silly, but it's just meant for laughs. But if you guys want to spam this place, fine with me... *watches thread die and get locked in her mind's eye*

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oh i gets it now.
Alright i have a confession, i am a 200 year old gerbil from the land of cereal. when i was 13 i ran away from my home. Then i was found on the streets by a hamster, who i later killed for the meat. i was very hungry, after i ate his body i stuffed it in a dumpster. Later on, i moved to North Carolina, and i am soposably a 7th grade student at parkwood middle. My under cover name is Jasen Kizer. If you have a problem wit my name, kiss my tail.

When the end of the world comes, i will have a escape pod waiting in The United States Of Antartica. When earth ish blown up, i will already be on my way back home to the land of Cereal. You will all suffer. MWAHAHAHAHA!!

Heeheehee, that's a lot better. Good one.

Thank ya. Now i have to report back to my planet: Land 'o Cereal. My fellow gerbils will blow up dish place!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!

ok i get it! I am Alanker The 50 Year Old evil 'Super Human' Sorcerrer trying to destroy the Land 'o Cereal yes you gerbils run before i destroy it all slashes his wand quickly "Advada Kedavra!" opps 20 gerbils dead Mwahahahahahaha!

I have been waiting to tell this a long time. I just can't live with it anymore, so I'll tell you my life story...
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I'm really a *gasp* shiny Dunsparce and... I have destroyed a whole planet all by myself. I'm going to tell you all how it all began. My life all began from a galaxy far, far away. There, on a planet called Crypton, after years of struggling, I finally managed to break my egg's hard shell (someone should really come up with an egg that doesn't take forever to get out of >.>).

I was exhausted, but the planet was full of crazy men in red suits, blue capes and big 'S':es on their chests, so I decided it would be better to find shelter somewhere.

I somehow managed to drag myself to an abandoned nuclear powerplant. But, what I didn't know was, that the powerplant was inhabitated by evil furbies.

The furbies rushed at me and I was lucky to dodge them. I slammed them against the wall with all my might, but one of them managed to evade my attack and fell into the still active nuclear core of the powerplant, causing the whole planet to explode.

For some reason, a man called 'Super man' was still in there, he fled in panic and I decided to tag along, so I grabbed his cloak (using my teeth) and got myself a lift to a strange planet, they call 'earth'. Before I knew what had happened, a strange japanese guy had grabbed me and began making a sketch out of me. I didn't like mr.Sugimori very much, but atleast he fed me, so I decided to stay with him for a while. Everything would have turned out perfect, if he wouldn't have thrown me in the sea once he finished drawing me >.<

I helplessly floated around in the water for I don't know how long, but the one day, I found myself on dry land. I had drifted on the shore of this place called 'Finland'. I mugged a couple of rich people and after a few plastic surgeries, I looked exactly like a human being. The next thing I had to learn was their language, no one there seemed to speak Dunsparce *sigh*. Anyways... back to my life story. Soon I sneaked into a typical Finnish family with two kids. Their parents didn't notice they randomly got themselves a third kid =O Now I'm pretending to be a 12 year old kid -_-
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Thats a good one! So how do say " dunsparce" in The language u used to speak?

ahh... 'Dunsparce' in Dunsparce is simply 'dunsparce' =D Btw, how do hamster taste? And how does it feel to be 200 years old? *sigh* I'm not even twelve (even though my profile says I am). I hatched on Crypton for... six years ago -_-

im actually the son of ash and may

OMG i think im gonna die.OMG that is sofreakinfunny!

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is the underlined word a bad word?

Ewwww, thats gross. Ash and May haven a kid. Thats not gonna happen.

LAUGH ATTACK you just gave me a laugh attack!im actually the misty murderer too

you want a confession? I've got one!
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I am an 80,000,000,000,000,000,000-year old TV, living in the old stuff section at New Jersey's Wal-Mart. The Section is off-limits to people who are not employees.

When no one is watching, I go to the closet computer I can to get on these forums. I have Special Ghost powers that allow me to duplicate myself so I can watch myself. I order things from Pizza-hut a lot.

For Food, I eat dust bunnies, and for drinks, vomit from the kids and battery acid, when the store closes. a few thousand years ago I learned how to read and write and type. That's when I found these forums.

Since I am really old, I never get clean, due to the fact I may elctercute some people, so I am really dusty.
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So, how was that one?