I've gone to Catholic school for 5 years and went through RCIA to get baptized/confirmed within the Church in the past, so people who unwittingly say those kinds of things about religion always bother me a bit. Considering you mentioned masturbation which is only considered a sin within the Catholic church, I'm going to answer as if that was what you meant.
For example, masturbation being a mortal sin? That's only in the Catholic church as far as I know, and even within the church it's disputed. Did you know that once that was announced, priests were telling their parishioners not to listen and that they would rescind it? But they didn't. It's not something that I agree with, but it's not as cut and dry as you seem to think it is.
As far as 'liking men', that is in no way a sin. The church recognizes that being gay is not a choice, actually. The doctrine within the Catholic church is that you can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions. Therefore, their belief is that gay people are bound to a life of celibacy. They don't hate gay people. In fact, even if someone couldn't take it and had gay sex, they would be "forgiven" for it, but I'll get to that in a second. It's not a perfect doctrine obviously (I'm a firm believer in gay rights, one of the reasons I'm not religious), but your idea of it is misguided.
And for lying. There are two kinds of sins. Venial sins, that aren't a big deal, and mortal sins. Things such as murder and refusing to go to church when you have the means to are considered mortal. Things such as telling a lie or insulting someone are venial. Venial sins don't get you "cast into hell", they get you extra years in Purgatory, assuming you don't confess them. Mortal sins are the ones that are supposed to get you into Hell if you don't repent for them.
And as far as any sins go, not a single one is a "go to hell, go directly to hell, do not pass go" sin in the Church. If you sin and are truly sorry, go to confession, and do your penance, it's as if your slate was wiped clean. This applies to people telling lies, tricking people, having gay sex, murder. Everything. The only catch is that you actually have to be repentant and want to change your ways; for example, the priest that taught RCIA once told us a story about a man who confessed having premarital sex with the girl he lived with. The priest replied "Okay, when are you going to move out?" Without a willingness to try to fix whatever is wrong, confession is just a waste of time.
You said religion in general though, and are claiming that some religions are like that. There are maybe a few fringe religions (Westboro Baptist Church?) who believe that the second you tell a lie, you're doomed to Hell for all eternity. But religion in general isn't like that. How do you know that Freaky is one of the few fringe religions that believe that?