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[Pokémon] World Gathering

212
Posts
9
Years
  • Age 22
  • USA
  • Seen Jun 4, 2015
Pokemon World Gathering
Name Subject To Change

Chapter 1
Spoiler:


Chapter 2
Spoiler:

Chapter 3
Spoiler:

Author's Notes
Spoiler:
 
Last edited:

Squidchan

The Lady Cthulhu
174
Posts
11
Years
There were just some instances where the format of the chapter, the fact that the text wasn't aligned to the left, made it seem as though someone was talking when they weren't. Examples will be given when I remember how to do spoiler tags, I don't want to ruin your story for everyone.

Edit:
"It's alright. You did really well this time. Usually it takes half of that time." Rex chirped on Sam's shoulder.


This makes it look like Rex is talking, instead of Sam. When there is a new person performing an action, a new line is required.


"That won't be a problem. I'll be three days ahead! But, I've gotta go now! See ya!" I was already walking away.
"See ya Mason!" I was taking my first step to having a journey.


And this is a little confusing, besides the fact you've added in the name of your protagonist it's hard to tell who is talking.
 
Last edited:
212
Posts
9
Years
  • Age 22
  • USA
  • Seen Jun 4, 2015
There were just some instances where the format of the chapter, the fact that the text wasn't aligned to the left, made it seem as though someone was talking when they weren't. Examples will be given when I remember how to do spoiler tags, I don't want to ruin your story for everyone.

Edit:
"It's alright. You did really well this time. Usually it takes half of that time." Rex chirped on Sam's shoulder.


This makes it look like Rex is talking, instead of Sam. When there is a new person performing an action, a new line is required.


"That won't be a problem. I'll be three days ahead! But, I've gotta go now! See ya!" I was already walking away.
"See ya Mason!" I was taking my first step to having a journey.


And this is a little confusing, besides the fact you've added in the name of your protagonist it's hard to tell who is talking.

Alright, I'll go back and edit it now. Thanks for pointing it out though. It's one of those things that I never would have seen on my own.

Edit: Chapter 2 is now up. It is a rather boring chapter but has some info that will be important later on. Again, if you see any mistakes or things that I should edit, please tell me!

Chapter 2
Spoiler:
 
Last edited:
212
Posts
9
Years
  • Age 22
  • USA
  • Seen Jun 4, 2015
Chapter 3 is done! Most of it, imo, was boring. I tried to make the end a little bit more interesting. But I promise that the next few chapters will be much more entertaining!

Chapter 3
Spoiler:
 
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