I'd hate to bring this up via VMs, but I finally read through the first chapter of your new thread. I can't help but notice you pretty much ignored the review I wrote of your first story, judging by how a lot of the grammatical errors I pointed out haven't been changed. That strikes me as a bit odd, considering you asked for the first thread to be shut down in favor of a second one; I thought you did it in order to revise and give the revision a clean start.
While I realize English isn't your first language and the beta thread doesn't exactly get too many responses, I'd say it might help to approach someone you know is fluent in the language to get them to help you. (I know you asked me about it, but unfortunately, I'm not available at the moment. There's a lot of other great writers and reviewers on the forums, though, so I'd recommend poking around to see who you can find.)