Recent content by Payload

I see. Alright. No problem here, but is it worth mentioning? Alright, that's acceptable. Oh, that makes sense. Team Rocket isn't exactly there yet. Alright. --- About the map. The water (besides the deeper water) is a bit bland and empty. My advice would be to add some water rocks...

I'm fine with the age. But the 'you just turned...' implies you had a birthday, which is a common cliche in hacks. I'm not talking about specific Pokémon research, but different professors tend to research different things. (E.g. Rowan with evolution, etc.) Alright, cool. Okay. I wasn't aware...

(Where does Cooley come into this? o_o) I'm not asking for an overload of information about the story. As I stated above, he was pretty good about not leaving out the important details, but when I read a storyline, if there's details that can alter how I interpret the story, then I'll go ahead...

Coral huh? I rather like the name... The originality here is pretty good. It lacks substance, or rather, details. You might want to add some. But I rather like this. Cheers!

Even the youngest of hacks need story criticism, so let's give it a shot. My comments in bold, yatta yatta yatta. Hopefully you can come up with a sort of reasonable argument for everything listed, or change some things. I'd hate to see such a new hack get burdened by a vague story. Good luck...

Shun, you haven't really told us too much about the plot. Instead you've just told us where it takes place, and what games your mixing. You haven't really explained why this game is happening. (Like the story, not why your making it.)

I wasn't asking why the dream was so scary, I was more inquiring why the player would be concerned with a dream. Dreams aren't real. Deliberate or not, if you leave out too many details (which he actually didn't, but it happens) the story becomes too vague for anyone to truly interpret...

Irotsuya, huh? Same name as your region and hack name? Hmm... :/ You're leaving out some details that really should be filled in, and there's a few cliches. Good luck, though. :/

Alright, time to go old school on this. Overall, there's a few cliches in there, and some missing details that you might want to fill in. I'm not even going to bother with the 'legend' because it's basically the one from Diamond & Pearl, which has been overused far too many times. Anyhow, I...