Don't care if it's my place to say it or not, but I can see why oHV. denied you.
Let's start with the grammar, shall we? Letters capitalized in places they shouldn't be capitalized, punctuation poorly misplaced or missing at certain points, sentences that look like they were written by a five-year-old, terrible, terrible spelling...
Next, the length. The personality may have as many sentences as oHV. asked for, but most of those sentences are short and very vague. How is she "quite focused"? How is she "intelligent"? You need to give examples, and flesh out those sentences.
Finally, the Appearance. I am honestly guilty of having based some of my characters off of obscure existing characters, but Touko/Whitlea/Hilda for an appearance? Talk about uncreative :/
I don't mean to sound mean, but you have a lot to learn. And before you say "But I was the first to post my SU", keep in mind that it doesn't matter if you were first, second, last, etc. Even if there's only a number of spots, it isn't a race to see who can post his or her SU first.