Make a wish and have it horribly corrupted

Granted. However, it has no Vitamin C and eating the ham gets you so full that you don't eat anything else for a while afterwards. During that time, your body just lacked the amount Vitamin C needed so you get very ill for about 3 weeks. Also, your parents/guardians believe that it was caused by food poisoning so they never let you have Tavern Ham again.

I wish for a stop sign.

granted. However, on the other side, it says "Kick Me"

i wish that I was funny :(

granted, but you make racist jokes and everyone shoots you

i wish i had ev pokemon

Granted. All of your Pokemon are EVed whether you know it or not, since EVs are gained whenever a Pokemon gains experience. Sure, they're not trained in the right stats, but you didn't wish for that, did you?

I wish for I had an external hard drive.

granted, but it never works

i wish for my first eevnt pokemon

Granted. Enjoy your My Pokemon Ranch Combee. Hey, at least it's female.

I wish I had some chocolate.

granted, but its hot and melts over your new £1000000000000000 shirt

i wish i had a giant half man half chiken squirell

Granted, but it dies quickly via hybrid inviability :P

I wish the next poster knew what hybrid inviability meant >.<

I tried but i failed.
I wish that i could find the perfect gum flavor.

Granted, but its so perfect that you keep chewing it. You don't even stop when you go to bed. While you sleep, the gum slips down your throat and you choke to death.

I wish for a less morbid sense of humour :P

And you get somebody that walks in front of you with rabies and you laugh :/

I wish I could live forever!

Granted. World's due to end in about a couple billion years. Since you live forever...

I wish I had a permanently bored expression.

Granted but you got so boring your all alone.
I wish i had the power to heal myself.

Granted, but you heal yourself so much that it genetically changes your bone structure.

I wish I could create Pop-Tarts on my head whenever I snap my fingers -snap-.

granted but the pop tarts taste like turd
i wish the earth imploded and started anew

Granted. However, it took billions of years for life to form the first time. Another few hundred million for human society to show up. Just when this all happens to the "new" earth, the sun reaches the end of its "life" and the earth is engulfed; no more advanced than we are today.

I wish for a sunflower.

granted but i stand on it
i wish for a pencil

Granted, but then it stabs you in your vertebral column, thus paralyzing you for life *runs from all the evil pencils*

I wish I had another hat.

It has been granted, but it shrunk when you washed it.

I wish for a cup of milk.

Granted, but it asplodes before you drink it.

I wish gardevoir was real