Fanfiction Lounge

[Misheard Whisper]

Let's go!

I dunno why I said that. Anyway, I just posted my first ever fic! Go have a look, then come back and shoot me. I can't believe it. According to the old thread on BMGf, I have been writing fanfiction for six months as of the Tuesday just gone. OMG.

[Lash]

@Sparking Dragon: I shall post a review of how much I liked it on your profile once I'm done reading it. And I shall read it once I'm done writing the first chapter to the fanfic I'm writing, haha.

Anyways, new question time.

Do you prefer to write at night or during the day?
I like to write during the night. I just don't know why, but I don't like writing during the day, unless I have something good to continue writing on that was written at night.

[Misheard Whisper]

Do you prefer to write at night or during the day?
Chaptered fics at night, oneshots any time. I cannot sit down and write chapters during daytime. I also like to write at 6am.

[Lash]

Oh hell, Sparking Dragon, I just did a count, and if you and I are the only ones posting, I will be the one ending up with the 9999th post! D:
lol yes, I read.

Eh, I'll just delete the post with the question when the 9999th post time comes/near the time or something, unless someone else posts.

What do you like to do with your surroundings when you write?
I like to just sit down on my bed with the radio on, maybe the fan on high. And, the door closed.

[DassenSupes]

Feelin good about my story right now. About to go begin Chapter 3.

(for the love of god someone read the new chapter)

[Giratina ♀]

Do you prefer to write at night or during the day?

The majority of Metal Coat was written at night, and for my skill level at the time it was pretty good. However, I have currently started dragging around a notebook in which I write first drafts of new chapters for other stories (as opposed to actually paying attention in class)which are usually heavily revised when I get home and type them up.

So I'd say my ideal writing time is from four PM to ten PM for chaptered fanfictionry, and very late at night for oneshots or really stupid-sounding sings with mounds of inside jokes...

[JX Valentine]

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon

Anyway, I just posted my first ever fic! Go have a look, then come back and shoot me. I can't believe it. According to the old thread on BMGf, I have been writing fanfiction for six months as of the Tuesday just gone. OMG.

You know, this is sad. Your first fic wasn't even a year ago. My first fic was in 1998.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to drink myself into a stupor for feeling old. Even if it is eleven in the morning.

(Is there anyone else on this thread who started writing before we even got word on this side of the globe that there was going to be a second generation? XD)

Originally Posted by Lash

Do you prefer to write at night or during the day?

Night. I'm usually doing stuff during the day, while at night, I'm usually half-awake and coming up with WTFery in terms of fic ideas.

Originally Posted by Lash

What do you like to do with your surroundings when you write?

If I'm not in my dorm room (i.e., back home), I'm at my desk. There's no (reliable) outlet on my bed's side of the room, and anyway, it's just more comfortable. If I am in my dorm room, I'm always sitting on the bed with my legs stretched out under my laptop and my back sandwiching a pillow against a wall. It's really all about comfort.

Originally Posted by DassenSupes

(for the love of god someone read the new chapter)

I only review if the author reviews my own work due to the principles brought up here. (In fact, even if it's underused, you could always try using that thread.) *thumbs up*

This may also explain why I haven't actually touched the review requests I've gotten just before heading down to Florida a couple weeks ago. Well, that and one of you decided to ask me to review a 50+-page work. ._.

(At which point, yeah, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. If I don't get to it before the last post turns a month old, you're free to smack me.)

[Dagzar]

Do you prefer to write at night or during the day?
I write at 9:00 every night, though I sometimes write during the day too, but that’s rare.

What do you like to do with your surroundings when you write?
Not much that’s different from my usual surroundings; headphones on (music not), door ajar and window opened depending if I’m too warm. Though, I do close all my extra web browsers so they can’t continue distracting me.

[Bay Alexison]

Do you prefer to write at night or during the day?
I'm a little weird, actually. During the weekdays, I would write at night. During weekends, however, I would write in morning, afternoon. Don't know why. :O I guess it's because during the weekedays I would have a lot of stuff to do relating to school, work, and life, but weekends I would decide to write first then study later. XD

What do you like to do with your surroundings when you write?
Usually listening to music and a drink of water or cream soda for me. XD

[solovino]

And then I come back for a while.

Do you prefer to write at night or during the day?
I prefer to write during the night, only because I have more time for me and me only. During the day I have to be available for other people and that is too much of a distraction to me when it comes to writing.

What do you like to do with your surroundings when you write?
I just sit somewhere in my room (yes, somewhere in my room) and let myself loose to think about the things I want to write. When it comes to actually writing, I put in a news channel or a series channel where they're featuring repeats so I don't get distracted, and limit myself to listen to the TV (without watching) while I write. It somehow helps me focus.

Everything goes up to eleven if Mota, my lovely cat, comes to my room and demands some petting. She does so by jumping to my lap and stretching there, purring and looking at the keyboard tentatively. Once she flats her ears and loses her eyes, she won't get down, so I'm locked at the PC and forced to write anyways... :D


LET THE SPAMMING COMMENCE!
O'key! :D

Because we ALL LOVE s-p-a-m, right? I mean, this is the Lounge...

[DassenSupes]

Originally Posted by Valentine

I only review if the author reviews my own work due to the principles brought up here. (In fact, even if it's underused, you could always try using that thread.) *thumbs up*

This may also explain why I haven't actually touched the review requests I've gotten just before heading down to Florida a couple weeks ago. Well, that and one of you decided to ask me to review a 50+-page work. ._.

(At which point, yeah, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. If I don't get to it before the last post turns a month old, you're free to smack me.)

In a month, I expect it to also be 50+ pages.

[Misheard Whisper]

LET THE SPAMMING COMMENCE!

Spamspamspam.
Not. When I write, the door must be closed, only one light source, no noise. Having nobody else in the house helps, too.

[Astinus]

Do you prefer to write at night or during the day?
There's such a thing as daytime?

Day is when I sleep, so I write everything at night.

What do you like to do with your surroundings when you write?
I write anywhere, at any time. I write while sitting on the floor, in restaurants, in the grocery store, in bed, at my desk, in my bed, outside on my swing, in the car. So I never really have a set "surrounding" to write. I just stop where I am, write, and keep going.

The disclaimer about the "writing in the car" part is the fact I haven't gotten my car yet.

[Shrike Flamestar]

Hey guys, what's up?

Oh hey look at that, 9999.

Oh, and when I write I do nothing special. I put on music, sit at my desk and...write. Yeah. This post is so not spam and you know it.

[DassenSupes]

I'm the best number though.

Writing a short story tie-in for a PokeBeach contest, anyone mind beta reading it for me?

[solovino]

...And NINJAED!!!!

Knowing how things turn out to be, like this, you know, 10000th reply instead of 1000th post. I hope it is as equally as important, right?

Nothing that we do is spam, people. Chainsaw chanseys, S-P-A-M, the count to 10000, Writer's Lounge The Musical (what ever happened to that?) and things like that, it seems to be the everyday life of Writer's Lounge posters.

And taking to more serious grounds I do have two questions.

How much time do you people spend on the Writer's Lounge? Is it an important (time-wise) part of your PC XP?

The other is more writing related. I am going to release a piece of work, something small that I wanted to write originally for the 7K7D but I fail at that so... whatever. The point is, I'm going to describe a human from the perspective of a Pokémon that has never seen one and shouldn't have to begin with (...part of the story). I thought about relating the description to that of some anthropomorphic Pokémon like Mr. Mime, but what I'm suddenly having trouble to describe is the aspect of clothing. I mean, it would be like talking about a strange mostly bald creature that somehow can retrieve, attach and detach variable "hide" or something like that at will. And that is capable of neatly organizaing such hide... the problem is, the Pokémon shouldn0t know what a human is and henceforth (I think) doesn't know abouth clothing. The best this Pokémon can do is to compare the situation to something he knows and use terms that are familiar to itself (such as refering to the arms as "branches" and to shoes or gloves as "scales"). I just can't make it say that the hide is "leather-like", can I?

So... do I try to pick up words that make the description sound like it would be trying to describe some armoured Pokémon (like Armaldo or Golem for the comparison), retorting to the most basic terms I can to show that in fact the Pokémon does not know how to describe this creature? Can I resort to something like describing plainly, stating surprise (and distrust) and simply leave the matter alone after that?

[Giratina ♀]

What do you like to do with your surroundings when you write?

Whenever I'm writing, I'm in one of two places: at my desk in the kitchen of our house, ignoring the rest of the world with my super-comfy $35 heaphones and talking to my Ho-oh plushie for inspiration (occasionally), or at school scribbling in a notebook in the hallway/while waiting for the rest of the class to catch up.

How much time do you people spend on the Writer's Lounge?

I refresh and lurk a lot, but I haven't started posting until very recently. So not very much.

Is it an important (time-wise) part of your PC XP?

Time-wise, yes. Discussing-writing-stuff-wise, yes.

[JX Valentine]

Originally Posted by DassenSupes

In a month, I expect it to also be 50+ pages.

That's nice.

Seriously, though, okay, but to be honest, I usually don't read longer work unless it's mindblowingly good. (Hi, Giratinasaur. Incidentally, I'll review Metal Coat; soon. There's a few things I'd like to say there, and don't worry, not all of them will make you want to crawl away and cry that's not a bad thing.) It's not that I'm saying I don't read longer work. It's just that with all kinds of things that's keeping me busy right about now (including my own projects), I just don't have time. If I catch it early, then I might keep up with it, but as it stands... *motions to her highly egotistical reviewing policy*

Edit: Of course, it should be noted that, it's quality over quantity either way. Saying that your fic is over 12k words with only two chapters actually intimidates some people. In fact, the stated reason why some people haven't kept up with AEM is because its first chapters are fairly long. (Not quite obscenely long, but still of considerable length.) Some people find that to be a turn-off, or they simply feel the need to stop and go do something else for awhile but can't because they're looking at long piece of text.

Also, I'd hate to say it bluntly, but the fact that you're advertising your length (in your sig and in here) makes one think that you're overcompensating for a lack of decent content. Granted, I have yet to do much more than skim your work, but I'm just saying you could use better advertisement.

Originally Posted by Shrike Flamestar

Hey guys, what's up?

Oh hey look at that, 9999.

ILU, Shrike. Let's go make...

...Cupcakes.

Originally Posted by solovino

How much time do you people spend on the Writer's Lounge? Is it an important (time-wise) part of your PC XP?

I live here. GTFO of my house!

Seriously, Writer's Lounge is one of four forums that I visit on PC daily, with the other two being PFF&P itself and the Pokémon RPG forum + subforum. I don't really know how much time I spend here. It's a lot, though. I like the refresh button. It and I are homies.

I just can't make it say that the hide is "leather-like", can I?

Actually, if it's like leather, you might be able to. Otherwise, you're on the right track. Because the Pokémon doesn't know what human items are, it would probably see the colorful things coating a human's body as an extra skin with odd textures and colors. You might be able to say shell, coat, pelt, or other animal-esque words, depending on what the Pokémon in question is. (Some Pokémon, like a Steelix, might see it as flimsy armor.)

But to better answer your question, unless it's actually leather, I'd say just go with "hide" and then describing textures, colors, lengths, and placement. For example, a pair of jeans might be a rough, blue hide covering the human's legs that's flexible enough to allow for the human's movements.

Describing it in this manner might be confusing to the reader, but on the other hand, it'll force the reader to look at the human from the Pokémon's perspective (which you seem to want), which in turn would make the fact that it's a human a bit more surprising when the human reveals that fact themselves.

Not sure if that helps or otherwise answers your question. Still, I'd like to say I'm interested in what you're doing with this description. Good luck, solvino.

[Giratina ♀]

Originally Posted by Valentine

If I catch it early, then I might keep up with it, but as it stands...

Um.

When you reviewed last time, there was only one chapter and the epilogue before it was over. Which means that it's actually complete by now. Metal Coat is a pretty short fic.

And, just to keep on-topic, yeah. I remember using 'pelt' about six times in the second chapter, just to make the description drag on as long as I could without it sounding ridiculous. xD Like Valentine said, you probably wouldn't use 'leather' or 'leathery' because it's a term used to describe something that in its current state was man-made, which a Pokemon with no knowledge of humanity should know nothing about. Perhaps 'rough' or 'sturdy' would be better?

[Misheard Whisper]

Damn, I missed 9999, 10000, and 10001.

Bugger. That's what you get when you go to the doctor's.

[DassenSupes]

Originally Posted by Valentine

That's nice.

Seriously, though, okay, but to be honest, I usually don't read longer work unless it's mindblowingly good. (Hi, Giratinasaur. Incidentally, I'll review Metal Coat; soon. There's a few things I'd like to say there, and don't worry, not all of them will make you want to crawl away and cry that's not a bad thing.) It's not that I'm saying I don't read longer work. It's just that with all kinds of things that's keeping me busy right about now (including my own projects), I just don't have time. If I catch it early, then I might keep up with it, but as it stands... *motions to her highly egotistical reviewing policy*

Edit: Of course, it should be noted that, it's quality over quantity either way. Saying that your fic is over 12k words with only two chapters actually intimidates some people. In fact, the stated reason why some people haven't kept up with AEM is because its first chapters are fairly long. (Not quite obscenely long, but still of considerable length.) Some people find that to be a turn-off, or they simply feel the need to stop and go do something else for awhile but can't because they're looking at long piece of text.

Also, I'd hate to say it bluntly, but the fact that you're advertising your length (in your sig and in here) makes one think that you're overcompensating for a lack of decent content. Granted, I have yet to do much more than skim your work, but I'm just saying you could use better advertisement.

I understand. I advertise length for a show of my dedication. I don't fluff out these chapters. These are things that I write freely and the length simply ends up as a necessity.

All I ask is that you read what I have right now and then, you can decide if its worth keeping up with. All I'm saying about length is that I poured a lot of effort into it, and I'm, at the very least, no shallow writer.

[solovino]

Originally Posted by Valentine

Actually, if it's like leather, you might be able to. Otherwise, you're on the right track. Because the Pokémon doesn't know what human items are, it would probably see the colorful things coating a human's body as an extra skin with odd textures and colors. You might be able to say shell, coat, pelt, or other animal-esque words, depending on what the Pokémon in question is. (Some Pokémon, like a Steelix, might see it as flimsy armor.)

But to better answer your question, unless it's actually leather, I'd say just go with "hide" and then describing textures, colors, lengths, and placement. For example, a pair of jeans might be a rough, blue hide covering the human's legs that's flexible enough to allow for the human's movements.

Describing it in this manner might be confusing to the reader, but on the other hand, it'll force the reader to look at the human from the Pokémon's perspective (which you seem to want), which in turn would make the fact that it's a human a bit more surprising when the human reveals that fact themselves.

Not sure if that helps or otherwise answers your question. Still, I'd like to say I'm interested in what you're doing with this description. Good luck, solvino.

Very special thanks, Valentine. Also thanks to Giratinasaur.

Well, I think to better check that what I'm doing is at least a bit right, the best option is to post some fragments and ask for review, right? I'd hate to create a new topic only for this (because it would be short-lived, I don't think that's the idea), and because offtopicness is our motto and I am in need of some... err... bashing :D, I'm going to just "hijack" the Lounge for a while...

The basic idea that I wanted to explore comes from the Sinnoh myth. The specific one that states that Pokémon made a truce (or something to that effect) to help humans, and hat's why they appear in the wild. So, what does that mean for a Pokémon that does not know what a human is, most specifically, fossil Pokémon?

If one of these is revived cloned, I guess the first problem would be that such a Pokémon existed in a different environment, maybe the current environment is not adequate for them. I'm not going to explore that right now, instead I'm focusing on a corollary problem: if the Pokémon retains knowledge (be it instinctive or otherwise) about the fact that their kind ceased to exist, or that they existed before humans, and they are informed that they belong to a human and are expected to serve him, do they hear the call to duty? Are they bound to this duty to begin with? How do they interpret the fact that human is a creature so different?

So I wrote a story about a ????????? (a Fossil Pokémon) who has found itself under care of a human and ponders about his own purpose and usefulness, as well as why has he came to existence way beyond others of his kind.

For the description of the "humans", I focus on this caring human not only from the perspective of the Fossil Pokémon, who tries to describe in terms that he feels natural to what he knows about his kind's environment, but also support myself in opinions from other Pokémon under the care of the human. Any actually human perspective is absent.

So, for example, I have this first fragment where Mr. Fossil tries to describe the general appearance of the human specimen (I guess from the wording of the description, some of you will be easily able to identify the cloned fossil):

Spoiler:

I was once taught that this is no Pokémon, is a creature called human. This particular specimen that now takes care of me is what the others call Trainer. I was surprised to see this kind of creature: a two-legged land-dweller, less hateful and distasteful than the others, covered in a flexible, pale brown-ish skin pierced at places by some short pointy scales, with a prominent tubular-like trunk supported by its two thin and long legs that give it an extremely eerie and fragile appearance, and a round had, almost unattached from the body, to top it all.

The creature has this little trick, they can armour itself by covering parts of its body with several kinds of hide, of different make, colouration and textures as well, in a form that I've come to understand offers both protection and a means of identification. Depending on the hides, a human can look more outrageous, playful, courting, woeful, or even look more "nothing" at all, as some kinds of hides renders them difficult to distinguish in the environment.

I've seen Trainer's unarmoured frame a couple of times, however, and it is the most impressive. From the top of the trunk, two long branches flow to the sides extending below the point where the legs and the trunk join. These branches are as thin and long as the legs are, and are ended in five small appendages that I once thought were tentacles, but better resemble simple, bendable and unclawed fingers just like most land-dwellers have; one of them in each end seems to be misplaced or twisted around, bending counterwise with respect to the others, as well as being thicker and shorter. One of the other Pokémon explained to me that this twisted finger has quite flexible and unrestricted movement and human are very proud of it, sticking it out and showing it to others of their species when they are proud of their accomplishments.

On top of the trunk lays what I guess is the head, a round-shape bulk separated from the trunk by a very short tube that I guess is the neck; unlike the rest of the apparently bald body the head is covered by lots of the pointy scales at the top, countless dark blue ones some of them as long as the head is tall. Other specimens present a different scale colouration, as well as several arrangements and amounts of it, and I even met once a human with no head scales at all.

The head of the human seems to focus their sensory systems, as it not only harbours two eyes of liquid-like blue colouration with prominent dark marks in their center (protected by two large and thick sections of pointy scales), but probably the respiratory and digestive systems as it features a clearly identifiable mouth, quite small in proportion to their overall body size and protected by a thick, pinkish layer of skin. I haven't taken the time to pick it up well, but it seems human have no fangs, instead just two large rows of identical white-yellowish teeth inside their elongated mouth. What does that mean about human predatory habits I haven't managed to understand, since I've never seen any of them hunting or doing anything that resembles such activity to begin with.

Opinions?

As for the clothing, before describing the actual clothes I've decided to take a new approach and try to have the Pokémon describe the storage tool and the procedure the human uses to switch hides. Watch this and give me your opinions.

Spoiler:

This particular human I've witnessed to perform the hide-switch. Most of the times when it happens is inside his chambers. He does dislodge and remove his outer hide piece by piece using his unclawed fingers, then sticking it to a sort of tree and exchanging it by other hides of different colour, and probably of different materials too according to the circumstances, that he proceeds to cover his body with, encasing parts of his body inside them and locking them to each other by different means.

I haven't been able to identify what kind of tree is this that grows the hides or why does it grow these hides, as I can smell and feel with my appendages they're definitively not made of wood or fruit; but I am sure that as weird as humans are, the tree also is, yes: as it has a rectangular trunk instead of a tubular one, and is completely hollow on the inside, allowing the hide to literally grow and hang inside the tree, plus it has no visible leaves and the roots do not even penetrate the ground, instead they kinda curl in, forming large wooden lumps.

The sight of the human essentially ripping the bark open, switching the hides, hanging the removed ones indide the tree, and ensembling the trunk again, is one of the most horrendous things I've ever experienced, outside of my dreams that is, in particular because of the screech the bark seems to emmit some of the times it is ripped apart, and because the tree does not seem to bleed or suffer otherwise. Which would mean (and it scares me to think about it every single time) that the tree can cry despite being already dead...

I would be glad to count on your opinions people. Just because trying to write this has proved to be quite funny and liberating to me.

[JX Valentine]

Originally Posted by Giratinasaur

Um.

When you reviewed last time, there was only one chapter and the epilogue before it was over. Which means that it's actually complete by now. Metal Coat is a pretty short fic.

Yes, but you're a different case because your fic was actually interesting, and anyway, you started off as a beta client. I admit I wouldn't have normally gotten into it. I don't mean to be high and mighty about it, really. It's just that it takes a lot to get me to sit down and actually read through over sixty pages of material on the computer in almost one sitting, particularly if it's not for class anyway.

Originally Posted by DassenSupes

I understand. I advertise length for a show of my dedication. I don't fluff out these chapters. These are things that I write freely and the length simply ends up as a necessity.

All I ask is that you read what I have right now and then, you can decide if its worth keeping up with. All I'm saying about length is that I poured a lot of effort into it, and I'm, at the very least, no shallow writer.

The amount of work you put into any sort of fiction has no relationship to the length of the piece itself. I've read forty pages of utter crap that the author slapped together because he thought he'd impress me with its length through filler and flowery prose, and I've read the most intense and riveting two-page ficlet that paid so much attention to the detail of the characterization and action in such a short space that by the time I got done reading it, I felt like I just made out with Angelina Jolie. The point is length doesn't prove a damn thing to me. Yes, it proves that you're dedicated enough to sit at the computer for hours on end, constructing your prose and selecting the best words to tell your story. However, if that's all you have to go on instead of a summary even in your sig (or in the conversation you and I have been having right about now), I'd hate to tell you this, but that's not good.

Point is, instead of telling us how long your work is (which is a very obvious statement that anyone could see themselves by scrolling down), my suggestion is to tell us about the story itself. Yes, I know you just said you don't fluff out your chapters, but let's face it. You're telling us you've got a story you've poured your heart and soul into, and you're sitting here, telling me how many pages you're about to reach through posts and how many words you've got done through your signature? You're selling yourself short, regardless of how much you try to tell me you're not.

And I don't mean to be at all insulting towards you. You seem very eager, and you apparently have people who like your work as it is. However, I'm just saying if you want to get more people to read your work (namely, the die-hard reviewers and critics) in this world or the professional one, you've got to learn how to advertise yourself properly. Either that or perhaps start thinking differently about your work because your advertising in your sig and the sales pitch you've given me seems to encompass nothing that should be relevant to how good the story actually is.

Originally Posted by solvino

The basic idea that I wanted to explore comes from the Sinnoh myth. The specific one that states that Pokémon made a truce (or something to that effect) to help humans, and hat's why they appear in the wild. So, what does that mean for a Pokémon that does not know what a human is, most specifically, fossil Pokémon?

If one of these is revived cloned, I guess the first problem would be that such a Pokémon existed in a different environment, maybe the current environment is not adequate for them. I'm not going to explore that right now, instead I'm focusing on a corollary problem: if the Pokémon retains knowledge (be it instinctive or otherwise) about the fact that their kind ceased to exist, or that they existed before humans, and they are informed that they belong to a human and are expected to serve him, do they hear the call to duty? Are they bound to this duty to begin with? How do they interpret the fact that human is a creature so different?

So I wrote a story about a ????????? (a Fossil Pokémon) who has found itself under care of a human and ponders about his own purpose and usefulness, as well as why has he came to existence way beyond others of his kind.

For the description of the "humans", I focus on this caring human not only from the perspective of the Fossil Pokémon, who tries to describe in terms that he feels natural to what he knows about his kind's environment, but also support myself in opinions from other Pokémon under the care of the human. Any actually human perspective is absent.

I definitely like the idea, but I can't help but wonder what the canon perspective of the revival of fossil Pokémon actually is. If the revival process is through the extraction of DNA from the fossil and the creation of a new Pokémon from it, then the Pokémon would probably retain no memory of ancient times, which means this all would be a moot point because the only memories it'd have would be of humans. If the revival is through a miraculous reverse-fossilization, then that's a different story. Which one are you going with, out of curiosity?

The description's not bad for the first draft. (You're probably going to clean it up a bit later to get rid of the smaller things, like "and a round had.") You might want to separate the description in the first paragraph into separate sentences, though. You've got so many commas all over the place (separating items from a list, separating parts of a parenthetical, et cetera) that it might be easier for the reader to get a clear image of what they're seeing.

with several kinds of hide, of different make, colouration and textures as well, in

Only one of these commas is necessary: the one after "make."

The weird thing about the description of the fingers, by the way, is that you also mention that they resemble unclawed fingers, so it's like you're saying that they resemble exactly what they are.

The note about the first paragraph of the first excerpt also applies to the first one of the second excerpt. I had to read it a couple of times to get what you were trying to say because you lost me partway through. It might help if you separated it into one or several sentences -- perhaps separating the part where he undresses from the one where he dresses (or at the word "and," in other words). I'd also suggest finding a way to get rid of the word "then" in both parts because it's rather awkward. Superficial reason, yeah.

as I can smell and feel with my appendages they're definitively not made of wood or fruit; but I am sure that as weird as humans are,

Semicolons serve as a replacement for a common-conjunction combination, so having a conjunction here ends up being redundant.

Also, replace the colon with a period here. It turns into a run-on if you leave it in.

But other than the nitpicks, it looks like a good start. Just work on the flow of the narration by splitting some of these into separate sentences, and it should work all right.

[¡Chucho!]

I felt like I just made out with Angelina Jolie.

I don't understand this simile, but I bet it means something absurd.

Now that I've glanced at the story Blak, not through the reply box this time, the paragraphing is rather thick. I guess I'm saying it'd be more tolerable if it was just long instead.

[Misheard Whisper]

I've read the most intense and riveting two-page ficlet that paid so much attention to the detail of the characterization and action in such a short space that by the time I got done reading it, I felt like I just made out with Angelina Jolie

Can you point me to this? It sounds like the author is one talented person. Then again, the idea of making out with Angelina Jolie . . . *shudders* Really, Valentine, I'm not sure if you were complimenting this fic or dissing it (for want of a better word, my brainsaurus isn't working right now).

EDIT: I left this too long, and got double ninja'd.