Love?

There's a lot of worry up in the previous post, and I would be lying if I said I had never felt the same. But life is long and filled with adventures and little curiosities and choices which will bring you into the orbit of people who you share similar likes and interests with, so don't fret!

Here's my tale tell. A little more light-hearted, I apologise.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 and half years now, but before we started dating, I was...well'awkward' is an understatement with how I behaved around him when he was first introduced into my life.

Now I'm a girl who games which means I have always gravitated towards groups of guy friends. I have my girly group too, and ofc my bra (she supports me ;) ) but I've always had more guy friends than girls. So when it came to this whole dating thing, I was actually pretty chill, I didn't mind staying in to play games or head out and eat pizza, watch films and nerd out over random facts. HOwever, past bfs were short lived and never lasted past 3 months before we'd part ways. Although few tears were shed on either side, as I am friends with most of my exs, with the one exception but that is another tale for another time.

SO...Then along came my SO.

When he appeared, it was out of the blue, as will be explained below, but how I reacted to him was completely new. With all my friends and past exs, I was straight forward with how I felt. If I liked I guy, I buck up and ask or he'd get there first. I wasn't one for shying away or getting all nervous. Then along came SO. I didn't know what to do. Whenever he was around, I'd clam up, or suddenly 'disappear'...

In fact I hid in a bush once when I saw him coming...yeah not my proudest moment I will admit. But he made me nervous. I was constantly worried I'd make a fool out of myself.

However, when he did eventually manage to pin me down, things worked out xD But here's our first meeting, which pretty much sums up our entire relationship. My friends still laugh about it today.

*******

I was under a chair, flat on my belly, tying together my sleeping friend's (lets call him K) shoe laces in college (the UK, so I'm 17-18), when suddenly a face appears on the other side of K's trainers with the line "You're doing it wrong."

Needless to say, I was just shocked at this guy's sudden appearance. I mean, who the hell was he? I'd never seen him in my group's chill spot before, although that wasn't exactly new. Our group was big, and a lot of people came and went depending on who was about. However, regardless of me having no idea who this blond guy was and me being me, I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster before getting dragged into a ten minute, albeit whispered, argument about knot tying and who was wrong or right.

FYI my knot worked just fine, and I got to watch my friend hop, very late, to class :P But wouldn't change it for the world xD. I didn't learn his name then either; our conversation ended with me laughing 'see! I told you it would work', before rushing off to class myself. It was another two weeks till we learnt each others names and another two months from that point until we started dating.

But looking back and suddenly realising and confirming this with him...
My boyfriend's first memory of me is my ass sticking out from under a chair… who said romance was dead?

love is such a weird feeling and experience for me. when i was younger it was pretty much always what i wanted, which is probably why i started dating when i was 11 and have had 8 different partners since then (i'm currently 16). at the moment i have a boyfriend, but it's definitely different to how i saw it when i was younger.

something about love is so weird to me. i'm not affectionate at all, i absolutely hate stuff like "let's be together forever!" and honestly any talk about having one partner forever, getting married and being stuck in one relationship for the rest of my life weirds me out. hell, sometimes its even hard for me to say "i love you" to my bf bc it feels strange coming out of my mouth. i hate being kissed, and i hate being touched in general - this doesn't mean i'm aromantic/asexual because i still want to be in a relationship... i just hate the things that go along with it lol.

i guess what i'm tryna say is love is super weird for me. i want someone to be by my side as a partner, someone i can trust and hug and turn to and tell everything to; but i don't want "forever", i don't want to entrust my life into someone elses hands and give my everything to them thats just... scary. i love my boyfriend, but that doesnt mean i want to be with him forever if... that makes sense?

others in love is cute though. the idea of love is so cute. i hope i figure it out one day.

this makes me sound like a horrible person srry but honestly feelings are just weird.

I 14 years old and will be turning 15 next more and to be honest I don't feel I have the full capabilities to love like that quite yet. Yes I went to the homecoming dance last October with a boy I thought was cute and fun and we had a good time but I wasn't planning on falling in love with him and I don't think he was out for anything more than having the fun we had that evening at the dance. Right now I'm not really looking for it but I know it will come when I'm ready and I'm cool with that.

On July 5th I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year. Prior to being in a relationship with him I have dated 1 other guy for a few months, but now I really believe I know was love is. What my boyfriend and I share(and I don't mean just physical) is amazing. We can discuss anything together. We can laugh together, cry together, and just be plain silly together. As he goes off to college in just over a month it is going to be super hard without him being around, but we will still talk all the time and love has no distance boundaries.

I need a girlfriend... Im actually very lonely

I take issue with the idea that we "complete" ourselves through our "better half". Love ought to be about two (or more) individuals who are progressively recreating themselves as individuals AND finding solace in someone undergoing that same process through empathizing with them.

More than anything, love should not be a crutch for our shortfalls as individuals, but something that motivates us to be individualistic. There something about physical touch that makes this mutual empathy tangible...for this reason hookups, at least for me, produces just some of the worst, boring, and dull sex ever.

Often though, "relationships" become odd contracts rooted in "traditional" values, or roles (even if not traditional). That is not "love" but rather sex + role contract -- or in other cases, just role contracts.

I have had my fair share of relationships. I had been cheated on, I had guys treat me like crap and all that fun stuff. I had crushes on some guys from the internet over the years, but they fade very quickly. I'm not a fan of ldr's so I would rather not do that again. I currently have an amazing boyfriend and we currently live together so I'm overall happy with that relationship. That about sums it up. ^^

Love? All I can really say is eh because I have basically no experience. I've never been on a date or relationship or anything like that, not even to homecoming or prom. Sure, I've had crushes before, but I've never acted on them. Whether it's irl or online, I'm usually already friends with them, and I don't wish to ruin that. Plus I probably seem rather intimidating for any potential guys to ask me out.

The one question that allows me to apply the brakes before I even get started is whether I'm actually in love with the guy or just in love with the idea of being in love. It's something that one of my friends once talked about, and she probably has no idea how much it's guided me. Almost all of my crushes have fallen into the latter category.

The thought of being with someone, as appealing as it is, also scares me at the same time because that significant other will know so much about you. And if you break up, then yeah lol. So for now, I will remain single until I find someone whom I can truly love romantically.

I haven't had very good luck with the "love" thing, as far as finding a partner is concerned. My longest relationship lasted for 3 months. My last relationship ended over 3 years ago. My heart has probably one of the most chewed up and spat out thing anyone's ever seen. Of the 3 relationships I've ever had, the worst one was the one I had was my online relationship with a girl who lived on the other side of the state where I live, whom I never met mind you. Words alone can not hold your partner when she needs it, nor can they hug you, kiss you, satisfy other physical desires. That was the biggest mistake I had made as far as relationships are concerned.

Of course there are a lot of possible relationships that never happened solely because I missed the signs. A lot don't happen because I'm shy and I can never think of anything to say. So I'm back on the market again searching for love, the ever so elusive Pokemon. So elusive, it makes the legendary dogs look as common as a Zubat in a cave.

(BTW ladies if you're looking for a guy, look no further! :P )

Entermaid, I agree with you with the completion of a second half bit. It is not necessary, and is actually a misguided principle. The connection itself can be great, while being an individual. Trying to make someone "complete" you is extremely misguided.

Goomy Gumi, that is a very interesting principle, and now that I think about it, it is probably the latter that occurs most often, and I think for most people. That's certainly how it was in my case. However, I do think that that is possibly for the best, and that ignoring people because your not in love with them doesn't make for the best idea. I personally find the idea of falling in love appealing, and it was useful in helping me have a few girlfriends. The problem with falling in love with someone is that it is usually not true. For instance, since I am a male, I am more attracted to the physical side then a female would be. If, in a mode of lust, I look at a female, I might be "in love" with her, approach her, and ask her out. After the lust subsides, if we are together, it may not be her that I love, but the idea of romance itself that acts as a glue. That might sound shallow, but its actually falling in love with someone that typically is shallow. Number one, they are a human, and they come with all the parts of a human, and number two, they may have mannerisms that you don't or do like. Some, you put up with for the relationship, but others you may really not like, and that love can disappear.

Stickmaster62, I do think you've learned some of the same lessons as I did. However, you should know that the internet stuff won't typically work, and searching for love doesn't work either. A relationship is built and maintained, its not something that someone simply finds. You have to make compromises and put up with some things to be with another, its not just found. Become friends with a girl first, you can't just search around and simply find one and start dating, not if you want it to last. Once you are friends, you can move your way up if you so wish. This is a lesson and an approach that I've found after doing what you did. It helps create a great atmosphere, and when you're friends, dating will feel normal and natural, not something you have to "get". One more thing, don't assume you've had the worst relationships ever, whether online or not. The first one that I had was a heartbreaker, and it wasn't even irl, but it still hurt. I'm trying to give you a bit of advice on what I've learned through similar relationships to yours.

Thank you for reading.