Love?

[DarkestMidnight]

I'm not sure how people will feel about this thread, but here goes anyways. Since I'm bored and in the mood for random talk, what better is there to talk about than our love lives (or not)? Talk about as little or as much as you like. Here, you can talk rant or rave about whatever you choose, I don't care. I would recommend not using names though for specific situations, just to not put this on too much of a personal level. Personally, I'm not one to talk very much about love, but I guess I'll just throw myself out there and see what happens.

I really don't consider anything about me attractive, but somehow I've found girls that actually wanted to date me (big shocker there). I've only ever been in two real relationships, one being not that great and the other being amazing. The first one lasted for about five months, and it ended pretty badly. I won't go into details, but she left me for one of my best friends. My second relationship was incredible, the girl I was dating seemed like my other half. I felt like we were perfect for each other and our relationship lasted almost eight months, but she broke up with me after a pretty bad argument/fight (whatever you want to call it) and it affected me in a pretty negative way. Luckily, I did end up recovering from that eventually.

In relationships, I feel like I'm the kind of person that either is either too lazy or overdoes it, I never reach a perfect balance. I will say that if I really care about someone, I'd probably overdo everything, as I did in my previous relationship. One day, my girlfriend (ex-girlfriend now) got injured and had to go to the emergency room, and I spent my whole day running around worried buying her chocolates, flowers, and a cheesy "get well" card. Yeah, relationships like that take up a lot of my time and drain my wallet of money. :3c

In the past, I've had bad experiences with girls I've had crushes on, as far back as late elementary school. There have been so many times I told myself I was done with dating and that I didn't need girls or love or anything, but for some reason I always repeat the past. I hope I can break the cycle someday and actually find someone that I have a lasting relationship with. Maybe working on my self-confidence or boosting my courage would help, but I'm not too focused on that at the moment.

Sorry for rambling so much, I promise I'm done now! Anyways, as I said, share as much or as little as you want. See you around, have a nice day!

-Midnight

 

[pastelspectre]

Eh. love. I've dated many people online, and a majority of them ended badly. i've been cheated on, left for dumb reasons a lot of the time, and just other dumb crap. i think i am too gullible and get too attached too easily but shrug, it's just who i am i guess. eh. i'll find the right person eventually.

 

[Neil Peart]

The direct opposite of love is hate. I'd much rather love as much as I can, but it's hard when you live in a world like this. It's very easy to hate the world for all of the nasty things that humans have done to each other and the planet they inhabit, but I'm in love with the notion that I'm at the very least alive. Make sense? I can't tell.

 

[moon]

I've been in several relationships that lasted a few months (high school) and a few that lasted several years. The former ones, I mostly did for fun. I didn't think hugely about the future for us, I honestly just wanted somebody to party with and make out with and all that jazz. The longer ones (university), they were different. Maybe not initially, but as it became apparent that things didn't falter after a few months, we tried to make peace with the thought that we might stay together forever. In both of those, the thought and reality eventually became irreconciliable with my personal dreams and needs. Sometimes it seems it can take years for you to accept that you can't be with a certain person and be true to yourself at the same time.

Now I've found somebody for whom I don't have to put up any charades in order to feel like I'm okay person. I just exist, as I am, and do what I like. And he does the same. I think this was what I lacked all this time; the knowledge that I'm not a half needing another half to become whole with. No, I'm a whole person all on my own, wanting another whole person to be so much more with. If there are any life lessons I'd like to pass on, this is one of them (:

 

[Cordeline]

Well a few weeks ago I was asked out for the first time by a boy. I was at a friend's house for his birthday (one of my good friends, and the best friend of the boy who asked me out) and a few minutes before I was picked up by my brother, I was looking out of his balcony (it has a really nice view and I like to go there every time I can). The boy who asked me out came from behind and said he had something very important to tell me. Then he dropped the bomb and I think I was very shocked and nervous. I saw my brother's car and told him sorry, I had to go, and rushed to the car as fast as I could. I couldn't even say bye to my friends who where there, I don't think I was thinking clearly. :(

Honestly I never expected to be asked out by anyone. I don't see myself with a boyfriend until the last years of high school, and I just thought of him as a really good friend. He isn't a bad boy, but I don't think I ever had the same feelings for him as he did for me.

Anyway, this happened on a Friday. The boy goes to a different school so I prepared a letter over the weekend telling him I was sorry for running like that and for not giving him a proper response. I also wrote that I wasn't looking for a boyfriend and that I don't have the same feelings for him. I'm such a chicken, I couldn't turn him down face to face :(. It was also really hard writing that letter, I tried writing it on Saturday and made some progress but I couldn't even sleep because it was bothering me so much. I still like him as a friend, and I did not want him to think I hate him or anything. Anyway, I handed the letter to my best friend and told him to give it to the boy. Also told him to apologise to his mom for leaving without saying goodbye...

But the truth is if there was a very specific boy who asked me out, I'd say yes without thinking twice... But he is more of a platonic love because 1) he is much older than me, 2) he has a girlfriend and 3) even if I waited many years I don't think I'd have the qualities he likes... Such is life, I guess ^-^ :( I guess it's just right to be rejected by someone you really like when you reject someone who likes you.

 

[DarkestMidnight]

Honestly I never expected to be asked out by anyone. I don't see myself with a boyfriend until the last years of high school, and I just thought of him as a really good friend. He isn't a bad boy, but I don't think I ever had the same feelings for him as he did for me.

Hey, it's okay! I've been in that situation before, even on the opposite end. I have a friend that has the same situation, so I can totally understand. You'll find the right person eventually, and so will he. Also, don't let that situation get in the way of your friendship, just move on. Hope everything works out for you, don't think about it too much though. Just take it easy. :)

-Midnight

 

[Cordeline]

Hey, it's okay! I've been in that situation before, even on the opposite end. I have a friend that has the same situation, so I can totally understand. You'll find the right person eventually, and so will he. Also, don't let that situation get in the way of your friendship, just move on. Hope everything works out for you, don't think about it too much though. Just take it easy. :)

-Midnight

Thank you. I haven't seen him since then but it worries me what could happen next time I see him and I can't help it but think about it :(.

 

[GoldenAltaria]

I'm in the same boat as Archy to an extent as far as my expertise on the subject goes, but I figured I'd give my two cents anyway. As far as love itself is concerned, there's only one girl who I really, truly fell in love with (I had crushes before then and have had some since then, but nothing has held a candle to what I felt for her). I had thought that I was in love before that, and perhaps I was, but owing to the magnitude in difference in terms of feelings that I felt at the time versus the "crushes" I had, I am inclined to think that the rest were simply crushes and nothing more (except for maybe one other). I believe that my feelings for her were reciprocal for a time and though things didn't work out as far as a romantic relationship is concerned, we are still very close. Our relationship is hard to describe, really, because it's certainly not a romantic relationship, but I wouldn't call it 100% platonic, either. In addition, I think that love can be found both online and irl; if you love someone for who they are as a person, it shouldn't matter when or where the two of you meet. Thus, I'm open to both kinds of relationships at the moment, but an offline relationship would be easier, of course. I'm generally quite open and honest in terms of revealing my feelings for people; I've tried to use my crushes as learning experiences, but I'd rather put myself out there and get rejected than say nothing at all; what's the point in having feelings for someone if you're not going to act on them? I know that some people would rather keep things bottled up inside, but my view on the matter is that I'd rather face rejection than spend my days wondering what could have been if I simply let my feelings become known. It's anxiety-filled sometimes, sure, but I hope one day that my approach will be worth it.

 

[Lize]

Hm.. Saw this thread, wanted to post something so I gave it some thought.. But, I guess this stuff is pretty hard generally, so I'm just going to start writing and rambling, heh.

I don't know what people would call experience. But neither would I say that I have much experience. I think the biggest lack in experience shines at the feeling of getting a crush quite easily. But, crushes are crushes. I sort of do end up seeing a difference in having a crush on someone and loving someone.

I do, actually, feel love for a person. And it's always hard to figure stuff out. Especially when you know it can't happen. But, the feeling is still amazing and I still cherish it. I'm actually scared of the day that I'll forget about these feelings for that person. I do really love them, and I don't even care anymore how they think about me.

That's.. actually all I have to say about it. Love is amazing, but it's definitely though. For anyone out there being in a much more sticky situation, know that you can and will be loved. I hope you the best.

 

[Kurosaki]

Well, I've only ever felt romantic love a few times, and only been entirely in love with someone a couple of times. Other than that, crushes are way more common for me, and I have a bad habit of flirting with people, or treating relationships kinda loosely. Probably because I care more about hobbies than I do about romance.

I do like the feeling of loving someone, though? Even if it's unrequited, at least I enjoy talking with them or seeing them around probably more than I would otherwise. It usually settles on me just wanting them to be happy, and I've never been mad at them that it wasn't me. It's not like people can help who they love and such. It's nice to know I can feel that sorta thing, when most of the time I'm more focused elsewhere. It's refreshing, I suppose. And when it is returned, you feel pretty unstoppable for a while.

 

[Palamon]

Spoiler:

I honestly hate love. I hate the feeling. It's tormenting, and makes me want to cry. I guess I'm afraid of it, and always have been. If I had a choice, honestly, I would not love another human soul. I don't plan to marry, I don't plan to date, so it's a useless emotion within me anyway. Joke's on me, because I love someone atm, and don't wanna feel that way about anyone at all, for any reason.

 

[gimmepie]

I have a pretty pessimistic view on the subject honestly, but it's ironically something I want. I guess I'm one of those people that hates the aspect of romantic love that's anxiety and pain but who is desperate for the positive side.

My past relationships have generally not been particularly serious in all honesty, only like a third of them have really been "serious". The last one more so and honestly it's really not something I can say I'm "over". I'm at a point where I'm accepting of what happened but it still effects me every day.

tl;dr I'm not sure what I want these days. But hey, I'm an invalid who can't leave the house most days so I've probably got bigger things to worry about.

 

[Firebolt]

Dammit OP, your story stirred some old feelings inside me...

I'm kinda like you. I don't think I was ever the kid that anyone wanted to be with. At primary school, I was a chubby nerd (who liked to play Pokemon). In high school, I was a skinny geek (who liked to play other games as well as Pokemon, and was much better at chess than his younger self). I think my racial features also didn't help me.

Anyway, halfway through high school, I start dating a girl (still can't figure out to this day how that happened). We go strong for about a year and a half. First few months, I was like you; I overdid it. Luckily she didn't seem to mind, but I figured out I had to change a bit. I did, and it went well. Few months before we broke up, I think I was going through depression or something. I wasn't able to see her outside of school for reasons, I was struggling with subjects at school, and I started lose track of time. Days went by and I just felt 'meh'. I wasn't motivated, didn't feel like doing anything. She interpreted it as I wasn't interested in a relationship, and broke up with me.

It still strikes a sore point with me when I think about it now (she's currently dating a dude I really didn't get along with), but I'm over it. I'm kinda glad for the experience it gave me, but I think it's made me even more introverted XD It's alright though, I still got all my waifus...

 

[RegalSin]

Look you love something you have to pay attention to it and give it everything you have. It is like a baby to a mother or owner to a pet. You can't ignore it. Time passes by and your other needs you or will just dive into another persons hands.

With people ( or for men the "beast" known as women ). People change there minds quickly and are calculative. Too much time and that want to be with a person will fly out the window, like a parakeet out of it's cage. There is a saying "Men have many lovers". ( in fact there is a song called that ). yesterday I was sitting with women who are model material and one by one my chances of being with them flew out the window like a bad joke.

 

[jappo]

Hmmm. this sounds like a topic I should avoid if i dont want to open old wounds. On the other hand, its the internet, so why not? :P

Love, what can I say about it? Besides the dating, I have been in one serious relationship so far. It was an relationship that lasted almost 4 years, so I have some experience about the matter That relationship was with a girl I met during one of my vacations as a kid, we always kept in touch for over 8 years over MSN Messenger, Live and all those other older platforms I cant remember. After a while, kinda out of nowhere, I asked her out to go with me to a theme park and we hit it of from there. ( I know, that went real fast.).

Wonderfull Girl, she only thought about certain things different than I did. While I was/am an Atheist, she was Christian. While I valued friends highly, she was more of the type that would spent the entire weekend with the boyfriend (that would be me) at home.While I was/am the type of guy who wants to travel and be free, she was more of the type that wanted to buy a house and get married asap. There was always some friction here and there, but due to me being in love like a puppy who found his new owner, I was willing to change everything about me for her. So I saw my friends less and less, went to church with her, and spent a lot of time at her place in the weekend. There was even small talk about settling down for good somewhere.

Then, out of nowhere, she left me for a different guy just before the most important internship for my career started. (one of the biggest companies in my branche, and was selected as sole person from over 20 people).Needless to say, I was a complete wreck. Never felt so empty then, and the whole Internship couldnt care anymore. I barely passed it (out of courtesy of that office), but ruined any chance of ever finding a job there. While I eventually got over the whole fact, I do still have a lot of regret giving everything up for a woman who then trows you away at one of the most important moments of your life. Luckely my friends were really forgiving and nice, and after a good talk with some beer, I was able to somehow fix that.

So, Botomline, I know the damage losing someone and/or getting betrayed by someone you love can do to you. On the other hand, I know how amazing love can be, the amount of confidence you get when someone is always at your back, how much happiness you can get when your loved one is around you and the amount of comfort you get by saying or messaging (depends on the type of relationship) "goodnight' before heading to bed. So I can surely recomend it to other people! ♥ Just not for me atm.

That was all last year. This year has been way more fun! ^^
​

 

[Nyoxios]

All I can say love is a curious thing.. I had my crushes in elementary school, felt heartbroken when that one girl moved away. Wasn't interested or busy with girls throughout high school.

I focused a lot of my time and energy to be independent, I guess it goes back to my history (long story, don't feel like explaining.) I figured I first had to know how to be independent before letting someone else into my life and myself into someone elses life, just in case I'd be left alone again.

And then after years came September 2015, on another forum got chatty with an American girl, and we kinda never stopped.. So since December '15 I've been in my first relationship. It's a bit tough that it's a long distance one and that we've met online but hey there is Skype and free messaging between iPhones! We've discussed about it, that maybe it works in our favor in the end. The distance makes it we can't be physically together (which hurts sometimes) but we both learn to love other things than physical stuff, so when we do get together we both know we're not in it just to get laid.

 

[Signomi]

Before my current relationship whatever previous ones I had were online and long distance. I found myself getting frustrated as my life changed and became stressful to the point I just couldn't deal with a relationship that lacked physical intimacy. My last online relationship was with somebody here on PC and that lasted a number of years until my general activity online became heavily intermittent and eventually I got too caught up in my own life situation to even be here anymore.

Years after that I picked myself up though I insisted on being single, until I started working in a warehouse environment and was coached by my then supervisor; who is now my significant other. Over time we've flirted and loved, laughed hard, cried hard, argued, squabbled over who does laundry and who left their socks on the floor, walked in heavy downpours of rain, etc--we've bonded. I feel like our relationship is healthy because we do ALL of these things, and I've personally learned that love doesn't mean that you're with that "perfect individual that makes you feel good inside" and that's it. It's more so that you love somebody who is just as imperfect as you are but you both share the emotional bond and fondness of each other in order to pull through personality defects and make use of your strengths combined. That sort of thing makes life an obstacle that can be tackled over and over again.

 

[Eden]

I'm in my first true relationship right now (as in, not counting LDRs that failed because of the fact they were LDRs). It's been going for only a month and a half now, but I can't say I've ever felt such an overload of joyful emotions in my entire life. I stayed on the fence on confessing to him for a while, but when I found out we felt exactly the same about each other I decided to go for it. For better or for worse I wear the pants in the relationship.

It's really hard for me to put love into words, even with what's happened with me so far. But at the end of the day, love's what you make it out to be. I went a long time believing it to be pointless (until now, of course.)

 

[Caaethil]

Now I've found somebody for whom I don't have to put up any charades in order to feel like I'm okay person. I just exist, as I am, and do what I like. And he does the same. I think this was what I lacked all this time; the knowledge that I'm not a half needing another half to become whole with. No, I'm a whole person all on my own, wanting another whole person to be so much more with. If there are any life lessons I'd like to pass on, this is one of them (:

That was beautiful. :')

 

[Dracowyn]

I broke up with my girlfriend in March, even though we're still friends. And I'm really glad we are cause I never fall for someone I'm not good friends with first. So if it ends in a breakup I always worry we won't be able to be friends anymore.

I've only been in two serious relationships before. One online and one irl (which was the most recent one) and enjoyed both. Boh of them enriched my life and made me get to know new things, for an example my recent ex girlfriend loved folk music and folk dances so I went to dance initiations with her and stuff which was a lot of fun.

Aside from those two relationships, I haven't had any other. There's one friend I had something with, but it was more like half a year of being friends with benefits. We weren't a couple or anything and she's still one of my closest friends.

But yeah. I'm much more social and open than I was in the past, yet I still have a really hard time finding someone. Partly because I really need to get to know someone before I even can have any feelings for them. And even if I do, I get anxious because I'm afraid they'll reject me and end our friendship, which never happened before (well, the latter part) but I'm still paranoid about it.
Another reason is because I'm a total bonehead and so thick skulled I pretty much never notice if a girl likes me unless they just tell me.