[Pokémon] Habitat 15

Oh boy.
*Deep breath*
I sat on this one for a while. Kept thinking to myself "this is horrible, no one is gonna like this. I need to rewrite this again. This sentence is awkward." But then I realized, it really does suck. But I'm not gonna get better unless I post it somewhere. So enjoy. I'm not entirely sure how to use the rating system, but I think I just need to say that it's got some violence in it. Some character death. Yeah. I'd rate it T. Here goes nothing.
*pushes submit button*


I looked around spastically, my eyes scanning the landscape set out before me. There were all sorts of piles of scrap surrounding me, I appeared to be in the middle of a shipwreck. The air stank of salt water, and this was proven correct as I turned around to find a shoreline, complete with crashing waves. Behind me, an overgrown forest. The sky was pouring, rain tumbling down at alarming speeds.
My canvas bag flew off my shoulder, my arm reaching out to catch it. It was ripped from my grasp by the violent wind, as various items sailed out of the open bag.
I noticed in the sky some sort of bird. It flew about randomly, screeching into the air. I picked my Pokedex off of the ground, pointing it at the bird. The machine flipped open automatically, sensing a Pokemon. The newly surfaced screen flickered on, a low battery symbol flashing on and off in the top right corner, but the machine still scanned.
"Swablu, the Cotton Bird Pokemon. Swablu has light and fluffy wings that are like cottony clouds. This Pokemon is not afraid of people. It lands on the heads of people and sits there like a cotton-fluff hat. This Swablu is male."
The cheery description clashed against my dark surroundings. This couldn't be a Swablu, though. This Pokemon was twice the size of an Altaria, if not more. Flames blazed out of its mouth, lighting the nearby forest on fire. I heard the whisper of something gliding through the air, but spun around too late. Something hit me in the face, and I fell to the sand beneath me, clutching my head. My vision was blurry, and I soon fell unconscious.

"Wally?"
"Wally! Wake up!"

Well, I guess this is some sort of prologue? You didn't exactly give your readers much to work with, length-wise and information-wise, but that's okay. Prologues are allowed to do that. What you did write leaves the reader full of questions and generally just confused. I'm guessing this is Hoenn, since Wally is there and a coast also fits the region, even though the old ship is not actually at a beach, so this is probably a different one? If it is actually real and not just a dream as the end could suggests.

What confused me, apart from the obvious, was the randomly appearing forest here:

Santalune Forest said:

Flames blazed out of it's mouth, lighting a nearby forest on fire.

Click to expand...

Yeah, you said there was a coastline before, but not a single word about any trees. And then a couple paragraphs later, the mysterious pokémon burns down a forest. I had to stop there for a second, asking myself where that one suddenly came from. (Also, the "it's" in this sentence should be an "its". It's a possessive pronoun after all.)

At this point, there's not enough text to tell whether it is as bad as you fear. (Though, good or bad is really subjective anyway.) But either way, you don't have to be so negative. If you, as the author, do not like it, why should anybody else? No, I should probably say that differently. I can relate to that, after all. Sometimes the written text actually seems not as good as what you imagined it would be and it won't get better no matter how many times you change it. But going at it this negatively is not the solution. Don't outright say that it sucks, or the readers will expect it to suck. ;)

Hi there! It's always great to see new writers here. :) About the nervous thing, totally understandable as many writers including myself always gets anxious whenever we share something. I'll agree with Tora, though, that sometimes our writing isn't as bad as we thought. You'll at least have others give you advice if there are improvements needed (like Tora did there).

As for the story itself, also will agree with Tora over there's not too much yet to give a full assessment and I did get confused over if it's real or a dream. I assume that'll be revealed soon, though. I will say that what you set up is interesting, especially the part with the forest fire, so nice job on that!

One quick advice I would give is double space after each paragraph, at least when you post here. If you wrote this in Word or Google Doc I can understand the indention, however in forums indent formatting doesn't work the same way.

So yeah, hopefully what Tora and I said puts you at ease a little bit! If you decide to post of your chapters here, I look forward to them!