Dear Pokémon

Dear Bugsy,

I don't understand your character. Manga says you're like a scientist, game says you're idek. A feminine boy with a gym leader title. It's unique enough, I suppose!

Dear Volkner,

Do you and Flint sit atop Sunyshore Beacon on a romantic evening and watch the sun set?

Dear Landorus,

What... What even...? What is up with that hair? Is it even hair? Why is it shaped like that? Your cousins Twiddle-Dee and Twiddle-Dun managed to look cool. Okay, not exactly cool, but passable. Okay, not exactly passable, but better than you. And then there's your animorph or whatever. One of the others is a buff lizard and the other is a fat parrot, yet you still manage to look stupider than them. They made an effort, at least; you just went on all fours and hoped we wouldn't notice.

Please rectify these issues at once.

Dear Rival,

Can't we just be friends ?

Dear Slaking,

Why must your ability be truant?

Dear Arcanine,

Just how tall are you again? There's been some... Debate.

Dear Lysandre
Why on earth your team of "chosen ones" was made of idiots?

Dear Vileplume
Why do you miss so much?

Dear Mawile
Why are you so weak without the Mega evolution but with it you are OP?

Dear Diancie
... that serial code was a nightmare...

Dear Trapinch.

The first time I acknowledged you had "Arena trap" as an (annoying) ability, I was EV-training some SP.A.
Thank you for ruinig my efforts b*tch.

Dear Cheryl,

I will never forget when we paired up in Pokemon Platinum. Nor will I ever forget how you told your Chansey to use Egg Bomb on that Shiny Budew we came across, before I had the chance to catch it.

Thanks mate.

Dear Pokemon Shuffle,

You truly do enjoy watching me suffer, don't you? I know you do. But I'm not giving up. I'll get there even if it takes me fifteen years.

Dear Dunsparce,

U a disgusting and weak thing, you don't even deserve your right to exist.

Dear Shuckle,

Next time I need to be protected from opponent attacks I should take a piece of wall instead of you, at least I could hit something with it. Dumb*ss.

Dear Pokémon Shuffle
Stop begin so cute plz omgh

Dear Wooper
Don't learn Ice punch

Dear Charmander:
Where do you buy your umbrellas from.

Dear Zubat,

Just stop. Please.

Dear Wynaut,

Because I said so.

Dear pokespe,

Please exist in Swedish stores.

Dear Wingull,
Could you please stop popping out like zubats?

Dear Professor Oak:
Why can't you remember the name of your grandson.

Dear Professor Oak,

Please stop doubting my gender, it's obvious I'm a guy, you're making me and everyone else self-conscious. Also, why do you keep forgetting *******'s name? He's your grandson. That's horrible.

Dear Feebas,

You're beautiful just the way you are, don't let those contest snobs put you down.