A New Home (Pokemon in the Human World)

[The-master-trainer]

Hope you like the story! <3
*************************************************
Prolouge

"Hurry up you Vulpix!" a Rachiu yelled at the group of pokemon in the back that were slowing down. The Vulpix didn't speed up. The Rachiu sighed stopped running. He signled for the rest of the Rachius to keep going. The Rachiu stopped the Vulpix. "Will you keep up for Celebi's sake! Were running out of time till the end. We have to make it to the portal and I won't let anyone die. so, if you would like to live, keep up!" Rachiu snapped. "Sorry Rachiu..." The Vulpix whimpered. "Now get going!" The Rachiu and the group of Vulpix dashed in the direction the group of pokemon were going. When they caught up, Rachiu went back to his kind. "What was that about?" a Rachiu in the front asked. "Nothing... Look! There's the portal!" Rachiu shouted. A swril of pink and purple was in the air, getting smaller and smaller by the second. "When you get to the portal, jump into it!" Rachiu yelled. The portal was now in jumping reach. Rachiu leaped with all his might, and flew through the portal.

It seemed that they were in the portal a second when they pokemon landed on very hard ground. Rachiu groaned and looked around. The pokemon were surronded by giant bulidings made with glass, flashing lights, and cars. Not a person was in sight. "Where are we?" a Shellos asked, dazed from the fall. There was a silence. "We are in the Human world." a very smart Ninetails commented. "Whats that?" Rachiu asked. "It's a world that has no pokemon. Well, untill know. In this world, there are trainers with no pokemon, strange animals. The most common are dogs and cats. They can be dangerous at times, so be careful with them. You have to be careful for cars here. In our world, any trainer would stop their car for a pokemon crossing a road, but here, some trainers don't wait and just hit you." Ninetails explained. "This place sounds dangerous. Are you sure this is where Celebi ment to send us?" a Bidoof piped up. "Celebi made no mistake. Thats why i've been doing so much research on it."
********************************************
Chapter 1

"Lucy! Quit drawing those creatures and finish you breakfest. It isn't proper mannors to do so." My mom scolded me. I "Mom." I groaned. "I have to finish it right now! The drawing is due this afternoon at the art museum." I told my mother while drawing the second pikachu in my picture. I'm Lucy Moon. I love pokemon. It has always been my dream for them to be real. My Mom doesn't like me being interested in pokemon. She thinks that I should spend my time thinking and doing stuff thats 'Real'. "Fine, but hurry up." My mom said. I live in New York City in a apartment. I'm fifteen by the way. Thats one of the reasons my Mom thinks I should stop liking it. She thinks that only little kids like it, but you can be any age to like it.

To my Mom's dismay, I dropped out of High School to be a professionl artist for the pokemon company here in New York. My Mom was very angry with me for months because I didn't tell her before I dropped out and got a job there. I'm currently entering a picture of a group of Pikachu playing to a art contest a few blocks away from here. The theme is the beach, so far I have a Pikachu surfing, two Pikachu's buliding a sandcastle, a Pikachu tanning, and a and a group of Pikachu's playing beach volleyball with their tails. I just need to do the sky and i'll be done. I scarffed down my piece of toast, grabbed my purse and headed out the door for the muesum. As I walked downthe stairs, out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw a creature that looked alot like a Vulpix. I gasped and turned in the creature's direction, but nothing was there. My heads just playing trick's on me, thats all.

Thats what I thought for only a second, when I saw a Pikachu walked in front of the stair's landing on the street. "A Pikachu?!?!" I shouted. The Pikachu looked over at me and froze. A second later, the Vulpix I had thought wasn't real was standing next to the Pikachu. This can't be real. I smacked myself in the face. Ow!!! When I loked back at the Pokemon they were looking at me like I was crazy. "What?" I asked. the Pikachu turned to the Vulpix. "These trainers here are very werid." The Pikachu commented. "YOU CAN TALK???" I shouted. "Did you say something?" The Vulpix asked. The Pikachu shook it's head no. they turned to me. "Um... Did you speak?" They both asked. "Yes." I said. Then, something round and hard hit me on the head. I picked it up. It's a pokeball! I looked up to the stairs above me. Through the slits, I could see a girl wearing a red bandanna on her head; had brown hair, red shirt, and white pants race off the stairs and onto the level above me. I looked at the pokemon in front of me. I shrugged and threw the pokeball at the Vulpix. The Vulpix was sucked into the ball. It rocked back and forth alot and then clicked.
************************************************
Hoped you liked the first chapter! Please rate and comment! <3

 

[Satoshi_Red]

Please don't make everything in bold. It is very obnoxious. If you must, make it all itallics, as that is less eye-rending.

 

[Blue Screen of Death]

seriously dude, that whole thing was a disaster, spelling and grammar mistakes all over, it was short, and the idea was not all that good either. First, apply description liberally, second, every time a new person talks, hit enter twice. remember, new person=new paragraph.

 

[BREAKINGBEN]

*************************************************
Prologue

"Hurry up you Vulpix!" a Raichu -Raichu was spelled wrong yelled at a -I personally think it sounds better group of pokemon in the back that were slowing down.

The Vulpix didn't speed up. Raichu sighed and stopped running. He signaled for the rest of the Rachius to keep going. Rachiu stopped the Vulpix.

"Will you keep up for Celebi's Arceus would make more sense here, as it is known as the 'god' Pokemon, but it's all up to the writer. sake! Were running out of time until the end. We have to make it to the portal, and I'm not going to leave anyone behind, so if you would like to live, keep up!" Raichu -For some reason you switched between "The" Raichu and jut plain Raichu. Since you are use "The" Vulpix to describe a group, and just the Pokemon's name to describe a single Pokemon, stick with that.snapped.

"Sorry Rachiu..." The Vulpix whimpered, picking up their pace. Be more descriptive in your story. It makes it more interesting and longer!

"Now get going!"

Raichu and the group of Vulpix dashed in the direction the group of pokemon were going. When they caught up, Rachiu went back to his kind.

"What was that about?" a Raichu in the front asked.

"Nothing. Look!" Raichu shouted, pointing at the sky. A swirl of vibrant colors illuminated the area, rapidly shrinking in size. "There's the portal!"

"When you get to the portal, jump into it!" Raichu yelled.

The group of Pokemon sped up in fright, and soon the portal was in jumping reach. Raichu leapt with all his might, and flew through the portal. The other Pokemon hesitated for a brief moment, then leaped into the colorful abyss. -Just a few changes to make the story sound better. Once again, description is KEY!

It seemed that they were in the portal a second when they pokemon landed on very hard ground. Raichu groaned and looked around. The Pokemon were surrounded by giant bulidings made of glass, flashing lights, and cars. -Please describe this scene more. Not a person was in sight.

"Where are we?" a Shellos asked, dazed from the fall.

There was silence.

"We are in the Human world." a very smart Ninetales commented. How did it know so fast? What makes the Ninetales "Very Smart?"

"Whats that?" Raichu asked.

"It's a world that has no Pokemon. Well, until now. In this world, there are trainers with no pokemon, strange animals. The most common are dogs and cats. -Not needed They can be dangerous at times, so be careful with them. You have to be careful for cars here. In our world, any trainer would stop their car for a pokemon crossing a road, but here, some trainers don't wait and just hit you." Ninetails explained.

"This place sounds dangerous. Are you sure this is where Celebi meant to send us?" a Bidoof piped up.

"Celebi made no mistake. That's why I've been doing so much research on it."



Comments in bold, fixations in italics.

Overall, meh. I like the idea, but the execution is way off. You need to be more descriptive with scenes. It seemed as though you just thrust your characters into different scenarios without any transition. Also, many spelling mistakes. Please use Microsoft Word or some other program with Spell-check.

Please learn to make your stories flow better. This one was very choppy and bland. I only did the Prologue because, well, it was hard just to stay focused on your writing.

Another big thing, please use the default font because it is much easier to read. Bold strains the eyes very quickly.

Please listen to mine and any other advice that has/will be given to you. We are not here to hurt your writing, just make it better.

 

[The-master-trainer]

Overall, meh. I like the idea, but the execution is way off. You need to be more descriptive with scenes. It seemed as though you just thrust your characters into different scenarios without any transition. Also, many spelling mistakes. Please use Microsoft Word or some other program with Spell-check.

Please learn to make your stories flow better. This one was very choppy and bland. I only did the Prologue because, well, it was hard just to stay focused on your writing.

Another big thing, please use the default font because it is much easier to read. Bold strains the eyes very quickly.

Please listen to mine and any other advice that has/will be given to you. We are not here to hurt your writing, just make it better.

Wow. You write awesome! I shouldn't have used bold. Some dude on another site told me to use it. I didn't realize I made so many mistakes with spelling. When I post the next chapter, i'll do it in italic.

 

[BREAKINGBEN]

Oh, thanks :).

I used to use bold on my posts (not story posts, just normal) and it started to annoy me ><!

Which dude... he needs to be taught a lesson! *Grabs Foam Finger...!*

Personally, I think italics is better on the eyes, but others may disagree, so try to stick with normal font.

 

[Buoysel]

Oh, thanks :).

Personally, I think italics is better on the eyes, but others may disagree, so try to stick with normal font.

Whats wrong with regular text?

i like it so far but i agree with the others, it does need some help. i want to see what pikachu's reaction to Vulpix being caugh.

 

[The-master-trainer]

New chapter <3

Sorry about the bold... on this other site I go to, a few people told me to write in bold to make it look better. I guess I shouldn't have. I'll try italic. You may be right. The idea wasn't that wonderful and I did make grammar mistakes. I'll try my best to make it better, so here's the next chapter.
******************************************
Chapter 2

"Nice aim." The Pikachu commented. "Aren't you sad that your Vulpix friend was just caught?" I asked, confused. "I didn't even know that Vulpix. I have a habit of talking to random pokemon." Pikachu said. "Ok then. Oh, I have one more question.... How did you get here?! Pokemon aren't real!" I asked. "Well, I guess I could tell you. Ok, so one day Celebi called for all pokemon to come to the Time Forest. Of course, everyone went there because Celebi rarely calls meetings and only if there important. When we got there, most of the legendary pokemon were with her. Celebi told us that our world was coming to an end within hours. Everyone started to panic. Celebi then told us that she and the legendary Pokemon would open time portals up all over the land for us to escape. We did and ended up here. I don't know why Celebi would send us to such a dangerous world like this." Pikachu said.

"Wow. What was causing the world to explode?" I asked. I'm in a curious mood today. Before Pikachu could say anything someone behind me said
"No one knows. Not even the scientists." I jumped and turned around. The girl that dropped the Pokeball on my head was leaning on the railing. She looks so familiar.... "You May!" I exclaimed happily. "I see you watch the TV show they have here." She said. "Of course I will, Is everything the same in your world?" I asked. "Yes. Know I need some help along with Pikachu." May told us. "Anything for you guys" I said. "Ok then, help us find Ash." May said. I turned to Pikachu. "Your Really Ash's Pikachu? That's awesome!" I shouted. Pikachu threw me the Pokeball containing my Vulpix. "Here's your new Pokemon. You'll need it." Pikachu said. I was about to walked forward when Pikachu jumped on my shoulder. I almost fell backwards into May. "Ok, you can sit there." I told Pikachu. He looked satisfied. Me and May started walking down the street. "Where do you think Ash is?" I asked May. She shrugged. "He's most likely looking for us." May told us. I looked at my watch. It's almost twelve… My drawing! I forgot all about it. "We need to get to the museum as fast as we can. I dashed down the street. A few seconds later May was running next to me. A few people glanced over at me and Pikachu. One little kid even shouted "A Pikachu!" to his Mom. Of course, we were out of sight before the Mom could turn around, so she must have thought he was crazy. Soon the museum was in view. It was a tall brown building with a few beautiful stain glass windows.

When we got to the entrance, I stopped. "Ok Pikachu. I just can't walk into the museum with you on my shoulder. Get in the bag." I said, referring to my purse.
"You want me to stuff myself into a small purse?" Pikachu asked. "No, I want you to jump off a bridge. Of course that's what I mean!" I said sarcastically. Pikachu sighed and hopped in. I zipped it shut and slung the purse back over my shoulder. May went inside and I followed. The lobby was so cool. The font desk was as pearly white as can be. The stain glass windows add a lovely affect. They were vivid with color. The wood floors were a beautiful light brown. I strutted up to the front desk. A lady wearing a blue museum worker outfit was doing paperwork. "Um, excuse me. Would you direct me and my friend to the place where you enter your art to the contest?" I asked. The lady pointed to a big door on our right. "Ok then. Thanks." I said. We headed in the door. The museum director was standing behind his desk. In front of him was Ash and I who think Tracy Sketchit. "Ash! We found you!" May exclaimed, rushing up to them. I ran after her.

"May? Who's that?" Ash asked, referring to me. "I'm Lucy Moon." I said. "And you must be Ash and Tracy. I'm a big fan of your drawings. You only see them a few times in the aime, but when you do see them, their amazing. It looks like that Pokemon just jumped on the page." I told him. "Wow. Thanks. No one's ever told me. Do you draw?" Tracy asked. "Yup," I showed my picture of my Pikachu's. "That's great! Are you entering it in the art contest?" He asked. "Yup," I replied. I walked over to the museum director and handed him my entry. "I'm Lucy Moon." I told him. "Ok. Come back tomorrow to find out who won." The man said. I nodded and turned back to everyone.

 

[Astinus]

Here's a suggestion: Don't mess with the font at all. As the rules state.

Your story becomes increasingly difficult to read every time you mess with the font. Just leave it with the forum default so that everyone can read it.

 

[The-master-trainer]

Ok, thanks alot. I'll keep it the normal kind. <3

 

[The-master-trainer]

New chapter!

Here's the new chapter, in normal font.
********************************

Chapter 3

"What should we do now?" I asked.
"I don't know." May sighed. I turned to Ash.
"Is Misty here?" I asked him. Ash shrugged.
"I don't know. We all went through a portal together with our pokemon, who told us that we had to, and Misty got seperated from us." Ash told me sadly.
"Thats terrbile. Where do you think she is?" I asked.
"Knowing her, I'd say somewhere with water." Ash said.
"Well, there's a pond in central park, an aquarium over there, and a local pool down the street." I commented.
"Lets go to the pool first." Tracy said. We all agreed and headed out for the pool. as we walked down the street, Tracy picked up something.
"Whats this?" He asked. I looked at the object. It was a necklass with a drop of water as a charm.
"That's Misty's!" Ash exclaimed. "
She must've gone this way." May said.
"To the pool!" I shouted. Now we were running down the street. as the pool came in view, something tripped me. I fell flat on my face. I groaned and went to get up when I felt someone taking my purse off my shoulder.

I looked up to see a female Team Magma Grunt going through my purse.
"What are you doing?!?!" I shouted as I got up.
"That Vulpix you caught is mine! It broke out of it's Pokeball when we got here." She snarled.
"Well, it's mine now!" I tackled her to the ground. My purse went flying and May caught it before it hit the ground. She pushed me off.
"Get off you brat!" She snarled.
"Just because your trying to take over a lengendary pokemon that you don't even know where it is doesn't mean you can boss people around!" I shouted. Oh no! I reffered to the show! Her expression changed from anger to confusion.
"How do you know that?" She asked.
"Um..." I mumbled.
"You know too much. Get her!" Suddenly, five more Grunts appeared and tackled me to the ground. So much was going on around me that it was making me dizzy, so I blacked out.

When I woke up I was tied to a chair. The knots were really tight. The room was like a dungeon with the concreat(SP?) walls and floors. I tried to break free when I felt something on my lap. A Team Magma uniform with a red Pokeball on top. There was a note It said:

Dear New captive,
There is a button on the back of the chair that will realse you. Press is and change into the uniform and find out what Pokemon is inside. You are now apart of Team Magma. When you have done so, bang on the door and I will get you
--Chad

Oh wonderful. Its always been my dream to join Team Magma. Not. I looked back and pressed the button. The ropes came lose. I got up and looked at the uniform I was expected to wear. I guess I have no choice at the moment. I slipped my shirt off and put the other one on. Later, when I had figured out how to put the belt on, I realsed my new pokemon. Out came a Ninetails.
"Ohhh. Thats better than that Vulpix." I commented outloud.
"I shouldn't be here." Someone said. I looked around and stopped at Ninetails.
"Was that you?" I asked slowly. Ninetails shoke her head yes....
***********************************************

Hope you liked the chapter. I tried to do that thing where you start on a new line each time someone talks. Is that better?

 

[Buoysel]

Yes the font and the format are better.

This chapter was kinda short. you should make sure you have at least 2 pages in Microsoft word (or any other word processor.)* That way you wont have a chapter that takes less than two minutes to read.





*so people don't get mad

 

[The-master-trainer]

Sorry. I had to eat dinner and my mom was yelling at me to come down stairs. I had to end it.

 

[ABZ DEATHNOTE]

Cool I Kinda like Wow 25 words

 

[Astinus]

Cool I Kinda like Wow 25 words

Do that again in this section and get an infraction.

Oh, and your font is wonderful now, the-master-trainer. ^^ Thanks!

 

[The-master-trainer]

New Chapter!

*****************************
Chapter 4

"It was I that spoke." Ninetails said. Can every pokemon talk now?
"You said you shouldn't be here. Why?" I asked. Ninetails sighed.
"When I arived here with the rest of my clan, most of us were captured for the use of Team Magma. They caught all of us except a little Vulpix. She went into hiding and is having a breakdown, as my sceret source tells me. I have to escape and help her. She's my kin." Ninetails sadly explained.
"Thats terrible! I'll help you escape." I told Ninetails.
"Really?" She asked hopefully.
"Of course. With a reason like that, I can't just ignore it. Besides, I have to escape too. They captured me because I know about their plans." I told Ninetails.
"We can help each other by working together. Lets do it." Ninetails said happily.
I returned her to the Pokeball and went and banged on the door as hard as I could.

I heard voices and footsteps coming down the hall. I stepped back when I heard the someone un-locking the door. When it opened there stood the cutest guy I have ever seen. Brown hair, green eyes, and a way better looking uniform. We we were both silent. He finally said
"Hi, I'm Thorn. I see you put on your uniform. Um... you put the belt on wrong..." I groaned.
"Kidding. Those things were so hard to get on. Anyway, today you will battle different members so see how well you work with Pokemon. Follow me." Thorn said as he started to walk away. I followed him down the hall. We came to a door and Thorn went through. I went in after him. Behind the door was a battle stage and another Magma Grunt was standing at the other end.
"You will battle him. Go stand over there and release your Pokemon." Thorn commanded. I walked to the edge.
"Come on out Ninetails!" I shouted. Ninetails zapped out of the Pokeball and onto the stage.
"Lets go Charamander!" the Dude shouted.
"Let the battle begin!" Thorn shouted. Ninetails turned to me.
"I'll take care of this." She said. I nodded. Ninetails turned back to Charamander.
"Use Slash!" The Grunt shouted. Charamander went flying for Ninetails. Ninetails used Double Team and Charamander hit a clone.

Ninetails dissmised the clones and used Metal Tail. When Ninetail's tail hit Charamander, it went flying into the wall and made a big dent. Charamander struggled to get up, but he did.
"Use Flamethrower!" The Magma Grunt commanded the hurt Charamander. Charamander opened it's mouth and a stream of flames came out and hit Ninetails. She just sat there. The fire dissapeared. Ninetails got up and look mad.
"Foolish human. Did you not know I absorb fire when hit by it? Did you know, that absorbing it makes me mad? I guess not." Ninetails hissed as she crept over to the Charamander. She used bite and threw the Charamander at the Magma Grunt. He caught his Pokemon and stood there, frozen. She was about to leap onto to two.
"Ninetails, stop!" I shouted. I ran out to her.
"Whats the matter?" I asked my angered Pokemon.
"I have a problem with that part of me. When I absord fire, it makes me mad. when I was a Vulpix, my Mom would say that I had a glitch. I hate having a glitch." Ninetails growled.

Thorn raced over to us.
"That Ninetails should me locked up!" The terrified Magma Grutn screamed.
"Shut Up!" I shouted in his face. Thorn just stared at Ninetails.
"I sense way too much anger in this Ninetails. More than there should be. The Grunt is right. This Ninetails should be locked up." Thorn announced. I gasped.
********************************
Hope you liked the chapter.

 

[Buoysel]

Please, please, proofread. There are a lot of type-o's

"That Ninetails should me locked up!" The terrified Magma Grutn screamed.

I think this one is obvious.

here, frozen. She was about to leap onto to two.

Should be onto the two.

 

[Ninja Caterpie]

Sorry. I had to eat dinner and my mom was yelling at me to come down stairs. I had to end it.

What does dinner have to do with ANYTHING?

You know, you just spelt the word D-E-M-I-S-E for yourself.

-deep breath-

Do not type in the reply box, okies?

Spoiler:

(Oh darn, I'm sounding like Jeremy and DJG)

Anyway, the idea...seems alright...
But the chapters are far far too short...

Well, just listen to the crit and get better...
Good lucks!

 

[The-master-trainer]

I'm writing chapter 5 right now. I can't post it tomorrow because I'm going to a nascar race. I think my dad said the Coke 400 or something. I might poist it sunday when I get back, depending how tired I am. ttyl!

 

[Buoysel]

.
"Lets go Charamander!" the Dude shouted.
"Let the battle begin!" Thorn shouted. Ninetails turned to me.
"I'll take care of this." She said. I nodded. Ninetails turned back to Charamander.

Hope you liked the chapter.

I forgot to say that you lack detail. what does Charamander look like. I know what it looks like, but to those who don't, they have no idea what is going on. you did not describe Ninetails either.

When writing a story, you have to paint a picture in the readers mind using words.