[Pokémon] All That Glitters

[Dubstep]

Notice

I uploaded the first chapter of this about three years ago, but have since scrapped much of it and written several more chapters (which have yet to go through revision/editing). I asked the current moderator and was told that I should make a new thread to avoid any confusion about old comments and posts - so here it is!

Summary
A Pokemon trainer down to his luck turns to Team Rocket.

Genres
Action/Drama/Friendship

Rating
PG-13 for occasional mild cursing and cartoon violence

Navigation
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(hopefully to be used as a quick way to reach updates)

...

Prologue
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"Lee, no." The woman's voice cracked. "You can't mean to do this again."

Her child peeked out from behind her skirt at the sound. A man with a face full of shadows between the brim of his hat and the upturned collar of his coat stood in the doorway, determined not to look her in the eye. He grabbed her hand when she reached out to touch his face.

"Don't. You know it's easier this way, Heather. Put Michael back to bed and make yourself some tea. Everything will be okay."

"You say that -" She yanked her hand away. "You always say that, but one of these days it won't be. Please, don't take that chance."

"I have to. You don't really think I'm going to die after all these years, do you? This is nothing I haven't done before, and I'm bringing my best Pokemon."

Against his own advice, Lee placed both hands on his wife's bulging stomach.

"Trust me. Haven't you always, and haven't I always pulled through? I'll probably even be back in time to see our daughter be born. But if I'm not…"

"I'll call my sister." Heather sighed. "She – she'll be good to have around, either way. I'm going to need a little extra help around the house soon."

"That's a good idea, and you have some pretty great help here already from what I hear."

The man knelt so that he was on eye level with his son, but Michael turned his face away.

"No tears. Make sure everyone at home is safe, Michael. You have a Pokemon of your own, and you'll make a great team someday if you can just keep those Rattata in line."

Michael tried to speak, but found the man gone as if he were never there. He had a fleeting fear that he'd imagined it, and the house had been the two of them – Michael and mother – all along. The door swung lazily on its hinge in the breeze and he could hear the sound of Kricketot chirping in the emptiness that lay beyond the front porch.

His mother reached out a hand to put him back to bed, but he twisted away.

"No!" He bolted for the back door. "We'll do it right now! Fallow! Fallow, wake up!"

"It's past midnight, young man. Don't you dare go stomping around outside in the dirt!"

Michael was joined by a Cubone in the family room, and together they made their way down the hall and out the back door into the garden. The corn stalks and tomato plants were silhouetted against the night sky, tall enough to be a forest to the two children tiptoeing past the squash. Everywhere they looked there were signs of hungry, gnawing teeth.

The Cubone stopped and glanced back at the house.

"Don't listen to her." Michael said. "Huff– Huff– We're grown up enough to handle this. Hey -"

A hunched figure could be seen at the edge of the fence where the marshes met Lavender Town and the mist hung low. Michael's eyes had passed over it until it had moved, and he knew that it was no squash.

"Hey, you!" Michael shouted. "Get out of here! Fallow, let's beat him up."

The figure began to rise, unfurling until it loomed over the garden and blocked out the moon. Michael's heart pounded. Then it began to turn, and he saw a leering face as wide as the sky -

____________________________________________
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Michael – 18-year-old Michael – woke in a cold sweat.

He didn't need the moonlight lancing through the shades to tell him that he was safe in a room at the Pokemon Center. This wasn't the first time. He propped himself up on his elbows and wiped his damp hair from his eyes. The clock on the far wall informed him that it was the same old, same old.

1:15 a.m. Always around the same time.

The dreams shouldn't have bothered him at this age, was all. The psychiatrists he'd visited when he was smaller and would cry all night after waking suddenly said they'd ease with time, but here and there he would have abrupt fits of nightmares while traveling far from home.

Several Pokeballs rested on the bedside table. Laying back down (the pillow flipped to the cool, dry linen side), Michael could watch them gleaming in the moonlight full of promise and let his heart slow down. These Pokemon were his pride. His hope. The fruit of long years of patience and training.

Yeah, that's right. He affirmed. Tomorrow…

Tomorrow Viridian City's annual Beat the Heat tournament would come to a close with Michael in the final rounds. It wasn't a prestigious match, but beggars couldn't be choosers and he doubted there were many as desperate for scraps as he. Win or lose, the tournament meant more experience, a free pass to a warm bed and a hot meal and, most importantly, a payout.

Michael's eyes began to flutter closed. Whatever lay in the past, tomorrow would bring him one step closer to greener pastures.
​

 

[Phantom1]

First off, this is really short. Which is usually allowed with a prologue, but here's a bit of advice; ditch the prologue. Having one might make you think your fancy and a pro-writer, but a lot of the time they are annoying and throw the chapter count off. The prologue is being phased out.

Grammar wise, this was a bit lacking. Specifically my personal pet peeve, dialogue punctuation. I advise just doing a quick Google search on how to use it properly.

Example, the very first line.

"Lee, no." The woman's voice cracked. "You can't mean to do this again."

The period after 'no' should be a comma and the word 'the' should be lower case.​

Also​

Michael – 18-year-old Michael – woke in a cold sweat.

Always write out numbers completely that are under 100.

I won't go in too far since this is so short. There are a few syntax confusions and stuff littered about, but I suggest considering getting rid of the prologue entirely, so I'll look more closely at a chapter.​