An awesome adventure

[PurpleStealth]

Here is chapter eleven. Hope you all enjoy it.

Chapter eleven​

"Go Mightyena!" said Dean.

Mightyena materialized from the Pokéball.

"Mightyena, use tackle!" said Dean.

Mightyena charged towards Geodude.

"Geodude, use mega punch!" said Roxanne.

Geodude raised his right fist into the air, it started to glow and he swung it at Mightyena.

"Mightyena, duck!" said Dean.

Mightyena lowered himself under the mega punch, lunged forward and rammed his head into Geodude. He went flying and crashed into a rock. He fainted. Roxanne's mouth dropped open in surprise. The referee raised the red flag into the air.

"Geodude is unable to battle, Mightyena is the winner!" said the referee.

Roxanne pointed a Pokéball at Geodude.

"Geodude, return!" said Roxanne.

A red light came out of the Pokéball, covered Geodude and sucked him inside.

"That's a really strong Mightyena you have there," said Roxanne.

Dean smiled.

"Thank you for the kind words," said Dean.

Roxanne put the Pokéball back onto her belt and took off another one.

"This one won't be so easy," said Roxanne.

Roxanne threw the Pokéball into the air.

"Go Nosepass!" said Roxanne.

A blue stone with a big red nose, two stone-like hands and two small round stone-like feet materialized from the Pokéball. Dean took out his Pokédex and pointed it at the stone.
"Nosepass the compass Pokémon, Its nose is a magnet. As a result, this Pokémon always keeps its face pointing north," said the Pokédex.

Dean put away his Pokédex.

"Mightyena, use tackle!" said Dean.

Mightyena charged at Nosepass.

"Nosepass, use zap cannon!" said Roxanne.

A yellow ball formed between Nosepass's stone-like hands, he shot it at Mightyena and it missed. Mightyena rammed into Nosepass and he didn't budge.

"Nosepass, use discharge!" said Roxanne.

Electricity lashed out of Nosepass in all directions, the electricity shocked Mightyena and he howled in pain. When the electricity stopped he fell over and fainted. The referee raised the green flag into the air.

"Mightyena is unable to battle, Nosepass is the winner!" said the referee.

Dean pointed a Pokéball at Mightyena.

"Mightyena, return!" said Dean.

A red light came out of the Pokéball, covered Mightyena and sucked him inside. Dean put the Pokéball back onto his belt and took off another one. He threw it into the air.

"Go Treecko!" said Dean.

Treecko materialized from the Pokéball.

"Treecko, use quick attack to get behind Nosepass!" said Dean.

Treecko charged forward quickly.

"Nosepass, use thunderbolt!" said Roxanne.

Electricity crackled around Nosepass, lightning burst out of him and went towards Treecko. He moved to the side and the lightning hit the ground. He went behind him. Dean's plan was going perfectly and he knew he was right when he used the TM on Treecko when he was in the Pokémon centre.

"Treecko, use bullet seed!" said Dean.

Treecko opened his mouth, shot out a bunch of seeds, the seeds hit Nosepass and he cried out in pain.

"Nosepass, use lock on!" said Roxanne.

Nosepass spun his arms towards Treecko; a yellow circle went towards him and went on his stomach.

"Nosepass, use zap cannon!" said Roxanne.

A yellow ball formed in between Nosepass's hands and he shot it at Treecko.

"Treecko, dodge it!" said dean.

Treecko jumped to the side, the ball followed him and hit him. There was a small explosion and Treecko was flung backwards. He hit the ground and got back to his feet. A flame-like green glow covered him.

"Treecko, use bullet seed!" said dean.

Treecko opened his mouth, shot out a bunch of seeds at Nosepass, they hit Nosepass and he fell over. He fainted. The referee raised the red flag into the air.

"Nosepass is unable to battle, Treecko is the winner and the challenger wins the match!" said the referee.

Roxanne pointed a Pokéball at Nosepass.

"Nosepass, return!" said Roxanne.

A red light came out of the Pokéball, covered Nosepass and sucked him inside. Roxanne put the Pokéball back onto her belt. Dean pointed a Pokéball at Treecko and smiled.

"You deserve a long rest!" said Dean.

A red light came out of the Pokéball, covered Treecko and sucked him inside. Dean put the Pokéball back onto his belt. Roxanne walked over to him and took a flat metal stone shaped object out of her pocket. She handed it to him.

"I present you with the stone badge," said Roxanne.

Dean looked at Roxanne and put the badge in his pocket.

"Thank you," said Dean.

Dean turned around and walked out of the gym. A man wearing a Team Magma uniform ran past him.

 

[An-chan]

Um, slow down a bit! I don't have any time to read these when you just keep posting the next chapter ;_; I'm something like 3 chapters late. Give it a rest for a while, so you have more time to write and spell check and we can read these...

 

[PurpleStealth]

I post fast because i have alot of free time on my hands.

Here is chapter twelve. Hope you all enjoy it.

Chapter twelve​

"Stop thief!" yelled a familiar voice.

The man Dean had met in the woods ran up to him.

"Can you please get my briefcase back from him?" asked the man.

"Sure," answered Dean.

Dean started to run in the direction the Team Magma grunt had gone. He ran past an alley with no exit and saw the grunt standing there. He walked into the ally.

"Darn it, I can't believe i took a wrong turn," said the grunt.

"Give back the briefcase," said Dean.

The grunt turned around and saw Dean.

"How about no," said the grunt.

The grunt took a Pokéball off of his belt and threw it into the air.

"Go Cyndaquil!" said the grunt.

A Cyndaquil materialized from the Pokéball. Dean took a Pokéball off of his belt and threw it into the air.

"Go Taillow!" said Dean.

Taillow materialized from the Pokéball.

"Taillow, use quick attack!" said Dean.

Taillow dived at Cyndaquil.

"Cyndaquil, use flamethrower!" said the grunt.

Cyndaquil opened his mouth and sent out a stream of searing hot flames.

"Taillow, dodge it!" said Dean.

Taillow flew around the flames and rammed into Cyndaquil. He went flying into the grunt, he fell over and dropped the briefcase.

"Taillow, grab the briefcase!" said Dean.

Taillow flew over to the briefcase and grabbed the handle in her talons. She flew into the air and took the briefcase to Dean. He took the briefcase out of her talons and walked away. She flew onto his shoulder.

"Good job Taillow," said Dean.

Taillow rubbed her head against Dean's and smiled. He walked back to where the man was.

"Oh thank you," said the man.

The man ran over to Dean.

"Can I get you to do me one more favour?" asked the man.

"What is it?" asked Dean.

"Could you take that briefcase over to Slateport's shipyard for me and could you also take this letter and give it to a man called Steven stone who is currently at Dewford town?" asked the man.
The man took a white envelope out of his pocket and handed it to Dean. He sighed.

"Fine but you owe me," said dean.

Dean put the letter into his pocket. The man took a grey coloured disc and a blue and white coloured disc out of his pocket. He handed the two discs to Dean.

"Those are TM's, the grey one has the move iron tail and the blue and white one has the move aerial ace," said the man.

Dean put the two TMs into his pocket and walked back to the Pokémon centre. When he walked in he saw Sakura sitting in a bench holding Whismur in her arms. She saw him walk in, got up and walked over to him.

"How did your gym battle go?" asked Sakura.

"I won," said Dean.

Sakura smiled.

"That's wonderful," said Sakura.

Sakura noticed the briefcase and looked at it with a curios look on her face.

"What is that?" asked Sakura.

"I have to do an errand for that man we met in the woods," said dean.

Sakura pouted.
"Oh," said Sakura.

Dean looked at Whismur and she smiled at him.

"Whismurs going to travel with us," said Sakura.

"The more company the better," said Dean.

Dean and Sakura walked out of the Pokémon centre.

"Where are we going?" asked Sakura.

"To Dewford town," answered Dean.

Sakura walked in front of Dean.

"Dean before we go can you show me where the gym is?" asked Sakura.

Dean got a confused look on his face.

"Why?" asked Dean.

Sakura grinned.

"I want to win a badge," answered Sakura.

"Fine," said Dean.

Dean led Sakura to the gym and they walked inside.

 

[PurpleStealth]

Here is chapter thirteen. Hope you all enjoy it.

Chapter thirteen​

"I want to challenge the gym," said Sakura.

Roxanne walked out of a nearby room and looked at Sakura and Dean.

"Hi Dean," said Roxanne.

"Hi Roxanne," said Dean.

Sakura walked up to Roxanne.

"My name is Sakura Dart and I challenge you to a battle Roxanne," said Sakura.

Roxanne looked at Sakura and smiled.

"I accept," said Roxanne.

Roxanne walked to the far end of the battle field. The referee stood at the edge of the field.

"Each trainer may use only two Pokémon each and only the challenger can make substitutions!" said the referee.

The referee raised both of the flags he was carrying into the air.

"Let the match begin!" said the referee.

The referee swung down both flags. Roxanne took a Pokéball off of her belt and threw it into the air.

"Go Geodude!" said Roxanne.

Geodude materialized from the Pokéball. Sakura took a Pokéball off of her belt and threw it into the air.

"Go Shroomish!" said Sakura.

Shroomish materialized from the Pokéball.

"Shroomish, use leech seed!" said Sakura.

A seed came out of the top of Shroomish's head and landed on Geodude. Vines came out of the seed, wrapped around him and he started to glow red. He cried in pain. Shroomish started to glow, a green kangaroo with a tan coloured head that had a large green mushroom on it and a long tan coloured tail with 4 round green balls at the end of it was standing where he had been. Sakura took out her Pokédex and pointed it at the Kangaroo.

"Breloom the mushroom Pokémon and the evolved form of Shroomish, Its short arms stretch when it throws punches. Its technique is equal to that of pro boxers," said the Pokédex.

Sakura put away her Pokédex.

"Breloom, use mach punch!" said Sakura.

Breloom jumped into the air and lunged at Geodude.

"Geodude, use mega punch!" said Roxanne.

Geodude raised his fist into the air, it started to glow, he swung it at Breloom at the same time as him and both of their fists collided. There was a large explosion and dust rose up. When the dust cleared Breloom was standing over the fainted body of Geodude. The referee raised the red flag into the air.

"Geodude is unable to battle, Breloom is the winner!" said the referee.

Roxanne pointed a Pokéball at Geodude.

"Geodude, return!" said Roxanne.

A red light came out of the Pokéball, covered Geodude and sucked him inside. Roxanne put the Pokéball back onto her belt and took off another one.

"That was most impressive!" said Roxanne.

Sakura grinned.

"Thank you!" said Sakura.

Roxanne threw the Pokéball she was holding into the air.

"Go Nosepass!" said Roxanne.

Nosepass materialized from the Pokéball.

"Nosepass, use thunderbolt!" said Roxanne.

Electricity crackled around Nosepass, lightning burst out of his body and went towards Breloom.

"Breloom, dodge then use headbutt!" said Sakura.

Breloom jumped out of the way of the lightning, He lunged at Nosepass and smashed his head into him. He flinched.

"Breloom, finish with mach punch!" said Sakura.

Breloom swung his fist at Nosepass, it hit and he went flying into the air. He hit the ground and fainted. Dean's mouth, the referee's mouth and Roxanne's mouth dropped open.

 

[Giratina ♀]

Ah, you're getting better. First off, An Awesome Adventure should all be capitalized, since it's the name of the fic. Second, this is a huge clichefest with some redeeming points. Maybe a rewrite of that "Darkrai's quest" concept would be better? Some missing commas, a few punctuation errors, and the constantly-looming cliche, but otherwise this is a good steppingstone.

Perhaps you could add more description to battles and things of that nature? A reader is drawn in a lot more when the battle goes more like a battle and less like a card game. I notice you're still having a bit of trouble with substituting 'said'. It's fine when that's not the only word you use for someone speaking, but you have a tendency to use 'said' a lot more than is possible. All you're having trouble with seems to be description.

And maybe go through your chapters a bit more. Read them like a reader, not a writer. It will speak volumes.