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Are relationships all that good?

I'm so HM02

Banned
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    9
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    I mean, I've been single my whole life and I've tried but, it seem about every girl in the world wants a "Channing Tatum"... It sorta drives me crazy that a guy with heart and soul can't get a girl because I ain't Channing Tatum... So, lately I'be been thinking are relationships all they are hyped up to be or just a foolish waste of time because it seem that every girl wants a "Channing Tatum"... Sorry to bring anyone down, I just wanted your guys and girls opinions.
     
    We can't expect girls to fall for guys solely on personality when a guy won't do the same for an average looking girl with a good personality.

    You talk to who you want. Things work out, great. Things don't work out, move on. If you feel better off single, go for it. Be happy with yourself before running after a relationship. At least that's what I tell myself before approaching someone I like.
     
    Just tO set the record straight, I've never wanted 'Channing Tatum'. I do have a celebrity crush, but he's the type that embarrasses me almost every time I see him in front of a camera! Anyway, I suppose it depends on age, once you get to a certain maturity level you realise that it's very unlikely you'll end up with your perfect (celebrity) person and you begin to look for something more normal.

    Relationships are a lot of work for both parties. These days things like movies and TV shows portray the perfect relationship, it's just not like that. You'll never find someone that will love all your good qualities and your flaws and vice versa. There will always be something, or several somethings, about the person you decide to be in a relationship with that annoy you. The hard part is ignoring it or working around it. And I don't mean changing your partner either, because that will never work out either.


    This leads me to think that people shouldn't look for relationships. I know this is advice that is given out a lot as a way of helping people find relationships, but what I mean is that when you find someone you want to spend a lot of your time with, it should just happen. Don't look at someone and think 'I wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with them' because then you aren't thinking about them as a person.
     
    I haven't really noticed that girls search for a Channing Tatum type of guy. Most people, guys and girls alike, look for people that at least take care of themselves. You know, wash up, don't have greasy hair, and wear clothes that fit your shape. Don't wear S when your XL, don't wear XL when your S. And from there on it's mostly a matter of personality.

    When it comes to relationships, if you find the right person, then they're worth it. If you meet a girl that you fall in love with, and she with you, you'll experience it as worth it. Just because it's nice to just be around the person, and hugs and kisses come as an extra that just makes it better. But when you just get in a relationship to be in one, then it's not worth it.
     
    Disregarding the Reddit upvote-worthy opening post, relationships can be any level of good or bad for a person. Some people simply cannot handle or don't desire relationships, so they stay away from them. But that's not them necessarily saying relationships are bad, it's just that they are unhealthy for the person involved.
    I tend to find that relationships (referring specifically to dating or experiences similar to it) are positive experiences for the most part. It's most likely going to fail, but the aftermath doesn't erase the happiness that was previously experienced in the relationship. They tend to be wonderful things that, if you're lucky, make you feel things you never thought possible.
    I'm trying hard to remain mindful of the unfortunate people who are stuck in abusive, dismal or otherwise awful relationships (hence the ambivalence of my post), but they're not as common as those with real, loving ones.

    Ultimately, I believe that relationships are mostly worthwhile experiences in one's life that shape and mould you in ways few other facets of life can.
    I also believe that blaming women for not finding you attractive based on some assumed higher understanding of the female psyche is utterly pathetic and I do not care for it at all.
     
    I don't know... I mean there are times when I'll lay here desperate for a relationship and think about how pathetic it is that I've never been in one, but then I'll meet someone I like and it'll start heading that way and I find myself thinking "ugh this seems like a lot of effort" and back away again.

    As for the other issue of whether want a Channing Tatum... I've always preferred Chris Evans myself.
     
    I don't know... I mean there are times when I'll lay here desperate for a relationship and think about how pathetic it is that I've never been in one, but then I'll meet someone I like and it'll start heading that way and I find myself thinking "ugh this seems like a lot of effort" and back away again.

    Ahahaha, bless u andy.

    This is literally me.

    Or I start to like them, and they're just not into me. Or they're into me, and I'm not into them, which is where all the "man this is too much effort" comes into play. A relationship seems nice, but unless I actually manage to crush on someone, I'm happy by myself.

    In most cases, though, if relationships seem "shitty" then you probably just haven't been in any "right" one yet. Actually falling for someone, and it's mutual on both sides, it's a pretty good feeling for however long it lasts. Has to be mutual, though, or it'll just seem really blah.
     
    There is nothing I would do with a romantic partner that I wouldn't do with a sufficiently close friend anyway, so I would say relationships are pointless. But that's me and my attitude to the extent of a friendship, which doesn't necessarily correlate to anyone else's.
     
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    There is nothing I would do with a romantic partner that I wouldn't do with a sufficiently close friend anyway, so I would say relationships are pointless. But that's me and my attitude to the extent of a friendship, which doesn't necessarily correlate to anyone else's.

    How about sex, and kissing, or just holding hands while leaning against each other and watching the sun go down while being serenaded by a fat Italian guy?
     
    Honestly it just depends on you and the other person. There's really no other answer to this.
     
    >implying I don't fuck my friends

    Exactly what I mean by "extent of a friendship".

    Aha, yeah when you're on that basis, than it's not really needed, haha.
     
    You gotta stop looking for them teenage girls/boys that just want to fuck and party, sure they got a nice firm booty and their boobs aren't saggy, and the dudes don't have wrinkly old man asses, but you've got to start looking for the women/men who have their shit together. Relationships are pretty great I just get bored too easily and end up trying to cause some sort of drama or I end up not being good enough for them and then I get hurt. It's whatever. I'm looking for that nice 20-26 year old woman who has been fucked over enough times to realize that it's pointless to just try and party and fuck around and wants to actually try and settle down and commit to one person. Because for the most part if I got into a relationship with anyone else it'd just be boring and wouldn't last long enough to matter because I'm not crazily outgoing and I don't waste my time getting high and drinking down everything I can get my hands on.

    I've been in 7 rl relationships and I've come to find that it doesn't matter what you look like, though it does help. If you have a shit personality, then your pickings are going to be shit. And if you don't talk to people you aren't going to get many if any people talking to you unless they have a shit personality and just want someone. I've dated heavy girls and I've dated twigs and I by no means have a desirable body type but I have an alright personality sometimes. So if you're feeling down because you don't have the best body and nobody wants you but you think you have a great personality, go out and message or talk to them. Don't have any ulterior motives, because then you'll just be right back here again in 2 weeks when you try to make a move and they say they just want to be friends. It's hard to get into a relationship and it's even harder to make it work.

    I don't have any celebrity crushes, they all look pretty much the same to me and they're too perfect. It's just boring.

    Don't be a pussy, if you want a relationship exert yourself and if you don't exert yourself then don't fucking complain that you aren't getting any action.
     
    I've never actually been in a relationship, however I can understand why people may find it unsettling to be in one since they can be stuck with their other being needy or getting upset over so many things. That doesn't mean I won't ever want to be in one, though.
     
    Honestly, there was a time when I thought the same thing about guys. "They only want girls with perfect bodies and that's just not me," is how I thought. Looking back, I probably would have been able to find someone if I would have actually tried so I think it was wrong of me to put all the blame on the guys.

    Give it some time. Allow yourself to mature a little and let the girls grow up some more and who knows, you might end up finding the perfect girl.
     
    Okay, I also got advice from my brother and his wife today. Saying to let it come to me. I mean I respect that, but not till I'm 25 or 27 because then I don't wanna be the 40 year old thing like Steve Carell.
     
    my first and most recent relationship was bad but, I think the first time for everyone will be bad because you're inexperienced. I made a really bad choice in dating the person I dated but now that I look back at it, it's helped me to make better choices in who I date and associate myself with. My ex was just crazy and I'm glad I broke up with her. Wouldn't wanna repeat what happened.

    But now that I've learned my lesson, I'm currently trying to be in a relationship because I feel as if I have too much time on my hands and my friends are usually busy so I rarely get to hang out with them. My family is chill and all but I wanna do something new for once and right now I'm thinking about talking to a foreign exchange student because now I'm stuck with that guilt that "if I don't talk to her, I'll regret this and live with the guilt of never trying" and "if I do talk to her, I'll know that I at least tried but then I'll be sad to see her go back to where she came from". So right now I'm in a pickle. But like I said I find that I have too much time on my hands, my friends are always busy, I wanna try something new, and it's kinda boring spending money on myself all the time.

    And as a plus, if I am successful with this foreign girl, she could probably help me with one of my life goals of being able to speak spanish to communicate with my family and other people.

    Edit: I think what I'm trying to say here is that if you enter a relationship, it'll do more good than harm. I mean, it sucks when you break up but, you'll get over it pretty quick. Unless you've been dating for a longer period of time, then I'd imagine your take it a lot harder but, I would also imagine that you'd eventually get over that. Don't be afraid to try it out though! Relationships also help you figure out what it is you want in a person and what makes you shine in other people's eyes.
     
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    I think everyone above has pretty much said everything, but it's true, not every girl out there wants a "Channing Tatum".
    Every girl has their own individual taste in a guy and not everyone of them is looking for a guy all about the party, sex and getting drunk into the break of dawn. Nor do they look for guys with the specified personality or a hod bod and a six pack or whatnot. (Because if all guys were Channing Tatum's then personality-wise I'm out because I'm not interested in those kinds of guys). It works the same with guys. Does every guy look for a Jennifer Lawrence? (or whatever celebrity guys celeb crush on these days idk cause I don't follow).

    I for one am definitely not. I'd rather a nerd who loves video games and anime, someone who's personality and self is enjoyable to be around. Someone who's a dork and who take care of himself as well as let me take care of him. More or less not a party pooper so I rather not have a guy who's huge on the parties or sex or whatever.

    Definitely take that advice from your brother. Let it come to you. But you also need to make an effort to get out, meet new people and hang out with new girls. Good relationships don't normally happen out o the blue unless you take the time to meet new people and get to know them. Don't try to be a a Channing Tatum and be yourself. If you find a girl who you like and likes you for who you are, relationships will be more enjoyable and not as hyped up to be or just a foolish waste of time like you imagine it to be.

    I started my first relationship last year at 19 which is late in comparison to a lot of other people (I went to an all girls school so I didn't know many guys till I went to University.) It was unexpected and it sorta just happened. I'm happy nonetheless because he accepted and liked me for who I was rather than some hot celebrity that I could never become.
     
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