I dislike myself in many aspects. One of the most visceral and painful dislikes is that of my physical form.
Though I'm well-aware that I'm not really that ugly when compared to others, because I find human beings in general to be ugly creatures except for special occasions, I still am highly unsatisfied. I don't really want to look like an ugly human. Unless I looked like an anime or Final Fantasy character, which is the only form of human I find consistently appealing. Or some kind of anthropomorphic canine/felinelike creature. That is absolutely impossible in reality.
For things that I can actually fix, I absolutely hate my hair. It is the focal point of everything I loathe about my physical appearance, because it is the main manifestation of my race. I don't mean to offend anyone with this and I do envy you if you're proud of your ethnicity's aesthetics, but I'd rather be Caucasian than what I am now. I find the appearance of my race to be unappealing. I just want straight hair.
The most I've managed consistently using hair product alone is to get it more wavy. But it's this curly mess still and God, I hate it SO much. I can't even do much with it though because my stupid facial features aren't made to fit with many other hairstyles. Even when I have straightened it in the past, it just looked... wrong somehow. I've even tried wearing wigs. Still didn't look right. I only hope I can find the right hairstyle one day to fit with my stupid face. I'm going to try to straighten it again though, because that is what I've always wanted.
Also, I do struggle at times with my weight. I'm not really fat or chubby, but that's because I'm working hard on keeping it that way. Because I don't go out or move around much (or have much way of doing so other than Wii U Fit), it is intensely difficult to keep it down without starving myself a bit. I have to constantly regulate my food intake so I don't become more unappealing to myself than I already am. Right now, it's fluctuating up and down, and that's leaving me really nervous.
Aesthetics are just really important to me. I want to look the way I feel reflects my personality. The way that is most appropriate to me. And this current discrepancy is immensely disturbing. I feel the body hate within me everyday, the shame of leaving the house looking the way I do, but not having time to properly get dressed up... uck.
In other words, I am an obsessive mess with low self-esteem.