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Ask A Stupid Question

DowntownDumpling

673
Posts
12
Years
Yes.



Why does it have to be so hard to let go? I can tell myself I want to be happy. I can spend hours - days, even - wracking my head for something to convince myself that it's okay, that I'm worthy, that I'll get better. But like trying to grab greasy basketballs with one greasy mitten, I'm never able to; the memories of better times taunt me as they dance just out of my reach. My yearning to feel good again and constantly being let down brings into question whether I even know what it means to want it.

My friends have been able to take their tragedies much more in stride. Some of them become cold, dead husks, but damn it all, foliage grows again in them eventually. Instead, I'm left with plastic flowers while galloping meadows of real ones vibrate tantalizingly just outside. I can't move, and it makes me so sick.

And some of them just bounce right back. They're the really lucky ones. I'd like to drag one down to my level and show her just how deep and dismal the slums can be when you've been in the bourgeois your whole life. In an act lying uncomfortably between catharsis and plain hatred, I want them to feel what I feel, and I want to watch them cry and kick them. And they'll still be better than me.

The last guy I was with used to flinch when I tried to grab him. I thought it was just him being the stoic, the cutely antisocial, him. I loved him. He put up with me, and what I thought was unimpressive I now see as saintdom. He usually let me run up and catch him anyway. Until the last time, that is.

Why do I always hang myself up, primed for failure? Is it really such a god-damn crime to want to be happy? To want to take others along for the ride? Never to be satisfied with last place? Who wrote the laws, anyhow? I just want to be loved. I just want to be happy. I want to run up to someone, something and have him, her, it approach me in the same direction. Even meeting me a quarter of the way would be nice, instead of me having to meet him more than two-halves of the way after he runs away a little, even without meaning to. Why can't I have that? Why don't I deserve that?

Why?
 

DowntownDumpling

673
Posts
12
Years
It's usually estimated to be between 71.01 and 73.68, with a recently released 95% confidence interval ranging from 66.53% to 80.24%.

Why is Earth a square?
 
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