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What is your stance on being "busy"? Is it justified all the time? Is it just an excuse? Or is it justified depending on the situation?
For me, I feel that unless a person is at a clinic or hospital, or studying for an exam, or at work, or any situation were you can't use your phone or too occupied then it's totally fine for that person to be too busy to text me or make plans. However if the person has like a 10 minute break, then y'know, sending a text only takes less than a minute. It'd be nice to send a text saying you still remember a good pal.
I've always found that post to be slightly exaggerated. Yes, it does have a lot of truth in it, but it doesn't account for the situations you listed (work, studies, etc.). It's a little subjective, though, I'd imagine. A surprisingly large number of people, from what I've seen, dislike small talk, so the small talk a quick text would incite would be, well, not wanted. I'm not like that personally, but I feel like that's how other people might feel, and thus the lack of communication, but I digress. There is such a thing as busy, but "busy" doesn't constitute your whole day, every day. At the end of the day (literally) it does indeed come down to priorities. Which probably says a lot about me, personally.
People have their own lives. Once upon a time we weren't all connected at the touch of a button, and weren't expected to keep up unnaturally frequent contact. If I don't talk to someone for a month it doesn't mean we're not friends; and I don't expect anyone to put aside a time slot to chat to me in their day because that's just so contrived.
And sometimes I just don't feel like talking, saying that I'm busy is easier than explaining that I don't want to talk but there's nothing wrong with me and nothing they've done wrong.
We never used to be able to get in touch with someone by pressing a few buttons on a screen. We used to have to set aside time in our day to devote to said person. People used to be busy for weeks before we could speak and catch up with current events etc. So why we expect that to be different now is beyond me. People have daily lives behind the screen, and if you're not there in front of them, you're not really a part of that life just yet. Instead of getting mad when someone says they're busy, arrange to set aside time for you to really interact in their life and catch up face-to-face. A lot nice than over text, no?
If someone says to me they are busy, then they are busy. I have other things I can and want to do as well, so I would go and do them. I do prioritise sending a message back, but I don't expect the same from others, because they don't necessarily follow my ideals and beliefs, and so they will message me when they do. And if they say they are busy, and will message me back, then I will wait until they do, no problems. It saves a LOT of stress and arguments by simply accepting that human lives don't revolve around text on a screen.
I'm someone who always says that they're "too busy" to talk to a friend in a casual setting. But what I'm doing isn't anything important. I'm either watching videos, playing video games, writing, or just catching up on things online. So while I can pick up a phone or be signed onto Skype to talk to people, I want to focus on what I'm doing to get it done.
There is also the fact that I don't like "small talk" at all. So if I do send a message to someone, there's always some reason for it. I either need an answer from them or have something for them to look at. I can't just randomly say "Hey, how're you doing?" because I'd feel really awkward and feel like I'm bothering the person.
So it's easier for me to be a hermit who periodically emerges into sunlight!
I do agree with others that there is a rise of the expectation that "everyone needs to be connected at all times." One of my younger coworkers was texting her college professor just to ask a question. Even back when I was in college (ten years ago), there was no instantaneous way to contact a professor. It was class time or in a special meeting time at school. So while it is better in some ways that we are more connected, I feel as though we don't always need to be, and some of us just need a break away from people. And "being too busy" is a way for us to take that break.
It's true that no one is really busy. It's also true that it's all about priorities. But that is something that we all should understand, it's not that they don't have you as a priority, it's just they have their own life.
I've run into this issue lately as an university student with a growing list of homework. It's an interesting dichotomy (at least for me) between schoolwork and friends. The way I always saw it was, friends are a dime a dozen but education will always be there for me so I can constantly learn and challenge myself.
That thought, of course, has since changed but certainly left a mark in the way I do things and handle my time. So yes, I often find myself guilty of pretending to be busy to ignore someone just because I want some alone time. I think I did that today so I could play SWTOR xD
I think it is pretty subjective as well. Even if I prioritize my friends and hobbies, I still have to do my work eventually and have to be busy. It's not really a matter of organizing priorities IMO... just doing what you have to do =/
Yeah, I would be inclined to agree with the fact that if you're busy doing something, it's because you prioritize it above something else.
But I also think that business is something that happens when you're focused on doing something else.
So while business is because of priorities being more important, you're still busy focusing on that priority to be distracted by something else.
That being said, so what?
I prioritize work over everything. Friend I haven't seen comes to town just for the day. Contacts me and asks if I can hang out with him. Sorry, bud. I have work that day.
Best friend I met on PC who at one time lived in New York. It was two train rides away. $36 round trip. No problem. Wanted to see him so much, but I had work when he had days off. So I only got to see him twice before he moved to Canada.
I have a like a brother friend that I usually talk to every day. Some days, when I'm super busy with work, I don't contact him. Even when I'm done. I go home and go to sleep or relax. It bothers him, but I know he understands and I know he knows that I'll contact him when things settle down.
But I'm usually the one asking people to hang out. Only two people regularly ask me to hang out, and I usually oblige unless I honestly don't feel like hanging out.
Honestly a lot of times I'm not physically busy I am mentally busy. If I have a shitload of things I need to do I can still find the time to squeeze in a friend whether they just want to talk or hangout for a short amount of time. If something is mentally taking up my time I find it really hard to make myself available.
As for the comment on answering someone when you have a 10 minute break. Honestly there is just so much that can be going on in someone's life that's not on the surface. You're just not their number one thought when they finally have that 10 minutes to themselves.
I have a lot of people in my life who are just a bundle of excuses. They're too tired, they don't feel like it, they would but they have a sore back...
meanwhile I do things all the time, despite the fact that I have a full-time job and only so much energy to expend. That's why I think the picture in the OP is a bunch of shit. If I say I'm too busy for something you can take it to the bank that that is legitimate.
Of course busy means that you prioritize something else higher. Thus, you can be busy at times. If you have loads of homework, you are too busy to hang out with your friends. So yeah, it's justified depending on the situation.t
I think that post is slightly exaggerated, people really can get busy with and studying, and life issues and not have as much time for fun or friends, it's happened to me. Though, past a certain point, yeah I think it's priorities. If you say you can't hang out with someone because you're busy, but you're just online or playing games, that's priorities.
I think that post is slightly exaggerated, people really can get busy with and studying, and life issues and not have as much time for fun or friends, it's happened to me. Though, past a certain point, yeah I think it's priorities. If you say you can't hang out with someone because you're busy, but you're just online or playing games, that's priorities.
I totally agree with you.
But... Sometime we are busy mentally like Ayselipera said (Very well said btw).
My example, I am introvert and I need my time alone. When I see some people in the day (like at school), I'll need my me-time before I can deal with someone else. So if someone come to me before I got any me-time, I won't be there mentally and I'll close myself up even if I don't want to (sure, it depend of the day and how busy I was/ how many things I had in mind). In these case, when I say I am busy but I play video games, it is because it relax me and help me to be better with the other, recharge my energy. I won't be able to help or listen to somebody if I don't have energy myself.
I have to recharge me before I can help someone, and I am sure I am not the only one.
Sometime I won't be able to event have a discussion or just listen. (but if the person text me, then I can talk to this person because I'll still be alone)
So yeah in a way it is a priority, I am my priority. But how can I spend time with someone and be there for them if I can't event do it for myself?
(My best friend is the same way as me. We are so well togheter hehe, we mostly texte each other and that's perfect. When she anser me "no sorry I'm in my bed in PJ', I don't take it bad at all!! I'll probably answer the same another day)
I totally agree with you.
But... Sometime we are busy mentally like Ayselipera said (Very well said btw).
My example, I am introvert and I need my time alone. When I see some people in the day (like at school), I'll need my me-time before I can deal with someone else.....
Oh yeah, no I entirely agree with you. I have a loooot of alone time, where I'm just literally too mentally stressed, or preoccupied, or focused on other things to see people, but to me, it still feels like it's an excuse when I tell people that I'm busy. I'm really not "busy", I'm stressed and don't wanna put up with entertaining people. lmfao
I have the worst outlook when it comes to friendships, which is why I have few friends. Not only am I picky (an individual must be "intellectually stimulating" and conform to a few important values of mine. I'm quite judgmental within my own mind, and I don't want to "pretend" that I don't care. Not only is that stressful for me, it's unfair for the other person who may genuinely enjoy my company without knowing that I secretly wish that he or she would just go away.), but I'm also reserved, anxious and studious. I don't like small talk. Talking on the phone? Maybe with my father, but not anyone else. I really don't know what to ask, what to say or what to expect. I'm a person who feels better with tradition and routine. I'd rather no surprises than any at all, good or bad.
And even for those friends I'm picky about, y'know, the few that I do have, they are a convenience factor. It needs to be mutually beneficial and around my work, rest, school and study schedules. It also depends on my mood. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to people. Most of the time I'd rather just be let alone to study or do something else productive.
I don't like hanging out. I'm the definition of the socially awkward penguin. I don't like being the centre attention or part of a "circle". Movie theatres, not my thing. Study groups? Not even. I need peace and quiet to study and work, not people yammering on about their relationships and their weekend. I really don't care.
I mean, it's great if they're happy and all, but I don't plan on sitting at a café at lunch to discuss a TV Show or relationship details. I won't even text back for that stuff, and if I do, it's obvious I'm disinterested. I find it funny when people don't get the hint, though.
I'm probably one of those people you'd see in an anime with their cheek in their palm, eyes in the air, computer open, headphones in while blowing bubbles with chewing gum. The 100% total "bugger off" female archetype. Conceited, arrogant, maybe. I just don't like pointless banter.
I'm a nice person, though. Too nice if you get on my good side. I've learned through experience, though, that you're going to have to earn it. I set up my defensive front early.
Example:
Spoiler:
I'm exempt from group work at university. All the profs know, but it's confidential so the students don't know. I always sit in the corner at the front by myself. I park my bag beside me so no one can sit beside me and "close me in".
Because of that ignorance, one student lacking a partner physically moved from the back of the room to the front and positioned his body in a kinda side-"look at me" kinda way. I was 100% PC-oriented and working on a project for a different class. I kept looking at the dude through peripheral vision, wondering if he came in late or if he was expecting something. He 100% was waiting for me to acknowledge him. He never acknowledged me or said, "Hi, can we work together?" He just figured "Hey, if I sit here, that chick will talk to me and work with me." Nope, not happening. When the prof came to inquiry - he knew his presence was weird - the guy told him we were partners and I just flat out said, "Uh, no. No one asked me, and quite frankly I'm not doing the in-class assignment anyway. I already know how to write anecdotes of texts."
The guy was totally put off, but seriously, don't just squat next to me and not say anything. I won't acknowledge you; you are part of my annoying, chatty background. I felt maybe I was rude, but it's stupid on his part to just move and not even ask me; instead, just tell the professor something I never even agreed to.
I felt bad, but the bottom line for me was the guy's a moron and conceited himself for expecting to be acknowledged without saying anything to me. Who made you King Tit? Seriously.
I'm honestly the friendliest person in the world at work, though. And with people I enjoy, I'm super chatty. With my boyfriend, I'm quite catty - not snippy, but meow and purr quite literally. Head pat pats are ♥
I just wish people wouldn't bother me unless I want to be bothered / I initiate. People can be so inconsiderate and such an inconvenience. Meh.
Pretty much me when it comes to school / socializing, only with cheek in palm and turned away:
Spoiler:
That said, I don't tell people I'm "busy". No one asks me. The people I have on my phone know that I don't want to hang out unless I invite them! Like I did with Natalie for sushi this Friday. Sushi Friday meowmeow!!! ♥ "Friendships" and "socializing" are definitely not my priority, though. I forgot to email back my own grandmother for three weeks, to the point where she emailed again wondering if something happened to me. I'm just not a social person.
