Death to All, Redemption for no one

[REvan342]

You all think that you go to heaven when you die.
This is just simply not true.
You rot in the ground, after your last sigh.
Your religion lies, and dosent do, what it is supposed to do.

 

[bobandbill]

Hmm... I did feel that this could stand to be expanded upon somewhat - justs feels a bit unfinished with how short it is to me and how you just lightly touch on how they don't do 'what it is supposed to do'. As a result it didn't quite evoke any special feeling or anything despite the subject in itself. The basis itself is alright though. I just think it could use a bit more.

Your religion lies, and dosent do, what it is supposed to do.

doesn't rather than dosent there.

 

[REvan342]

Lol thnx for the feedback.. i wrote it about 3 years ago, after my gf broke up with me... very dark time so yeah... i have a few more stanzas to upload. Im not atheist or anything.. just anger being transferred to the paper lol

 

[crowdsourceinspiration]

I'd like to see more, too! I think concretes are essential...don't only philosophize, but load it up with images/smells/physical sensations...have more images about rotting in the grave, waiting at the pearly gates, etc.