Just a warning that there is a LOT of heavy shit in this post. Cussing galore, too. But mainly it describes physical and emotional abuse that some people may find distressing. Read at your own risk.
I didn't even know my dad until I turned 16. Didn't know his name or what he looked like and never really asked about him, either. My mom had a fling with him and wound up pregnant. He was a drug addict and did heroin and cocaine and probably other shit I don't know about.
When my mom was about 6 months pregnant, she confronted him about child support, how he needed to step up and be a man. He was all cracked out and insane when this happened and tried to cut her belly open with a knife to murder her and me. Obviously, he failed. He hasn't told me about this (might not even remember with how strung out he was), and I found out about this through her.
That said, he's been clean for about two decades now. We've hung out a bit and he's all right; not great, not bad, just somewhere in the middle. I've kept a handwritten letter from him that he'd sent in my teens basically describing how he knows he fucked up and wanted to meet up with me. He came to my wedding and introduced himself as my "no-good deadbeat father" to the people there.
We generally are peaceful and he's pretty eager to beat himself up over mistakes he's made in the past (which are admittedly big and many). But we don't interact much so he's never really on my mind and I don't tend to think about him or our relationship.
I had a step-father at one point and he was an utter douche and emotionally abusive. He would lose his temper on me a lot (I was a young teen with panic disorder, depression, and anxiety, so I was obviously a lot) and call me names ("stop being stupid", "you're a bitch", etc). At one point, we were arguing and he shoved his hand over my mouth to get me to shut up. So I smacked his hand away, and he slapped me in the face. I slapped him back, and he shoved me into the counter, which is when I screamed for my mom. He stood over me saying, "You got something to say, then say it to my face". Real good parenting there. Why not just physically abuse your 14-year-old 115 lb step-daughter as a 6'1" 220 lb man? Seems fair.
I really hated that guy and his sons. They were all assholes and I wish I'd never had the displeasure of knowing them during those 3 years.
Thank god my husband is a sweet guy and is going to make an amazing father. His father was a deadbeat who OD'd 10 years ago, but my husband didn't even care cuz it was so obvious that his father was a loser who didn't love him anyway. Really wish women would choose their dicks more carefully, tbh... But at least I'm breaking the cycle in my family and his (can't say the same for my sister-in-law who is bringing a physically abusive revolving door of dicks around her 3-year-old daughter). Hopefully I can instill good values in our kids so we can stop this insanity.