Serious How Did You Come Out?

[KOZSTAR]

For the LGBT+ people in this site, how did you come out or how did you find out?

For me, I come from a country pretty well known for it's abysmal human rights, which included not being particularly gay-friendly. But at the same time, I was near the city, so being LGBT wouldn't play too much of a role on how you would be judged. Ever since I was young I felt attracted to both men and women, but denied that I was bisexual until I moved to the US when I was thirteen. Again I lived close to a major city (Phoenix) so I wasn't completely terrified of my identity, and eventually came to accept it. In high school (I think junior year) I came out to one of my close friends, and my father later that year. Both of them were very understanding, and I'm happy my dad din't inform the rest of my family, since a lot of them definitely would not have been.

 

[Palamon]

I haven't. My family is backwards and against the LGBTQ, and it's unsafe for me to come out to them. So, I'm out online & to my brothers only who are gay & trans.

I tried once, but I was instantly denied, "no you're not, you're straight" when I thought I was a lesbian. (I'm pan & trans masculine), so it's better I stay hidden in the closet.

 

[Aslan]

First came out when I was like 13, I think? The first person I told, an online friend, was LGBT so it made me feel more comfortable opening up. I knew I liked girls at that point and came out as bi at the time.

I came out to a few friends that I felt comfortable enough talking with but only about 3 of my real life friends had any knowledge I was LGBT for a long time. Nowadays a few less closer friends have also known as I've brought it up. Online, I think I must have come out on PC when I was about 17? So a long while after. I felt like there is no harm in being open about it online, in particular on PC and that even if there were repercussions it would just tell me about who I would or would not want to be friends with.

I'm not publicly out in that I haven't really told anyone outside select friends in-person and I certainly have not told my family yet at all. My parents have made some harmful comments over the years about the LGBT community and though I'd like to hope they'd accept me, it's not a risk I want to take right now especially whilst still living at home. I might tell them one day but we will see.

I've always struggled to label my sexuality throughout my life and now that I am certain the label has changed again, it is just an exhausting process to come out again and clarify. I know I don't owe anyone an explanation if I feel like a label no longer works for me but also I am always one of those people who has been quite uncertain throughout my life and I won't try to come out with a new label or label it until I'm a lot more certain. From like 13 to 16, I think I thought I was bi and then around the time I was 17 up around early this year I thought I was gay and then I realised it wasn't sitting right with me at all and what I thought fit me no longer did. But everyone in my life that I've come out to knows me as that and it's a bit overwhelming to say that labels have changed so I guess this is one of the first ways I'm talking about it outside of like a very small number of people I've talked to about when I was questioning. Right now I'm not sure what to label it outside of not gay but not straight either, so I guess we will find out :-)

 

[moon]

I'm not fully out, and idk if I'll ever really be. Online, on PC specifically, I found the inspiration and courage to finally admit to myself and others here that I was agender a few years back now, 2018 or 2019 I think? Eventually after some experimentation and soul searching I settled on just calling myself non-binary. IRL only my very closest friends know, even though I'm throwing hints out even in the workplace. The dysphoria from being called the wrong pronouns is real, I honestly cringe a bit every time I hear it, but I'm not brave enough to show who I really am I guess. I worry that everyone would think I'm weirder than they already do, because I doubt most people I know even understand what a non-binary gender is. For now I'll just endure. Others have it much worse than I.

Orientation-wise I've been interested in guys and girls alike ever since I started being interested in people. Some of my heaviest middle-school crushes were not straight lol. But I was in denial for most of my life and just thought it was normal to have non-straight crushes too. Then once I had settled into my non-binary gender, I talked to some bisexual people and basically had an epiphany where I finally admitted to myself that yeah actually those feelings were valid too so I'm not straight. I'm out as bi online and to my closest IRL friends as well as to my sister and spouse and some people at work. Somehow it didn't at all feel as scary to tell people that I wasn't straight, as it was telling them my identity isn't binary. I think queer orientations are relatively well accepted where I live, but people still don't know or understand nonbinarity and transgender identities. Eventually, I hope it will be easier.

 

[L'Belle]

I'm lucky to live in an accepting household, and so when I came out no one was actually surprised at all and nothing really changed for me. I was out to my friends since I was like.. 12? And no one actually minded.

I've known since I was like 4 or 5 that I liked guys and not girls, I just didn't know what the terms meant and when everyone around you seems to be straight it's hard to actually know what these feelings mean so it was very helpful that I was able to have the internet available. Also why it's so important for schools to teach to children what it means to be LGBTQ+.

 

[Megan]

Not out and not sure if it'll ever happen. Things are a little bit complicated for me right now which makes things a little bit difficult. <_<

 

[Retek]

I've known since I was like 4 or 5 that I liked guys and not girls, I just didn't know what the terms meant and when everyone around you seems to be straight it's hard to actually know what these feelings mean so it was very helpful that I was able to have the internet available. Also why it's so important for schools to teach to children what it means to be LGBTQ+.

Sadly schools here don't talk about it, they give sex-ed, but no one talks about LGBTQ+.

The only time I have heard LGBTQ+ mentioned by a teacher was when he was just joking about guys going to washroom in groups and making fun of it, saying that stuff is for public restrooms.

Other than that, not mentioned here outside of students.

 

[_confused_piplup_]

I am out only to my parents and online friends as trans and bisexual (I am mainly straight though).

My coming out experience was one of worst things I have experienced, in terms of personal feelings. I was kinda accepted by my parents, but concretely nothing changed.
I am that kind of person that expresses herself better in letters rather than in person.
I am not brave either, so one night in August I wrote a letter and after dinner I left it on the table for my parents to read it. I run into my room, got my headphones and blasted volume to the max so that I couldn't hear whatever they were saying. I cried, but I felt paralyzed because I knew that it was too much to handle for my parents.

You need to know that in the town where I lived, there was no LGBT population at all. Isn't it weird? Yes, it definitely was. I guess most people kept it a secret and many others just went to love somewhere else. I have never considered coming out to my friends as most of them are kinda conservative, but, more than that, some of them are really bother by the LGBt thing. I knew I could trust my parents as they told me they would have accepted me, but coming out as trans wasn't a thing they could have expected, mainly for the way I look, I guess.

It was back in 2019 and I have been seeing a psychologist since then. My parents were pretty much against it at first, but then, this summer especially, they clearly told me the life is mine and I can do whatever I want. But, I often questioned if that's really "accepting" as it most feels like "we are against it, bit you do you". They love me, that's for sure, but they will probably never look at me as a girl, which kinda kills the idea of coming out itself lol.

Why do I regret it? There were no changes at all, but really just more complications. At that point of my life, I definitely needed help and I needed to clarify my ideas on transitioning and stuff, but concretely there's no difference from me being closeted back in 2018 and me now lol. My parents and me almost just forgot about my coming out. I am glad I have done it already because it was really painful to express how I felt and wait for their reactions, so I won't have to do it again with them. But, on the other hand, that's definitely not enough. I don't feel free at all. Considering that it's passed so much time, if I take an important decision in my life, I will basically have to come out again. Not to consider the rest of the family, which doesn't expect it and will pretty much be against it.

 

[Corrin]

I sort of found out as I hit puberty and started developing romantic interests.

My dad is accepting, my mom doesn't care.

 

[DT Valentina]

I came out when I was like 13, I think. The first person I told was a close online friend, who was Trans as well and explained it to me, so it made me feel less like a freak, for a lack of a better term. So, it gave me the courage to finally come out. And I had my aunt, to take it get tested and all secretly.

I came out to my best friend, who hit me with the "Yeah. I kind of always knew. Just waited for you to say it." I was openly about it on online because, and this is kind of flawed and dumb logic, if I could handle the online harassment then I could handle any rejection or hate that comes my way. It kind of worked the way I thought, but not really. It did however give me the confidence to come out to my family, or well my parents really. So, on my 14th birthday I came out to both them and at first, they were confused and in denial about it for a good amount of time, but they soon came over once they began seeking information about it. So, I later came out to rest of my family they accepted me and even allowed me to have a Quinceañera.

The main thing I've always struggled with is my sexuality and the proper term for it as when I was younger, I was one thing and as I got older it changed, and so on. Nowadays, I think i have it figured out, but there is such a huge umbrella for it that I get lost in it, lol.

 

[colours]

i'm not, and i'm unsure if i ever will be.

this used to greatly upset me, and it still does to some extent, but i've accepted that maybe this is just how it goes. my family doesn't understand the concept of gender identity and merely thinking about how that conversation would go is very draining.

 

[PiPVoda]

Wow you know, one of my last posts on here years ago was about me accepting I was gay back in my junior year of high school. At the time I made that post, I wasn't really out to most people in life. I came out fully when I was 20. By then I had grown 100% comfortable in who I was and didn't want to keep that part of me hidden any longer. I was fortunate to have become financially independent from my parents at the time though, so that was definitely a contributor to my coming out...knowing I wouldn't be homeless.

 

[Neb]

When I first identified as bisexual four years ago I came out to my moms and they were perfectly fine about it. I posted about it on a now defunct Pokémon forum, someone from my charter school at the time found it, and then told the entire school. A girl sat across from me and said to my face "you're lying about your sexuality. You only look at girls," before leaving. Other students would gossip about how they thought people could only be straight or gay and that people like me were just confused. Thankfully I transferred out of that toxic place after my junior year. Once my confidence improved a bit after I came out I started walking a bit more naturally. Many people perceive it as flamboyant, so I've been called a host of slurs over the years.

One of my moms ended up telling my grandma about my sexuality without asking me. Apparently she was perfectly fine with it. She's a very tolerant person and would never treat me poorly for it. After all she's known about her daughter being a lesbian for thirty years. As for my grandpa, I have no idea if he knows. Whether or not he know he wouldn't treat me differently for it anyway. A few years later I eventually realized I was actually pansexual. I came out to my parents once again and their reaction was exactly the same.

Around this time I realized I was not cis, but I wasn't really sure what my gender identity was. Before this I had some very problematic views on trans people. I had never talked to anyone openly trans or nonbinary at that time and one of my moms' dated views on gender rubbed off on me. Once I joined an LGBTQIA+ Discord server and actually interacted with people in that community I changed for the better. In fact, it let me realize I never really was completely cis my entire life. I always felt insecure about not fitting the "masculine" box that popular culture forces onto people. The changing point was when I wore a dress to a pride event and felt nothing but gender euphoria. It was like I had found something I had missed my entire life. I was harassed severely at the event because I didn't pass at all, but the joy I felt while wearing it was incredible. This year, after thinking about it for a long time, I realized I was gender fluid. On some days I identify as a boy, others as a woman, and some days both. I came out to the more tolerant of my two moms. To this day she's the only person irl to know the truth. I will never tell my other mom because her views on gender are still far behind the times.

Online I'm much more open about my sexuality and gender. I don't hide it on my accounts and I talk about it when it's relevant on Discord. Even on my college Discord servers I'm still open about both identities. Online the stakes are much lower. I mostly stick to tolerant parts of the internet where moderation is strict and where I can easily block anyone who would treats me poorly. Eventually I would like to dress in feminine clothing more often, but I still don't feel entirely safe. Once I move elsewhere I hope to be more open about who I am irl.

 

[pastelspectre]

i have been out as 'not cis', for many years, specifically i was out as nonbinary for many years but i was not really 'publicly' out about it, as when i first found out i was in high school and unsure how to go about it, and then i moved to a state where people tend to be less accepting.
then i realized i was a trans male until abt 2 years ago or so. i came out via a facebook post and since moving in with family in law to a state where it is more accepted, i have been publicly out and it's still a little scary but i am getting used to it. everyone around me calls me my chosen name and it is really nice. and a lot of my immediate family back home have been putting more effort in calling me my name and pronouns which is appreciated.

i also have been out as not straight for many years so that is not a new thing to anyone, however i discovered i am specifically queer/mlm (men loving men), around the same time i discovered i am a trans male.

 

[Taemin]

I knew I was somewhere in the LGBT spectrum when I was a child and I already identified the opposite gender when I was like... five. Then when I was 14 I had my first crush on someone who was the same gender ( physically ) as me. Though when I mentioned being bi I lost a couple of friends, and the gender thing wasn't even something I thought about admitting. So I was closed off to both for quite A WHILE. So I came out to closer friends over a large span of time. As recent as the last couple of years in some cases. I'm pretty open about it now finally. Case in point is that coming out is a continuous process for some, not something that happens all at once.

Though, rather than seeing me as a trans guy, most people probably just assume I'm a butch lesbian or something. Because of how I look and the fact that I openly talk about liking girls --- but, it's whatever. I'm chill with it. At least I am out and pretty comfy these days.

 

[Harmonie]

I don't know that I'll ever be fully out. It could cause a bit of a stir at my current job and I need that job.

Now, I haven't had much luck with relationships, so it's been a rare thing, anyway. Still, when it comes to the ex I loved the most, she is a woman. And she gets brought up a lot in conversations because of her impact on my life in so many ways, including the story of how I got to playing my current instrument. Just even at Thanksgiving it can come up because when asked about Thanksgivings I automatically think about how my largest, most traditional Thanksgivings were with her family. When I have to bring her up, I either avoid gendering her the best I can or... have to use male pronouns. Lol.

This conversation is actually how I came out to someone (outside of work, of course!) recently, after I had realized that she seemed like she would be okay with it. After I had read how she would react, I did just come out with it saying "Yeah, I'm afraid if I talk about my ex again, I'll slip up..." Lol.

A rather large swath of my friends do know. I have not hid it from them. My family also knows and is now accepting. Or at least my immediate family and my mom's side are accepting (my dad's side are all ultra conservative Christians. Yikes). It took a long time to get to this point. I first came out in my teens, but was shot down with "it's just a phase" and stuff like that. But now they are all understanding that it is not a phase. In fact, with the mess that is the Supreme Court, my parents want to move with me to a state with LGBT rights and protections (I currently live in an awful state that is toward the bottom of the barrel). They're amazing!