How do you mourn someone's death?

[Mark Kamill]

Okay, I know this is a morbid topic, but I need to see what people's views are. Personally lost a childhood friend the other day, knew he was sick for a while, but its just a shock cause of how young he was(21). Haven't seen him for years, only talked on Facebook, and lost contact over the last year. Wanted to get in touch, but never got the chance. I am going through the motions, denial acceptance and what not, but it still hurts. I dunno how I'm gonna get over it, but I am. What do you guys do in a situation like this, if you have of course.

 

[Nihilego]

In my experience there isn't really one way to go about this. Everyone's situation is different; relationships are hugely dynamic things and no two people ever had the same sort of connection to somebody who passed away. Mourning sucks but it's a very personal thing that everyone who's ever lost someone goes through, and it's important for them to do it in the way that works for them. So my advice would be to just roll with it, talk to people about it if you feel like it, and accept whatever way you're feeling.

If you feel like it's starting to cause long-term issues in your everyday life then that's the point where it could perhaps be a good idea to begin to seek help, but loss is absolutely something emotionally challenging and it is totally normal for you to feel how you do about it. It's gonna hurt; it's not an easy thing to deal with at all, but... that's life. Make sure you take the time to address it and don't look for ways to shift it off before it's due.

If I am going to give any further advice though, make sure you take care of yourself. It's tragic that your friend is gone but you need to make sure that you're okay here. Not that I don't think that you are or anything like that, but this is just something I'd say to anyone. Maybe talk to people about it, try and get yourself busy if you feel like you're in a slump, and know to look for help if you need it. Sometimes you need to prioritise your own state of mind to keep your life in order. Don't try and mask how you're feeling, but don't let it take over either. Definitely do not use any sort of intoxicating substances as a way of dealing with how you're feeling, if you feel like that's something you might want to do. That's all I'd say here; acknowledge and work with how you're feeling, but don't let it bog you down and don't try to bog it down either.

That said though if you did want someone to share some personal experiences on this stuff for any reason - maybe for a bit of perspective or just to think about how it was for someone else, whatever you want - feel free to drop me a PM. I've got experience with this stuff that I don't feel I need to go into in public but I don't mind sharing in private. Or just if you want a chat or whatever. Seriously. I have virtually no PM limit. 8D

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

Mourning...

The few deaths I've dealt with recently were part of my extended family, and thus were not as heavy as potential deaths in my immediate. I would likely choose to die as well were that person to go by accident...


this is horrible advice, don't follow it.

 

[Nick]

Overcoming death, especially when it's the death of someone who is extremely close to you, doesn't happen. It just doesn't. You are never going to get over death, which is something that a lot of people seem to say to convince others "it'll get better." I don't agree with that. All you can do is cope with it, and coping with it unfortunately is one of those things that just gets easier with time. I've been through a lot of deaths of very important people in my life from since I was seven years old. All you can do is just feel what you feel. It will eventually get easier to cope with the pain, but the pain will not go away. Nobody can really advise you on dealing with your feelings, because they're things that you can't really change when they're this drilled down. My advice is to just let it out. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to punch something, punch something (but not someone!). Just let out your emotions in a positive way. Bottling up your feelings, pretending that they aren't there, and that this didn't happen, will damage you.

 

[obZen]

Personally, I take time by myself to visit somewhere significant.
When my friend took his life, I sat in the park up the street from his house.
It felt "right"
I'm not one to mourn in groups. I understand the circumstances, but let's be real- they are those who will turn the situation into something about them, and force a rekindling of friendships, which I find very inapprpriate.

 

[Bellsprout]

Well everyone handles it differently. Some people like to be alone and others need to reach out to other people about it. I would just do whatever feels right for you as long as it's not destructive towards yourself or others. You've already opened up about it so maybe talking about it would be good for you.

 

[Honest]

I've never had to deal with someone dying (someone who was close to me anyway), but I'd imagine it completely depends on how close we were. I know it'll become inevitable, but I'm hoping I don't have to deal with this for quite some time.

 

[starseed galaxy auticorn]

I have a really hard time with it. I don't express it the same as a normal person. Not long ago, I lost a close friend of mine who died of a tumor that spread to his lungs. D: I was so upset that I didn't write the whole day because of it. Then, I was perfectly fine the next day.

 

[Sonata]

I kinda just bury the feelings inside of myself and play some video games and hope I don't get drunk or stay up too late because then they start coming out again.

 

[DRCM]

I'm terrible with this. What I do is try to get it out of my head and not think about it.

That's a pretty evil thing to do. Someone I know's just passed away, and I'm sitting here not even remembering them.

However though, when there are other family members around, I'll talk about it. I may try to shake it off, but I at least sort of acknowledge that it happened. But that's about it, I think.

 

[Lilycove]

I haven't had a person close to me pass away for 7 years, I was only 8 so I don't remember much, it was my granda, but then again, for some reason I wasn't incredibly sad about it at the time because I guess I was more close to my nanny. But I miss him now, I don't ever get teary about it or anything, though.
I've had pets die recently. My beloved dog died of cancer in July. I loved her more than anything on this planet, but I barely cried. I've grown up a lot this year and I guess I just am more accepting of deaths. 5 months before she died, my gerbil died and I was crying for a week straight... So I think in that time I just realized that death happens, and she'll always be with me in spirit and in memories. I currently have a 2 year old gerbil, he's perfectly healthy and I love him so much, but he's a gerbil, and I know he's not going to be around too much longer, but I need to cherish the time I have with him physically. And when the time comes, be grateful for our moments together. I also have a 5 month old puppy, but I don't need to be thinking about that.
I guess now, I'm the kind of person who the next day is just like "hey, let's go get jamba juice" shameless ahs quote

 

[Her]

accept the numbness & move on

 

[MG De Villiers]

Haven't experienced anyone close to me dead, but if I try to imagine it happening with one of my friends I start feeling numb and from inside I feel I won't be able to stop my tears and giving tribute to him is what I will do at the first place

 

[TRIFORCE89]

I'm lucky and have only had to experience the death of one person close to me so far. My grandmother's death was also the first one I experienced. If I remember correctly, how I reacted at the time was to head up to my room for a couple days and read. Later that week as we were trying to organize things together, I was seeing family a lot and the initial days were very quiet. The later days just before the funeral and after were... celebratory? Sadness, for sure. But exchanging and remembering happy memories and stories.

And I guess that's a good way to approach such things. Personal time, mourn, it weighs heavy, but remember the good times.


I've been to other funerals since, but they're for extended family and relatives I don't really know. So, I don't... feel anything or miss them really because I have no relationship there.

 

[Astraea]

I remember when my grandpa died and I was 8 , I cried a lot that time, cause he was the only member in my family who actually valued me and he was very close to me I respected him pretty much and when he died and I was shocked for around a month and then slowly I recovered, cause I knew I can't changed what has happened